Relative Happiness (42 page)

Gabby lay in bed and listened to her roommate Poppy talking on the phone with her fiancé. She put her head under the pillow and stayed like that until Poppy hollered that she was off the phone.

Gabby finally got out of bed and ran herself a bath. She lay there for over an hour. Poppy knocked on the door.

“You okay in there?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you going to that swanky club tonight? Pam's going.”

“No. I don't think so.”

“Why don't you go, Gabby? It'll do you good.”

“Maybe. We'll see.”

“Listen, my flight's at six. I'll need to get in there soon.”

“Sorry, I forgot. I'll be right out.” Gabby pulled the plug and got out of the bath, wrapping herself in a towel. She wiped the steam off in the mirror and peered into it. She looked closer and put her fingertips up to the corner of her right eye. There were fine wrinkles she'd never seen before.

Gabby sighed.

That's when the phone rang.

Lexie went to bed that night and slept again, almost twelve hours straight. She got up and had her usual tonic, a hot shower, and then a bubble bath too, so she could float and not think. She went downstairs and fed Sophie while the kettle boiled for her tea, then sat at the table and ate a bowl of Cheerios. She went into the living room with her mug and bundled herself up in her fleece throw, took two lovely mouthfuls of tea and called Gabby's number.

It rang three times. Finally a voice answered. Whoever it was sounded rushed.

“Hello?”

“Hi. May I speak to Gabby, please?”

“Sorry duck, she's not here. You just missed her.”

It occurred to Lexie that she loved a British accent. It reminded her of Adrian.

“Oh. This is her sister Lexie and I wondered where I might reach her.”

“Hi Lexie,” said the voice. “This is her roommate, Pam. Golly, you guys sound alike on the phone.”

“I know. Everyone says that.”

“Just a minute, Lexie, I just got in the door. I'll ask Poppy if she knows.”

“Thank you.”

She must have held the phone to her chest, because Lexie could hear voices, but they were muffled. Finally, she came back on.

“Sorry. Poppy says Gabby got a call from some guy and she threw her things in her bag and ran out the door.”

Lexie's stomach fluttered.

“Do you know where she went?”

“Poppy says she's off to Dorval.”

“Dorval?” Lexie couldn't think for a minute.

“Dorval Airport in Montreal.”

“Thanks a lot, Pam.”

“I'll tell Gabby you called.”

“Thanks. Bye.”

“Cheerio.”

“Cheerios.” Lexie laughed. She hung up and put her head on her arm. And smiled. The world was unfolding as it should. She needed to go and bring her baby boy home. He'd miss his Mommy by now.

Gabby didn't sit still the entire flight. She managed to get on the first plane out of Heathrow, after begging a friend to let her take the next jump seat, instead of the one on the next flight. As soon as the plane landed, she was out of her seat in a flash. The pilots gave her a hard time. “Hey, he must be pretty special. You never run like that for us.”

Gabby tore up the gangway, ahead of all the passengers. Her co-workers were surprised. Gabby was always so put together, always as cool as a cucumber. Her hair fell out of its bobby pins as she ran.

She went through the last sliding doors and there he was. He looked as fabulous as she remembered. He held a huge bouquet of white lilies. But he had to drop them. She ran up to him and jumped in his arms and held him so close.

“I love you, Adrian. I adore you. Don't ever leave me again.”

“I'll never leave you, my love. Never.”

She pulled away and touched his face, to see if he was really there. He grabbed her hands and kissed her fingers.

“Take me home, Adrian.”

When Lexie got in the door with Josh that night, her answering machine was flashing. She pushed the playback button.

Gabby was crying. “Lexie. I want you to know that this little sister loves her big sister very much.”

Lexie needed time to pull herself together. She spent her days after work playing with Joshua and her nieces. She'd have dinner with Mom or Beth on occasion. No one brought up the subject of her future, for which she was very grateful. She'd go over to Susie's, but even they avoided the topic. It was too raw.

And then one Saturday morning, about two weeks after Adrian left, she woke up and knew she was ready. She lay in bed and thought about what she'd say to Joss, but almost instantly the words jumbled together into a big ball. Maybe she wasn't ready. She sat up and chewed her nails. That didn't help, so she reached for a favourite book on the bedside table,
Bartlett's Familiar Quotations
.

Words, words. She needed words for courage. She flipped through the pages.

I can't go on/I really can't go on/I swear I can't go on/so/I
guess I'll get up and go on.

Lexie nodded. “Dory Previn, whoever you are…you're pretty darn close.”

The bedroom door suddenly swung open and Josh stood there in his pyjamas with feet. He grinned at her. She had all the words she needed.

Once Lexie delivered Joshua to his grandmother, she stopped at Susie's to get Joss's address. Susie was in the yard with her bathrobe wrapped around her. It was a chilly spring morning, but the winter's back had been broken. She leaned her arms on the window edge. “I wish I was going with you, Lex.”

Lexie patted her arm. “God. I wish you were too. What if he doesn't want me, Susie?”

“Get lost. Of course he'll want you. Just bat those big brown eyes and he'll beg for mercy.”

“I'm so scared.”

“As a famous shoe once said, just do it.”

Lexie kissed her. “I love you.”

“Right back at ya.”

As Lexie drove, she tried not to think. She counted potholes instead. Frost coming out of the ground made for a bumpy ride. She was glad it wasn't tourist season. As dirty patches of snow disappeared, they revealed a winter's worth of litter along the highways. The ground was mucky and the grass, yellow and matted. It didn't lift her spirits.

But once she drove onto the Englishtown ferry, she perked up. She got out of the car and for the few minutes it took to cross the water to a narrow spit of land on the other side, she revelled in the sea air. The wind whipped up the spray from the ferry and hit her face with tiny needles of salt water as she leaned over the rail. She watched, mesmerised by the strength of the tide as it buffeted the small vessel. If she fell in, she'd be gone in a flash.

Time to get back in the car.

She headed for Smokey Mountain, ahead of a line of cars from the ferry. The cars spread out eventually, most of them passing her. She was happy to let them go. The realization of what she was doing started to weigh on her and she fought the urge to turn around and go home.

Now it was nothing but trees and the coastline. Imagine getting lost in the woods out here. You could walk for days and even then never be found. She felt beads of sweat above her upper lip. What if she had a flat tire? This place was too empty.

Finally a sign for Neil's Harbour. What a relief. A few vinyl-sided houses scattered here and there heralded the edge of town, then suddenly it came into view. After miles of dark green forest and the occasional glimpse of blue ocean through the trees, Neil's Harbour was a welcome sight.

As with most of the more rustic villages in Cape Breton, this one was built around its natural harbour. A red and white lighthouse off the point, a welcome beacon for small boats in stormy weather, faced the ocean. Shingled houses painted white with the occasional blue or red house thrown in seemed to grow from the large outcropping of rocks that made up the landscape. Boulders covered with lichen and moss were scattered among the houses, sheds and run-down garages, and every second building faced in a different direction.

The wharf along the edge of the harbour and the outbuildings needed for the business of fish and lobster made up the rest of the scenery. Colourful lobster boats both in and out of the water looked as if they were placed there for photographers only. This was the stuff of postcards.

Lexie drove through the village slowly, craning her neck to read the numbers on the houses she passed. She pulled over to let a couple of cars go by. They were obviously locals who needed to get where they were going. She almost despaired of ever finding it, when suddenly, there it was.

The house was a tall box, its shingles painted bright red, like the shed “out back” and the garage where fishing gear and nets were being sorted. Lobster traps were piled on top of one another along the side of the coal house, old ones and obviously new ones, each with its own colourful buoy painted orange and green.

Lexie drove into the fairly steep dirt driveway and stopped the car. Her mouth was dry and her hands shook. When she got out, a stiff breeze blew her hair around and the car door almost slammed shut on her fingers. As she rounded the front bumper, Lexie heard the snap of sheets and towels on a clothesline, colourful flags heralding her arrival.

A dog barked, but it wasn't angry, more of a
who's there
kind of bark. Then an old and very fat yellow lab came out to greet her and didn't let her by until she patted his head thoroughly.

By the time Lexie got past him, a large woman stood on her back porch, wiping her hands on a tea towel, an apron around her flowery dress. Her greying hair was swept into a twisted bun and her face was full of wrinkles, but she still had the look of a handsome woman.

“Hello, my dear,” she greeted Lexie. “Now what can I be doin' you for today. You're not collecting for the cancer, are you? I'll just go get my purse.”

Lexie smiled at her. “No. I'm looking for Joss actually. Is he around?”

She laughed. “That boy's always around. He eats everything I bake before I get it on the table.”

Lexie laughed. Joss's mother made her feel better.

“Why don't you come in for a cuppa? He should be back soon.”

“That would be lovely.”

The kitchen was a blast furnace. There was a big coal stove in the far corner, just like her grandmother used to have. Mrs. MacGregor's baking was lined up on both counters.

“Mercy, it is warm in here. Sit dear, and I'll get you a good brew.” She turned to the large kettle on the stove and started to make the tea.

Lexie loved Joshua's grandmother already.

She placed a cup and saucer in front of Lexie along with a big plate of goodies from the morning's baking. She poured their tea and sat down on the other side of the table. “There now, nothing like a good cuppa. So my dear,” she said, after a big gulp from her teacup, “who might you be?”

“I'm Lexie Ivy, I'm a friend of Joss's.”

She laughed. “Lord love a duck, that boy has more girls than hens in a henhouse. Well, it's very nice to meet you Lexie. You're just about the sweetest thing I've seen in a long time. God Almighty, I wish I had a daughter.”