Queen (Mistress & Master of Restraint) (71 page)

“You say they were both interested?” I nod emphatically. “Slowly, neither is ready yet. I’ll work on Dalton and you work on Whitt. Dalton will be ready for initiation shortly.”

“So quickly,” I say in awe.

“Regina,” he manages to always heavily
sigh my name. “He grew up in a brothel that fronted as a BDSM club. His other address was a Casino that was the region’s organized crime headquarters. I have nothing to train him for that he doesn’t already know. I’ve basically spent the past two months enjoying his company and pulling information from him about Spyder and what his psycho-Master is up to. He’s catching on. I’m cunning, but the kid isn’t stupid.”

“It will be a long game then. I don’t want to ruin it. Um- yeah, I’m not sure how to ask this without looking like a floozy. Um… have you seen hi
m?” I bashfully ask and blush.

“Every da
y?” He says as if I’m a moron.

“Down there,” I
flick my eyes to his privates.

“No,” he laughs. “Why?”

“Ah- I wanted to know, so does Whitt. Dalton’s packing an anaconda in those bagged-out jeans. It has to be near a foot.” He bugs his eyes out and I shake my head. “If we hook them up, Whitt’s a lucky boy,” I giggle.

“Let’s hope he’s a top, or that’s going to hurt like a sonofabitch at first,” Marc mumble
s in awe. 

“You’ve?”
I let the question trail off.

“No comment on that subject tonight, Regina.”
His Master voice says drop it.

“Well, no worries. Whitt says he’ll always be the man in bed. I learned that first hand this afternoon. He forced me to submit.”

“Are you alright?” His voice is sad and I know he’s not asking about Whitt.
 

“Can I use your no comment on that subject tonight, too?” I ask hopi
ng to avoid this conversation.

“I don’t need details, Regina. Just ease my fears. I know nothing, and my imagination is running rampant. I was on the other side of the barred door and couldn’t do a damn thing. I don’t do well with the loss of control. I couldn’t protect you from my own son. Imagine how you’d feel if it was Niel on the other side of that door with the love of your life and your son was unstable.”
I don’t look at him. I continue to unravel the string on my pajama shorts. I heave a large breath and begin.

“I learned a lot tonight. I haven’t processed it all yet. I think I know ninety-percent of your secrets now, even the ones that Ezra didn’t know. I’m sorry, Marcus. You’re right when you said that we’ve lived parallel for a long time but never intersected. I will only say that I’m having a hard time coming to terms with whether or not it was rape. Yes, it was against my will. I know that that should make it rape, But he had been inside me earlier in the day. The things he said- Jesus Christ, he’s fucked up. He needs help. I can’t say what our bargain is, but you come first to me. You need to know that your son is split. Half is a childlike Ezra, the other is Master Ez. I found out the hard way that he’s either a mix of the two, which is the
real Ezra, or he’s Master Ez.”

“I know. He hides it well, but I’ve had my suspicions for a long time,” he
says hopelessly. 

“I don’t know why, but Master Ez has taken a shine to me. It’s the weirdest fucking thing. He tells me anything I ask. It’s like he can’t lie. That part of him is straight and protective. What worries me the most is that I have figured out when he’s the true Ezra versus Master Ez, and Ezra was the one that started raping
me. Master Ez isn’t violent. It started because Ezra was pissed and Master Ez took over to protect him.”

“Are you sure?”
Marc’s voice quivers in worry.

“Yes, I’m positive. Ezra can throw that voice, but I can tell it’s him. He’s emotional. He speaks about his family as my or mine. Master Ez calls them by name. Ezra can’t bring himself to creepily flirt with me, but I’m sure over
time he’ll perfect that, too.”

“Why you?”
He asks but I see the answer etched across his face.

“You know why,” I say sadly.

I had an epiphany while I held Kris in the shower and later on when I held both of my submissives on the bathroom tile while we all cried until we were a mess. Ezra had said that Marcus only saw him as a son, and Cort as a lover or companion. He’s angry with anyone who Marcus chooses that isn’t him. Master Ez likes this about me, likes that Marcus trusts me and loves me. The broken part of Ezra hates this about me. In a way Ezra hates Cortez for it, too. I bet he hooked up with Ade just to twist the knife. I hope he gets the desperate help he needs.

I see confirmation in Marc’s eyes. I know this is why he never crosses the line past punishment with Cortez. I’d always believed it was Diane that Marcus was fearful of finding out that he’d taken a lover- it was Ezra. Early this morning he confirmed it with a kiss and by evening he’d raped me as punishment. A punishment he will dole out whenever he wants. Master Ez is the less scary of the two parts of him. Ez is black and white. Ezra is emotion, and you can’t logic with emotion.

“I’m so sorry, Regina,” he sobs into his knees. Marc wraps his arms around his legs and weeps.

“It’s over. All we can do is fix it. What do we do?” My voice is the opposite of his. Marc sounds broken, and I sound ready to battle anything that comes our way. This is what a true partnership is about. When he’s down I will be his shoulder to cry on and protect his back, and he will do the same for me. When we stand side-by-side and we’re both in battle-mode, the world better watch out.

“He used to be worse. I never allowed Cortez to see it. He thinks it’s a problem with Ezra relating to his dominant nature. Ezra got a degree in psychology to help himself. He lashed out when Cort married Divina. The consequence was losing Cortez. That made it worse. But I’ve been helping him. I moved him out of ShadowHaven and into Edge to get him away from his mother. I’ve hidden that from Cort as well. I refuse to say what she does to her son. But now that he’s away from her and Cort has moved back to the apartment, Ezra’s exponentially better.”
“He used to be worse?” I screech.

I can’t see what would be worse than locking your adoptive father out of the room while you fo
rced yourself on his lover.

“Why do you think I wouldn’t let you step foot into Restraint until you were ready. Why do you think it took me two months to gather the nerve to do your initiation? I hoped that by having you
be with every Master, he wouldn’t think I’d fallen for you. This part of him he only unleashes on me and now I guess he does on you, too. No, I don’t want Diane to know about you, but not why you think either. I would gladly tell the world, but she would do everything in her considerable power to hurt you, and not because she sees you as competition. She’d do it to hurt me. Her son is just like his mother. She does it out of hate and he does it out of territorial jealousy that is insanity.”

“He’s better?”

“He is by leaps and bounds. The closer to when Katya will join us here, the better he is. I hope she can heal him. He’s an amazing person. He was broken by selfish parents, and I’m not talking about me. It amazes me that Cort isn’t as fucked up considering they grew up together, lived in the same house, and experienced the same trauma.”

“You’re fucked up,
too, aren’t you?” I blurt out.

“Most definite
ly,” he admits without shame. 

“I know two of my kinks now and I’ve also learned what Kris and Fate need. I’m the proud owner of two very clingy best friends,” I say grandly
and groan out of frustration. 

“Big nigh
t, huh?” He says in amusement.

“Yup,”
I shake my head in amazement.

“No need for a replay. Cortez was impressed and wicked proud. I had a play-by-play. I wish I could’ve seen it,
” he smirks.

“Wh
at?” I know that devious look.

“I’ll tell you on
one condition,” he challenges.

“Spill it,” I demand. 

“You tell me your kinks and I will let you watch the video- the video I was sending Jamie when you walked in.” He backs off the bed knowing I’m about to strike.

“OH! MY!
GOD!” I screech.

“Hey, now, Ella’s a light sleeper,” he grumbles and backs away with his hands out like h
e’s negotiating with a mugger.

“Nice try. She could sleep through a tornado.”

I pretend to give up and when he relaxes I pounce. I shout a war-cry and he huffs a laugh. I tackle him to the bed and snuggle on top of him. His arms surround me and he kisses me deeply- passionately.

“I love you, Regina. Now tell me your kinks.” He smiles at the shocked pleasure that fills my e
xpression from his confession.

“I’m fucked up,” I say bashfully and hide my face against the side of his neck.

“I know a good psychiatrist I could recommend,” he says in all seriousness and I snort.
“Yeah, he’d fuck me up worse. He gave me one of my kinks in the first place. Ezra would want to play Russian roulette and Master Ez would want to kill me with pleasure. I’m better off on my own. Ez winks,” I laugh.

“I’ve never seen that part of him. I guess I’ve always gotten the angry Ezra. You ca
n keep that creepy fucker.”

“Di
d you watch it?” I meekly ask.

“No,” he shakes his head and then teasingly winks at me. “Only four times,” he smirks. 

“Well, my kink is obvious then, isn’t it? I like playing puppet master to the deviants. Choreographing an orgy was a blast.” I blush harder and burrow against his neck to hide my embarrassment.

“Mine, too,” he murmurs. 

“Really?” Hope laces my tone.

“Yes, that’s the main reason I never play. I’d rather play God. And obviously the other is Ezra going postal on someone. It was easier when it was just Dexter and me. He had no
worries… And your other kink?”

“I’m ashamed.” I close my eyes and gather some courage. “Ez said that you and I are compatible because of my reaction today. I don’t understand my reaction. I… I froze and the stronger he was the more at peace I felt. I’ve seen that look on Fate’s face countless times. I don’t have a submissive bone in my body. I willingly submitted to Whitt today. I didn’t have to, but I wanted to. With Ezra tonight, when he was doing what he did, I didn’t have a choice. I’m a fighter, why didn’t I fight? Why did I find pleasure in it? Why can’t I forget it? Even now I’m drenching my shorts. I’m so ashamed,” I cry. 

“Well, this is something I have a lot of experience with. Yes, I took Diane by force, but by now you’ve figured out that it was as a righteous punishment. I’ve been forced numerous times. Olivia had that effect on me. I’ll try to explain it the best I can. I’ve had fifteen-years to analyze my own reactions. I doubt you would’ve reacted this way if it wasn’t for a combination of things. First is responsibility. The part of us that is dominant makes us feel responsible for everything and it’s a huge burden. When you mix that with pain, it’s a potent combination. Ezra took your choices away. You had no choice, so therefore, you had no responsibility. That’s the currency of a submissive, and we never feel it because it takes a gigantic force to make us submit to that level. You were in shock and he shouldered your weight. What’s making you aroused isn’t Ezra or force; it’s the feeling of peace you will forever chase. The reason you’re my perfect counterpart is that I hate that feeling. I didn’t find peace, I found panic. My control is my salvation. I find a deep sense of wellbeing by leading the strongest of us to find that inner-peace. You and I could be epic together, Regina, but not yet. We have to grow together. There’s still too many secrets between us, too many responsibilities. You won’t find that with me until there’s no separation between us. Ezra was a fluke. The sex will be great, but you’ll never submit again because you know it’s coming. I’d try with you but you shouldn’t do this very often or you’ll be like a junkie.”

“I’ll wait for you. I don’t want to be a freak, but I definitely don’t want to be an addict. Watching Kristal was bad enough.”

“Let’s get some rest. I’ll even tell you a story, but beware, it’s a tragedy not a comedy.” He pulls me up the bed and reaches for the switch on the lamp.

“Well, no one ever said they fell asleep laughing,” I say sarcastically.

“Smart-ass,” he says with pride.

“I have to send a quick text
first.” I reach for my phone.

“Okay,” he sounds like he wants to ask me who
I’m texting, but he trusts me.

-Jamie?

Jamie:
Regin
a

-I just wanted to say thank you for the book. I adored the inscription. I also want to tell you that I miss you every single day. I love you and nothing will ever change that. Thank you. & the next time I see you it will be in the literal sense of the word!!!

Jamie:
You’re not angry with me?

-I don’t understand it and I do at the same time. I’ve been angry for the past two months. I’ve known subconsciously since our night together- maybe I’ve always known. You have your reasons and they’re yours and who am I to judge. I’m not him.