Requested Surrender (37 page)

“Good to know.”

Now he looked up and she wished he hadn’t. His steely gaze nearly undid her, as that small voice inside her head whispered,
It’s over
.

“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, because if I had, I could have told you the one thing that’s been bothering me about those unopened letters.”

He crossed his arms over his chest and narrowed a look at her. If she thought she had anything left to lose she would have kept quiet, but she didn’t, which gave her the freedom to speak her mind.

“You think you failed Elaina because you turned her away that last time. That’s why you couldn’t open and read the rest of those letters. They represent your failure. But what if…what if Elaina needed you to turn her away that last time? What if your final rejection gave her the strength she needed to finally get clean, because she’d lost something more important to her than the drugs? She never could have realized this without you letting her go. She had to face the bad before she could realize something good. You did that for her.”

“Are you done?”

Lacy wasn’t even sure she nodded before she left. She didn’t remember putting her suitcase in the car either. All she kept doing was running over her last words to him and they hurt like hell. When she’d said them she could have been talking about herself. Maybe losing David was the bad she needed to suffer in order for good to happen.

She pulled into her driveway and cut the car engine. Gripping the steering wheel as she acknowledged the truth. She’d just lost the best thing that had ever happened to her because she’d let her fear and guilt rule her. It was a terrible lesson, but now she understood another thing about Elaina’s situation. The outcome was inevitable, but the lasting effects? Crystal clear. Just like David’s ex, it was time Lacy took care of herself and become the person she was meant to be. Not the person her family wanted her to be, or maybe needed her to be, because she didn’t want be that woman anymore. Being with David had taught her that.

She didn’t bother bringing her bag into the house, as she wasn’t sure she was going to stay at her place tonight. Arriving at the front door and turning the key in the lock was a surreal experience. The second she heard the click of the door opening, a chill raced up her spine. She felt as if she were entering a prison. She wasn’t even inside and the place was closing in on her. But then she saw beyond the door. Through the hall to the living room, and her knees almost buckled.

“David…”

Stepping inside, she put a hand to the bisque-colored walls for support. All this had to be his doing. The fresh paint. The glossy beadboard more than halfway up the walls the way she’d wanted it, and the extra-large tiles on the floor. It was beautiful. Bright and airy. Just as she’d always imagined it to be.

She didn’t even bother closing the door before she went into the living room. The boxes were gone and in their place against the wall was a huge, high-gloss white armoire. That’s not what held her attention, it was the yellow Post-it Note on the beautiful metal handle that made her go directly for it as her heart pounded and her pulse kicked up speed.

I hope you like the changes. Joe is very sorry that he didn’t do it right the first time. If you don’t believe me, check every square inch of this place. There isn’t a speck of dust or a drop of dirt. I gave him a bundle of toothbrushes and ordered him to go to work.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, holding the note to her heart, as he’d drawn a winking smiley face.
David…

Getting herself together, she looked down and read the last little bit of the note. 

Consider this a housewarming gift. Those boxes were freaking me out, angel. No more boxes. It’s time you put down some roots.

D

She stared at that small piece of paper for a good two minutes. Thinking about what he’d said. Putting down roots? It hurt like hell to know that she’d now be doing that without him. But she was going to do it. She was going to live an epic life. He’d see. She’d make him proud by succeeding. That’s all he ever wanted for her.

Not your family.

Thinking about them got anxiety building, but she tamped it down. She wasn’t going to run. Even though every fiber in her being was telling her to get on the phone and call the airline. Escape until this all blew over and she wouldn’t have to face her father, brother, mother or even Colin and Jo with their questions. It would be so much easier to do that.

She pressed the scrap of paper to her lips and whispered, “I’m not a wanderer.”

“Lacy?”

“Mom.” She whirled around, sounding like parent instead of the child. “Where have you been?”

Her mother put the bags of groceries on the floor and then straightened. “Right here. I still have the spare key. I hope you don’t mind? I thought it would be okay since you were staying with David for a few more days.”

“And you’d be okay with me staying with him?”

“Of course.” She frowned as she came forward. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“Dad said that David upset you. That he was the reason you needed some space.”

“You’re very direct these days.”

“Mom.” If Lacy was a hedger, her mother was her queen. “I’ve had one the worst days of my life. All I want you to do, before I go take a bath and wallow under my covers, is answer my question.”

“Let me put the groceries away first. I planned on making bacon and eggs for dinner.”

Lacy stepped forward and caught her mother’s arm before she’d turned to retrieve the groceries. Why hadn’t she ever noticed this before? Her mother was worse than she was about deflecting. “No. Please, I want an answer now.”

“I wanted some time. To figure things out before I…before—I need to speak to your father before I talk with you about this.”

When Lacy saw the anxiety she recognized so well in her mother’s expression, she let go. David must have said something really bad for her mom to be this bothered by it. Which didn’t make any sense. What could he have said?

“All right. I suppose it doesn’t matter anymore, anyways. David and I broke up.”

“I’m sorry.”

She was heading to the bathroom when the words tumbled out, one after the other. “It was for the best. He and I weren’t suited.” Liar. “We weren’t getting along.” Liar. “I wasn’t really into him.”
Lacy.
She heard the echo of David’s voice in her mind and it caused her to stop and think about what she was doing.

She was letting her family off the hook again. Pretending that she didn’t care so they’d never have to live with the knowledge that they’d caused her to lose something that had been very, very dear to her.

For that reason alone, she deserved a straight answer.

Instead of going to take a bath, she veered right and followed her mom into the kitchen. “Forget what I just said.”

“What, dear?”

She helped her mom put the bags on the counter and turned to her. “All that stuff about David. I was in love with guy. Head over heels, and now he won’t look at me…because Dad accused him of all kinds of awful things and I took Dad’s side and confronted him on them. Which lead to us arguing about other things. So, I think I want to know what happened yesterday. I deserve to know and I’m not going to wait.”

Her mother was searching for something as she looked at her. Whatever it was, she must have found it because she nodded to the kitchen table and said, “You’re right. Sit down. You do deserve to know.”

After Lacy took a seat, her mother slipped into the one opposite her and clasped her hands on the table. Here again, Lacy recognized this posture. It was one she always used when she’d lost the battle or had to come clean over something. Judging by the serious light in her mother’s eyes, Lacy would need to brace herself. Were her parents going to get a divorce? That’s the kind of heavy this moment was fraught with.

“Yesterday, I found out your father told you about the accident.”

Oh, God. They were going to get a divorce. Her mother never wanted Lacy to know and her father had broken their pact. All this was happening because Lacy had told David in a moment of weakness. Her palms started to sweat. Any minute she’d be dizzy.

“You were never supposed to know. I’m so sorry.” She reached out and took hold of Lacy’s hands. Hands that were shaking, because she knew what was coming. “If I’d ever thought he’d tell you, I would have told the truth. I swear to God I would have.”

Now Lacy’s whole body trembled. “What truth?” When she looked away, Lacy insisted, “Mom, tell me.”

There were tears streaming down her face when she turned back. “I was the one who caused the accident. I left that pot on the stove with the handle sticking out for Laurie to grab. Not you. You and I were setting the table for lunch. You always helped me set the table, and Laurie…he was right beside us playing with his trucks. One minute, not even, thirty seconds and he was at the stove. Screaming. Screaming so loudly I thought I’d pass out.”

Lacy let go of her hands and sat back. She was still trying to understand what her mother had told her. The story her father told her about her throwing a ball that knocked the pot off the stove was so vivid. It was so real to her, but then why wouldn’t it be? She’d had nightmares about it for years. And now…?

All she could do was shake her head.

“You were never supposed to know the other version of what happened. The version I told your father so he’d have no one to blame.”

“He blamed me,” Lacy said, but her voice didn’t sound like her own. It sounded hollow. Dead.

“Never. Never did I imagine he’d say anything to you. How could he? You were just a child. His child. Accidents happen, and I thought…I thought…I believed he’d forgive you before he’d ever forgive me. I was the mother. I was supposed to protect my children. You know your father.”

Point was, she did know her father. Only too well. She learned firsthand he didn’t forgive easily, if ever. Did that make this any better? No, it made it worse because now she had two parents who’d let her down.

“You haven’t told him.”

“No. I was too upset yesterday when I realized what he’d forced you to live with. If only I’d known. I’m so sorry, sweetheart.”

It was Lacy’s turn to look away. She wanted to feel empathy. Sadness or anger. Hell, she wanted to feel anything, but there was nothing there. Just a profound numbness. The one feeling she’d worked years to be rid of was back with a vengeance.

“When I confronted your dad yesterday about this, he was more upset that you’d told someone about it than he was that he’d told you himself. I’ve had to do a lot of soul searching since then, because I’m not sure I can live with a man like that. I’ve made concessions, I’ve tried to be the wife and mother he wanted me to be. I’m not proud of the fact that I chose to lie about the accident so our family would have a chance for a happy life together. At the time, I thought that was the only choice I had because I feared he’d never forgive me. I never imagined—never—that he tell you about it. He was never supposed to. Never. Deep down, I always knew he held a grudge. I saw how he catered to Laurie. I tried to make up for it. I tried.”

The walls were closing in on her. Now she knew why her father was so adamant about her breaking up with David. David never would have let him continue to hold her down, like he’d held her mother down all these years.

That didn’t excuse her mother’s behavior, nor did it make learning all this any less painful. The most it did was make her want to run away from here. From them until all of this went away.

“I’m going to go take that bath now.”

Her mother grabbed her hand as she went to stand up. “Would you like me to leave?”

The old Lacy would have shook her head or shrugged. Not the new Lacy. “Yes, and please leave the spare key on the counter when you go.”

***

It had been two days. Two full days since Lacy had walked out of his office and he still felt like shit. Scotch, rye and then vodka hadn’t helped his mood. Poor Phil didn’t know what to think, David was sure, as he’d let the dog sit on his desk while he ate his dinners. He’d let the pooch into his bed last night while he tossed and turned, trying to find sleep. And now that he was lying awake, pissed off and waiting for E to show up this afternoon to no doubt read him the riot act, David let Phil out of his room, effectively giving him free run of the house. He knew the little guy was taking advantage of it when he heard Andrew yelling downstairs. Andrew never yelled, but then all the staff was on edge because of him.

Damn.

David stood and put a hand to his head, groaning. It had been a decade since he’d woken up with a hangover. The sun coming in through his bedroom windows went through him like daggers to the eyes. Bitch of it was? That lump of bitter disappointment he’d been trying to drown last night was still there. Gnawing at him.

He dragged his sorry ass to the bathroom, intent upon a shower. Stooping to down what felt like a half gallon of ice cold water from the tap before he shucked off his sweats and cranked on the shower. Once the water heated, he stepped under the hot misting spray for the worst half hour of his life. In the solitude he couldn’t ignore the echo of Lacy’s words. They played over and over in his head.

What if…
What if your final rejection gave her the strength she needed to finally get clean, because she’d lost something more important to her than the drugs?

 By the time he was done, he dressed and got ready to face the day. It had to be better than the one he had yesterday. After all, he was feeling more like himself now that he’d showered. At least good enough that he didn’t give a shit if what Lacy had said was true. What did it matter? He was half into swallowing that crock of crap when he stopped on the stairs and looked back. He didn’t like what he saw. Himself running. Who was the wanderer now? He was no better than Lacy. She escaped the present, but wasn’t he escaping his past?

He took a deep breath and turned around. Deciding it was time to stop. He went back into his room and collected the box from his closet. Texting Andrew, he told him he’d be having breakfast in the library, as he had some reading to do.