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I
smile in response, not knowing quite how to answer.

‘He
never gave up,’ Ellie murmurs, quiet enough for my ears only.

I
nod, ‘I’m so glad,’ I confess.  ‘If he had, I don’t think I would be here
today.’

She
grasps my hand tightly, ‘and the world would have been a sadder place, babe.’

‘Thanks,
El.  Now tell me about this surprise baby?’ I lift the seriousness of the conversation;
this was supposed to be a celebration. But, I can’t stop myself from
considering Marnie’s question, would I ever visit Krystal?  Could I ever
face Denver again, the place where the best and worst things happened to me?

When
we all decide to call it a night, I watch as Kyle offers to walk Shauna to her
room and decide to have a bit of fun.  I mumble to Nate to play along
before calling Shauna.

‘Yes?’
She replies.

‘I’ve
been speaking to Nate, and we have decided that maybe it’s best we spend our
wedding eve apart, you know, tradition and all that.’  My face is
perfectly serious, but the look on Shauna’s is comical.  Her mouth opens
and closes silently as her eyes flicker to Kyle, who appears to have caught on
to the joke.  ‘So, if it’s okay with you, I’ll come back with you
tonight?’

‘Erm,’
she babbles, Nate cannot contain his chuckle as Kyle joins in by grinning over
to me, his eyes narrowing in promise of revenge.

‘Come
on darlin’ they’re fucking with us,’ he takes Shauna’s arm and guides her away
from the sniggering group.

‘I
have to say, I’ve never seen Shauna speechless,’ Nate pulls me against him, I
wrap my arms around his waist as I grin up with adoration.  He glances
down and his eyes heat, ‘let’s get you to bed, big day tomorrow.’

‘I
can’t wait,’ I whisper up.

‘Me
either,’ his lips touch my forehead.

********

The
Venetian Courtyard is the most romantic setting for a wedding.  I don’t
know what I expected for Vegas, maybe the ceremony being hosted by Elvis or alike,
I’m not sure, but the beauty of the surroundings along with the sight of my
husband, dressed in a light grey suit, a crisp white shirt and a tie the colour
of his eyes, astounds me. 

His
eyes blazed appreciatively as I entered on the arm of Shauna, who was dressed to
kill in a sky blue shift dress and spiky silver heels.  When Nate’s eyes
hit my newly cut hair, that I had styled in the spa this morning, they warmed
considerably, yep, he totally hated the long hair.  When his eyes lingered
for a while before moving down the length of my dress to my legs, they heated
further.  When they reached the strappy high sandals, they looked
downright feral.

I grinned,
goofily, as I stopped in front of him and passed my bouquet of cream roses to
Shauna. 

‘You
look incredible,’ Nate whispers.  The emotion in his glance is palpable
and I thank every God that exists for allowing me to survive the past year,
just so that I could experience this very moment.  Because if I died
tomorrow, I would still be thankful for having this day, today.

********

 ‘Where’s
Kyle?’ I ask Nate.

‘Took
Shauna and the baby to JFK,’ he announces, checking the passports and plane
tickets.

We
are in the foyer of The Venetian, preparing to leave.  Marnie, Ellie and
Eli appear and wave over to us.  We had all stayed only the three nights.
Nate and I were flying on to Florence, Italy on our way home, for our
honeymoon, the others had work commitments.  It was a long way for Shauna
to fly for a few days, but she insisted on attending, of which I was grateful,
being my one and only guest.  It hadn’t been easy for her to take the time
off of work seeing as she had only returned to work, after her maternity leave,
a month ago.  She had to agree to take the days off as unpaid leave to
attend the wedding, as she hadn’t accrued any holiday. I also knew money was
tight for her at the moment with Matt messing around with her child maintenance
payments, so Nate had insisting on paying for the trip for her.  She had
argued, but was never going to win against Nate. 

We
all hug goodbye, as Nate’s family walk us to the exit. 

‘Stay
in touch,’ Ellie squeezes me tight, ‘sister,’ she grins. 

‘I
will,’ I promise, ‘you can visit anytime,’ I remind her.  She nods, but I
know that will be hard with the diner and the new baby on the way.

I
watch as Marnie hugs Nate, the embrace longer than normal from Marnie. 

‘Ma!’
Nate calls, to whatever Marnie has whispered in his ear.  ‘You can visit anytime
you like,’ he insists.

‘I
know,’ she wipes a tear and attempts to pull herself together.  Guilt sears
through me.  I glance up at Nate to see his jaw is tense, he is upset.

‘Maybe
we can visit at Thanksgiving?’ I suggest to Marnie as she steps towards me her
eyes watery.

‘Really?’
A tear rolls down her cheek as her eyes light with hope.

‘Sure!’
I look at Nate.  ‘If that’s okay with you?’

‘That
would be good, London,’ he murmurs to me, a look of relief hits his hopeless
expression.

I
smile at Marnie and she hugs me tight.  ‘Thank you, honey.  You don’t
know how much that means to me.’

‘I
do,’ I argue, remembering how happy she was to have the news of Kyle’s return
from service. ‘Just bear with me, yeah?’ I plead her.

She
nods, comprehending my plea. ‘Okay, Sophie honey.’

********

FIVE MONTHS LATER

‘I
feel like I forgot something,’ I tell my husband, as I lean my head back
against the headrest. The flight had taken it out of me, I feel exhausted and
achy.

‘Whatever
it is can be replaced,’ he reminds me as we drive into Krystal.  ‘Let’s
get you to mum’s and settled,’ I put my hand on his thigh, gratefully.

‘You
excited?’ I ask, softly, watching his expression through the shadows of the
night.

He
glances sideways, his lips tilting up at the sides.  ‘Of course, there is
nothing I want more than my family together.  This way I get the best of
both worlds.’  He turns back to me as we enter the high street.  ‘How
do you feel about it?’

‘Baby,
I’d give you the world if I could, you know that,’ I murmur, tenderly.

‘You
already have,’ his hand runs over my swollen abdomen that contains our first
born. 

I
am six months pregnant, which means that Nate and I made our first child almost
the first time we slept together after reconnecting in London.  We didn’t
find out until I was almost three months pregnant, by which time we were
married and welcomed the news as natural progression of our relationship. 
I had weaned off of my anti-depressants under the watchful eye of both my GP
and therapist and was now in a place where I, thankfully, no longer needed
them. 

I
could have gone on different kind of medication, one that was safer for the
baby, but, I wouldn’t do anything to put my child at risk, so was eager to stop
them altogether.  Nate was anxious, as was I, that I would fall apart
without them, but thankfully I felt as if I was over the worst of my
apprehensions, thanks to Nate and the medical help I was receiving.

‘Do
you think your mum will be shocked?’ I question, Nate.

‘Fuck,
yeah.  She was overjoyed that we made Thanksgiving, to know we are
staying,’ he shakes his head, ‘she’ll be beside herself.’ I grin at this. 

It
had taken all I had for me to get on that plane to Denver, three months
ago.  But, amazingly, once we had actually arrived in Krystal, I felt as
if I had arrived home.  Ellie had been fit to burst in her pregnancy, the
baby being due at any moment, unfortunately we had to leave before she gave
birth to a stunning baby girl, who they later named Ruby. 

Ollie’s
hair salon was now a book store, for which I was grateful.  To see his
name up on the sign as we drove past would have proved too much for me to endure. 
My brother’s death had been a catalyst for disaster, I still couldn’t allow my
brain to dwell there for too long.  Oliver was best left in the vault that
gratefully wasn’t as full as it used to be.  Most things I addressed and
filed away, my brother I couldn’t, but hopefully one day I hoped I would be
able to bring him out and smile fondly at the few good memories we shared.

On
arriving home to London, from Krystal, we had continued to live our lives, but
I had watched as Nate became quiet and withdrawn, he was unhappy in
London.  I had an attentive, gorgeous husband, a best friend, and my hair
salon. Nate had me. No comparison. 

When
I asked if he was content, he confirmed all he needed in the world was me, but
I saw for myself that I wasn’t enough, he desired more from life. With the
joyful news of the pregnancy upon us, he had wanted me to start taking things
easy and leave him to take control of supporting his family.  But, seeing
as his working visa hadn’t yet come through, that wasn’t possible.  We had
enough money between us for him not to work, but for a man like Nate that
wasn’t an option.

I began
to question my initial decision to keep Nate in London, with me, and realised
that what I had unconsciously offered him was an ultimatum.  It was
selfish of me, I couldn’t give him up, I knew that, I wouldn’t give him
up.  That gave me no other option but to contemplate us moving back to
Krystal.  Although, I didn’t mention it to Nate until I was sure I could go
through with it.  I discussed it with my therapist, who helped me reach
the decision, and then approached Nate.

I’ll
never forget the look on his face for as long as I live.

‘How
do you feel about moving back to Krystal?’ I had mumbled into his chest, late
one night after we had made love.

I
had felt his muscles tense, but not a sound omitted from his mouth.  I sat
up, my chin on his chest and watched as his previously orgasm-induced relaxed
face sharpened.

‘You
want to move to Krystal?’ He repeated, the astonishment plain in his tone.

‘I
think it will be nice for the baby to have family around him or her,’ another
positive for going ahead with the move. ‘I also think that you are homesick,’ I
kissed his nipple, ‘but you won’t tell me because for some reason you think my
well-being is more important than yours.’

‘Soph,’
he began.

‘No,
hear me out,’ I interrupted.  His watchful eyes observe me carefully,
‘everything you have done for me, from day one really,’ I roll my eyes,’ I
appreciate all of it, Nate.’ I roll closer to him pressing my naked body against
his.  I absorb his perfect features, gazing at him with all the love I
feel.  ‘But, your feelings count too, you hear me?’

He
stares at me before briefly nodding.

‘You
need something, baby, you tell me.  This is a two-way street; your needs are
just as important as mine.  I’m sorry if I have been too occupied with
myself to notice how unhappy you have been, Nate.’

‘You
were healing,’ he argues, ‘and I’m not unhappy, I’m married to the love of my
life, how could I possibly be unhappy?’

‘Cute!’
I smile, ‘I get that things have been hard for both of us. But you need to
communicate with me, Nate.’

‘You
wouldn’t have married me if it meant you moving back to Denver, you told me
that.  I would live half a life rather than not have you feature in
it.’  He responded, stubbornly.

I
dashed a tear from my cheek at his kind words. ‘Baby, I would rather live half
a life than have you living unhappy. So, where does that leave us?’

‘I’m
not unhappy,’ he repeats.

‘But,
it would make you happier if you were in Krystal?’ I probed.

‘Well
of course, it’s my home,’ he announced.

‘Then,
let’s go home,’ I kissed him gently.  ‘Charley is in a position to buy the
salon from me, let’s look at some places to buy in Krystal.’ I suggested.

His
grin had been huge, his eyes bright, the excitement in them reminding me that I
have been too wrapped up in my own misery to take care of my husband. 

‘I’m
sorry, baby,’ I had proclaimed. 

‘You
have nothing to apologize for,’ Nate promised. ‘You sure about this?’

‘I
have been thinking about it since we returned at Christmas,’ I admitted. 

He
then wrapped himself around me and I felt the physical relief drain from his
body.

 We
then proceeded in locating a suitable property to raise our family around the
Krystal area.  When we found any potential properties, Nate sent Kyle to
look the place over.  He was, of course, sworn to secrecy, but was
completely fine with keeping quiet if it meant that his brother was going to
finally join him in the PI business. 

Nate
had put the Denver loft up for sale and it had been snapped up being in such a
central location.  The movers had cleared the place and the sale had gone
through three weeks ago. 

We
had only put my flat up for sale last week, once we had everything else sorted
out.  The salon had been transferred into Charley’s name and the money was
sitting in the bank with the proceeds of Nate’s loft.