Plain Paradise (16 page)

Stephen shrugged. “I reckon I don’t care to experience that stuff. I’m happy here. With you.” He reached over and latched onto her hand.

“I’m happy here, too, with you.” Linda blew air upward to clear a strand of hair that had fallen from beneath her
kapp
. Stephen pulled his hand from hers and was gently brushing the hair from her face when they heard footsteps coming around the corner of the barn.

“
Daadi
.” Stephen rose from the stump as his grandfather approached. Linda stood up also.

“Hello, Bishop Ebersol. Lovely worship service today.” Linda forced a smile. Bishop Ebersol made her nervous, always had. His gray beard stretched the length of his chest, and his bushy brows jetted inward, giving him the appearance that he was always angry. He was tall, slightly bent over, but with an air of authority and the appearance of someone who demanded instant obedience. Stephen said he just looked scary, but really wasn’t.

“Linda, I came to speak with you about this woman, Josephine.” Bishop Ebersol looked briefly in Stephen’s direction, as if he wasn’t sure whether to continue talking to her in front of his grandson.

“
Ya
.” Linda waited as she twisted the strings on her apron.

“This is an
umgwehnlich
situation.” The bishop paused, then narrowed his eyes, which only made him look even scarier. “My door is always open if you would like to talk about this.”

Linda nodded, but knew she’d never approach the bishop about anything if she didn’t have to. She recalled a time when she was about ten years old, when the bishop came to her house to speak with her parents. She could still recall the scared look on both her parents’ faces when Bishop Ebersol pulled into the driveway that Saturday afternoon. Linda never did find out what happened, but just his presence still sent her knees to shaking.

“
Danki
, Bishop Ebersol,” she finally said. Although if she needed to talk to anyone, she knew exactly who it would be, and she’d be seeing him later. Jonas.

The bishop glanced back and forth between her and Stephen, and Linda could feel her cheeks reddening. Bishop Ebersol just seemed to know things, and Linda wondered if he knew she and Stephen had been kissing behind the barn.

“Stephen, I think your parents are preparing to leave.” The bishop raised his brows, as if waiting for Stephen to walk back to the house with him.

“
Ya, Daadi
.” Stephen gave Linda a quick wave good-bye, followed by a wink when his grandfather wasn’t looking, and Linda watched them both walk back to the house.

About fifteen minutes later everyone was gone, and Linda loaded up two pieces of snitz pie in a basket, prepared to stop by Josie’s house before going to see Jonas to make sure everything was all right. It made sense that Jonas, Lizzie, and Sarah Jane couldn’t make it to worship, but it seemed odd that
Onkel
Samuel’s family wasn’t there either, unless Jonas was in a real bad way. She decided to go by and see Jonas first.

When she pulled in, she saw several buggies out front, and her heart began to pound against her chest. She parked alongside a buggy she thought she recognized to be Lillian’s, and when she took a peek inside the buggy, she saw the car seat her aunt and uncle used to cart baby Elizabeth around in. She hurried to the front door and knocked.

Linda could tell her aunt had been crying when she looked at Lillian’s face. A knot rose in her throat as she fought the tremble in her bottom lip.

“Hello, Linda.” Lillian pushed the screen door open and motioned for her to come in.

“
Mamm
wanted me to come and check on everyone, since no one was at worship today.” She wanted to just go home. David’s eyes met with hers when she walked into the den, and she could tell her cousin had been crying as well. Her knees began to tremble.

“Jonas has had a hard day.” Sarah Jane placed a hand on Linda’s shoulder. “But I know he would want to see you.”

“Is he in pain?” Linda cringed and drew in a deep breath and held it.

“He is feeling better than he was earlier today.” Sarah Jane motioned her toward the stairs. “Go on up, dear. Lizzie is upstairs with him.”

Linda didn’t move. “I can come back another time.”

Sarah Jane smiled, but her eyes welled with water. “I think you should go see him now.”

Oh, no. Dear God, don’t take Jonas. Not yet
.

Linda’s feet were rooted to the floor, and she glanced at David. He nodded toward the stairs. “He’ll want to see you,” her cousin said.

Linda left them all, and the sound of sniffling echoed behind her as she made her way up the stairs. She didn’t turn around and silently prayed that Jonas was not in any pain. When she pushed open the door to Jonas’s bedroom, she wanted to pinch her nostrils as the smell of sickness hit her in the face, but even worse was the way Jonas was propped up in the bed, his hands folded across his stomach. Like he was dead.

“Hello, Linda.” Lizzie cupped her hand to her husband’s cheek. “
Mei lieb
, Linda is here.”

Linda stood in the doorway not moving as she watched Jonas’s eyes slowly open. He licked parched lips as white as the rest of his face, and Linda closed her eyes for a moment.

“Linda,” he whispered. “I’m glad you came. I’ve been . . .” Jonas took a deep, labored breath. “I’ve been wanting to talk to you.”

Lizzie stood up from the chair beside Jonas’s bed.
Don’t leave me
in here with him, Lizzie
.

“I’ll be back in a bit.” Lizzie clutched the footboard on the bed as she eased toward Linda. “Go sit. Talk with Jonas, dear.”

Linda nodded, but didn’t move. Then Jonas’s lips parted into a slight smile.

“Don’t look so scared.” Jonas licked his lips again. “Could you pour me a glass of water?” He pointed to his nightstand where a pink plastic pitcher was surrounded by pill bottles, a box of tissues, several small white cups, and a pair of reading glasses.

“
Ya, ya
.” Linda moved quickly to the pitcher, filled the glass, and hurriedly handed it to Jonas. She waited for him to finish sipping the water. “Are you in pain?”

Jonas raised his brows. “I’m dying. I reckon so.”

“
Ach
, no. How bad? How much pain?” She sat down in the chair, reached over and touched his arm. “What can I do?”

“Tell me about meeting your birth mother.”

Linda wiped clammy hands on her black apron. “Right now?”

“Unless I die while you’re talking. Then be best to stop and go get Lizzie.”

“Jonas!” Linda wished he was teasing, but his expression was pained and it seemed to take effort to keep his eyes open. Then he smiled.

“I ain’t gonna die this very minute. Tell me about meeting Josephine.”

Jonas’s voice took on the tender tone Linda loved, and she watched his eyes widen with concern.

“I reckon it’s all right. Meeting her, I mean.” She paused, pulled her eyes from Jonas’s, and tucked her chin. “I wish someone would have told me.” She looked back up at him. “You knew, didn’t you?”

“We all knew. And then we didn’t know.” He slowly raised his hand to his beard and stroked it slowly. “We forgot, Linda.”

“What?”

“We forgot,” he repeated as he gave a slight shrug. “You were as much a part of this family as if our blood ran in your veins. We simply forgot.”

Linda pulled her eyes away again, not sure how to respond, but feeling like she wanted to crawl in the bed beside Jonas and have him wrap his arms around her. She blinked back tears.

“Dear Linda, from the time your mother held you in her arms, you were Mary Ellen and Abe’s child. There is no love like that which a parent has for a child. It’s a different kind of love. I reckon I’d lay myself out on a train track for Sarah Jane.” He chuckled. “Don’t know if I’d do that for Lizzie or not.”

Linda smiled.

“You won’t understand what I’m tellin’ ya until you have
kinner
of your own.”

“
Mamm
and
Daed
will always be
mei
parents. That will never change.”

“Of course not. And I reckon they’d lay themselves on the train track for you and both your brothers.” Jonas raked his hand through his beard again. “But here’s where it gets tricky.” He squinted in her direction and then pointed a finger at her. “I reckon Josephine would lie down on a train track for ya too, give her life willingly for you. That puts you in a unique position. All these people that love you. Do you have room in your heart for all of them?”

She thought about what Jonas was saying for a few moments.

“I don’t really know Josie, though. I don’t know how I feel.” It was true. Linda liked Josephine, but . . . “I can’t love her just because—because she is the one who gave birth to me.”

“True.” Jonas smiled slightly. “But I reckon she already loves you an awful lot.”

Linda sat quietly for a moment. “I don’t think
Mamm
likes this, me spending time with Josie. And I don’t want to hurt her.”

“Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish pluck-eth it down with her hands.”

Linda recognized the verse from Proverbs.

“Your
mamm
is a wise woman. This might be
hatt
for her, but she will make
gut
choices. Which you must do also.” Jonas smiled, and his eyes clung to hers. “Keep your love for one another at full strength, because love covers a multitude of sins.”

“The Book of Peter,” she whispered, then smiled.

“
Ya
.” Jonas reached for her hand. “I will miss you,
mei
dear sweet Linda. And I will miss our games of chess.”

Linda squeezed his hand as a tear rolled down her cheek. “Are you scared, Jonas?”

“No.” He answered quickly. “I feel the presence of Jesus around me, Linda. I’m not afraid. Be strong in faith, Linda. Always.”

“But—but, are you afraid it will hurt, that there will be pain?”

“When I go to be with my Father, there will be no pain. Only love.”

Linda felt another tear run down her cheek. “Oh, Jonas . . .”

Jonas squeezed her hand as his own eyes clouded with tears, then the door creaked open.

Linda saw her uncle’s face peer into the room. “Hi,
Onkel
Noah.” She brushed away tears, sniffed, and sat up taller in the chair.

Noah walked to the other side of Jonas’s bed and touched his arm. “I have some news.”

“Just tell me.” Jonas shook his head. “How long do I have? Weeks, days, or hours?”

Linda choked back tears and pressed her eyes tightly closed, not wanting to know.

“Actually . . .” Noah said slowly. “I think you’re going to be around a lot longer than that.”

Jonas’s eyes opened wide. “I know you’re the doctor and all, Noah, but with all due respect, I feel like I could go at any minute. Downright awful is how I feel.”

“I know. I just got back from the lab. You’re having a reaction to one of your medications. Once we take you off that medication, you are going to feel better.” Noah patted Jonas’s arm.

Linda brought her hands to her mouth and stifled a gasp.

“You hear that, Linda?” Jonas’s lips parted into a smile.

“
Ya
, I did!”

“I reckon you better go get my Lizzie and tell her I won’t be heading to heaven just yet.” He chuckled, and Linda realized by his reaction to the news that Jonas could say whatever he wanted—that he was ready and not afraid to die—but Linda could see that he was relieved to have more time. Maybe God knows that he just isn’t ready yet. “And next time you come, you bring the chess board.”

“I will, Jonas. I will.” She kissed him on the cheek, said her goodbyes to Noah and those downstairs, and then headed to Josie’s to deliver the slices of pie.

10

J
OSIE WISHED
R
OBERT WAS HOME TO GET HER PILLS
from upstairs. Clearly, one pain reliever hadn’t been enough when her headache had started up again. She lay back against two blue throw cushions on her couch. Robert had left over an hour ago to visit an Amish man named Kade Saunders, someone he’d met through Noah. Mr. Saunders needed an attorney to handle some routine business for him, and although he refused to talk business on a Sunday, he’d invited Robert to his home for tea this afternoon.

Josie picked up the
Forbes
magazine Robert had left on the coffee table with Mr. Saunders’s picture on the front. The magazine was dated ten years ago, and Josie couldn’t understand how a man of Kade Saunders’s wealth and power could give all that up to be Amish. She shook her head, which only made the pain worse. She tossed the magazine back on the table, then closed her eyes, and draped her forearm across her forehead. She fought the tears building. Crying would only make her head hurt more.

As the pain beat against her temple like a steel drum, the pain in her heart was equally fierce. She had the most wonderful husband on the planet. She had a daughter she was just getting to know. A beautiful home. And a tumor that would eventually kill her. When? Her stomach was constantly churning with fear and apprehension. Void of hope, Josie wondered why she was even bothering with any of this—getting to know Linda, unpacking the boxes in their home, or even getting dressed in the morning. She’d be gone soon, and with each passing day, routine things were beginning to seem pointless.

Her lids rose slowly when she heard a knock at the door. She let out a heavy sigh, and pulled herself to a sitting position, her head throbbing to the point she felt like she might vomit.
Please,
make it stop. Please
. She wasn’t sure who the thought was intended for, but if there was anyone out there—God, a supreme being, or anyone to offer aid—she was willing to try.

Josie stumbled to the door as strobe lights flashed in her head and caused her vision to blur. She glanced at herself in the mirror by the front door, and she knew that she should care how she looked. No makeup, slept-on hair, and a raggedy T-shirt and blue jeans. But the pain in her head was overriding everything else. Robert had offered to stay home, and she should have let him. She wasn’t up to seeing anyone. Josie pulled the door open and attempted a smile when she saw Linda.