Queen (Mistress & Master of Restraint) (89 page)

“From this moment on
you’re no longer my sister. I will always love you and miss you. I will always mourn the loss of what we had, but it was all a lie. You chose the wrong side! You’re dead to me,” she whispers as she flees my office.

I curl up in a ball and sob. Wave after wave of agony rips though my body. I rock back and forth murmuring
she’s right.

My back pocket vibrates and I pull my phone out with the intention of smashing it. Who would bother me during a breakdown- the audacity! I gasp when I see who has the a
udacity, and in fact, he does.

Master of the Universe:
 
Stand up, wash your face, and go back to your family. –M.

“She’s right,” I whisper to the room not knowing where the camera is located.

Master of the Universe:
 
No, she is not. This is all about perception and, no matter what, Adelaide will always see her side of it. Read between the lines, Regina. She told you all you needed to know. Her declarations of love and betrayal were manipulations that hid her true motives. She said that she did this for Diane, that she has no other choice because this is the only one that guarantees her survival. It isn’t your fault and she is only right if you’re on her side of the perspective line. –M.

“Marcus, I’ve done wrong by her. She is right when she says that I chose Ezra over her,” I whisper to the room knowing he will hear it.

Master of the Universe:
Even so, her motives were the wrong ones when it came to my son. Why is it wrong to want him to be with the ones that truly love and support him? The only ones to blame are her father and Diane. They are the evil parties that set this in motion. She is lost and she still loves you. I know she does. Adelaide is a good person and I fear what this stress will do to her. If anyone can bring her back from the brink it is you. Even if she goes to that God forsaken place, you and Whitt will get her out the moment he takes over his family. She knows everything else, you can’t deny that she knows this as well. She was manipulating you for her Master. You are down and sad and easily led. Trust me, Regina, this was a ploy. Why wait so long to confront you. She has seen you countless times since you began helping my son. She was waiting for a sign of weakness. –M.

“The reverse could be true as well, Marcus. I haven’t heard from you until you were frightened that Adelaide could persuade me to join her side of the fight.”

Master of the Universe:
True- but I don’t doubt you. You are hearing from me because I am your Master and until this moment you didn’t need me. You didn’t need my strength. You may have thought you did, but you didn’t. Right now you needed me to kick you in the ass and tell you to stop groveling in self-misery. It’s all bullshit. And now that Adelaide is no longer at your table, it is filled with those who have unconditional love for you. Stop pushing them away and take it, accept it, and give it in return. I know you can love back. You give it freely to my son even after all the despicable things he’s done to you. Give it to your kids. Quit pushing Whitt away. Let him hold you for once. It’s not a sign of weakness. Accepting help and love is a sign of silent strength. –M.

“What about you?”

Master of the Universe:
What about me? –M.

“You’re giving advice that you don’t take,” I say smugly to bait him. “Why should I
heed your advice?”

Master of the Universe:
I’m not as smart as you, Regina. You know me- I can be a stupid prick. –M.

“Right you are, Master,” I giggle.

Master of the Universe:
I’ve missed the sound of your laughter and hearing my title from your lips. Go spend time with your family. Nothing is a guarantee. Stop wallowing and really feel it as you sit with them. Stop looking at Niel with guilt-filled eyes and accept that his words are truth. You have nothing to prove to him. The only requirement he has is that you are his mother- that’s it. Children have an endless capacity to love and forgive. In your case there is nothing to forgive. Enjoy him. He’s growing before your eyes. It won’t be long and you’ll be fighting about girls. Enjoy the sound of three girls laughing as the most important male in their lives teases them. Nothing is as sweet sounding and heart wrenching. I wish I could go back in time and relive Ezra and Cort razzing Divina. I wish that I could hear my daughter’s laughter just once. I want to know what the word Dad would sound like whispered from her lips as she kisses my cheek goodnight. Regina, cherish what you have and forget about what you don’t. You are truly blessed. –M.

“I miss you. It’s you that’s plaguing my thoughts,” I sob into my sleeve. “As I ate dinner tonight it felt wrong because Jamie wasn’t at the head of the table, but that wasn’t what made it feel empty. It was empty because you weren’t there. I want you. I want a life with you. I want to meet your daughter. I want to watch as she says your name for the first time. I want you at my side. I need you at my side to feel alive,” I whisper.

I wait minutes and I know that I won’t hear from him. He ran from me again. He ran from the hard truth of our lives.

I wipe my face and blow my nose. I straighten my clothing and smooth my hair. Nothing will change the fact that I’ve been crying and everyone will see it. They all know that Ade stormed out of here. I also know that they won’t blame me- Ade is Ade and we all know it.

My phone vibrates as my hand reaches for the knob. I laugh because no matter what it says it won’t matter. Marcus helped me because I broke, he lent me his strength. He wouldn’t respond to my pleas because I didn’t need him. He waited until my strength was firmly back in place before he texted me back.

Master of the Universe:
Me too- Always. Forget about me for now and enjoy them. They are your center right now. They need you as much as you need them. –M.

I don’t reply and he doesn’t expect one either. I allow my actions to speak for me.

Chapter Twenty-Four

I enter the living room where everyone is gathered. My tear-stained face has a shit-eating grin that nothing will remove.

I pull my son into my arms and hold him as tightly as he will allow. He strains to hold me back as firmly. I whisper my wishes for our future. I tell him all the thoughts and hopes I’ve held back since I lost him. I’d worried that it would hurt to unleash my emotions only to have him ripped away from me again.

Minutes pass as I tell him everything he’s ever needed to hear from his mother. It won’t matter if I lose him later, I have him right now and he needs to hear it. I tell him that even though his father and I created him for the wrong reasons it didn’t make us love him any less. I tell him of the first time Grant held him and the look on his face. I tell him how in love with his father I was, and it is the truth. Grant was my first love and there is no denying it any longer. The pain he makes me feel would be impossible if I hadn’t been in love with him.

I pull my daughter into our embrace and tell her all about her dad too. I’ve always held a small part of myself back from her out of fear. I was afraid I’d lose her. In a way I already did. I allowed the fear to create a chasm between us and that is my fault. That same fear spread like a disease throughout my family. It didn’t affect the bond between Marc and me because I knew he was strong enough to protect himself- everyone else was infected with my fear. It took Marc’s digital ass-kicking to get me to pull my head out of my ass.

I kiss Kate on the cheek and she hugs me goodnight. She was hit the hardest as I told my children and their cousins all about Grant. She silently cried and I so badly wanted to tell her that her brother lives. But Grant isn’t alive anymore. He died, and like a phoenix Jamie rose from his ashes. They aren’t the same person outside of genetics.

Whitney remembers Grant vaguely and I could tell that it was upsetting her. I backed off when she started to cry. I was proud of my son when he embraced his cousin in comfort. Prissy was enraptured by the tale of her long-lost uncle. She absorbed every word while she gazed at Niel in a sweet way that made me grin- total hero-worship. It reminded me of how Ade would look at Grant. It was bittersweet.

Kate is taking Niel and the
girls home since Whitt disappeared into my bedroom after he broke down. I bid them goodbye and tuck Ella into bed before I finally check on him.

“Are you okay?” I ask the lump that’s curled up in the center of my bed. Even his head i
s beneath the blankets.

“No, Queen. I’m really not. I’ve missed you. I’ve waited for months for you to come to me. I made you promise to come to me if you needed me. I told you that you could count on me. You’ve been miserable and you still ignored me. It makes me feel weak that I can’t help my wife, that she sees me as less.” He sticks his head out of the blanket and pins me with a stare that is a billion times more manipulative than Ade could ever pull off and more beautiful than his
father’s.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper and undress for bed. Whitt clothes lying on my dresser informs me that he’s staying the night.

“I was pushing everyone away. It took me awhile but I did eventually figure it out. I hope I’m not too late,” I laugh without humor.

“All of it,” he says huskily as I li
ft the sheets to get into bed.

“Wha
t?” I laugh at his expression.

“No clothes, Regina,” he says in his Daniel tone of voice. It’s yet another of his techniques that he employs to get what he wants.

“Why?” I ask as I shed my panties. I don’t know why I ask because I already know why he wants me naked.

“We’re making love. I want to show my wife that I’m fit to be her husband. That cowardly bastard that you immortalized out in the living room isn’t fit to be with you. I am,” he poun
ds his chest.

“That cowardly bastard is your father,” I chastise. “And I didn’t say those things for me or you or even Jamie. I said them because the children and Kate needed to hear it. Grant and Jamie
aren’t the same person,” I firmly stress. 

I stand before him with my fists on my hips. I have to bite my lips to stay the flow of nasty words that wants to erupt. To say that I’ve been a huge bitch lately would be an understatement. Ezra’s right- I need to get laid- desperately. It’s a good thing I have a naked twenty-year-old male, which happens to be the most beautiful creature I’ve ever laid eyes upon, lying in my bed. It also lessens the guilt factor by a billion percent because even though he’s young, I’m not a total pedophile since he’s my husband and all. 

“If you’re ashamed to make love to me that’s okay. No one needs to know. I won’t tell anyone,” Whitt promises with pouty lips.

I crawl into bed with a smirk on my face. The bastard pulled out his last and strongest weapon of manipulation- guilt.

“Don’t be a little bitch, Sunshine,” I tease him. “You know I want you, that I lust for you, and love you. I’ll make love to you because you’re my husband. But the main reason is that you must really want to prove your manliness if you’re willing to pull out all that shit to manipulate me,” I giggle when he growls in response.

“I’ll prove to you that I’m a good wife instead. I apologize for being cold and distant. Let me make it up to you,” I kiss him softly and wrap my arms around his neck.

“I’ve missed you so much, Queen,” he murmurs and rolls us like an alligator with a kill.

“Why do you want me?” I look up to him with eyes gone impossibly wide. I can’t fathom why this incredible man would want me. Anyone who looked at him would believe he deserved nothing less than a male model.

“Regina,” he sighs dramatically. “Gay or straight, nothing will take away my need to be with you. I could find the love of my life and I’d still miss this,” he squeezes me to prove his point. “It’s not about sex. I just want to connect with you on a deeper level. We don’t have to have sex,” he whispers and thrusts his hips to enter me.

“Oh my God,” I laugh. “You are the most manipulative person I know.” I can’t stop laughing and I’m sure that’s not the reaction he wanted for connecting us. On the upside, every time I laugh it squeezes the hell out of him and feels fantastic.

“Next time you’re upset come to me and I won’t have to manipulate you to do it. It won’t come to sex if it makes you feel uncomfortable. I’d accept a damned hug, hold my hand or something. Just don’t walk away from me,” his command is a whisper of ache and it brings tears to my eyes.
“Okay,” I agree softly and pull him down to my lips.

I fall into the rhythm of us. It’s flawless and perfect. It’s not filled with passion and lust. It’s innocent, sweet, and trusting. Right at this moment he reminds me more of his father than ever. Grant only knew gentle. I miss him, but not as much as I miss the bastard that is in my thoughts constantly. He is with me even when I make love to my husband. It makes me what to cry, scream, and thrash. When will I get a moment’s peace? The only time I don’t think about him is when I’m with him.

“It’s okay, Regina,” Whitt whispers against my swollen lips.

“No, it’s not. It’s really not,” I protest with a cry and kiss him like I mean it. I nip his bottom lip and suck the sting away. He gasps
against my mouth and chuckles.