Red Dirt Diary 2 (12 page)
Authors: Katrina Nannestad
Dad, Wes and Fez grabbed the torches and wandered across the paddocks looking for the ducks. Mum and I searched all over the house yard and around the sheds, but they were nowhere to be seen.
By the time the sun came up we all knew that the three ducks had been taken by foxes. Gunther flopped down on the veranda, near the firewood box. He put his big, fat head on the floor and moaned. Gerty, Doris and Mildred lay down either side of Gunther and grunted softly. Macka stood on the grass nearby and hummed.
Wes, Fez and I all began to cry.
Poor little ducks.
Poor Gunther.
We held a memorial service this afternoon, down beside Wendy's grave. We placed a little plaque on the dirt â a rock that Fez had written on:
Â
Three ducks
Loved by Gunther
RIP
Â
Mum made a little wreath of rosemary which Wes and Fez lay beside the plaque.
Gunther lay on the veranda all day. He didn't move. He didn't even eat.
Sunday, 18 February
Gunther lay under the peppercorn tree all day, surrounded by Macka, Gertrude, Doris and Mildred. Macka hummed soothingly, stopping every now and then to nuzzle Gunther's head or neck.
It breaks your heart when someone you love dies.
Gunther's heart must have broken three times over.
Monday, 19 February
Harry Wilson is bringing bags of fabric to school each day. He's going to sew it all together for his hot air balloon. Davo Hartley has promised to bring in his mum's sewing machine to help. Tom Gillies has promised to bring in his mum's laundry basket for the passengers to ride in.
None of us know what to do about Gunther's grief. He's still not eating or moving.
Gerty brought him a piece of bread from her slops bowl this morning, but he wouldn't even sniff it. Gerty never
ever
shares her food with anyone. She must love him very much to be so concerned.
Wes and Fez spent the afternoon lying in the shade with the pigs. Fez scratched Gunther behind the ear and he just groaned. He didn't bare his teeth or look like he wanted to rip Fez to shreds. It was heartbreaking.
I've never seen anyone so miserable.
Tuesday, 20 February
AAAAAGH!!!
I've had a very stressful day. Mum started it by telling me that James Welsh-Pearson is arriving tomorrow. He's staying at Hillrose Poo.
Matilda Jane the Most Important Bridesmaid Ever to Have Walked the Earth was hyper-ventilating about James's visit because it means that there will be more WEDDING PREPARATIONS going on. She kept hinting that she should sleep over at Hillrose Poo, but I pretended I had an ear infection and couldn't hear what she was saying.
Miss McKenzie is so excited about James's visit that her brain has turned to porridge and all she can do is blush and giggle. Mr Cluff sat beside her all lunch time and blushed and giggled too!
Then Banjo popped up from nowhere and gave me this poem!!!
Mr C loves Miss McK -
I've seen it in his eyes.
When Miss McK sits near at lunch,
He shoos away her flies.
When Miss McK forgets her fruit,
He shares his last banana.
And often brings her little snacks,
Like cheese sticks and cabana.
When she brings the bagpipes out,
His face lights up with joy.
And when she says his name out loud,
He giggles like a boy.
When Miss McK walks through the yard,
He gazes from afar.
And when she walks into the room,
He holds the door ajar.
When Miss McK is late for school,
He paces to and fro.
And when she leaves at 5 pm,
His shoulders sag down low.
It's obvious that Mr C
Thinks Miss McK is hot.
It's just a shame that Miss McK
Thinks Mr C is not!
This is all so confusing. I think we just need to put a ban on love for a while. Things are getting out of control around here.
My head was spinning by the time I got home, so I took Petal down to the dam for a swim.
Gunther still hasn't moved or eaten. I wonder how long pigs can go without food before they die.
Wednesday, 21 February
James Welsh-Pearson is here.
He called into the school and spent the afternoon helping Miss McKenzie in the junior classroom. I thought he'd be worried about getting glitter glue or sticky fingerprints on his fancy suit, but he seemed quite happy in there ⦠until Worms vomited his lunch all over James's shoes.
Good old Worms and his salmon sandwiches.
James was going to drive us home in his big, silver four-wheel drive, but made some lame excuse at the last minute about waiting behind to bring Miss McKenzie to our place for dinner. I think he just got scared when he saw Fez grinning stupidly through his false teeth and bug-eyed glasses.
Dinner was agony. Miss McKenzie had her hair in that ugly bun and was wearing the most boring brown dress I have ever seen. She used to look so colourful and interesting. Worst of all, she had covered her beautiful freckles with make-up so that you couldn't see a single spot. I felt totally betrayed as I sat there eating my roast lamb with freckles all over my wide nose.
Dad asked James how Jacinta was going. James said Jacinta was a cow and Dad said that was no way to talk about his mother. Wes and Fez were being so well behaved that even Miss McKenzie was getting edgy. And, just as dessert was served, Petal flew onto the table and did a poo on my bread and butter plate. James was not impressed.
Actually, Mum wasn't impressed either.
Sophie rang after dinner and screeched when I told her James was visiting. She started asking all about what he had said and done and what car he drove and what he was wearing and what he had eaten. I asked if she wanted me to ring when he went to the toilet, and did she want to know whether it was number ones
or number twos? That's when she decided she'd talk to Mum.
Thursday, 22 February
James Welsh-Pearson called in at school for recess.
Mat hung around like a bad smell until Wes and Fez dragged her away, suggesting that Miss McKenzie might want some special time alone with her fiancé. Things have really gone out of whack when Wes and Fez are teaching Matilda Jane how to be mature!!!!
Mrs Whittington came over with a steamed golden syrup pudding. She was wearing her red bathers, yellow gumboots and the Miss Wool and Wheat sash over her shoulder. James's eyes nearly popped out of his head.
Mrs Whittington shouted at James:
âSticky stare, like a bear,
Like a sausage in the air.
When the sausage busted,
You fell in the custard.
When your mother came in
She was disgusted.'
She gave Worms the pudding and stomped off home.
Everyone burst out laughing. Everyone except James, that is.
Serves him right. It's rude to stare. Mrs Whittington was only delivering a gift. His mother should have brought him up better.
Gunther still isn't eating. Dad is getting quite concerned and said Gunther might need some professional help.
I just hope he doesn't write to the Love Mechanic!
Friday, 23 February
Saw the best thing ever when we got home from school. Gunther was lying under the peppercorn tree, with three tiny, white, fluffy baby bunnies tucked up between his front legs. He was grunting softly and nuzzling them with his big, fat snout. He was as happy as a kookaburra at a snake farm.
That explains why Mr Sweeney bought three of Lucy's baby bunnies at lunch time today. It wasn't for rabbit stew after all!
The Love Mechanic had her first
real
relationship problem published today:
Dear Love Mechanic,
There's a girl at school who keaps giving me werms. Duz this meen she loves me?
Yours sinsearly,
Confused
The reply was:
Dear Confused,
Love is a complicated and beautiful thing. We probably need to be clear on the type of worms that you are being given. If they are slimy pink earthworms for your compost heap, then they are obviously gifts given with thought. This girl knows how important compost is for growing giant vegetables, and wants to help you in any way she can. This is love.
If however they are the type of worms that make you skinny and set your bum itching, I don't think it is love. You probably need to see your local doctor (or vet) about some tablets. You also need to ask the girl to wash her hands
thoroughly with soap and water before coming near you or your compost heap.
Yours sincerely,
The Love Mechanic