Regret List (11 page)

I scrunched up my face. “Why would I get mad? No, of
course not. That would be stupid.”

“How about the fact that you’re up here with me
instead of downstairs with everyone else?”

“I would much rather be up here with you any day. I
hate family get-togethers.”

He finally grinned. “Me too.”

We were silent again, just looking at each other.
“Asher,” I said, breaking the silence, “can I ask you
something?”

“Anything,” he said, waving a hand.

“How did you lose your hearing? I’ve always wanted to
know.”

“It’s not interesting.”

I rolled my eyes. “I don’t care. I’m just curious.
You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want.”

“Fine, fine,” he acquiesced. “I was born kind of
early and had a lot of ear infections when I was little.”

“Oh,” I frowned. “Do you remember being able to
hear?”

He nodded slowly. “I think so. I remember hearing
birds singing in the morning. They would wake me up.”

“Well at least that’s one good thing about losing
your hearing, then – not being woken up at dawn.” I hesitated on
the last words, wondering if it was a bit too insensitive, but he
smirked.

“I can also pretend not to hear you when you get too
annoying,” he returned, then ducked as I threw a pillow at his
head.

I remembered that night fondly as I stood in the
snowy school yard, waiting for a ride that I was pretty sure wasn’t
going to show up. I wished I could go back a year, back to how
Asher and I shared the desk chair and played computer games until
all the guests had left and I had to go home. I was trying to
remember the title of that particular game when a car finally
pulled into the parking lot with music pounding loud enough to
rattle the panels.

“That’s them,” Kandice said tersely and we piled into
the backseat of the car, crunched up against each other with no
room to wear seatbelts.

Two guys were in the front and before I had even
closed the door, we were racing off into the night. The one in the
passenger seat turned around to look at us and whistled loudly.
“These are just little kids!” he yelled to the other guy. “Why’d
Christopher invite them?” The driver just shrugged wordlessly and I
saw him glance at us in the rearview mirror. “We should take them
for a little ride, show them around town.”

“We just want to get to the party, thanks.” Kandice’s
voice betrayed her nervousness.

With a sudden turn that sent us all slamming into
each other, we swerved around a corner onto a side road. The guy in
the passenger seat grabbed for something to hold onto and let out a
sharp laugh, still watching us. “You kids better hold on, we’re
going for a wild ride, here!” Letting out a whoop, he reached over
and turned off the headlights while the other guy swore and smacked
his hand away, fiddling with the controls to turn them back on.

“We’re going to the party, right?” Sammy ventured,
but I doubted the guys could even hear her over the screaming
music. We exchanged glances as the car continued to skid around
corners and accelerate down tiny alleyways that I had never even
seen before.

“Do you know where we are?” Grace hissed in my ear. I
shook my head, wordlessly. I thought back to Asher’s text:
Don’t
do anything crazy.
If this wasn’t totally crazy, then I didn’t
know what was. I would go so far as to classify this as the most
insane thing I had ever done in my life. It was time to take
matters into my own hands.

“Hey!” I hollered. The one guy turned around and I
saw the driver’s eyes flicker up toward the mirror again. “Pull
over!”

“Uh, no thanks, kid,” the first guy ventured, giving
me a weird look. “We’re almost there.”

“We’re going in circles,” I protested, but the guy
just started laughing again.

“Hear that, man? The kids are getting scared back
here!”

“Paige, shut up!” Kandice looked mortified.

“I want out!” When the driver ignored me and
accelerated instead, I gave him my most serious look. “I’ll
scream.”

“You’ll do what?”

In response, I let out my most piercing scream, even
louder than the music. Everyone in the car immediately threw their
hands over their ears, except for the driver, who began swerving
even more madly. Barely even stopping to breathe, I continued to
scream until the driver slammed on the brakes and pulled over. Both
the guys’ faces had turned to disgust and without waiting to hear
what they had to say, I clambered out of the car and pulled Grace
with me. To my surprise, Sammy and Kandice followed wordlessly and
the car peeled out as soon as they shut the door.

“You’re such a moron, Paige!” Kandice raged, but I
could see relief on her face as well. “Come on, I think we’re
pretty close. The house must be just down a few blocks. We’re on
the right street.”

“That was
amazing!
” Grace murmured next to me
as we followed Kandice.

Amazing? I wouldn’t call it that. Desperate and
childish, maybe. My mom always had told me that if I was ever
kidnapped, I should just scream. I’m pretty sure that wasn’t
exactly what she had in mind, however. We found the house after a
few minutes with cars lined up and down the street and a handful of
older kids hanging out on the front porch, drinking beer. They
nudged each other and whispered when we walked up to the front
door, but no one made a move to stop us, so we walked in through
the front door and were blasted with a front of warm, humid
air.

My glasses immediately fogged up, so when Grace
whispered, “Oh no…” and Kandice and Sammy indignantly started
asking what “he” was doing there, it took me a moment to figure out
what was going on. But even through the fog, there was no mistaking
those stupid sunglasses. No one else would have the audacity to try
and pull off sunglasses at night, indoors, in the middle of winter.
No one but Patrick.

“I just gave him Christopher’s name, I don’t know-“
Grace started, but was cut off as Patrick swept her under his arm
and led her away from the rest of us.

“Creepy,” Sammy muttered.

“Come on, let’s see if we can get ahold of some
booze.” Kandice threw off her coat and tossed it onto a nearby
couch. Sammy followed close behind her, but I hung back to look
around. I was here on a purely observational mission, I reminded
myself. It was different than how I’d imagined a party. More
crowded, smellier, and much less exciting. Sure, there was a group
playing beer pong in the center of the room and the requisite
booming music playing, but most people were just standing around
looking bored.

Kandice reappeared nearby, under the arm of some guy
who I guessed must be Christopher. I groaned when I saw that they
each had their hand in the other’s back pocket.
Sleazy.
I
could see Sammy nearby, plastic cup in hand, trying to wedge
herself on the couch in between a group of guys. She was playing
the act of the sloppy drunk girl pretty well, even though I doubted
she had more than a sip of beer so far.

“Hey.” My attention was suddenly interrupted by a
voice behind me. I turned, hoping it wasn’t one of the guys from
the car. I breathed a little sigh of relief when I didn’t recognize
him.

“What’s up?” I asked.

He smiled a little. “Nothing much. You know anyone
here?”

Is he trying to figure out if he can abduct me
without anyone knowing?
“I know a few people,” I said
noncommittally.

“The guys I came with disappeared upstairs with some
random girls,” he replied, grimacing. “I don’t really come to
parties much.”

Oh no, he’s inviting me upstairs with him, isn’t
he?
“I guess I don’t go to many either. It’s not really my
thing.”

“Do you like to dance?” He held out a hand, but I
hesitated, trying to think of a way out of it. “I promise not to
make a move on you. You kind of uh, remind me of my little sister,
honestly.”

I laughed, feeling a little more at ease. “Sure.” I
took his hand and we weaved through the crowd to find a little
space by the stereo.

“How old are you, anyway?” he asked, spinning me
around.

“Sixteen,” I lied.

He laughed and shook his head. “Not a chance. How
old, really?”

“Fourteen.” I could feel myself blush. We were
dancing like kids. This was different than at the homecoming dance,
where it was all crushing against the other person and wrapping
yourself as tightly around them as possible while rocking or
bouncing. This was like how Asher and I used to dance when we were
little kids, all swinging and twirling and laughing. I felt a surge
of sadness as I thought of him. It felt like ages since I had
really hung out with him.

This other guy must have seen my expression change,
because he let me spin into him, then hugged me briefly and leaned
close so I could hear him. “You want to get some fresh air?” he
asked.

I nodded, suddenly feeling claustrophobic. As we
walked toward the door, I heard yelling break out behind us and I
paused. When I heard Kandice’s piercing voice over the music, I
went running back to where a crowd of people had formed.

“She was asking for it!” Kandice screamed again as I
broke through the crowd to see what was happening. It’s strange how
some moments stick in your mind. I can remember the strangest
details about what I saw, even though the entire thing seemed like
a blurred disaster. Grace was sitting on the floor and at first I
thought she’d fallen, but then I saw the tears waiting to fall from
her quivering chin, the sleeve of her sweater pulled down off her
shoulder, exposing her bra strap. I could describe a hundred
things, from the design of her bra strap to the way three droplets
of spit flew from Kandice’s mouth as she screamed and stomped her
foot. “I saw her go up there with him! She was asking for it!”

Sammy was standing on the edge of the crowd, eyes
wide as she watched Kandice, clearly afraid to step in. Patrick
reached for Grace then, and I noticed that his sunglasses were
askew, had fallen off his right ear. It was the first time I had
ever seen his eyes. I’m not the kind of person who believes in good
and evil, so I won’t tell you his eyes were evil, but I will say
that they were full of cruelty and derision. They were eyes to
fear. Just before he was able to grab her wrist and haul her off
into the night somewhere, I flew into action. I didn’t have a plan,
wasn’t even totally sure what was going on, but there was no way I
was letting a guy with those eyes grab hold of my friend.

I jumped in between them and shoved Patrick. “Leave
her alone!” I yelled. His eyes narrowed and he lunged for me. I had
nowhere to move and couldn’t step back without stumbling over
Grace, so I held my ground. My dancing partner sprang in then and
grabbed Patrick’s arms, lugging him away from us. His eyes met mine
and he flicked his head toward the door. It wasn’t a threat, but a
warning:
get her out of here
. Someone had turned off the
music and I could hear low voices talking all around us. No one
else moved as I helped Grace to her feet. As we pushed through the
crowd to get to the door, I glanced back once at Sammy, but she
stepped to the side to move behind Kandice. She had chosen her
side. With a look of disgust for the both of them, I turned back
around and left the house.

The same group of guys was still outside on the
porch. “Leaving so soon, girlies?” one of them hollered at us.

Grace stumbled, but I took a firmer grasp of her arm
and shook my head. “Ignore them.” When we were a block away, I
finally slowed and removed my hand. She immediately collapsed on
the icy sidewalk, sobbing. Taking a step back, I crouched down and
stared at her, bewildered. “What happened?”

“I told him no.” She rubbed her fist against her
eyes. “Kandice’s right, you know. I do deserve it. I went up there
with him, knowing what he wanted.”

“Come on,” I pulled her to her feet again. “Let’s
keep going. I don’t want you to freeze here.” We walked for a few
minutes without talking while her breathing gradually slowed and
the tears stopped. “You don’t deserve it, you know,” I ventured.
“If you didn’t want to have sex with him, that’s your choice. What
did he do to you?”

She shrugged. “He tried to grab me anyway, so I ran
downstairs. He caught up to me then, and pushed me down with all
those people around.”

I could hear her voice quavering again, so I put a
hand on her shoulder. “It’s okay, Grace. You don’t have to go
through the story if you don’t want to.”

She went on, seeming not to even hear me. “I tried to
get him to let me go and I was just hitting wildly, trying to get
away. Some of the guys started laughing then, and that’s when
Kandice saw what was going on. That guy, Christopher or whatever, I
heard him yelling at her, cussing her out for bringing us to the
party. That’s when she started screaming that it was my fault, that
I should have let Patrick…you know. That I was asking for it.”

I made a noise of disgust. “I hate that girl.” We
were silent again and I heard a siren far off in the distance.
“Grace?”

“Mm?”

“Why in the world did you stay with him for so long?
You didn’t honestly like him, did you?”

She shook her head. “Not really. It’s kind of
complicated.”

Now that sounded familiar. “Can you explain it?”

She gave me a look, seeming to decide whether I would
be able to understand, then went on. “Okay, but only because I owe
you. See, my mom always told me that if a boy ever showed me any
interest, to hold onto him as tight as I could, because it might be
the only chance I got.”

“A-are you serious?”

She nodded. “That’s just the way my family is. My
sisters both ended up with babies before they even graduated high
school. Neither of them got their diplomas and they moved out into
crappy little apartments with guys they didn’t really like. That’s
just the way it is for us.”