Rebecca's Heart (10 page)

By the end of the game, Rebecca had all but forgotten the wall that had been erected between the two of them. She’d laughed at his commentary of the game and enjoyed his constant humor as he told her stories from his own childhood growing up in Boston.

With the final crack of the bat, the Boston Beaneaters won against the Cleveland Blues, four to zero. Watching Luke’s handsome figure stand up and cheer for the home team, she was struck with the reality of their situation. Life wasn’t a game of points scored, declaring winners and losers. Life, with all the joys and accomplishments one encountered, could never be measured in home runs.

Turning away from him, she knew what she had to do. If she were smart, she would protect her heart, walk away, and never see Luke Hutton again. But what if her heart was right and he was worth waiting for?

eight

Rebecca wiped away the beads of perspiration from her forehead then took the porcelain teapot out of the icebox. Earlier this morning she’d brewed a mixture of black and green tea so it would be at its peak flavor in the sultry afternoon heat. Mid-August had brought with it a number of sizzling days, and if it hadn’t been for the cool breezes given off by the Atlantic, the heat would have been unbearable.

Caroline sat on the other side of the kitchen/sitting room combination of her and Philip’s apartment above Macintosh Furniture and Upholstery. The pleasant room was full of detailed black walnut furnishings Philip had handcrafted, and Caroline’s fabric designs gave an added cheerful feel despite the tight quarters.

While the residence was small by most people’s standards, Caroline continually reminded everyone this was simply a temporary arrangement that allowed close access to the shop while their new house was being built. Despite a number of unscheduled delays, their two-story dwelling was expected to be finished before winter arrived, something Caroline seemed to anticipate almost as much as the coming baby.

“What would I do without you?” Caroline asked.

Rebecca let out a soft giggle. “You’d be suffering through this heat without the health benefits of Mrs. Lincoln’s iced tea.”

“All I can do is thank the good Lord that I have only five weeks left.” With her feet propped up on an upholstered stool, Caroline leaned back in her Boston rocker while Rebecca finished preparing the iced tea. “Do you realize that if one has a dozen children, like Susan Parker, one is pregnant an entire nine years of her life?”

Resting her hands against her hips, Rebecca shook her head. “I do believe you have far too much time on your hands.”

Caroline laughed. “Maybe, but if I don’t do something, I’ll go crazy. I’ve already told Philip that having one child will more than likely keep me plenty occupied and there is simply no reason to have another one.”

“I have no doubt that once this little one comes into the world, you will completely change your mind. And as for me, someday I’d like at least three or four.”

Rebecca closed her mouth and busied herself by filling the goblets full of crushed ice, wondering why she’d made that last ridiculous statement. Adding two cubes of block sugar and a slice of lemon to each glass, she tried to ignore the fact that, at the present anyway, the very possibility of children in the near future was out of the question for her. Especially since the one man she’d finally decided to take a chance with was now out of her life forever.

“Do you think I made a mistake?” Rebecca poured the chilled tea into the goblets then crossed the room to join Caroline.

“In making the tea?”

Rebecca frowned at Caroline’s flippant response as she handed her one of the drinks. “Of course not. I’m talking about my decision not to wait for Luke’s return.”

“Honestly? I can’t say I blame you.”

“Really?”

Caroline took a long drink of the tea. “Too much could happen in three years, and it’s not as if you have known each other for a long time. You could meet someone else, or what if he finds someone at one of the ports during the trip?”

Rebecca frowned. “Luke is not that kind of man.”

“I never meant to imply he is anything but honorable, but what about the dangers of the voyage? The life of a whaler isn’t easy, whether he’s the captain of the ship or the lowest crew member. The sea’s never choosy about whom it decides to take.”

Rebecca sat down on the end of the sofa and studied the peaceful, wintry scene of a Currier and Ives print hung on the wall across from her. The people pictured seemed to live an existence of perpetual contentment. A stark contrast to her own life. “A few weeks ago you implied it was romantic to be the lovelorn bride waiting anxiously day after day for her husband to return from sea.”

Caroline ran her hands across her swollen abdomen. “As a woman close to her hour of delivery, I claim the right to change my mind on whatever subject I want, and as often as I like.”

“You’re absolutely incorrigible today.” Rebecca shot her friend a wry grin.

“You miss him, don’t you?” Caroline asked.

“I don’t want to, but yes.” She swirled the glass of tea in her hand and watched the ice clink against the sides. “And the sad thing is, he hasn’t even left the harbor yet. He still has another few days before the ship leaves.”

“You’ll forget him, because life always goes on. You’ll find someone who will fill the void you feel right now, and before you know it, Luke Hutton will be nothing more than a vague memory.”

“You make it sound so simple.”
And sad
.

“Love is never simple, but for me anyway, it helps to remember it won’t hurt forever.”

“I suppose you’re right.”

Rebecca took a sip of her tea and savored its sweetness. If only life could so easily be sprinkled with a dab of sugar to make everything work out. But as much as Caroline’s words made sense, it wasn’t enough. Luke wasn’t just another acquaintance she could quickly forget. There was something different about him, and she wasn’t convinced she’d find someone else who made her feel the way she did when she was around him.

Even what she’d felt with Jake didn’t begin to compare with the deepening feelings she had toward Luke. Every time she saw him, he made her laugh, and when he was away from her, her heart felt empty. She loved the way he encouraged her to pursue her dreams for the orphanage and never made her feel she was less important because she worked as a seamstress and didn’t have the wealth of so many of the girls who ran in his circles. He cared about her because of who she was, not where she came from.

Caroline leaned forward slightly. “What is it?”

Rebecca lifted her head from her contemplations. “Is my brooding that obvious?”

“I’ve never seen it take longer for you to drink your tea than for the ice inside the glass to melt.”

Rebecca glanced down at the nearly full goblet. Today even the refreshing flavor of the tea was doing little to restore her spirits. “What if I tell him I’ll wait for him?”

“You’re serious about him, aren’t you?”

Rebecca nodded slowly. “I don’t want to lose him.”

“I think you’re setting yourself up for a heartache.

You need to forget him. Maybe his parents did all right marrying a short time before his father left for sea, but how often do you think a situation like that works out for the good?”

Rebecca ran her finger around the rim of the glass. “I don’t know.”

“None of us can say what will happen between now and the time he returns. Maybe you won’t have found someone else by then, and the two of you will be able to continue your relationship. Just don’t close off all your options.”

“I was right, you know, when I said romance with a whaler was bound to end in tragedy.” Rebecca brushed back her bangs and let out a deep sigh. “Except in my situation it’s a tragedy no matter what I decide to do. If I choose never to see him again, I’m afraid I’ll regret my decision for the rest of my life. But on the other hand, I don’t know how I could ever handle waiting so long for him to return. I’m afraid that would only bring me more heartbreak.”

“I’m sorry, Rebecca. I really am. And I know none of this is easy for you. I guess all we can do at this point is pray that God shows you what to do.”

“Sometimes I wonder if He cares which choice I make. He seems so far away from me lately.”

“Of course He cares.” Caroline set her tea on the small table beside her then leaned forward. “My mother used to quote from First Peter five, where it tells us to cast all our cares on Him, for He cares for us.”

Rebecca contemplated her friend’s words. “If that’s true, then why does He make it so difficult to know what’s best? Why is it so difficult to give up my fears and let Him take them?”

“All I can do is encourage you with the fact that He is in control and that He does love and care about you. Never lose sight of that reality.”

Time was running out. With only a handful of days left until the
Liberty
departed, Luke spent the majority of his time getting both the crew and the ship ready to sail by week’s end. The grueling schedule of working with Captain Taft, as well as helping Dwight Nevin put the finishing touches on the boat, gave him little time to dwell on the fact that Rebecca was forever out of his life.

Refreshed from his bath and clean change of clothes, he opened the door from his room, eager for a hot meal. Already he could smell the pungent aroma of clam chowder coming from the kitchen. Stepping into the hallway he heard the familiar sound of Rebecca’s laugh coupled with his mother’s.

Luke froze. His mother had told him Rebecca was coming over this afternoon, but he’d been sure she would be gone before he returned, so he hadn’t worried about running into her. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to see her again. Not at all. But he had the memory of seeing her for the last time at the ballgame etched in his memory, and he didn’t want to take the chance of spoiling it.

She’d worn a sunny yellow dress that brought out the flecks of gold in her eyes, along with a fashionable hat that had been tilted slightly to the side, giving her an elegant look. After the first few awkward minutes of watching the Boston Beaneaters play, they’d relaxed until even he had almost forgotten he was leaving.

After the baseball game they’d had no opportunity for any private good-byes between them, but he’d known that was best. He didn’t want a drawn-out scene that would only bring both of them heartache. Still, he’d wanted to kiss her, to hold her in his arms and hear her say she’d wait for him; but since that could never happen, that was the way he wanted to remember their final moments together.

Knowing he shouldn’t see her again, he decided to step back into his room and wait until she left; but before he could shut the door, the laughter increased, and Rebecca and his mother emerged from the bedroom.

“Luke, I didn’t realize you were home. You simply must come see what Rebecca has done with my bedroom. She’s just finished the slipcovers, and they look absolutely divine. They’re the most stunning navy-blue and cream combination….”

He barely heard his mother. All he could see was Rebecca. She stood in the doorway, her gaze firmly set on him. While a slight smile rested on her lips, he didn’t miss the look of sadness in the depths of her eyes. This was what he hadn’t wanted—for her to be hurt any more than she’d been already.

“Rebecca, how are you?” he asked.

“I’m doing fine, thank you.” Her voice sounded formal and lacked its normal passion. “Business at the shop is very good right now.”

“That’s wonderful.”

Suddenly he knew he wanted that private good-bye he’d missed with her. Maybe it was a foolish sentiment but one he was afraid he would regret later if he didn’t at least ask. “Have you ever been up on the widow’s walk on the roof of the house?”

She shook her head slowly, as if she didn’t understand what he was really asking.

“The view of the ocean is incredible. I’d love to show you….”

“Go ahead, Rebecca,” his mother encouraged. “We’re finished for the day.”

Rebecca turned back to him, and he tried to read the expression on her face. Longing yet hesitation. Anticipation mixed with grief? He’d been foolish to speak so hastily.

“I’m sorry,” he began. “If you need to leave—”

“No, it’s fine. I’d like to see it.”

As he made his way up the narrow staircase to the roof, Rebecca followed slightly behind him. He could feel the awkwardness growing between them. It was as obvious as the sound of her skirts swishing against the stone walls and the rickety steps beneath his feet. No longer could they ignore his imminent departure.

Once they were at the top of the house, he led her to the railing that secured the edge of the small widow’s walk.

“The view is breathtaking.” She brushed a number of loose wisps away from her face then took a deep breath of the sea air.

“This was always my favorite place to come when I was a boy.”

A brisk wind blew in from the ocean, which from this point one could see for miles. An endless movement of blues and grays that met the cloudless sky in the distance. The shoreline spread out beneath them, like one of John Banvard’s famous panoramic paintings that made it possible for viewers to see the world in colored detail. Waterfront businesses lined the harbor, the tide lapped against the coast, and in the distance the American flag flew proudly at the bow of a yacht.