Resisting Fate (Predetermined) (27 page)

I inhaled as he pressed his other hand against my cheek as well. “I know you’re confused right now.” Confused? Hah! I wasn’t confused. I was terrified, terrified that he would hurt me again if I let him back into my life.

“And you’re not going to be bonded to me anymore. You broke our part of the bond when you saved my cousin. You chose him…whether you realize it or not.”

Jesus…this was a nightmare. It was never a choice between the two of them! Jack always had me. It’s just that my brain had finally won out in the control department, shoving my heart to a distant second when it came to making decisions from now on. And it told me to stay as far away from Jack as I could.

I pulled his hands away. The face touching was too intimate, too loving. “I believe you,” I whispered, “Now…do what you have to do to make me better.” I shut my eyes, holding my arms out to the side as I waited for him to work his magic on me.

“Relax then,” he whispered and sighed. His body pressed against my front like butter on pancakes and I wanted nothing more than to melt into him.

His hands curled around my waist, his breath was hot against my ear. “Now breathe deeply Strawberry.” I did, oh boy did I ever. “Yeah, that’s good. Perfect.” Comfort and all things Jack lulled me into a state of peace. Thump-thump, thump-thump, his heartbeat was the only sound I could distinguish, the only reminder I needed to know that I was still alive and in his arms.

“Okay,” Jack’s scratchy voice replied with a whisper. He was obviously as emotion-filled as I was. He gripped the bottom portion of my shirt tightly between his fingers. “It’s done.”

I couldn’t let go as I grabbed his bare chest. I had to hang on. I would never forgive myself for walking away. Especially when deep down, I knew the truth. The truth that said Jack was actually the only thing I needed now in my life. Like I had said earlier, my brain and heart were battling. And my heart was too close to destruction to even remotely argue with said brain.

Reluctance and sorrow filled his eyes as they barred me with his intense stare. He was like a lost soul, and I was the only thing that could rescue him from his demise. I couldn’t be his heroine, nor could he be my hero. And I certainly couldn’t tell him that letting me go was as hard on him as it was on me. This was for the best. At least that’s what I was going to keep telling myself. I made my choice, the choice to walk away, from him.

“I’ve got to go, Strawberry.” He croaked. His hands trembled ever so slightly as he brushed a lock of my hair behind my ear. I fought to keep my emotions in check, but failed when I realized that this was probably the last time he’d ever touch me. I had to siphon it in and store it away, and closing my eyes was the only way I could physically keep it all inside of me.

“Yeah,” I nodded, wincing as Jack’s arms dropped to his side. Instead of backing away, he only leaned down instead, placing a soft, warm, goodbye kiss onto my cheek.

I swallowed the burning lump in my throat and reopened my lids to see his face, his eyes. The warmth of his lips spilled through my body as he pulled away. I pressed my hand to the spot, holding it there, keeping it locked inside. He didn’t back completely away though, only far enough to where his mouth hovered over mine. Our lips were centimeters apart, the air expelling from them intermingled, as the energy flowed between us. Bond or not, it was still as strong as ever. One more movement, on either of our behalves, and a
real
kiss would definitely be happening.

I shuddered, breaking the connection, as the image of Zachary’s lifeless form hanging on that wall interrupted, came to the forefront of my mind. I pulled my lips into my mouth. And Jack took his eye closing turn, wincing as he nodded once. He was obviously seeing the same image in his head too.

“Adrian, take my bike…” he hollered over to his brother, finally staring back at me. His expression grew blank. Any emotions he’d expressed before were completely exhausted.

With one last quick nod at me, he turned away, shifting once more into the beautiful black wolf that I was in love with as much as his human side.

I lifted my hand to cover my mouth. “Goodbye, Jack…” I whispered, letting a quiet sob slip from my throat. He halted, turning to look at me as he reached the edge of the woods, and then I heard it, his voice once more in my head.

G
oodbye, my beautiful Strawberry…

That’s when I finally, idiotically wondered why I could
still
 hear Jack’s voice in my head.

Chapter Eighteen

It’s been two weeks since that brutal night from hell. Two weeks since I last saw Zachary. And two even longer weeks since I last saw Jack as well…

Zachary and I only managed to spend a few hours together the day after the attack, hours that were spent either surrounded by his parents, other members of the Louisa wolf pack, or some of the elders even–most of who were creepy and old as dirt by the way. I couldn’t understand why anyone would bother listening to a group of old dudes who could barely walk. Mr. Martin said they were still fierce, no matter what age they were apparently.

The whole thing was frustrating in the sense that by the time everyone left, Zachary had to up and go back to his little wolf training school, leaving us to have like, zero time to discuss anything that had happened. He had acted as if we were a couple though, and I couldn’t find my girl balls in time to break the news to him that we were
never
going to
be
a couple again. My heart wouldn’t stand for it, due to the simple fact that it already belonged to a guy that I wouldn’t allow myself to have. Call me a pansy, scaredy-cat freak, but I wasn’t about to rain on Zachary’s parade in front of all those people who he’d supposedly be a leader to one day.

I sensed a difference in Zachary though while he was here. A hardening was a better word for it. It was something I’d never before seen in him. And there was something else there in him too–a sense of heroism…towards himself. It was odd really, because he wasn’t a hero at all actually. He didn’t save anyone. He almost died, as did I in a way too, but he was cocky about it all, forgetting even at times that I was there with him. Granted I knew I wasn’t held captive like he was and tortured for God only knows how long too, but still, I suffered as badly–especially on an emotional front. Call me a selfish B, because after that day I’d surely become one, but hey, I wasn’t about to forget what happened.

Anyway, he’d only been back at wolfy school for two weeks before he called me up to tell me that he was coming home–permanently this time. Everyone was shocked, especially his parents, that the headmaster and trainers decided he could leave the school before normal training ended. He’d only been shifting for like a month now, but apparently after the whole incident, he’d proven to show that he was only a step away from taking on the Alpha position after all. Mrs. Martin had said it had a lot to do with his restraint and ability to control his shifts now. Talk about sudden – jeez.

I was so excited about the prospect of him coming home though. I wanted a sense of normalcy back between us…minus the relationship part of course. He’d be back to finish his senior year with me, graduating with our class in the spring. I mean, the whole wolf politics would
never
be my thing and all, but as long as Zachary was around and alive, then I’d be okay with the crap-tastic-ness every once in a while.

Mr. and Mrs. Martin were crazy excited about it too, telling me that this whole
Zachary being in control thing
 meant that he’d make the perfect alpha to run the pack someday. I smiled externally at their weird proud parent moment, but deep inside I was cringing, because let’s face it, I wasn’t a part of their world. I wasn’t a shifter. I was a…dreamer. Whatever the hell that meant anyways.

I still hadn’t mentioned my ability to anyone. Guess I didn’t want the attention, nor did I want to deal with the questions that would come with it either. I would say, at least, that I’d gotten better at the fortune-telling part. Nothing bad occurred in any of my dreams anymore, which was a definite plus. I could live with the simple things, like dreaming about future trips to the mall, or a night out at the movies with Kelsey. It was the needle to the neck thing, and dark scary ass dudes with no faces that I couldn’t handle.

Then there was Jack and Adrian. The two of them had left town immediately after that day. Mrs. Martin explained that they had to go and see if Adrian’s warlock powers could be restored. I don’t know where that was. And the not knowing thing killed me the most.

I still didn’t know why Adrian did what he did to me that day. Maybe he really
was
under a spell of sorts or maybe he was genuinely hurting like his father had been and then had a change of heart at the end. It was done–over with–and I wouldn’t have to face it again. That’s all that mattered.

The thing that surprised me the most was that Mrs. Martin wasn’t mad either. I mean, it was
her
son that had almost died, and if I was a mother and someone did that to my child, then there would be no forgiveness given. And sure, I forgave him too, but let me tell ya, I wasn’t about to invite the dude over for tea and crumpets anytime soon either.

“Hey, lover girl, you planning on leaving school sometime today, or is seventh period study hall
really
 that much more exciting?” I shook my head, coming back from my own version of outer space, smiling up at Kelsey as she perched her behind right there on my desk.

Things between us had been weirdly strained since that night, but not in the sense that she was pissed at me. More in the sense that she was always sad–always crying–and Kelsey was
not
a crier, therefore I didn’t know what to do for her, especially since she never would talk about it.

“Yeah sorry, guess I’m tired today.” I shrugged, rubbing my hand up and down my face as I gathered my books and stuffed them into my bag.

“More bad dreams I take it?” Her eyes were downturned, sympathetic even as I glanced back up at her.

I moved, standing next to her with a sad smile on my face. “Yeah, that and the fact that I’m worried about the step-douche coming back home again.” I lied, hitching my book bag over my back. Shoulder to shoulder, we moved towards the hall. I didn’t want an I-told-you-so to fall from her mouth, especially if she knew what my real problem was.

My need for Jack had become so overwhelming, that it was almost painful–like being without him was killing me slowly with every second that passed. This was no joke either. I literally had this burning sensation that flowed through me now that he was gone. And I hated it. I didn’t want to be reminded constantly of him in that way, especially since I never let myself forget as it was. I knew he said before when he’d left, that we were no longer mated or connected in any way, but I also knew for a fact that he’d been lying. Because if we didn’t still have that connection, then there was no way I would’ve heard his voice in my head…

“Adrian took care of him. It’ll be
weeks
before he comes back into town Emmy, and you know it! Besides, I promised you once before that I’d be ready for him if he did come back, and now that uh,” she stuttered, flexing her fingers in front of her, “Zachary is going to be back, then he’ll be here to protect you too. So quit freaking out. You’ll be fine.” She dropped an arm over my shoulder, giving me a half-hearted squeeze before dropping it back against her side.

“Okay fine, I believe you,” I sighed, ready for the conversation to be over. I bit my lip, changing the subject, “Sooo…are you still planning on taking me home then? Zachary’s supposed to meet me there, so maybe we could all like, hang out or something.” I cringed, waiting for her words of denial to slip out.

She tensed of course, staring over at me for a quick second before diverting her glare towards the hall in front of us. Before I could ask her what I’d gone and done this time, she turned all happy, flowers and butterflies again. A smile so bright on her lips that the sun would most likely be jealous. “Um, yes for the drop off thing, negative for the other,” her shoulders fell again. Damn, there went her mood swing again. “I don’t want to see him, Em. I’ve…got my reasons, so leave it.” She pursed her lips, focusing her glare away from me once more.

I nodded, dipping my chin into my chest as I followed her out the door. Someday I’d figure out why she hated him so much. For now though, I had to let it be. The last thing I wanted to do was run off the only real friend I’ve ever had.

The car ride was quiet, only the soft tunes on the radio filled the air. Kelsey turned the key, shut off the car, and opened the door to get out when we pulled up in front of my house a little while later. “He’s not here yet–I’ll walk you in.”

I frowned at her back, before scooting from my seat. I slammed my door behind me, chasing after her up the sidewalk that led to my front door. “I’m fine, Kelsey. You told me yourself that John was long gone, so you don’t have to come in to protect me.” She took off even quicker, and my feet were barely fast enough to keep up. I may have been a track star, but hey, it was an off season, what could I say?

“Hey, turbo let me go first! I’ve got the key you know.”

She scoffed, “No need Em, back up!” Her fingers, long and slender, flicked the lock, completely catching me off guard. I gasped as I watched her twist the knob. I had only ever seen her do magic once before, and that was when she performed it on Zachary. This time, it was actually all sorts of awesome.

She grinned over her shoulder at me while she pushed it open. “Pretty cool, huh?”

I smiled in return. “Yeah, it is.” Let’s just say that I was okay with Kelsey's witch powers for now. She was nobody different, I’d discovered that, well…except for the fact that she could flick her fingers and throw people to the ground and pick locks without a tool. Still, she was my best friend, and I loved her.

We moved inside and, like I had figured, nobody was around. Kelsey wasn’t obviously taking any chances because she went all out anal, checking every nook and cranny space in my house. “I’m okay, Kelsey, seriously, you don’t have to wait here,” I sighed, grabbing the carton of cookie dough ice cream out of the freezer.

She stopped, eyed the container with the two spoons hanging out, but didn’t make a move to grab it like she usually did. Instead, she went about her business, like ice cream was the furthest thing on her mind. I slouched in a chair, pouting. Damn – if ice cream wasn’t going to sway her, then I had no clue what would.

“Shit,” she stiffened, her face paled as she moved quickly towards the front door. Panic laced her narrowed eyes as she turned back to face me again, “He’s here, Em. I’ve…gotta go.”

“Wait –” I called, standing, accidentally flinging my spoon onto the floor. I bent over, picked it up and turned back to beg her to say, but the door was already slamming behind her.

My jaw fell open as I stared at her through the window, running to her car. And then Zachary was there, grabbing her by the arm in the middle of the sidewalk. I froze as his mouth hovered over her ear. She pulled back and then she smacked the hell out of his face. I crept forward. “What the hell?” But she was down the driveway and to her car by the time I made it to the door.

What the hell happened? I stood there, blank face, heart beating into overdrive under my chest. And then Zachary stepped inside, face bright and shiny like he hadn’t gotten slapped right outside my house. “Emmy! Jesus Christ, I’ve missed you so damn much.”

My hands stayed stiff at my side as he raced towards me, picking me up into a swing around greeting. “Um…Hi?” He wrapped his arms around me. The sensation was foreign, and I hated every second of it.

“God, Red, I love you so much!” he dropped his arms from around me, only to press his palms against my cheeks.

 I stared up at him, biting my lip, unsure of what to say in response. I hadn’t missed him. And I didn’t love him. So what could I say really? “Hey, glad to see you too…” his face fell, as if he was expecting a declaration from me. It wouldn’t come. No matter what, I couldn’t love him back the way he loved me.

“What happened outside, with Kelsey?” I backed away, crossing my arms uncomfortably over my chest.

His face paled. “What do you mean what happened?”

“She hit you,”

A slow smile crept over his face. “We were joking around. She always hits me like that.” Damn liar. I hated liars–didn’t he know that?

“I don’t believe you,” I spat.

He inched forward, “Well believe it Red – that’s how it is with me and…Kelsey,” he cringed as he spoke her name. I wanted to smack him too.

I pressed my mouth together in a tight line and tucked my hands into my hoodie pocket.

“Come on, let’s not do this now. I want this to be about me…you…us!”

I turned away, walking back towards the kitchen, noticing how he’d always put the word
me
first. “You cut your hair off…” he sighed from behind.