Relative Happiness (14 page)

She lay on the narrow, wrought-iron bed for a long time. It was painted white. Everything in the room was in shades of white, sand or cream. It was beautiful. The wainscoting went up to the bottom of the window and the ledge it created held many treasures, shells and smooth, coloured glass Kate found beach-combing.

A gauze curtain blew in the morning breeze. Lexie left the window open all night and listened to the crickets as she fell asleep.

She thought of nothing. She wanted to think of nothing. She listened to Kate and Daphne as they woke up and moved around. It was Sunday morning. There was no hurry to leave to this heavenly house and venture into the city.

It was odd to be in a clean, white room, so uncluttered and serene. Kate must be very happy. The room reflected peace. It felt smooth.

Lexie lay there and thought of her bedroom and all the rooms in her house. They were chaotic compared to this, a jumble of colour and lights. Wicker baskets that hung or heaved under the weight of material or wool, paint brushes and sketch books. She had herbs and flowers from the garden drying on every windowsill. And candles. Adrian had been right about that. She didn't know how she hadn't burnt the house down.

She needed to get rid of the clutter, all the unwanted stuff. But it wasn't just her house she wanted to do over. It was her, everything about her.

Judy's message came through loud and clear, and Lexie didn't feel upset with her anymore. She meant no malice, was only trying to help. And Lexie never let anyone help her. It was time she started.

She realized she was more like her mother then she thought. She put up such a wall she was rigid. Lexie wanted to let people in. She wanted to stop being afraid. If no one in her life wanted to love her, she had to accept it. But it didn't mean she couldn't learn to love herself.

After a very hot shower and two painkillers, Lexie moseyed downstairs in her bare feet. The hardwood floors gleamed. There were big white overstuffed sofas everywhere and colourful art on the walls. A huge stone fireplace stood in the middle of the room. It looked like a scene from a magazine.

Something caught her eye.

There on the floor in front of the fire was the hooked rug she had made for Kate last Christmas. It was a primitive piece, a scene with water and birds and wild flowers. It looked so nice against the blond wood, colourful and free.

She'd never thought of her rugs as anything more than doodling with strips of wool. She'd never seen them except amid a hundred other items on her floors at home. It surprised her how beautiful it looked alone on the floor. Lexie was pleased.

She stepped into the kitchen. Daphne sat at the table and read the paper as she drank a cup of coffee. “I didn't know you guys had my rug in your living room.”

Kate was by the stove. She raised the coffee pot and lifted her eyebrows as a signal that meant “do you want some coffee?” Lexie nodded her head.

“Oh please,” Daphne muttered when she finished chewing a huge bite of blueberry muffin. “Do you know how many times we could have sold that thing?”

“Really?” Her sister handed her a cup of coffee. “Thank you.”

Kate agreed. “Oh yeah. I have to beat people away with a stick. I was offered two thousand dollars for it.”

Lexie spit out her coffee. “Are you serious?”

“It's true.”

She mused into her cup. “Well, well, well. I had no idea.”

Daphne put down her paper. “If I were you, I'd get myself a web-page and take orders over the internet. The whole world would knock at your door in a matter of hours. You'd make a fortune.”

Kate laughed. “She'd have to get a computer first.”

Daphne gave Lexie a look like she had two heads.

“I'm sorry. I don't have one. They annoy me enough at work. I never had a desire to own one. Not that I could afford it anyway.”

“Well darling, whip up a rug while you're here. We'll sell it by Friday and you can buy one when you get back!”

They giggled and stuffed themselves silly on muffins and homemade jam.

Daphne was thoughtful enough to make up the excuse that her mother desperately needed her for the afternoon. She kissed the air and blew it in their direction.

The sisters sat on either side of the fireplace, the magnificent rug between them. The couch swallowed Lexie up in a soft envelope.

“How lucky you are, Kate, to find someone who's so good to you.”

“I know. I count my blessings every day.”

Lexie gave a big sigh.

Kate put down her coffee cup. “I know you look at me and think I have everything. But my life hasn't been easy. No one's is. Especially when you grow up gay in a small town and you live in fear someone will find out and then the whole town will know. It also wasn't easy being the wonderful doctor's daughter. We all had to deal with that.”

She stared at Lexie's rug. “I never wanted to embarrass Daddy or have Mom try and explain my lifestyle to one of her awful women's groups. I was frightened most of the time. I think Daddy knows, but it's not an issue with him. You know Dad. He loves us no matter what.”

“What about Mom?”

“My heart tells me she does know. But she's never asked me. It's crazy. But it made my life easier, so I didn't rock the boat. Now that I'm older, I think it makes things worse. I never know where I stand.”

She looked at her thumbnail as if she'd never seen it before. “I can't figure out why she's so uninterested in me. She's always after you about diets and exercise. She harangues you endlessly to look better and tries to make you like Gabby and Beth. God, you are so much more than that. ” She leaned her head against her knuckles and propped herself up as if she were weary. “I feel guilty when she leaves me alone.”

“Why?”

“Because she wears you out. It's not fair.”

“I know.” Lexie stared at her rug too. “I always feel wrong somehow, like I should just try harder or something. Even when Dad tells me not to change a thing, it makes no difference. Why aren't mothers aware of the power they wield?”

“Well, for what it's worth, if I'd been born first and you'd been born last, I don't think we'd have this conversation.”

Lexie grinned. “Is that all it comes down to? You get off scot-free because she's worn out yelling at me. You owe me baby sister.”

“Too bad. Want a swim?”

“Okay.”

Kate chuckled as she ran towards the sliding doors. “We have to go in our birthday suits. Mr. Henderson needs his daily eyeful.”

Lexie laughed. “Well, he'll get more then he bargained for today.” The two of them threw off their robes, and pounded up the dock with their stark white backsides in full view of Mr. Henderson's binoculars. They shouted, “Geronimo,” before they took flight for a brief moment and then hit the water with a satisfying smack and a whoosh of white foam.

Lexie had the happiest weeks of her life. She told the girls at dinner that she needed their help. She wanted to make some changes, a complete make-over. Where should she get her clothes? Where should she have her hair cut? They buzzed with excitement and promised to do their best.

Lexie was on a limited budget. They handed her their gold Visa card and told her to go nuts. She knew she'd never do that, but was touched by the gesture all the same.

On the first day downtown, after they dropped her off on the way to work, she found a stash of bills shoved in her jacket pocket. Never look a gift horse in the mouth. She spent it all.

Over those glorious days, she forgot everything and everyone. She had fun. She'd forgotten how.

Kate met with her between classes to take Lexie to her favourite hair salon. Lexie was nervous. She sat in the chair and looked at Kate in the mirror for moral support. Kate gave her a thumbs up but spent most of her time immersed in a rag that claimed Elvis was seen flying over Texas.

Lexie didn't know what to say when Troy, who had the most perfect eyebrows she'd ever seen, asked her what colour she had in mind. She panicked, so Kate came over and patted his shoulder. “Don't ask her. Give her the works. Money's no object.”

“Well then!” he squealed. “Let the games begin.”

One of his minions washed her hair and when she returned to the chair, Troy approached her with a critical eye. He lifted the ends of her hair and shook his head. He gave her a small look of disgust.

“Darling. When did you last cut your hair? The seventies?”

“That's about right.”

Troy gave his scissors a few practice squeezes. He rolled his neck to get the kinks out.

“Come to Mama.”

When he turned her around two hours later, Lexie couldn't speak. Her hair was beautiful. Kate burst into tears.

Troy took ten inches off. Suddenly, without all that dead weight, curls fell in soft waves around Lexie's face. It was chin length and as she pulled her fingers through her scalp, it felt light and bouncy. It shone with highlights or something. She didn't care what it was or how he did it. She gave good old Troy a big tip and smacked him right on the kisser.

Lexie shopped till she dropped. She went into one store where a stylish older woman manned the fort. She swallowed her pride, and asked if she could please tell her how to dress when you're on the plus size side. The woman's eyes lit up.

“Come right this way.”

Lexie followed her to the back of the store.

She turned around and held out her hand. “I'm Grace, by the way.”

Lexie reached over and shook it. “I sure hope you can help me, Grace. I'm a bit of a greenhorn when it comes to fashion.”

“Well, I enjoy breaking in novices. And you'll see. By the time you walk out of here, you'll be slave to fashion.”

Lexie set up camp in the dressing room. Grace said the first thing they had to tackle were “foundation garments.”

“The fastest way to look like you've lost ten pounds is to buy a very good bra. Don't be afraid of the price. They're worth it.” She passed her one.

She gaped at the price tag. “Sixty dollars! Are you crazy?”

Grace put her finger on her nose and tapped it. She mouthed, “Trust me.”

Lexie bought three. They lifted and separated exactly as promised. Why wasn't this headline news for women everywhere? Stupid rich women kept it to themselves, that's why.

Lexie loved her new jeans. She loved everything. She was so grateful to this woman and told her she'd never forget her.

“That's sweet of you dear, but I really must go on my break.” She reached down and rubbed her calf. “I think my ankles are swollen.”

Lexie left the store uplifted, lifted and separated.

Two days later it was off to the make-up counter at a ritzy department store. She never wore make-up. She wasn't sure this stop was for her, but Kate had convinced her.

“Lexie, this is the nineties. They have make-up that makes you look like you're not wearing any.”

“Then why would I want it?”

“For the same reason we bought you those silky under things. You know you're wearing it even if everyone else doesn't. And it's pretty.”

So Lexie threw herself at the mercy of the drop-dead-gorgeous young thing behind the counter who commented on Lexie's skin several times. Lexie started to believe maybe her skin was nice.

The clerk sent her home with the whole kit and caboodle. She'd never use it all in a lifetime but it was nice to have.

When she finally had everything, Lexie drove back to Kate's and let herself in. The place was quiet. The girls weren't due home until later that evening, so she went to her bedroom and shut the door. Lexie spread her new things out on the bed and looked at them. She had even bought a few pieces of jewellery. And a large carryall to take everything home in.

She got into the shower, washed her hair and shook it dry. She put on her new jeans and a crisp white cotton shirt. She did her make-up, sprayed herself with perfume, put on her new amber ring and chunky bracelet, and finally slid her feet into soft leather sandals. She went into her sister's bedroom and looked in the full-length mirror.

Lexie blinked.

She reached out and touched her face in the mirror. “Is that you?”

Chapter Seven

To say she caused a sensation was an understatement. She walked into her parents' house to collect Sophie. Beth and Rory's van was outside which meant they were over for Sunday dinner.

“Howdy, I'm home!”

“Hi honey, we're in here,” her father shouted. Lexie heard squeals of delight from the girls. They stampeded out to greet her. She heard Rory said, “Girls, girls, let Auntie get in the door.”

That didn't stop them. They barrelled around the corner whooping for joy, then bumped into each other as Michaela, who saw Lexie first, stopped dead in her tracks. They stood with their mouths open. Halley looked frightened.