Road to Redemption (20 page)

“Looks like you worked everything out,” Brooke said over breakfast a little while later. 

Cori had finally gotten out of bed when the alarm on her cell phone went off. She threw her clothes on, said a quick goodbye to Roxy, tossed a biscuit in the air and locked the front door behind her.  Giving her enough time to run home, shower and change clothes before she had to meet Brooke for breakfast.

“Yeah. I wasn’t sure, to be honest.  But we did.”

“Then why do you look the way you do?”

“How do you know when you love someone? I mean really love someone?” she asked Brooke instead.

“It’s different for everyone. You think you’re in love with Jack?”

“I’m pretty sure.  I’ve never been there. And he’s right. It is soon, only two months. But I’m pretty sure I love him. But how do I know it’s not lust? I mean, I’ll be honest. The sex is fantastic. Oh my God, he is so big—”

Brooke cut her off with a hand in her face. “Stop.  I don’t want to know. Why do you always want to share that stuff?”

“Because it’s fun.” She laughed at Brooke. “And I wasn’t going to share
that
stuff. I was going to say he is big and strong. I feel safe with him. In a good way, like all is right in the world when we’re together.  We laugh, we have great sex, and we even talk—when I can tease him into conversations. He’s even opened up a bit about Tracy, which I suspect he hasn’t with anyone before. I know he is holding back.  I think he’s scared.  But you know what? So am I.  Is love supposed to be this scary?” She propped her chin in her hands.

“I don’t think it’s love if it’s not scary,” Brooke answered honestly.  “Scariest thing out there if you ask me.  More so if you’re unsure of the other person’s feelings.  I’m assuming that’s the problem? Or part of it?”

“Yeah. He called me ‘baby’ this morning. I don’t think he meant to. I think it slipped, and then I could see him shut down.  And I wasn’t even bothered by it, because when he called me that, my heart started pounding in my chest. I thought for sure he could see it beating, since he had pulled the covers off me and I was naked.” She grinned at Brooke’s sigh, but she wasn’t going to elaborate on sex and embarrass Brooke, even if she wanted to. It was so much fun to pick on Brooke.

“What did you do when he said it?”

“I panicked. I pulled the covers up to my chin and closed my eyes.  But he leaned in and kissed me before he left, and it felt so right.” 

She added more sugar and cream to the coffee the waitress had refilled and took her time stirring it, then finally said with determination, “I really think he’s the one. But I didn’t want to read the panic in his eyes after he called me that. So I pretended like I didn’t hear. I don’t know how to make him love me,” she said sadly.

“You can’t make anyone love you. They have to want to.” Brooke reached a hand over and placed it on top of Cori’s. “But my money’s on you.  Because you know what? I think he does love you or he is getting there. I think he is scared to let himself feel again.”

“Do you really think that’s it?” Cori asked, almost childlike.

“I don’t know for sure. But from what you’ve told me, I think he’s afraid of being left alone again.  I’ve been there. I know. It’s hard to get out of that mentality. You’re so sure you are going to fail someone else, that you can’t be what you think someone else would want you to be. So you don’t let yourself get in that situation again.  It’s a lonely place to be.  My guess is Jack is stuck in that place right now.”

***

Cori thought a lot about what Brooke had said a week ago. And the more she thought about it, the more she realized that had to be part of it. Jack was stuck and didn’t seem to be able to get out.

She knew beyond a doubt that Jack was the one for her. She loved him, flaws and all. That was what made him who he was. She didn’t even care that he moved slowly because she moved so fast that it worked for them. It evened them out, somewhat. 

She didn’t even mind all the hours he worked. Despite what everyone thought about her, she didn’t need to be in someone’s space nonstop and she didn’t want anyone in hers.

And she liked the time she had to herself at the end of each night. Not that she wouldn’t like Jack with her at night—or waking with him in the morning—but she was okay with his job. She was proud of him, proud of what he had accomplished in his life.  Proud to be with him. 

This past week had been wonderful. They weren’t spending any more time together than normal, but everything seemed to be clicking.  She felt like a door had opened up, even if it was only a crack. 

Thoughts of this past week were floating through her head.  He was texting her more frequently, offering to pick up dinner,
wanting
to spend time with her, even if it was a few stolen moments at work. He was making a few moves himself, not always relying on her to make the plans. And she was actually happy to let him do it.  It didn’t always have to be about her and what she wanted. She just wanted to be with him.               

And she wanted him to be happy. 

So when she was walking down the cereal aisle of the grocery store after work looking for some new cereals to try, she didn’t immediately notice the ringing of her phone. No one ever called her, they only texted.  Once she realized what the noise was, she fished her phone out of her purse and smiled bright at Jack’s name flashing on the screen.

“Hey,” she said happily. “I thought you had a meeting tonight.”

“I did. It was cancelled, still on-call though.  Where are you? I drove by your place and didn’t see your car.”

She was immediately warmed by his statement. He was going to surprise her by coming over without calling first.  She wished she had been there.  “I’m picking up some groceries.” Then she suggested without thought, “I can stop by on my way back. I mean if there was something you wanted,” she added in a sexy voice, but held her breath waiting for his answer.

His smile came though the phone. “That’s good.  Can you grab something for dinner? I haven’t eaten yet.  No junk food, get a steak or something simple. I can handle the grill on my stovetop, but that is about it,” he said with a laugh.

***

He actually didn’t do much better than her in his first attempt to a cook dinner for her.  The steak had managed to get burned on one side, but otherwise it tasted fine.  She bought containers of potato salad and coleslaw for the rest of the dinner. Probably not the best sides with a steak, but it was better than opening a bag of chips, which was his other option.

Once dinner was cleaned up, and Roxy had gotten her share of the leftovers, he pulled Cori out of the kitchen and up the stairs to his bedroom.  Shutting the door to Roxy’s sad face didn’t bother him in the least.

Pulling her into his arms, he leaned down and kissed her softly.  Not deepening the kiss, even when she pushed for it.  “No rushing tonight. Nice and slow, my way,” he murmured as his mouth moved from her mouth to her ear. When his tongue flicked out to tease her earlobe, he felt her shiver.

He didn’t want to waste time leaning down to kiss her, so he swung her into his arms and carried her to the bed. Laying her down gently, then following her on the bed, he hovered over her, and continued to kiss her softly, teasing her, pulling her lower lip into his mouth. Sucking on it, nipping it, then releasing it and kissing her again. Their tongues danced and moved in each other’s mouths with bites and nips, until Cori’s moan of urgency broke through to him.

He stopped her attempt to pull his shirt from his waistband.  Placing both her hands above her head, he leaned over her and repeated, “Slow. My way tonight.” Her body quivered underneath him, making him feel powerful. Making him feel needed, like he hadn’t felt in so long. 

Releasing her hands, he told her, “Keep them there or I’ll stop and place them there again.”

He drew her shirt up slowly, his mouth following the same path. He repeated the same ministrations on her midsection as he did her lips, sucking, nipping and sucking again. He made her burn, burn hotter than she ever had before, he knew.

“Jack, I can’t take much more. Please,” she begged.

“I like it when you beg,” he told her. “But it’s not going to make me hurry.”

She almost screamed in relief when he finally pulled her shirt off, but it was only to tease her through her bra.  He chuckled. “I told you, my way tonight.”  His tongue came out to lick around the edge of her bra. 

Under the lace edging, he flicked her hardened nipple. Her body formed a bow, taut and ready for release. “Oh God, please, Jack.”

With one hand, he reached under her and unhooked her bra, pulled it away from her body and off her shoulders, then placed his lips where his tongue had been, molding his body to hers.

Raising her hips, she rubbed against him, trying to get some type of friction. Her body was telling him she was so close and she needed the release.  The teasing was driving her mad and she told him as much.

“Patience.  You need to have patience,” he told her and only grinned against her breast when she swore.

As he moved his mouth to her other breast, he slid one hand down her waist, over her hip and back up again. Caressing her softly through her jeans, then over her bare waist, and down through her jeans again. He dragged out every motion painstakingly slow. Making every nerve stand on edge, making her wait for him to decide when he would let her fall.

She was almost sobbing with frustration when he finally undid the button on her jeans and slid his hand inside. But he only placed his hand on her hip. Not where she wanted it, but he didn’t care.  

Down the zipper went, along with her jeans. The cold air in the room formed goose bumps as he removed her jeans completely. Lips and hands slowly made their way back up her legs when he continued to massage her muscles, teasing her. His tongue came out to taste her. Everything he did caused her to squirm more, bringing her closer to the edge. She was putty in his hands, and he loved every minute of it.

“Higher, Jack.  Touch me,” she ordered him roughly. 

With his mouth still moving around her inner thighs, he reached up and slid one finger under the edge of her panties, feeling her wetness, making her body jerk. He knew it wouldn’t take long. Not long at all. 

He edged her panties down her legs slowly, like everything else he had been doing. He started with his hands on her ankles, then moved them up her calves, knees and thighs. Ending behind her legs, he pushed her thighs apart and legs up in the air, holding her high, exposing her to him. Open, just the way he wanted. 

It only took one touch, one touch of his tongue to send her exploding in his mouth.  He didn’t let up, only continued to devour her when the spasms racked her body.  Never giving her a chance to come down, he sent her higher and higher, her cries filling the room, showing her no mercy. 

Only when he knew she was on the edge a second time, did he stop, pull back and quickly shed his own clothing and ready himself. 

Grabbing both her hands, he held them over her head threading his fingers through hers, holding her tight. He kept his weight on his forearms, then gradually slid inside of her, inch by agonizing inch.  It was so good to feel her surrounding him.

Placing his mouth on hers, he smothered her moans with his own, and rocked against her, pulling out and sliding back in, again and again. He brought her to the brink she loved to climb, stretched it out, then pulled back and made her wait for it again. His eyes searched hers, softness bordering on possession as he started to pick up the pace.

“Now, Jack. Please, now.” She was shaking uncontrollably with passion.

He rocked and ground against her, felt her body shake even more underneath his. His only thought was to have her fly with him. He needed to feel her tremors surround him when he came.  Keeping with the pace he set, he finally brought her to the verge of freedom. Finally giving her what she wanted, which gave him what he needed.

She was almost sobbing with her release when he got up to take care of the condom. Then he came back and held her close. His hands rubbed up and down her back, trying to calm the shivers her body seemed to have. 

Pulling back from his chest where he was holding her close, she reached up and placed her hand against his cheek. Feeling him lean into it more, she looked into his eyes as they softened—saw what she thought were the same feelings she had felt—and before she knew it, the words were out of her mouth. “I love you.”

He stiffened. He didn’t say a word, didn’t push off, but didn’t pull her closer either.  Her eyes continued to search his for anything, any sign, but nothing came.  When the tears filled her eyes, she jerked back away from him.  Regretting ever saying the words.

He tried to pull her back. “Cori, wait.” He grabbed for her arm when she jumped out of bed.

“No. I’m sorry.  I know you don’t want to hear that,” she said, fighting through the tears that ran down her cheeks. With jerky motions she started to pull her clothes on as she found them scattered on the floor.  “Don’t. Don’t try to explain. Don’t say anything. I can see it on your face,” she cried.

Pushing off the bed himself, he pulled up his underwear and grabbed for his jeans, yanking them on.  “Come here, let’s talk. We need to talk.” He tried reaching for her again.

“No. I don’t want to hear it,” she said jerking away. “I can’t hear it.” She wrenched the door open intending to leave but turned, her body shaking for a whole different reason. “On second thought, you need to hear this. I love you. Yep, I said it again. You don’t want to hear it, do you? You don’t want to feel it.  Maybe you don’t feel it for me; I don’t know. I thought maybe, just maybe you were feeling the same way I was.”

“Cori, I care about you.”

“Don’t insult me. And don’t pacify me,” she yelled back at him. “You know what, Jack? People get hurt, and people get sick, and people die. It happens every day.  But you can’t stop living because of it. You can’t stop loving because of it.  But
you
want to. You’re afraid to let anyone love you. You’re afraid to let me love you.”

“Don’t tell me what I’m afraid of. You don’t have a clue what I’m feeling, or what I’ve gone through,” he stated bluntly, causing her to flinch from his words.

“Yep, you’re right. Because you never tell me, you never even give me a clue. You hold back everything, only saying what you want to say. And it’s only enough to make you comfortable.  Because heaven forbid you ever feel
uncomfortable
again.”

She had had enough and raced down the stairs, then yanked her coat on. She fumbled to get her keys out of her pocketbook, finally pulling them out. She turned and glared at him, the tears now running unchecked down her face. “You want to be alone so much? Then fine, enjoy your loneliness.  I hope you and your misplaced guilt find happiness together because one of these days you’re going to look back and realize that I was exactly what you needed in your life. And you let me go.”

***

Cori drove fast through the streets to get home.  Her heart was breaking. Her breath was coming so hard and fast she could barely see through the tears running down her face. 

How could she have been so stupid?  She could have sworn he felt the same way.  The way he looked at her tonight, the way he held her, the way he made love to her—it all felt like he loved her.  Or was it because she wanted it so much that she convinced herself?

No, she was right. She knew she was right.  She wasn’t stupid at all.  She knew what she saw tonight.  If you want it bad enough, fight for it.  Didn’t she tell him that when he tried to walk out the door before?  And here she was, running away, when she accused him of that very thing. 

Should she turn around and fight? Or should she give him a day or so to figure it out on his own? Push and fight. The two things she said she wouldn’t do to him. Or should she walk away and hope he could figure it out?

She never had a chance to make that decision.

She saw the red light ahead, had driven these roads enough and didn’t bother to slow down as she timed the color change in her head. It would turn green by time she got there. And it did, but the headlights on the side blinded her as the car coming in the other direction plowed right into her little Mini Cooper. 

***

He thought about going after her. But she was fast—out the door and pulling out of his driveway while he stood there in the doorway wearing only his jeans, watching her pull away.  It was better this way. Only it didn’t feel better to him at all. It felt horrible.

He had been sitting in his recliner in the dark, staring at the TV that remained off.  He didn’t feel the cold leather against his back, oblivious to the fact he was only partially dressed. He felt pain, a physical ache he hadn’t felt in years, right in his chest, burning his eyes. 

Dropping his head into his hands, Cori’s words echoed in his mind, slicing through him deep, increasing the pain to a greater level.

She was right. Everything she said was true.  People get hurt, sick and die all the time.  But he was still alive. Though he didn’t always feel that way.

He was trying to live his life. He didn’t ask for her or the complications she brought.  He didn’t ask to fall in love again.

Then it hit him. He loved her.  He could fight it all he wanted, and he tried. But she had wiggled her way in just the same. Somehow she had closed all those open wounds that had lingered for years.  Wounds he never thought would be healed.  Doubts, grief and guilt he never thought he would be without.

And she was right. He let her go.

Roxy was pacing around him aware something was wrong, but not knowing what to do. She finally laid her head on his thigh and he absently rubbed her between her ears.

He needed to figure out how to get Cori back, how to make her believe in him. How to make her realize he did love her.  He couldn’t lose this in his life again.

He didn’t know how long he’d been sitting there when he became acutely aware his phone was ringing. Fumbling in his pocket for it, he realized he left it on his bedside table.  He jumped up, took the stairs three at a time, no problem for his long legs, and hoped against hope it was Cori.

But it wasn’t. It was the hospital. Great, the last thing he wanted to do right now. But he had no choice.  He listened to the information being relayed.  Two-car accident, three injured, woman mid-twenties severely injured with massive head trauma, prepping for surgery now. Male, early-thirties broken leg and concussion.  Female mid-twenties concussion and broken wrist, prepping for surgery.

“I’m on my way,” he stated and finally realized he was only wearing his jeans. Quickly dressing, he rushed out the door and made his way to the hospital.

***

Walking into the ER to get a status update, he saw one the nurses blocking his way. He recognized her as a friend of Cori’s, someone she often had lunch with. “Dr. Reynolds, you’re on call?” the nurse asked, looking both upset and nervous at the same time.

“Yes. Now I need to find out what’s going on,” he said dismissing her.

She only sidestepped him again, then looked around him to the other nurse at the station. “Call Dr. Smith in, also. Please.”

“Excuse me,” Jack broke in, his patience running thin. “Why are you calling in Dr. Smith when I’m already here? And I need to get ready.”

“You can’t possible want to be the one doing surgery right now?” she asked surprised, her hands shaking.

“What are you talking about?”

“They didn’t tell you? No one told you? You don’t know? You don’t know who was in the accident?” she asked a series of questions, rambling.

He finally took notice of how upset she was and the shaking of her hands, the reason she wanted to have another doctor called in. He was afraid to ask. He answered all her questions with one word. “No.”

She placed her hand on his arm. “I’m sorry,” she said, her eyes filling with tears. “It’s Cori. She’s being prepped for surgery now.”

He didn’t bother to wait for more information and found himself running.