Queen (Mistress & Master of Restraint) (91 page)

The love of my life is making a life-changing decision before my eyes. He’s throwing our life away for a new one. It’s irreversible. I don’t judge him for the sex. I’ve had sex with other people while we were in a relationship. I don’t fault him for it now, and we aren’t together so the point is moot. The fact that this is the first time I’ve seen him in person in nearly a year makes it so much worse.

What is agonizing is that I was never good enough. He never allowed a whisper of our partnership to fall upon anyone’s ears, but he stands before us and declares Katya as his. He never spoke of our union, but he allows us to watch him bond with Katya. It’s the bond of a Master to the one he will forever call his. I wasn’t good enough… but she is.

I’ve held my jealousy in check since I met the woman. Her long, curling auburn hair and vibrant green eyes are stunning. Her petite, curvy body is everything I could never be. She holds the affection of both Ezra and Cortez, and they love her freely. They would proudly shout it to the world. Now the man I love, the one I want to call Master, is proudly calling her lover.

My knees go weak as my heart breaks into a thousand shards of agony. I stare out of tear-clouded eyes as the man I called my friend, holds the woman I called friend, as she makes love to the one I called partner, as my fellow Masters look on in awe. The betrayal is multifaceted and soul deep.

Marcus and Katya break my heart, but Ezra infuriates me. He broke a promise that has nothing to do with Marcus and everything to do with Katya. I declared her my responsibility when I began chatting with her. I made him promise to never hurt her. Yet he does. He makes the love of his life fuck his father with an audience. She doesn’t know who the body belongs to, and she didn’t get a choice, and he does this to atone for his sins.

Ezra is a changed man. He feels, aches, and is filled with remorse. He raped me to get back at Marcus for being intimate with Cortez. I was Marc’s punishment as Cort was Ezra’s. Now we come full circle as he uses Katya to take his punishment for what he did to me. I feel sick and betrayed because what’s happening before my eyes is my fault.

The emotions that course through my body have to be exactly what Marcus felt when Ezra barred the door and raped me on the other side. I can do nothing to stop this. All I can do is
wait and weep as my world implodes around me. This is worse than when he pressed my face to the cold, concrete wall and impaled me against my will. He hurt me and I’m strong enough to take it, but he’s hurting someone else because of me. It’s what he did to Marcus.

Our year-long friendship crashes and burns and will never be resurrected.

I close my eyes as Marcus comes inside her. His spendings nourish her body from the inside. That, in itself, is a violation. I can’t imagine what she’s going through as an unknown man pours deep inside her. Her body betrays itself as she climaxes.

Ezra allows his gentle kitten to be violated as she was in the woods over a decade ago- worse is that he initiated it, yet again…

I stand numbly as Cort’s hand slips from mine. He cradles his woman in his arms and gently walks her to his room. I follow them with my eyes as his back retreats down the hallway.

I yank the goggles off my face and sigh in relief. I have to be happy about something I guess.
I feel eyes on me- two sets. I don’t meet either. I lock eyes with my husband and we silently communicate. He tells me not to do anything stupid and I tell him to shut the fuck up. I refuse to break eye contact with Whitt as everyone around me moves and chats. Marcus’ rumbling voice turns my stomach as he accepts congratulations and words of astonishment.

Ezra tries to engage me. He taps my
shoulder when I don’t respond.

“Regina,” he whispers in my
ear. “I know you understand.”

Still, I refuse to acknowledge him. I do to him what Ade did to me- he’s dead to me. I’ve contacted Ade hundreds of times in the past three months and I’m always hung up on. I sent emails when I found out that Ezra used her one last time as she tried to solidify their
engagement. I watched it play out in real-time, and I wanted to comfort her. She wouldn’t allow it. I understand it because Ezra is dead to me now, too.

After repeated attempts he gives up on talking me down and stands in my line of sight. Whitt’s eyes are blocked from mine.

“That was a huge mistake,” a throaty growl emanates from my mouth.
Ezra and I are identical in height. Our eyes meet and I lock him to me with my will.

“What was a mistake?” Ezra whispers and his hot breath
caresses my mouth.

“My husband was grounding me from doing something stupid,” I say so quietly that he has to lean forward to hear the words. “Now I have no reason to hold back,” I warn a split-second before I punch him with the force of a six-foot, hundred and eighty pound person. I drop his ass to the ground and he stares up at me in shock.

Everyone scrambles around me. Someone grabs my upper-arm as I prepare for another swing.
“Let go,” I seethe.

“What are you doing, Queen?” Dexter’s voice hitches on a gasp.

“None of your fucking business,” I menacingly hiss. “Drop my arm before you lose a hand,” I warn.

“Dexter,” Whitt warns too.

All Dexter sees is a crazy woman who just hit his family member for no apparent reason. He doesn’t know that Katya is my responsibility or of all the depraved things the lunatic at me feet has put us through.

I stare at Ezra with hatred and his mouth forms a word. I see the expression cross his face promis
ing mental and emotional pain.

“Go ahead, Dr. Lunatic. Give me your best shot,” I taunt.

“Out!” Marcus shouts and the room clears except for Dexter as he holds my arm, and Whitt as he tries to safely catch my gaze.

“De
xter, you too,” Marc commands.

“What? She
wants to kill him,” he growls.

“Probably,” Marc sighs. “Leave anyway.”

My arm is released and I know that I’ve lost any and all respect from Dexter. He leaves the dungeon through the door to the club.

“Now that we’re alone, I think it’s time we cle
ared the air,” Marcus demands.

“Yeah… why not?
  Let’s do it!” I growl. I unleash Queen until there’s no rational thought left in my mind. I’m running on pure animal instinct.

“I can’t believe you’re this pissed that my father was fucking someone else. You fuck people all the time.” Ezr
a rubs his jaw as he baits me.

“Yeah, I’m a regular slut,” sarcastically flows from my mouth. “I fuck anything with a dick,” I hiss. “I’ve had sex once in the past year and it was with my husband, asshole! And you fucking know that, you piece of shit!”

“Ah… were you still holding out hope that he loves you and wants a future with you,” Ezra says in mock pity. “If he did, he’d have found a way to be with you. Has he even talked to you in the past year?” Ezra’s gray eyes widen innocently like he didn’t already know the answer to his own question- fuckface!

“Enough,” Marcus growls and kicks Ezra in the ribs.
“Shut the fuck up.”
I pretend that his words held no weight. Only those closest to us have the best ammo to harm our hearts.

“Ouch, Ezra, that really fucking hurt.” I clench my chest dramatically. “I’ll say it so that you have nothing to throw at me when I finally take your measure. My sexuality is nonexistent. I know that I’m nothing. I know that no one has ever truly wanted me. Jamie is sickened by the sight of me. He told me to my face that he was just doing what he needed to do to survive. It feels amazing to lie to my children when I tell them that they were made out of love and that their father loves them. I know that your dad used me because he had no one else. It’s no different than how you and Cort used me to connect. Yeah, my husband is gay. So what? I’m not a bad person because I’m not sexy. I know I’m a whore. I know it and it’s none of your damned business. Does it make you feel better to know that I can’t stand the sight of myself and that I can’t touch
myself. You’re always saying I’m a bitch because I need to get laid. Hell, I’ve only had one orgasm in a year. Does knowing that make you feel better, Ezra?” 

“Regina,” three voices ring out i
n pity- Marc, Ezra, and Whitt.

“No, I’m going to get this out. You all need to hear it so we can move on. I love him, I won’t deny it. It hurts to know that he sees Katya as someone worthy and I’m not. I’m not surprised though since she’s an amazing woman and everything I’m not. I want to thank you for one thing, though. I love him, so that means I want him to be happy. If he’s happy with Katya then that’s a good thing. He’ll be able to touch her in public and not fear repercussions. She makes you and Cort happy, so I know
she will make him happy too.”

“Regina,” Marcus moans. I don’t look at him but I know he’s running his fingers through his hair
in frustration. I ignore him.

“I’m upset about it, but I didn’t hit you because of it. I want to rip your fucking head off and ram it so far up your ass that if pops back out your neck. I’ve never wanted something so badly before. It’s your turn, Ezra. You made me a promise and you broke it, and now you will pay the price.”

I lunge before anyone can stop me. I straddle his hips and smash him in the face time and time again. My knuckles ache as I feel the tale-tell signs of a break. I’ve never felt so satisfied in my life. The sensation of his flesh beneath my fists is positively orgasmic. I hit him while wearing a manic grin and I spew words I’ve held in for too long.

“You Raped Me!” I scream until I’m hoarse and punch him in the gut. He covers his face with his upturned arms and it gives me access to his chest and belly.

“You promised to never take your punishments out on Katya. I told you she was my responsibility. You used her to atone for your own sins. She will be devastated when she finds out that you had her fuck her father-in-law in front of a crowd, and why you did it. I’m so glad your conscience feels better, asshole. Now Katya and I get to shoulder the fucking agony!”

I sit on his thighs and weep while they all look at me in shock. Ezra is crying. His eyes are red-rimmed and watering profusely. His lips are quivering on sobs.

Ezra tries to pull me down and embrace me. I throw another punch to his jaw and scream in pain as my broken knuckles protest.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t think it through,” he grovels through his tears. “I just wanted to make it right; since I couldn’t erase the past, I wanted to equalize it. It’s all I could think to do. I know I’m a horrible person and you’ve been hurt the worst by me because I was comfortable en
ough to show you the real me.”

“That’s what makes it worse,” I sob. “You betrayed me. I’ve shown you over and over through my actions that you can trust me. You do these horrible things and then play the martyr when we get pissed. Make it easier on all of us and just fucking
stop this shit. Think it through first- ask Cort, Katya, or Marc if it’s a good idea. You know I will always be brutally honest with you. I’ve given up a year of my life while I helped you chase your happily ever after,” I exhaustedly sob- exhausted from the pain and stress of living this life I was dealt. 

“I know and I appreciate it,” he says firmly and holds my gaze. It strips me raw and makes me uncomfortable.

“It’s not like I had my own happily ever after to chase,” I mumble and crawl off of him.
I hide inside the cowl in shame. I allowed my emotions to take over. I lost control. I’m a bad, bad Queen.

“I’m sorry,” I grumble at my feet. “I just broke the number one rule: never punish in anger. I apologize for hitting you and for saying all those things that are better left unsaid. I just reopened my own old wounds.”

“Regina,” Whitt calls to me and I look at him. “Did Jamie really say that?” His blue eyes shine with hope- hope that I was lying about what his father said to me. He should know better than that- I’d never lie to anyone but myself.

I look away in shame and don’t answer him. A loud crack echoes throughout the dungeon. My eyes track the sound to find Whitt cradling his hand and the St. Andrew’s cross co
vered in his bright red blood.

“Whitt,” I run to him and gingerly take his wounded hand. “Why did you do that?”
“That fucking coward told you that,” he furiously hisses.

“Whitt, don’t,” I command.

“Regina!” He shouts. “Stop defending him.”

“He’s entitled to his feelings. Your grandfather turned me into something evil. We both did what we had to do to survive. When he looks at me he sees all bad things we did in the name of his father.
He can’t help what he feels.”

“But he didn’t have to push it off onto you by telling you,” he hisses. “I’ve never hated him more than I do right now. I saw the difference in you after you saw him. I thought you were just sad. He’s why you still re
fuse my affections, isn’t he?”

“Whitt, I’m not right for you
and you know it,” I say sadly.

“Bullshit!” He shouts.

“You need a guy,” I mumble.

“It’s not about sex!” He screams at me furiously. “Just let me support you, dammit. What did he do to you
?” His voice breaks in misery.