Restless Hearts (3 page)

Bridget’s fingers caressed the embroidery she’d just completed while she studied her daughter. “I’m going to lose you, aren’t I?” A tear ran down her cheek, but she was smiling. “What are you going to do?”

Sarah sat up a little straighter. “I have no idea how I’m going to accomplish this, but I’d like to go to San Francisco.” Excitement fluttered in her stomach as she spoke. “I’m going to need your help, though.” For the first time in months, she looked forward to the future. “What do you say?”

“You’re not afraid?”

Sarah laughed. “I’m terrified.”

Her mother smiled and shook her head. “Good, but we have to agree to something here and now. Your father must never know I helped you plan this. You’re going to leave a letter when you leave and I’m going to be completely taken aback when I find it.”

“Thank you.” Sarah hugged her mother in a rare display of affection. “That’s one promise I can keep.”

Had that really been only two months ago? Sarah came out of her reverie and looked around the deck. Excitement gripped her as she realized that her dream was about to come true. She was really here, on board
WindSprite
, soon to depart for San Francisco.

As though in tune with her thoughts, the anchor chain clattered loudly as it was winched up from the bottom. Crew members, eager to get started, clambered up to the yards and prepared to release the sails.

Lured by the sound, Lucy Davis popped her head out of the companionway, spotted Sarah and joined her at the railing.

“Are you excited? How long has it been since your husband left?” A light breeze had sprung up and Lucy swatted impatiently at a few loose hairs.

“Not too long.” The ship started to respond as wind filled the sails.

“What does your husband do? Is he chasing the golden dream, or is he in business?”

Sarah laughed. “Neither, really. He’s a doctor. I stayed behind to tidy up our affairs.” A weak story, but it was the best she could do.

“I understand. I have a friend who’s married to a doctor in New York. She’s told me many times that she has to make all the practical decisions.” The ship heeled slightly, and Lucy clutched the railing. “My Charles has always been in business. I told him I expect a proper home by the time I arrive. The last letter I received assured me that he’s having a house built on a hill away from the center of town. I have no idea what that means, but I’ve brought enough household goods to set up housekeeping once I get there.”

“We thought we’d buy a place after I arrive,” said Sarah. “Devon says he’s leaving that up to me.”

Lucy gave her an odd look. “I may be wrong, but I don’t think there are many places available for purchase. I got the impression that it’s every man for himself when it comes to housing.” She shrugged. “Although maybe that’s among the single miners.” She gave Sarah an appreciative once-over. “You’re young and strong. You’ll figure it out. Now I think I’ll have a quick turn around the deck before it gets rough.”

“Yes,” Sarah murmured to Lucy’s retreating back. “I’ll figure it out.”

* * *

The shoreline receded rapidly as the ship put out to sea. Off the bow of the ship, streaks of grey stretched across the sky, and in the west, the sun’s descent illuminated the clouds with a pale golden glow. Not the colorful, romantic sunsets Sarah had imagined, but she was confident she’d see many of those in the days to come. Today she was embarking on more than a sea voyage... she was embarking on a new phase of her life. This time she wouldn’t allow herself to slide into situations or relationships that weren’t to her liking. The notion was empowering, and she smiled to herself as she braced against a sudden swell.

“Finding your sea legs?” Jamie Thompson appeared at her side.

“They weren’t lost.” The words popped out before she could stop them, and she glanced sideways to see him grinning.

“Touché,” he said, with a tilt of his head. “But seriously, those shoes aren’t suited to walking on the deck.” He looked out to sea. “Especially when we get into heavy waters.”

Sarah looked down at her ankle-high, square-toed boots. “I’m learning that, but all the same, it’s exhilarating.”

“Looking for a bit of an adventure, are you?” He raised an eyebrow.

Sarah’s heart raced when he looked at her like that. She was enjoying his company far too much. “Not if it means being swept overboard, no. Thankfully, my mother is a practical woman, and she insisted that I bring several pairs of buskins along for that very purpose.”

He nodded. “Buskins. You’re referring to low-heeled shoes, right?” His tone held a definite challenge. “Aren’t those usually worn by – how can I say this delicately – the lower classes?”

She raised her head and met his gaze. “As I said, my mother is a practical woman.” She made a broad gesture that encompassed the sea and the diminishing land mass at their stern. “Something tells me that the old rules don’t mean much where we’re headed.” She paused for a moment. “Well... some of the old rules will still apply, of course, but I intend to keep an open mind when I get there.”

“And your husband? Does he share your passion for fresh starts?” He spoke casually, but watched her intently as she pondered his question. She’d have to be careful around this man; he saw more than he let on.

“Surprisingly, yes.”

He turned to her. “Why is that surprising?”

She kept her gaze on the distant horizon. “Because most men in the medical profession are fairly set in their ways. I grew up with a father who is a doctor, so I know all about that.” It was difficult to keep the bitterness out of her voice. It was time to change the subject before she gave too much away. “What about you? What prompted you to take the leap?”

A fleeting smile crossed his lips. “I like the way you say ‘take the leap’. It suggests something wild and unknown.”

If only he knew.
She maintained her silence, and he continued.

“As I mentioned before, my grandfather left me some property, but if I’m really honest with myself, that was just an excuse. I’ve been restless for some time now, and learning about my inheritance was the catalyst I needed.” He shuddered. “I can’t see myself being a banker for the rest of my life.”

Sarah was about to respond when Melissa Taylor came running out onto the deck.

“Mommy’s sick,” she said breathlessly.

Sarah looked at Jamie. “Perhaps the steward...”

Missy tugged at Sarah’s hand and she lowered herself to the child’s height. “Mommy has a baby in her tummy,” she confided. “That’s why we didn’t go in the wagons with Daddy.”

Sarah imagined that the sea voyage would have seemed the simpler choice, but there was no point in wondering now... the die was cast. She rose and caught Lucy’s attention as the older woman strode around the deck for the third time. “Could you watch Missy for a few moments while I check on her mother?” Hopefully Anna Taylor’s sickness was an adjustment to the motion of the ship. If the woman’s condition was going to be an ongoing problem, she’d have to speak to the steward and determine how much help he could offer.

“Of course,” Lucy agreed cheerfully. “Come along, then. We’ll have a story.”

“Mrs. Taylor?” Sarah knocked and entered the cabin.

A soft moan greeted her, followed moments later by the smell of vomit. Sarah had smelled and taken care of worse. She cranked the porthole until it was open a few inches, then went to Anna Taylor’s bedside.

“Your daughter tells me you’re pregnant.” She placed a hand on the woman’s brow.

Anna nodded and struggled to get up. “I’m so sorry,” she said, looking down at her soiled dress and the floor.

“Think nothing of it.” A small towel and washcloth sat on a stand near the bed; preparations for the inevitable sickness. She dipped the cloth in cool water, cleaned off Anna’s mouth and chin, then gently wiped the woman’s brow. A few fine hairs lay flat against her sweaty temples.

Sarah gave the woman an encouraging smile. “I’m going to find a bucket to leave beside your bed, and bring you a glass with some drinking water to rinse out your mouth. This sickness will go away. You’ll be on your feet in no time.”

The woman’s stomach heaved, but nothing came up. “I’m a poor sailor,” she murmured, collapsing back onto the thin pillow. “Always have been.”

“All right.” Sarah summoned her most confident voice. “A few days, then. Two or three at the most, but you can’t spend the entire voyage here.”

“No, you’re right.” She didn’t sound convinced. “What is your name?” The other woman reached out a hand.

“I’m Sarah Howard. Please call me Sarah.”

“Anna.” A faint smile transformed her face. “My daughter. Is she safe?”

“Oh yes. She’s on deck with my cabin-mate, Lucy Davis.” Sarah pictured the stout, no-nonsense woman. “Don’t worry about her.”

Sarah tidied the room and went in search of a bucket and some water. As she popped her head out of the companionway, she saw Jamie pacing back and forth. It pleased her that he seemed to be waiting for her to appear.

He turned eagerly when he heard her. “Everything all right?” The ship lurched and he reached out to steady her. She was reluctant to admit it, but it felt good to have a man look out for her.

“Yes, she’s just seasick.” A fine mist covered everything, and she looked around for the child. Lucy was seated on a coil of rope, Missy sitting at her feet, oblivious to the worsening conditions. Sarah smiled and returned her attention to Jamie.

“It was a bit...” she wrinkled her nose, “...smelly in there, so I opened the porthole. Do you think that’s all right? I don’t know much about a ship’s movement.”

Jamie scanned the horizon. “It should be all right for now, but make sure to close it later, in case the seas come up tonight.”

“Okay.” She gave him a quick smile. “I’m off to find a bucket to keep beside her bed.”

* * *

Jamie watched her go, wondering if he was the only one who’d felt the sizzle of attraction that raced through his body when he touched her. Had she felt it as well? She hadn’t made any outward sign, and yet for a split second, something had flared in her eyes.

No, he told himself. What he’d felt was wishful thinking. What was that new term he’d read last week... projecting? Yes, that was it. He’d been projecting his own desires onto Sarah, even though he knew better. Sarah Howard was a married woman, and he was too much of a gentleman to pursue her. Besides, look what had happened to his friend Aidan, who had been foolish enough to dally with a sea captain’s wife while the man was away at sea. It didn’t matter that the woman had been more than willing. When her husband found out he’d been cuckolded, he’d challenged Aidan to a duel. A rare event these days, but Aidan had accepted the challenge. His foolish friend was still sporting a sling on the arm struck by the bullet.

And yet there was something about Sarah Howard. Something that didn’t quite ring true. By her own admission, she craved the adventure, the excitement of traveling to California. Not that there was anything wrong with that. Sometimes it was all he could do to tamp down his own enthusiasm. But everything about her spoke of a need for independence. Someone who was prepared to strike out on her own, as opposed to a dutiful wife in a supporting role.

He dismissed the idea with a small snort. Now he was reading things into her words and actions that weren’t there, and that was dangerous; he had some experience in that department.

* * *

Jamie had known Letitia Wilkerson most of her adult life. Her family owned one of the largest merchant banks in New York, and their families were co-invested in several major businesses. During her coming out season, she’d effortlessly dominated the social scene. Her family’s wealth ensured that she was invited to every event, where she shined as the most beautiful debutante of the year. It had seemed only natural that she and Jamie would gravitate to one another, Lettie with her pale blonde hair and cool grey eyes, Jamie with his broad shoulders and dark, good looks.

He couldn’t quite pinpoint the time when he realized that Letitia was a shallow, self-centered woman. By then, it was expected that he would marry her, but life with a woman like Letitia would be one-sided. Already she was trying to manipulate him... something he detested... and he saw nothing but years of unhappiness stretching into the future.

Sarah reappeared, and he watched her go below. He couldn’t imagine Letitia taking care of someone who had just been sick. The idea was laughable, and yet it served to underscore the fact that he could never marry her. Fortunately, they had never been formally engaged, but when he’d told her that he was considering staying in San Francisco, she lashed out at him in a most un-ladylike manner. He hadn’t realized that she’d even heard the words that spewed out of her mouth, let alone use them, and he smiled now at the memory. He’d wanted to applaud her use of the vernacular, but that would have enraged her further. That day, it occurred to him now, was the first time he’d come close to liking her in over a year, and all because she’d shown genuine emotion when she swore like a sailor. The timing of his departure couldn’t have been better.

Prior to leaving, Jamie and his friend had met for one last drink together. Never one to hold back on his opinions, Aidan had suggested that he was taking the easy way out. “You’re running away,” he’d said, coming perilously close to the truth. “Although I can’t say I blame you. Lettie would eat you up and spit you out.”

Jamie had bristled at the comment. “Hold on there.” he’d said, prepared to defend himself.

“Don’t get me wrong.” Aidan signaled for another drink and lounged back in his chair. “What I meant to infer is that your damnable sense of honor would eventually prevail and you would end up marrying her simply because you’ve kept her from meeting anyone else.” He made a half-hearted grab for the barmaid as she placed their drinks on the table, and consoled himself with a deep draught. “And that would be a pity.”

“Yes, it would.” Jamie toyed with his glass. “Lettie will make someone a splendid wife.” He lifted the glass and took a small drink. “Just not me.”