Plain Paradise (14 page)

“I’d like to meet your husband.” She raised her eyebrows. “What movie?”

“There’s several playing.” Josie reached into the backseat and handed Linda the newspaper. “Here. You pick.”

“Hmm.” Linda scanned the movie section. “How about this one?”

Josie slowed the car down as she approached a buggy in front of her, then carefully sped up and made her way around it. She leaned over to see which movie Linda was pointing to. “It’s rated R. How will your parents feel about that?”

“
Ach
, it’ll be fine.”

Linda spoke with such confidence that Josie immediately suspected it would not be fine. “Have you ever seen an R-rated movie?”

Linda sighed. “No.”

“I just don’t want your parents upset with me. I know that at your age you’re given some freedoms, but that movie is going to be . . .
steamy
, I guess is the word.”

Linda grinned. “It’s a love story.” She paused. “Please.”

Josie couldn’t say no. Under different circumstances, she might have told her they’d do it another time, but time wasn’t on Josie’s side. “Okay.” She hoped the movie was a mild R.

Only twenty minutes into the movie, Linda whispered to Josie that she had to go to the ladies’ room. Josie suspected that her hurried departure had something to do with the content on the screen. The movie was anything but mild, and more than once, Josie saw Linda’s eyes widen with disbelief. No violence or language to speak of, but there was enough bare skin to make up for it, and Josie felt terrible for taking Linda to see the movie. Even though she was of age, it was quite clear that she was shocked by what she saw. Josie was glad that Linda was in the bathroom when things began to really heat up on the screen.

“We probably should have seen something else,” Josie said when she found Linda standing outside the bathroom, her hands folded in front of her, her eyes cast down. Josie wondered if she was praying.

“I’m sorry, Josie.” Linda looked up at Josie. “I reckon that movie is not for me. I kept thinking what
Mamm
would think, and . . .”

“No, don’t apologize.” Josie touched her arm and motioned her to walk alongside her and toward the exit of the theater. “I should have known you wouldn’t like the movie.” Josie silently blasted herself for agreeing to that particular movie. A good mother would have insisted they see something different.

They walked quietly for a few moments, and Linda waited until they were in the parking lot before she commented again.

“It wasn’t that I didn’t like it.” Linda tucked her chin as Josie unlocked the passenger door. “It just—it embarrassed me.”

Josie nodded, opened Linda’s door, then walked to her side of the car and climbed in. “I shouldn’t have agreed to that movie.”
Mary Ellen wouldn’t have
. Josie started the engine and backed out of the parking space.

“Josie?” Linda twisted beneath her seatbelt until she was facing Josie.

“Yeah?”

“Is that really how a man and woman are together when they’re in
lieb
?” Her cheeks reddened, but her eyes pleaded with Josie for an answer.

Josie thought about Robert, their relationship, and how very much she loved him. “Yes, it is.” She turned toward Linda, whose expression was drawn into a frown. “Linda, what is it?”

“I don’t understand.”

Josie drew in a breath, quite sure it was not her place to explain about sex to Linda. “Which part do you not understand?”
Oh dear
.

Linda avoided looking at Josie. “
Mei Englisch
friends told me how—how babies are made.” She paused, glanced briefly at Josie, then looked away. “
Mamm
said I would learn when I get married, but I’m curious about one thing.”

“Okay.” Josie fearfully waited for Linda to get to the part that she didn’t understand.

Linda shifted her weight, folded her hands in her lap, and stared straight ahead. Josie wondered if she was just going to drop it.

“It’s just that—” Linda turned to face Josie, but then turned quickly forward again and shook her head. “I reckon I don’t know how to ask . . .”

Josie pulled onto the main highway then briefly glanced at Linda. “I know we don’t know each other well at all, Linda, but if you want to ask me something, anything at all, you can.”

Linda shook her head. “Such matters should not be talked about.”

“Okay.” Josie waited since Linda’s mouth was open, as if she was going to keep talking anyway.

Linda arched one brow. “They didn’t show everything in the movie, did they?”

“No, they didn’t. Most of what they showed leads up to intercourse.”

Linda’s face drew a blank. “Leads up to what?”

Surely in this day and time, Amish or otherwise, a seventeen-year-old girl would know what intercourse is. “Intercourse. You know what that is, right?”

“Of course.” She sounded a bit irritated that Josie even had to ask. “It’s a neighboring town,” Linda finished confidently.

Josie stifled a grin. Lancaster County was known for the odd names of towns. Towns like Bird-In-Hand and Intercourse. She remembered questioning the unusual names when she’d lived here as a kid. Surely Linda knew that Intercourse referred to more than just the name of a town?

“Linda, you do know that intercourse means something else, besides just the name of a town, you know that, right?”

Linda faced her, widened her eyes. “What does it mean?”

It seemed too soon for Josie to be having this talk with Linda, and way too late for Linda to just now be discovering this word or learning about the act itself. Josie sighed and feared she was stepping on Mary Ellen’s toes in a big way. But as delicately as she could, she explained lovemaking to Linda. She watched Linda’s eyes grow big as golf balls.

“But the couple in the movie wasn’t married.” Linda sat up taller as she twisted to face Josie.

“No, they weren’t.”

“But that’s wrong, then, no?”

Josie let out an uncomfortable sigh. “I suppose it is.”

Linda tapped her finger to her chin. “I have one question,” she said in a determined voice.

“What’s that?” Josie pulled into her driveway.

“Does it hurt?”

Josie thought for a moment. “Well, I suppose the first time it can . . .”

Josie barely had the car in Park when Linda reached for the car door and jumped out. Josie grabbed her purse and also exited the car. She saw Linda standing on the other side. Josie stared at her across the hood. “Linda, it’s just—”

But Linda waved her hand as if she didn’t want to hear. “It doesn’t matter. I’m not doing it. Ever!”

Josie hid her smile with her hand. “Linda, I’m sure that you will change your mind about that.” She walked to the other side of the car, and together they began to walk up the sidewalk.

“Please, don’t speak of this in front of your husband.” Linda’s eyes grew fearful and her expression serious.

“I won’t,” Josie assured her as she put the key in the door, but she hadn’t even twisted the knob when the door flew open.

“Hello. This must be Linda.” Robert extended his hand to Linda, and Josie felt an unfamiliar sense of pride.
Yes, this is my daughter
.

Linda tucked her chin, something Josie noticed she did when she was feeling uncomfortable. She wanted Linda to feel comfortable around Robert. Her husband promised to look after Linda, financially or otherwise, after Josie was gone, and Josie hoped the two of them would be close. Then a pain surged through her head, and she reached for her temple.
No. Not now
.

Her head began to throb the way it did before she had an episode, and she could feel her mouth going dry. Robert’s eyes met with hers as she and Linda walked through the doorway. He knew right away what was happening; he’d seen it plenty of times.

“I’ll get your pills,” he whispered. He put a hand on her shoulder. “Is it a bad one?”

Linda walked into the living room while Josie and Robert lingered by the door. “I don’t know yet,” Josie said. She squeezed her eyes closed.

“Are you all right?” Linda was walking back toward them.

“I just have a headache. I’ll be right back.” Josie moved past Linda and headed toward her bedroom, her legs shaky, her balance off, and vivid colors flashing around the room. Her doctor said the symptoms were similar to a migraine, but Josie knew what it was, and just knowing that a tumor was pushing on her brain stem often caused her to have a panic attack, wondering if this was it. Her doctor said he thought she had several months left, but he also told her he wasn’t God, so there were no guarantees.

Josie sat down on the bed, reached for the pill bottle on her nightstand, and popped two of the pills, knowing they would make her sleepy. She’d fight to stay awake and spend time with Linda. She took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and hoped the pills would take effect soon without completely knocking her out.

God
. She thought about Him a lot lately. It was hard not to. She’d grown up in a religious household, and even though her parents stopped going to church when she was in junior high, Josie had continued on for a couple more years. Then Robert came along. Such a good man, but he had lots of valid arguments against the entire concept of God, life after death, and the teachings of the Bible. But now, more than ever, she found herself recollecting her time at church, the fellowship, the prayer, and the relationship she thought she’d had with God.
Illusions. Not real
. Must have been, if she was so easily swayed away.
Is there a heaven? Did Jesus really die on
the cross to save us? Is there a hell
?

As the pain began to subside, Josie did something she hadn’t done in many years. “If You are there, please take care of my daughter when I’m gone,” she whispered, then thought for a moment. “Maybe you could even give me a little sign that you’re there.”

She knew the headache wouldn’t completely go away for a while, and she wanted to spend time with Linda, so she picked herself up off the bed and made her way downstairs. Linda was sitting on the couch watching television. She didn’t see Robert anywhere.

“Did Robert abandon you?” Josie sat down beside Linda, who smiled.

“He’s getting us all a piece of pie.”

Josie kicked off her brown flip-flops, crossed her legs, and brushed a piece of fuzz from her blue jeans. “First a steamy movie and now TV. Your mom would kill me.”

Linda pointed to the television. “Look, Josie! It’s the man in the movie we just saw.”

Yes, with clothes on
. “It sure is.” She turned her head from the television and gazed at Linda. She’ll marry her boyfriend next year and go on to have babies. She has her whole life in front of her, a life that she will share with Mary Ellen and the rest of her family. As it should be. What Josie wouldn’t do to stand on the sidelines and watch her grow and become a wife and mother. She swallowed hard.

“I watch television with my
Englisch
friends at their homes.
Mamm
knows. But once I’m baptized into the faith, I won’t do those things.”

“You’re close to your mom, I can tell.”

“
Ya
, I am.” Linda turned back to the television, but then Robert entered the room balancing three pieces of key lime pie.

“Here you go, ladies.” He handed the first piece to Linda, then passed a plate to Josie.

Linda took a bite of pie and swallowed. “This pie is very
gut
, did you make it?”

“No. Robert brought it home the other night. Honey, didn’t you pick it up at that bakery on Lincoln Highway?”

Robert had a mouthful, but nodded.

Josie wasn’t hungry, and she was afraid the pie wouldn’t stay down, but she took a small bite just the same.

“Linda, did Josie tell you that I have to go out of town for two weeks?”

“No, I haven’t had a chance to,” Josie cut in.

“I have a trial that’s been going on for years, and it looks like it is finally going to wrap up, but I have to go to China.” Robert took another bite of pie, then went on. “Anyway, maybe you could stay here with Josie while I’m gone.”

“Robert, no.” Josie’s tone was sharp. She couldn’t believe he would ask Linda this. “I’ll be fine.”

“I just thought that it might be a nice way for you two to have some girl time together, that’s all.” Robert’s expression grew solemn.

Robert had done everything humanly possible to get out of the business trip, but Josie kept urging him to go. She knew it was important to him, but he didn’t want to leave her alone. Much to her horror, he’d even called and asked her mother to come stay with her, starting next week when he had to leave. Josie had quickly called her mother and squelched that plan. One day with her mother would be too much for Josie, even though Mom was ready and willing to come be with her. Josie had two friends back home that she stayed in touch with, and she was sure that Kathy or Paula would come and stay with her, but she refused to disrupt their lives for this. She’d look forward to a visit from her friends when it was convenient for them. Robert’s parents, sweet as they were, could barely take care of each other.

“No, Robert. Linda can’t just give up her life to come stay with me for two weeks, I’m sure.” Although, there was nothing Josie would like more.