Pretense (32 page)

"Mackenzie's some joker, Delancey."

"How's that?"

"Some kid in your karate class. Come on."

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"What makes you think I've never taken karate?"

He laughed a small, mocking laugh. "Because you're a nice girl, Delancey. Anyone can see that."

"And nice girls don't do karate, is that it?"

"I don't know," he replied, his voice turning testy. He was feeling foolish now and didn't like it. After all, Delancey Bishop was only a freshman. "You haven't, so I don't know why we're talking about it."

Delancey gathered her books, closed her locker, and said she had to get to class.

"I'll walk you."

"Okay." Delancey agreed but kept her arms wrapped around her books. She did not want him touching her right now.

"Are you mad at me?" he asked when she was so quiet. She was never a chatterbox, but this was different.

"No, but I was thinking about how little we know each other."

They were almost to her class, and the halls were getting crowded, so he stopped her with a hand to her arm and directed her to the side of the hallway. The moment her back was against the wall, he put his hand on the wall above her head, leaned close, and said, "I would like to get to know you better, Delancey."

"Like in the backseat of your car?"

She surprised him, but he hid it. "I wouldn't mind."

"Well, I would," she said very softly, and for an instant she saw anger in his eyes and knew this had been his intent all along. He knew a lot of people in this school. She would probably never get a date with anyone, but right now she didn't care. "And for the record, Jace, I'm a black belt. Don't ever make me prove it to you."

"Delancey-" He sounded almost hurt, but the tall blond would not let him go on.

"I've got to get to class."

She slipped away and into her English class door just moments before the tardy bell rang. It was a tremendous relief to sit in the back. She had a better chance of hiding her tears.

"What's wrong with D.J.?" Marrell asked that night. "She been this quiet in a long time."

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"Have you asked her?" Mackenzie's look was instantly guarded.

"No. She just went in to take a bath. Is it something or someone at school?"

"Yeah."

"Which is it?"

"Mom, that's not fair," Mackenzie wasted no time in telling her. "She might not want to talk about it."

This was all too true, but Marrell wanted to know. It was so hard being a parent at times. When did you respect your child's privacy, and when did you push the point so you could help?

"All right. I'll ask her when she comes out, but I might be back to see you."

Marrell was not joking, and Mackenzie knew it. Delancey had been doing very well lately-both girls were-but the younger Bishop girl had wanted three bowls of ice cream and solitude. The signs were classic Delancey.

"D.J.?" Marrell spoke through the bathroom door.

"Yeah."

"I want to talk to you when you come out."

"All right."

"Come find me in the living room."

"Am I in trouble?"

"No, not at all, just come."

Marrell had quite a while to wait. She made out a grocery list, filed her nails, and tried not to think about another Friday night at home. Her daughters had stopped asking her if they could go out; she always said no. They were amazing girls, and it had to be the Lord. They didn't argue with her, tell her lies, or sneak around behind her back. They liked music that she couldn't understand, but when she asked them to turn it down, they did so. Right now she felt they deserved better than Marrell Bishop for a mother.

I'm so down lately, Lord. I'm not thankful and I'm not content. How can I ask my daughters to do the things I'm not willing to do? How will they ever see their need for You if I don't live a life of joy? It was so hard to be near jack today and not be able to talk to him. I don't know when I thought we would talk, but having things unsettled was miserable today. And then I come home and D.J. is upset. She hasn't been lately, so this makes me

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think something is very wrong. I feel like all I do is work and sleep. When am I supposed to be a mom?

Marrell was nowhere near done praying when Delancey came in. She sat across from her, and Marrell wondered at a mother's love. There was no way to describe what she felt for this child.

"I'm going to ask you how you're doing and what's wrong, D.J., and you're going to want to say nothing, but I want to know-so prepare yourself."

Delancey's hand went to the back of her wet hair, and for a moment she didn't look at her mother. Marrell was not to be put off. She was opening her mouth to get some answers when Delancey spoke up.

"I did something today that I'm ashamed of."

"Okay." Marrell's face was open even though her heart pounded in alarm.

"There's this guy, Mom." Her voice was so soft. "He likes me . . . well, he did until today." Tears filled Delancey's eyes. "Dad told me he would tan me if I ever used my karate to hurt or even threaten someone."

Marrell's heart felt as though it would pound out of her chest. Had Delancey struck someone?

"You can tell me, D.J.," Marrell managed.

"Oh, Mom, it's such a mess. Mackenzie said he only wanted one thing from a girl, and I started to believe her, so I tested him. I know I hurt him; he'll probably never speak to me again."

"If he only wants to use you, Delancey, then I find that rather a relief," Marrell admitted. But she knew there was more to this. "Was Mackenzie wrong, or is he just interested in something sexual?"

Thinking about what he had said to her in the hall, when they hadn't even had one date, Delancey only looked miserable and didn't answer, which in fact gave Marrell more than enough answer.

"I'm going to tell you something, D.J., that I don't know if you and I have ever talked about," Marrell said with soft remembrance. "My first date was just two weeks after my fifteenth birthday. The boy was a little older-he was a friend of a neighbor and my grandparents-and I thought everything was fine. You know, girls wore more dresses or skirts in those days, and this

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guy was taking me to dinner and a movie, so I was dressed up. I felt so grown-up. He was so cute and treated me so well. Dinner was wonderful, and so was the movie. But he didn't take me right home. He pulled off in a wooded area because he said he wanted to talk."

Marrell shook her head. She had been so naive and foolish. "He didn't want to talk. I pushed him away just long enough to get out of the car and run back to the main road."

"Oh, Mom," Delancey was horrified.

"It was awful. I was almost home by the time he found me, and even then I refused to get back in the car. My grandfather was so angry that he nearly went for his gun, but I'll tell you what helped me the most was something my grandmother said.

"She said she was proud of me and that I had done the right thing, but at some point the memory of that night would fade. A boy was going to kiss me, and I would like it. She said the temptation to do more than we should would be very strong but to remember one thing: I deserved better than that.

"That was all she said. After that I didn't do as much dating as my friends did, but through their lives I saw what she meant. In time I realized that girls sell themselves short. They think the only way to hold a guy is to climb into the backseat of his car, and that it's worth doing. Well, I didn't. If a guy asked me out and tried something, I never went out with him again."

Delancey was looking more stunned than ever, but Marrell just kept on.

"My grandmother was right. It took a long time, but I eventually forgot how awful that night was. And when I met a man who was wonderful, I wanted him, D.J., more than I can say. He was the only one who hadn't tried anything, and when he did finally kiss me, I was ready to do anything, but I didn't. So many of my friends were stuck remembering their first time in a car or under the deserted bleachers after the football game. My first time was in a beautiful hotel room with no shame because the man was my husband, D.J. I've never been sorry that I waited or wasn't experienced. So now I'll say to you what my grandma was saying to me: I don't care who the guy is. If he's only after one thing, you deserve better."

Delancey was astonished. She had known the reason her mother was drawn to her dad was because he'd been such a

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gentleman, but she had never known about her mother's first date.

"You're a beautiful girl, Delancey. This boy, what's his name?"

"Jace Booth."

"Jace Booth is only the first. Unless you meet a boy who's determined to wait, he's going to have expectations of you. You're the only person who can make it clear that you don't want to do anything you would be ashamed of. You've never given me reason not to trust you, D.J., but with as much as I work, you could easily choose to see someone without my knowledge. It would be a horrible mistake, but you could."

"It's just so hard," the younger girl finally admitted. "A lot of guys look at me, and he's a junior, Mom. All the other girls think it's so cool that he likes me, and some of them have, you know, done it. They say it's wonderful."

Marrell nodded and heard Mackenzie in the hall.

"Micki?"

"Yeah?"

"Come here, please." Marrell waited until she came and took a chair. "I want to talk to both of you, and I want you to listen. All through the Proverbs a young person is admonished to listen to his elders and those who are old enough to have wise counsel. Fathers and sons are mentioned often. Dad's not here, so I'm going to translate that to mothers and daughters. I'm going to speak bluntly to you, and I don't want you to pretend to be listening and then blow it off as soon as you leave the room. This is very important." Marrell looked at them, unaware of how fierce her look was.

"Delancey, has this boy kissed you or touched you?"

"He's held my hand."

"Did you like it?"

Delancey nodded yes and bit her lip in embarrassment.

"That's the way a woman is, D.J. She likes romantic things- small touches, flowers, loving looks, and long talks. I'm not saying that men don't like those things, but they are created differently. Men would rather get to the main event than hold hands and walk along talking. It's worse for young men-high school boys, especially-when their hormones can control them if they let them. Am I making myself clear?"

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"Sorta," Mackenzie frowned at her. "I don't like anyone right now, Mom, and D.J. hasn't been proposed to or anything like that."

"But you were the one to warn D.J." Marrell pointed out, and Mackenzie nodded. "That's why I said don't blow this off. You both need to be aware. Men respond differently, and a woman can give out signals and not even know it. I don't want you to be known as a tease; that's a cheap trick on any woman's part." They still looked a little at sea, so Marrell knew she would have to keep this brief and be more to the point.

"The best example of men and women I've ever heard is that women are Crockpots and men are microwaves."

"What?" Delancey frowned at her.

"Okay, D.J., Jace is holding your hand, you think it's wonderful, but do you know what Jace wants to do? He wants to put his arms around you and kiss you. You're perfectly happy to hold his hand, but he wants much more. Am I getting through to you?"

Both girls nodded, their faces serious. Marrell saw that they were with her now and calmed a little.
I can't believe I'm doing this. I'm talking to my 14- and 15-year-old about sex. How did we come to this? They seem so young, but they probably know more slang than I do.
She made herself continue and not get emotional.

"I know what I did and what my friends did, and I know what God's Word says about sex before marriage. It's always a mistake. God knew what He was talking about when He called it a sin. I'm not going to hate you if it happens, but I'm telling you there will be a price to pay. It may not be a baby or a sexually transmitted disease, but there will be a price. I would be wrong not to tell you what I know. If this is too soon, I'm sorry, but you're both in a caldron of temptation at high school, and like I said, I'm not around enough to know everything. Delancey's friends are already telling her it's great. They're wrong. I'm not saying they're lying to you, but if they find it's great for them now, they won't think so for long."

Marrell was silent for a moment, trying to read their thoughts by their faces. "Have I overwhelmed you?"

"No," Delancey said, but Marrell wasn't convinced.

"Mom?"

"Yes, Micki."

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"Was Dad, you know, nice to you?"

"Oh, Mic, he was so tender. Your father was the most romantic man on the earth." Marrell's eyes grew moist. "And that's just the way it should be."

"Did he wait, Mom?" This came from Delancey.

"Yes. He had dated a girl pretty seriously in high school, and they came pretty close a few times, but he waited. He told me after meeting me that he wished he'd never touched her. And that's something else you need to remember: Boys can have regrets too, but their drive is so strong. Regret is usually the last thing they're thinking of. D.J., can I ask you something?" Marrell slipped a question onto the end.