Regret List (14 page)

She hesitated. “I noticed Jason’s mom wasn’t
there.”

I shrugged. “Yeah, I don’t know. Can I turn on the
radio?” I didn’t have a cover story ready yet and I was exhausted
from the evening. Remember when I said that people like me, we
usually end up crushed under the weight of our burdens? I wasn’t
crushed yet, but I was beginning to feel the strain.

Even as I eluded my mom’s question, I wondered when
my luck would run out. Even back then, I knew it had to run out
someday. I didn’t expect it to happen quite so quickly though. But
wait, you’ve got to stop me from trying to jump ahead again. First,
I have to tell you what happened with Asher. When everything began
to unravel, he got tangled up in it too.

I don’t know if this is true of all high schools, or
just my own, but it can be a cruel place, especially if you’ve
wronged someone. Or a couple people. There was no way I was getting
away with insulting and humiliating Kandice and Sammy during lunch
that day before winter break. I had hoped that we were even then,
especially when we returned to school and I hardly caught sight of
them. We didn’t have any classes together and I knew where they ate
lunch and hung out before school, so it wasn’t hard to avoid
them.

For a little while, everything seemed peaceful. I ate
lunch on my own, tucked away in a corner by the stairs. I put my
head down and rushed between classes, ignoring everyone around me.
Jason had no idea what was going on – since he was friends with
Patrick, it felt way too overwhelming to involve him as well. I was
pretty sure Asher knew something was up, although he didn’t say
anything. With his information network, he probably knew more about
what was going on than I did. Maybe that’s why I kept catching
glimpses of him in the hallway when I knew his classes were on the
other side of the school. Maybe that’s why he was there when the
peace came to a sudden and scary end.

With no one to talk to, I spent my lunch periods
writing for a couple weeks. It was late January and I was totally
engrossed in writing the scene where the girl finally agrees to
help break the boy out of the wizard’s prison. I was wondering what
Asher would do with them now that they were no longer separated by
bars. Smiling, I made sure to set things up so that there would be
a long and difficult escape before anything too romantic could
occur. I was in the middle of a word when the notebook was snatched
from my grasp, leaving a long, angry pen-line down the middle of
the paper.

“Hey!” I looked up angrily and my stomach twisted
when I met Kandice’s fierce glare. She just laughed and tossed the
notebook to Sammy, who started turning through the pages. I rose to
my feet, watching them warily. “Give that back.”

Remember when that stupid, bigger girl stole my
glasses? This was about a thousand times scarier. I was terrified
for the notebook somewhat, but also for myself. Not only were we
all just a bit older than four years old, I think it was pretty
clear by that point that Kandice was incredibly unpredictable and
Sammy would do anything to stay on her good side. But just like
that time when I was a kid, Sammy was holding the notebook just out
of reach and there was no way I was walking away without it.

“What do you want?” I hoped they couldn’t hear the
nervousness in my voice.

“It’s a
book
!” Sammy screeched, still flipping
the pages. She burst out laughing and I gritted my teeth, trying to
stay calm.

Still facing me, Kandice stuck out her hand and Sammy
handed her the notebook. If I was quick, I just might be able to
grab it. “You know,” Kandice said slowly, “you’re really missing
out. We’ve been invited to college parties every weekend.”

I blinked. “Is that supposed to make me jealous?”

She tried a different tactic. “So where’s your little
girl-who-cried-rape? Too scared to come back to school?”

I just stared at her, my heart calming in my chest.
Was this really it? This was her attempt to rile me up? If so, this
wasn’t going to be so terrible. It was annoying maybe, but not
scary or dangerous. I just stared at her. “Seriously?”

Glancing down, Kandice flipped through the notebook,
a smile growing across her face. She snorted. “
This
is what
you’ve been working on with that retarded guy? I didn’t even know
he could write.” Okay, that irritated me and I looked up at the
ceiling, trying not to get too worked up. But really, I had heard
worse before. Unfortunately, this wasn’t new. But then, Kandice did
something unforgiveable. As I met her gaze and opened my mouth to
tell her off, she narrowed her eyes and very methodically tore a
page out of the notebook, crumpling it up in her fist.

Unable to contain myself any longer, I launched
forward with a strangled yell, calling her something not very nice.
I’d repeat it here, but it’s one of those words that really should
only be heard by the one who deserves it and not just tossed around
needlessly. Anyway, something very rude came out of my mouth as I
lunged for the notebook before she destroyed the entire thing.
Sammy screeched behind Kandice and I heard a couple other kids
shout nearby, hoping it would turn into a full-on fight.

I closed my hand around the notebook, feeling the
metal spirals bend around my fingers, but Kandice jerked it back,
sending me off-balance. As I fell toward her, she shoved me and I
stumbled backward, trying to catch myself. My last step found only
air and I remembered too late where I had been eating lunch: next
to the stairs. Hurtling backward, I reached for the handrail, but
it was out of reach. I caught sight of Kandice’s face, frozen in
horror as she watched me fall, right before I squeezed my eyes shut
and braced for the imminent impact.

What happened next is impossible to explain, unless
you’ve ever been knocked unconscious. It’s the strangest sensation
to come out of that, almost like my brain was rebooting. I slowly
became aware of each of my limbs again, then my body as a whole. I
opened my eyes and processed where I was. It’s totally different
than waking up from a dream, because there’s this big empty space
where you know time passed, but you’re not sure why or how much.
Slowly, it all came back to me as I focused on the ceiling
overhead.

I tried to sit up, but felt a hand pushing my
shoulder back down. “Relax,” Asher said.
Asher
? I rolled my
head over and saw him sitting next to me.

“What – where am I?” I asked, my body beginning to
ache.

“Nurse’s office,” he replied, giving me a small grin.
“Guess where we get to go.”

“Home?” I hazarded. “Is school over?” He shook his
head and signed an H across his chest. “I don’t know what that is.”
I was starting to get grumpy as the confusion and headache set
in.

He sighed and gave me a disapproving look, but a
smile still played across his lips. “The hospital, dumb dumb.”

I grimaced. “Great. The hospital. Of course I would
end up there.” I heard the nurse on the phone nearby, explaining
where the nurse’s office was located in the school. I bit my lip
and stared back up at the ceiling.

“Hey, I thought I told you to relax.” I felt his hand
close around my own and I looked over at him in surprise. “Stop
freaking out. I’m coming with.”

Okay, this is probably something I need to explain. I
hadn’t been in a hospital since my dad died. I honestly didn’t even
realize hospitals had left such a lasting impression on me until
several years after the accident, when Asher had to get his tonsils
out. His mom picked me up on the way to the hospital to visit him
after the surgery and as we walked up to the door, I froze.
Suddenly, I remembered my mom rushing in front of me, pulling me
along by my wrist as we raced to go see my dad one last time.

“Hey!” Terrance yelled and grabbed my wrist. “Hurry
up!”

“Mom!” Caden ran ahead and tugged his mom’s shirt.
“Paige isn’t coming!”

Their mom looked back and her face softened as she
saw my abject terror. She tried coaxing me into the hospital, but I
refused to step into the lobby. Finally, she ordered Caden and
Terrance to watch over me while she went to check on Asher. With
the boys grumbling on either side of me, the three of us sat down
on a park bench in front of the hospital.

“Paige!” I heard someone calling my name and I looked
around in confusion. “Up here!” Laughing, Caden pointed up at one
of the hospital windows and Terrance jumped up, waving his arms.
His mom stood in front of one of the windows, smiling down at us.
She ushered Asher forward, who looked miserable, but managed a
wave.

“Hey, Asher!” I called through the open window, just
a floor above where I stood. “How are you feeling?” He gave me a
thumbs-down and I dug in my pocket for a second, pulling out a
crumpled up card I had drawn for him. “I made this for you,” I
said, holding it up. He squinted, then shrugged at me, totally
unable to make out what it was.

“I can bring it to him!” Caden raced over and grabbed
the card, bolting into the hospital to find his brother. A moment
later, Asher was reading the card, then he smiled down at me and
signed,
Thanks!

A nurse walked by and smiled when she saw us
communicating through the window, then rummaged in her big bag for
something. “Here, this might help.” She handed me a box. When I
opened it, I found a couple sticks of sidewalk chalk. For the next
hour, Terrance and Caden raced up and downstairs, alternately
visiting each of us and interpreting messages that I didn’t
understand the signs for. The four of us played tic-tac-toe,
hangman, and other simple games with the sidewalk chalk until the
nurses demanded that Asher get back in bed to rest. The entire
time, his mom just stood at the window, smiling down at me.

So that’s why Asher was the one person at school who
understood why my stomach was doing flips when I heard that I was
going to the hospital. I tightened my grip around his hand. “You’re
coming with me?” I asked, worry lines creasing my forehead.

He rolled his eyes and nodded. “I’ll cling to the
back of the ambulance if I have to.”

The mental image brought a smile to my face, despite
the fact I could barely get my teeth to stop chattering. “Wait,
where’s the notebook? Kandice, she-“ I stopped as he raised his
eyebrows and pulled it out from under his chair.

“No worries. That’s what I’m here for.”

“Thank goodness.” I relaxed slightly. “You even got
the page she tore out?” He nodded and I pressed a finger and thumb
to my eyes, rubbing them slightly. “What all happened? I mean, I
know I fell down the stairs, but how’d you get the notebook?”

He shifted and looked around the room. “I saw what
happened and grabbed it, right before I brought you here.”

“You brought me here?” I was impressed. “No way. I’m
too heavy.”

He gave me a sly look. “Well, I had to drag you by
your feet. Sorry if your head’s a little sore; it bumped all the
way down the stairs.”

“Liar.” I unraveled my hand from his and smacked his
arm.

I heard sobbing suddenly and looked around in alarm.
“Is someone else hurt? I didn’t smash into anyone, did I?” The
sound seemed to be coming from behind a closed door that connected
the nurse’s office to the main office.

“Nah, you did a fine job of taking yourself out.
Other people would have just cushioned your fall. I imagine that is
the sound of your good friend being suspended.”

My eyes widened. “Suspended? Really?”

“Uh, yeah. You can’t exactly knock a girl unconscious
without some sort of consequence. She might even be expelled,
especially with everyone watching her shove you down the
stairs.”

I felt a twinge of guilt. “She didn’t exactly mean
for me to fall.”

He sat back in his chair. “Then maybe she shouldn’t
have pushed you right next to the stairs.” We listened to the sound
of sirens drown out her crying and I felt my breath quicken. The
nurse led a couple paramedics into the small room and when they
opened the door, I heard a mob of people talking in the hallway. My
cheeks flushed with embarrassment. Asher wasn’t kidding when he
said e
veryone
watched me fall down the stairs.

The paramedics wasted no time strapping my head down
to something, just in case my neck was broken or cracked somehow.
But when one of the men moved my left arm, I yelped in pain and
snatched it away from him. Asher snorted. “Good thing I didn’t try
to grab that hand,” he said.

“Not. Helping,” I replied through gritted teeth. “Is
this really necessary?” I asked, as they transferred me to
stretcher.

One of the younger paramedics gave me a sympathetic
look. “Sorry, kiddo. We’ve got to be extra careful since you’re in
a school. The last thing they want is your mom and dad suing them.”
They continued asking me questions and getting me ready for the
ambulance, then wheeled me out into the hall. Thankfully, the bell
had since rung, so most of the students had dispersed. I saw a few
teachers, though, including our biology teacher. She rushed over
when she saw me on the stretcher.

“Oh, Paige, honey!” she exclaimed, trying to keep up
with the paramedics. “Oh, you poor soul!” Her eyes shimmered with
tears and it took all my resolve not to burst out laughing at her
expression. Asher wasn’t faring as well and I heard him try to
disguise his laughter as a desperate coughing attack. I know I
already forgave her for that first day of school, but any lingering
feelings totally evaporated. She was just too ridiculously sweet to
hold a grudge against. As we left the school, I watched the
entrance and half-expected to see her waving a handkerchief and
crying, but she had dissolved into the crowd of other
onlookers.

I was loaded into the ambulance and the paramedics
almost stopped Asher from joining me, until he lied and said he was
my brother and that our mom ordered him to come with me. I don’t
know if they bought it, but they stepped aside and he slid in next
to me. Just as the doors were about to slam shut, I heard a woman’s
voice I didn’t recognize. “I called your mom, Paige. She said
she’ll meet you at the hospital.” Unable to move my head, I raised
an eyebrow at Asher as the doors closed and I felt the ambulance
start to move.