Run to Me (25 page)

‘Mmm hmm,’ I murmur.

Paul laughs and, gripping me round the
shoulders, pulls me up to straddle him. He sits up, so we can look each other
in the eye. My favourite position.

***

We hang out in the hut all day, talking and
having sex. The window above the bed gets all fogged up and the sheets are
soaked in sweat. I could stay there forever, with her lying next to me. But
eventually she has to leave.

‘He’ll wonder where I am,’ she says, as she’s
pulling on her trackies.

I keep my mouth shut.  

‘I’d better find my own way home.’

I sit up. ‘No way. It’s getting dark, and it’s
cold out there.’

She laughs. ‘OK…
dad
.’

‘I’m serious. I’m dinking you home.’

‘But…’

‘I’ll stop a few blocks away, don’t worry.’

She smiles at this and climbs back into the bed
with me. ‘You’re a sweetie,’ she says, kissing my neck.

‘Don’t tell anyone.’

‘My lips are sealed.’

I lean in and plant mine on hers. ‘They really
are,’ I say, between kisses.

We kiss for a while but I don’t try it on. Even
I’m spent for the day.

Afterwards, I watch as she slips on her joggers
and laces them up. Her hair falls down over her face, with a few strands
sticking to her wet lips. I think about the last two weeks being torture
without her, and it makes me leap off the bed.

‘Hey!’ she says when I grab her round the waist.
‘Can’t let me leave, huh?’

I nuzzle my face into her hair. ‘Not if it’s
going to be another two weeks.’

She turns around so we are hugging. ‘I don’t
want that either. I missed you a lot.’

‘So let’s meet tomorrow.’

She pulls back to look at me. ‘But what about
your father? Won’t you be grounded after today?’

I shrug. I don’t care anymore. I’ve had enough
of his bullshit. ‘Let’s meet in the park. Go for a run.’

She smiles. ‘I’d like that.’

‘Me too.’

We kiss again, and then I’m making the bed, and
closing the window up, and dinking her all the way back to her neighbourhood. When
she gets off round the corner from her place, she rests her hand gently on my
cheek and whispers goodbye. I watch her walk away, until she is swallowed up by
all the garden hedges and the growing darkness. She doesn’t turn back.

I cycle pretty slow across town. I know I’m in
the shit with The Chief as it is, so I’m in no hurry to face him. As I head
along Madison the street lights fade on, and the tar is flooded with white.
Jungilla’s main streets are full of these black, cast-iron lampposts, probably to
try and make the place look beautiful or something. I think they’re wasting
their time.

I know she’s right; I hate Jungilla with a
passion. But how can I think of leaving when she’s here? If there’s anything
I’d regret, it’d be that. For sure. I’m not done with this. I want more of her,
more days in bed like today, more moments like when she cupped my face earlier,
or when I make her laugh. It feels good, being with her. I don’t get that
anxious gut like I do with The Chief, or wishing I could be somewhere else like
I sometimes do with Reggie. When I’m with her, I’m enjoying myself. It’s as
simple as that.

I continue to peddle along as the last bits of
sun die away. At the end of Madison is a sharp turn to the left, and a couple
of streetlights are out where the road curves. It’s because of this that I
don’t even spot McFadden until he is right in my way. I slam on the brakes, and
pull the handlebars sharply to the right so I don’t hit him. Bad move; I go
flying off, skidding along the tar on my hands and knees. Behind me, I can hear
him laughing his head off.

‘Bucket stacked it all right,’ he says between
laughs.

I sit on the ground for a minute, taking in my
torn jeans and ripped up palms. My right one has a big cut on the mound of my
thumb and it is pissing blood already. I pull the skin apart with my fingers
and I can see straight down to the veins. Stitches. Great. I shake my head and
stand up, without looking at him. I don’t need to look; I can hear him
bellowing beside me.

‘This is it Bucket. You and me, right here. Are
you gonna look at me, or what? Too chicken, are ya?’

I want to swing around and hammer him, but
something comes over me. A realisation;
this
I’m done with. I don’t care
about McFadden anymore. I don’t care about revenge, or who cheated on whom. It
doesn’t even seem like it was my life; it was so long ago now. I straighten up
and turn around to face him. I’m still gripping the cut on my right hand,
trying to stop the bleeding, so both my hands are busy. He sees this and makes
his move. His fist comes flying through the air, but I manage to duck aside. I
move further away, back down the street.

‘Look, McFadden, we’re done here. There’s no
fight. Amanda’s yours dude. I don’t give a toss, all right?’

He’s still got his fists up, and he’s bouncing
around like he’s in a boxing ring. It’s all I can do not to laugh.

‘I’m serious. I’ve no more beef with you. We’re
square. Now leave me alone.’

He shakes his head and leers at me. I keep
walking backwards and he keeps following; his face moving from light to shadow,
and back again, as he passes by each lamppost. I manage to stay a safe distance
apart, and for some reason he doesn’t take another swing. His boots just skid
in the loose tar, and his fists hover near his chest. I can’t work out what his
game is, whether I’ve gotten through to him or not. All I know is I’d better
find a way out of here before he comes to his senses.

I consider running. Just leaving my bike and
getting the hell out of there. He wouldn’t be able to catch me. I let my head
stray to the right and notice I’m only about two hundred metres from Madison High School. That means I can cut through the playing field beside the school. I’d
be able to lose him in the darkness there, no problem. I turn back to him, and
take bigger strides, stepping out as I walk backwards. He laughs.

‘Don’t even think about it, Bucket.’

I look down at my cut and the blood is still
pumping. I need to get this fixed.
Now.
Without glancing up I turn right
and start pelting across the road. He screams at me, and I hear him right at my
heels. I zig zag down the street a little, hoping to tire him out, and when I’m
shifting back to head straight down the alley leading to the playing field, I
am doused in bright white. A car horn starts up, and then I hear someone yelling
my name.

‘Paul! Paul! What the hell are you doing?’

It’s The Chief, behind the wheel of Mum’s
station wagon. I stop dead in my tracks, and so does McFadden. The Chief pulls
over to the curb and scrambles out of the car. This has got to be the first time
he’s driven since he broke his leg and I realise how easy he is getting around
these days.

He slams the car door and I brace myself for the
full-blown attack. Could it get any worse? McFadden on one side, The Chief on
the other.

‘What the
fuck
is going on here?’ he
screams. ‘Get the
fuck
away from my kid!’

It’s like when those people talk about the
twilight zone. I feel like I’ve landed in some parallel universe. I even do one
of those stupid double takes. I look at The Chief and he isn’t anywhere near
me. He’s over by McFadden, and he is angry.

‘What do you think you’re doing, huh? Get your
hands down, and get out of here, before I show you what a real boxer can do.’

McFadden has narrowed his eyes, but I can see
the slight anxiety in them. He takes in The Chief’s shaved head and bulky
biceps. He lowers his fists and shrugs dramatically.

‘I’m out of here,’ he says, like it was his
idea.

I’m still standing there, gripping my cut, and
I’m starting to feel faint now. The Chief comes over and takes me by the
shoulder.

‘Let’s go,’ he says, in the calmest voice I’ve
ever heard.  

***

Bill calls on Sunday to invite us over for
lunch. I shake my head and protest silently while Luke’s on the phone, but he
agrees anyway.

‘What’s the big deal? Did you and Kim have a
fight?’ asks Luke once he hangs up.

‘Something like that.’

I haven’t seen Kim since the day of the race,
and I have no idea how she is going to act today.

‘Ahh, sisterly love, hey?’ Luke moves over and
pulls me into a hug.

I tense up. ‘Why did you ignore me? I don’t want
to go. I was planning on going for a run today.’

He steps back. ‘Another run? You were gone for
hours yesterday. Are you training for something? Another half?’

I smile and give a little shrug. ‘Who knows.’

‘How very mysterious.’

‘Yep. That’s me.’

I’m still smiling, and hoping he won’t catch me
out. Although playing coy like this is probably a sure fire way to make him
suspicious; we’ve hardly spoken, or touched each other, in weeks.

Now he looks at me kind of strangely, like he is
trying to read my mind.

‘What?’ I say, turning away.

‘You seem happier.’

I glance at him and the look is still there.

I snort. ‘Is that a bad thing?’

He frowns now. ‘No. Why would you think that?’

‘I don’t know. You seem a little confused by
it.’

‘Honestly, Ab. I am. Nothing’s changed around
here, in fact we seem to be on different planets these days. And yet you seem…’

‘I seem what?’

‘Content.’

I hold in the laughter. I’m anything but that.

‘OK.’

‘OK? That’s all you’re going to say?’

‘What do you want me to say? Are you upset that
I’m
happy
?’

This time he rolls his eyes. ‘No! What I’m
saying is, I don’t
get
it. I thought you might let me in.’

I turn back to the sink and stare out the
kitchen window. He thinks I’m content and yet my stomach is constantly in knots,
and I feel like the worst possible liar. Yesterday I was happy; lying in bed
with Paul. But not when he said he’d change his life for me. That just
confirmed how much of a cheat I am.

‘Abby?’ Luke says, but I continue to stare. The
grass is winter bare now; coarse and browning in patches. I watch my
wind-chimes blowing – the dancing metal peacocks running into one another – but
I can’t hear the bell from inside. I imagine it though; the dinging and
chanting, filling the air.

‘Something has changed,’ I say, thinking out
loud.

‘What’s that?’

I face him again. Luke, with his wavy hair just
a tad too long, and his inability to meet my expectations. I look at this man,
my husband, and I wonder if I’ve ever truly
loved
him. In any way that
is
real
.

I smile softly and wander over to stand next to
him. ‘I do want to go to lunch after all.’

He starts to object, but thinks better of it.
Instead, he kisses me and claps his hands loudly. ‘Let’s hit the road then.’

We don’t talk anymore; as we’re getting ready, or
driving there, or hopping out to greet the family. I don’t talk because there
is nothing left for me to say; nothing that is, until I find the courage to
utter those terrible, honest words that will inevitably crumble my marriage.

Somewhere, I made the decision. I don’t know if
it was when Paul was making love to me yesterday, over and over, or when I
watched the peacock wind-chime dancing in the breeze. Either way, when I look
into Kim’s eyes as she greets me, I recognise the disappointment in them, but my
heart does not acknowledge it. My inner resolve holds me firm.

‘Hello,’ says Kim. No hug. No smile.

‘Hey.’

Luke raises his eyebrows and elbows Bill in the
ribs. ‘You know what’s going on with these two?’

Bill laughs. ‘Nope.’

‘Me neither. Let’s get out of their way. Lead me
to the beer.’

I follow everyone out back to the kitchen and
wait silently while the guys get their drinks. Kim stares at the stove top, as
though bewitched. She isn’t even blinking. Luke and Bill smirk and give each
other knowing looks until finally they drag themselves off to the lounge room.
As soon as the sound of the television filters through to us, she is on me.

‘I assume from this,’ she whispers, gesturing
towards the Luke. ‘That you’ve ended it with the boy.’

‘No.’

Her eyes narrow, and she tut-tuts. ‘
Abby
…’

I step forward and grab her wrist. We walk out
into the hallway, away from earshot. ‘No, Kim. I don’t need to explain myself
to you. This is what’s happening in my life. If you love me you’ll support me,
if not then it doesn’t matter. I’ve made my decision.’