Restless Hearts (6 page)

His words brought into focus the enormity of what lay ahead, but they also strengthened her resolve, and her belief that she’d done the right thing.

“I’m not sure,” she said, determination shining through her tears. “But at least I won’t be stuck back in Boston, going nowhere.” She slipped the ring back on her finger. “I want to do something with my life, Jamie. I came close to marrying the wrong man, and it made me realize how easily we can be steered into something we don’t really want.” Her gaze drifted around the inside of the restaurant, but her thoughts were far away. “He was a friend, and it would have been so easy to give up on my dreams and marry him.”

“What happened?”

“It turned out that he was in love with someone else.” She met his eyes unflinchingly. “Another man.”

His only reaction was a slight raise of the eyebrows. “Just as well, then.”

A great weight seemed to lift from her shoulders, and she was suddenly hungry. The delectable aroma of beef pies wafted through the small restaurant and the beaming owner fussed over them as she presented the savoury concoctions, rich gravy bubbling through small holes in the browned pastry crust. If she noticed traces of tears in Sarah’s eyes, she didn’t let on.

“More café?” she inquired.

Sarah drained her cup and examined the pie. “I’d love some, and this looks delicious.”

The woman scurried off, and Sarah looked across the table at Jamie. “Since we’re being personal, what about you? Is there a woman in your life?”

He hesitated for a fraction of a second, and Sarah’s heart plummeted.
Of course there’s a woman,
she scolded herself.

“No, not officially,” he said, opening up his pie to let the steam escape. He put down his utensils and leaned forward, forearms propped on the table.

“You said a moment ago that you came close to marrying the wrong man. The same thing almost happened to me.”

“You almost married a man?”

He gave a soft chuckle. “Feeling better, are we?”

“A little,” she said, tasting the pie.

“I escaped too, although my friend Aidan accused me of running away from the situation when I told him I was coming out to San Francisco.”

“And were you?” This time she was serious. “Escaping?”

He hesitated for a moment. “Possibly. But at the time, it seemed like the only way to break free of Lettie.” He gave a little shudder. “She’s a very determined woman. A lot like you, I suppose.”

“I’m not sure I’m flattered.”

“That didn’t come out right,” he said with a wry grin. “Actually, except for her determination, she’s nothing like you. I was thinking about that back on the ship when you were taking care of Anna... that first time she was sick and you cleaned her up. I think Letitia would rather stick pins in her eyes than do something like that.”

Sarah considered his words for a moment. “Then I would guess she’s very beautiful. There must be some reason you were together.”

“Very beautiful, if you like that sort of thing.” His gaze held hers. “But there’s more than one kind of beauty.”

She held her breath, waiting for him to say more, but he was suddenly interested in his pie. “So,” he said, “how is it?” He took a forkful and a low, appreciative growl escaped his throat. “My Lord, this is good,” he said after a moment, and continued to eat. “I guess I was hungry, too.”

Sarah liked the way he attacked the food, but then she liked everything about this man, and it was time she admitted it, even if only to herself. She poked around inside the pastry shell, examining the contents.

“Full already?” Jamie wore a frown as he watched her.

“What?” She looked up, startled. “No, I was checking the ingredients and thinking that I’d like to duplicate this. I wonder if Levi would give me access to the kitchen again.”

“Probably. After what you did for him, you’re quite the heroine with the entire crew, you know. And if you made some of your bread to go along with it, the captain would be at your mercy.”

“You noticed that, did you?” Sarah grinned. “He’s definitely partial to bread, and I can’t blame him. I believe there’s something about the smell of freshly baked bread that makes a man think of home.” She nodded to herself. “I like making bread, but there’s something about pastry, too. It’s simple and basic.”

“Have you heard about the Cornish pasty?”

“You mean ‘pastry’?”

He ducked his head. “No, it’s called the Cornish pasty. There’s some difference of opinion as to how the word should be spelled. We Americans have adopted it and spell it pastie, but the original spelling is pasty. I know an English chap who opened a pub in New York, and his customers love them.”

Sarah put down her fork and looked up, interested.

“Apparently the Cornish mine workers would take them down into the mines because they were a compact and nutritious snack.” Jamie warmed to his subject. “They’re a piece of pastry, filled much the same as these pies, although Garran says that nowadays a wide variety of fillings are used. Some shops even make them with fruit filling. Anyway, the classic Cornish pasty is flat on the bottom so it could be warmed up, and they have a distinctive crimped edge. In the mines, the crimped part acted as a handle, and the miners would discard it, because they often had arsenic on their hands, but I’ve noticed that most people in Garran’s bar eat the entire crust.”

Sarah edged forward, her meal forgotten. “Sounds interesting. So the miners used it as a portable meal.”

“Exactly.” Jamie wiped up the last of his gravy and popped the bread in his mouth. “I don’t know why I thought of that.” He pointed to her plate. “Eat up.”

She pushed the plate away. “I’ve had enough. I suppose we should look for those items for Melissa and get back to the boat.” She stood reluctantly. “This has been a wonderful break, but I confess I’m ready to continue the voyage. How much longer do you think we’ll be?”

“A couple of months, more or less.”

Sarah nodded. “That’s what I thought.” Jamie insisted on paying for their meals and she reluctantly accepted his offer.

“Tell you what,” he said, sensing her hesitation. “Allow me to sample the first pastie you make, and we’re even.”

“Fair enough,” she said, as they started back toward the pier. “Although it might take some experimentation.”

WindSprite
left Valparaiso shortly before sunset, pushed swiftly out to sea by the late day offshore breezes that funneled down through the valleys. The captain didn’t plan to stop again, and Sarah experienced a tightening in her stomach, which she recognized as nerves. Prior to rounding the Cape, San Francisco had been more of a far-off dream than a reality. Focused on the extreme weather and sea conditions, she had deferred thinking about practicalities until the dangerous part of the voyage had passed, but she couldn’t put it off any longer.

Lucy’s warnings about the difficulty of finding somewhere to live worried her more than she let on. She and her mother had tried to plan for every possibility, but it had never occurred to them that there would be no rooms available for rent. At least, no rooms that would be suitable for a woman by herself.

She followed the progress of the sun as it slipped below the horizon, painting the cloud layers in brilliant shades of orange, apricot and plum... a fruit salad of color. What would she do if she arrived and there was nowhere for her to stay? She let out a nervous laugh. There was nothing she could do about it now, out here in the Pacific Ocean.

“Is everything all right?” Jamie appeared, and took his usual place at her side on the rail.

“Sure. Everything’s fine.” Her voice sounded shrill, even to her own ears.

He watched her carefully, but said nothing. That was another thing she liked about him; he didn’t feel the need to talk constantly, and he didn’t demand answers.

“Sorry I’m late,” he said, lighting one of the thin cigars he allowed himself. He had run out just before the Cape, but he’d replenished his supply in Valparaiso. “How was tonight’s sunset?”

“It was lovely,” she said absent-mindedly. Only faint streaks of color remained in the western sky.

A thin stream of smoke escaped his lips and she lifted her head as it blew in her direction. She’d become accustomed to the sweet scent of the tobacco, and knew she would miss it when she reached San Francisco. Not for the first time, she was reminded that every hour they sailed brought her closer to the moment when Jamie would go his own way.

She glanced at his profile and swallowed a sigh. Why couldn’t she have met someone like him back on the east coast? A silly question, but one she couldn’t help but ask. Of course if she’d met a man like him, she wouldn’t be here now.

“What is it, Sarah?” He kept looking out to sea, as though to look at her might stop her from speaking.

“You’re getting to know me too well,” she murmured.

The skin at the corners of his eyes crinkled as he smiled. “Perhaps.”

Sarah sucked in a deep breath. “I’m concerned about finding a place to live when we get there.”

The tip of his cigarillo glowed in the dusk and she focused on it as she continued to speak. “Oddly enough, I’ve never worried about taking care of myself. I’m not afraid of hard work, but this is a problem I hadn’t considered.”

“Understandable, but you have the advantage of having friends there.” He turned toward her. “Lucy, and myself. We both have homes, so it’s not as if you need to go without a roof over your head.”

She stared at him. “I couldn’t do that.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Why not? Lucy is your friend, and I have an entire ranch at my disposal.” He glanced at the ring on her finger. “I get the impression that people in California... at least those who’ve come out for the gold... aren’t spending a lot of time worrying about social niceties. I suspect that they wouldn’t pay too much attention to a widow who visits the friend of her late husband.” He grinned. “That would be me.”

“But...” Sarah stopped, recognizing that what she said now could set the tone for the future of their friendship. She needed to word her reply carefully.

“I hadn’t thought of posing as a widow.” The water rushed past the hull, keeping time with her racing thoughts. “And thank you for the offer. It’s good to know there’s somewhere I can go if I get desperate, but...”

“...but you want to assert your independence.” It was almost dark now, but there was something in his eyes when he looked down at her. “I appreciate that,” he said, glancing away and then back, “but I’ll be there, if you ever need me.”

She laid a hand on his arm. It was an instinctual gesture, and she almost wished she hadn’t touched him, hadn’t rekindled the attraction that pulsed between them. And now... now that he knew she wasn’t married... there was nothing to prevent them from acting on that attraction. Nothing other than her need to be independent. Thankfully, it was a need he seemed to understand.

She lowered her eyes, suddenly shy. “I’ve never had a man friend before.”

He tossed his precious cigar away and she followed the glow until it fell into the ocean. Then he tipped up her chin, and her heart began to race. “Is that what we are?” he murmured, lowering his head until his mouth hovered just over hers. “Friends?”

She gazed up at him, sensing more than seeing the intensity in his eyes. Then she closed the distance between them, and settled her lips on his.

He responded with a low growl, and one arm slid around her, pulling her firmly against his broad chest. The other hand cupped her face, tilting it slightly to give him better access. His lips were soft yet hard, gentle yet demanding. Sarah’s senses spiraled giddily, and she returned the kiss with a passion she didn’t know she possessed. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she scolded herself for all those years of missing out on such a delightful experience.

He pulled back slowly, breathlessly. “I shouldn’t have done that,” he said, trying to see into her eyes. “But I couldn’t resist.”

“I’m glad you did,” she said, unable to hide her smile. “I thought it was rather wonderful.”

The wind had come up, and an escaped lock of hair blew across her eyes. Jamie reached out to tuck it behind her ear, and his fingers lingered along the column of her neck, sending shivers of anticipation throughout her body.

He gave a soft, intimate chuckle. “Sarah Howard, you’re like no other woman I’ve ever met.” He looked ahead, where the bow cut cleanly through the water, rushing them toward their destination. “You’re going to do just fine when we get there. I’m convinced of it.”

She tried to read the expression on his face, but it was too dark. Did he regret kissing her? She couldn’t imagine why, when they’d been leading up to it ever since the first moment they’d met. A sudden thought chilled her, and she backed up a step. Jamie’s sense of adventure had brought him to California, but unlike her, he didn’t need to prove himself.  He would have no interest in being saddled with a woman when he had a business to establish, and a rancho to run. Besides, he was correct: her goal in striking out for California was to prove that she could be an independent woman, and she wasn’t prepared to give up her dream. At least not yet.

“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” she said, boldly touching him on the cheek. Then she turned and walked toward the soft glow of light coming from the companionway, her lips still tingling from the unexpected kiss. She had a lot to think about tonight.

* * *

Jamie made no move to follow her, even though his body ached with the need to touch her again. He wanted to slowly remove the pins from her hair and run his fingers through the silken strands.

He gave a strangled laugh. Who was he kidding? He wanted to make love to her. He was right when he’d said that he shouldn’t have kissed her, but not for the reasons she might think. A shudder rippled through his body as he took in a deep, calming breath. He didn’t know why he wanted her so badly. He’d known women more beautiful, more socially adept, but he’d never known anyone with the fire and independent spirit shown by Sarah. Not to mention the fact that she cared about others. That in itself was enough to make him fall in love with her.

But he had to let her go. She was obviously inexperienced when it came to men, and he sensed that her underlying sensuality could burst into the flames of passion very easily.

‘Flames of passion’
? When had he started thinking like the dialogue in those penny dreadfuls, the new rage in fiction from England? He reached inside his jacket, patted the slim pack of cigars in his vest pocket, and debated lighting one. Caught up in the need to draw Sarah into his arms, he’d tossed a perfectly good cigarillo into the ocean earlier. If that wasn’t proof that he was in too deep and needed to step back, then nothing was. No, he told himself. He’d save the cigar for when he really needed it. He braced his feet apart as the ship crested a long, rolling wave and slid down the other side. High one moment, and low the next: much like his life at the present. He turned and went below.

* * *

“The pastry’s too short.” Levi looked pointedly at the pastry flakes that littered the table. “You need to cut back on the lard. You know... make the pastry tougher.”

Sarah looked to Lucy, then to Jamie. They both nodded.

“I’m not sure if I can,” she said with a frown.

“Nonsense. Of course you can. You just don’t want to.” Lucy eyed her knowingly. “You’re proud of your flaky pastry, and rightly so, but it just doesn’t work with these.” She took another bite. “They’re delicious. I’ll bet you could sell as many of these as you can make.” She absently picked up the flakes and ate them. “You said you could fill them with fruit as well?”

Sarah looked to Jamie. “Apparently that has been done, with equal success.”

Lucy placed her hands on her ample hips. “You could make a living with these.” Her eyes flashed as she warmed to her subject. “I’ve heard about women who sell food to the miners. Some of them are making more than their husbands. But they’re limited by the number of plates, and spoons, and seats. With these, the men don’t need to sit down. Just think how many more you could sell that way.”

Sarah shouldn’t have been surprised that Lucy had read her thoughts. They’d spent a lot of time together this past month, and what had started as a friendship on a sea voyage had turned into something more permanent. Lucy would never take the place of Sarah’s mother, but she’d found herself turning to the older woman to discuss her feelings for Jamie, and her nervousness at striking out on her own.

Jamie watched the two women. Part of him wished that Sarah was more reliant on him, but he knew that a successful business would be good for her. He’d originally thought that she might try to make a living utilizing her medical skills, but baking was something she excelled at. Knowing her, she’d be treating her customers for less serious injuries while she fed them. He wanted to help her, but he hadn’t thought of a way. At least not yet. Things would no doubt change when they sailed through the Golden Gate.

* * *

“
That’s
the Golden Gate?” Sarah couldn’t keep the disappointment out of her voice. They had stood off for two days due to heavy fog, but this morning’s breeze blew the fog away, revealing the shoreline basking in the warm September sun. The pilot had boarded, and then guided them between the high cliff and some unremarkable, rocky islands. “I thought it would be something majestic.”

Lucy and Jamie said nothing. They were too busy trying to take it all in.

Once inside the bay, Sarah’s disappointment turned to awe. Rolling hills rose up from the sheltered bay, dotted with structures of various types and sizes. But it was the ships in the harbor that drew and held her attention. She turned as Levi came out on deck, and she made space for him in their small group.

“So many ships,” she said, gazing out over the forest of masts. “I had no idea. Is this normal?”

Levi shrugged. “Captain says most of ‘em are deserted. The crews go ashore, get the fever, and run off to the gold fields. Captains can’t find anyone to sail them back.”

“And so they just sit here. It must be a real problem.”

Levi shook his head. “It will probably get worse in the months to come.”

Sarah looked up into the rigging, where many of the crew had climbed to get a better view. “Will Captain Johnson have that problem?”

“I don’t know, but he has a good reputation. A few of the crew are bound to run off, but he’ll be able to replace them, I’m quite sure.”

“I hope so.” Sarah turned to Jamie and Lucy. “What happens next? How do we get to shore?”

“Charlie is sending a boat for us.” Lucy glanced toward the forward deck, where several large crates already sat waiting. “Those crates contain my household supplies. I hope he remembers that I don’t travel light, and sends a large enough boat.” She turned to Jamie. “What about your minting machine? You’ll need a special winch for that, I suspect.”

He appeared surprised at her knowledge. “Yes. I’m going to go ashore first and make sure there’s a spot prepared for it. Once it’s set in place, I’d rather not move it.”

“Then by all means, come ashore with us.” She lowered her voice and spoke to Sarah. “What about Anna and Melissa? Has she made arrangements?”

“She seems to think that her husband will be here waiting for her.” She smiled, recalling Anna’s growing excitement as they neared their destination, and her disappointment at being delayed by the fog.

Lucy spoke forcefully. “He’d better hurry up. It looks to me as though she could have that baby any day now.” She turned to Sarah. “Wouldn’t you say?”