Sawyer (Torey Hope: The Later Years #2) (20 page)

***********

“Oh my gosh, I can’t believe you stopped to read every single information plaque in the entire aquarium.” Luke threw his head back against the seat and sighed dramatically.

“What? Don’t you want to know about the animals you’re seeing?” Sawyer chuckled. He had been able to tell pretty early on that his habit of reading every sign was annoying Luke.

“Yes, I’d like to know their name, maybe native country, and something cool like if they can kill me or not.” Luke looked at Sawyer incredulously, “I don’t need to know their domain, kingdom, phylum, class, order, family, genus, and species like a
certain
someone seemed to be trying to memorize for all 714 animals we saw today.” Luke rolled his eyes and shook his head.

“Well, excuse me for wanting to be informed. By the way, could you have walked any faster? I felt like I was with a mall speed walker. The animals must have been a blur to you as you sped on by.” Sawyer challenged.

“No worries, I got to see them multiple times as I walked by over and over waiting on you to catch up.” Luke shot back.

Reaching a hand out to curl it around the back of Luke’s neck, Sawyer pulled him close. “Look at us, our first little spat. We are so stinkin’ cute.” He kissed Luke softly. “Mmmm, now let’s get home so you can fix me some dinner.”

Sawyer smiled as Luke fell asleep on the way home. His heart swelled as he watched the man sleep.
Is this what love feels like?
He recalled a conversation in college with Adam about looking for love, longing for it. Had he found it? Wasn’t it too soon to call it love? Luke stirred and Sawyer averted his attention back to driving them home.

When they entered Luke’s place, Sawyer smiled as Luke immediately started giving him chores to do.

“Turn the oven on, please.”

“Go take a shower to wash the animals and humanity filth from your body.”

“Go pick up some wine, some whipped cream, and a movie.”

Sawyer raised a brow as he questioned the last direction.

“Please, just go so I can get dinner ready without spoiling the surprise.” Luke pleaded.

It was so cute that Sawyer had no choice but to comply. He knew Luke was excited to do this for him.

After picking up the wine and movie, he drove to his house knowing they had an unopened can of whipped cream. Grabbing it from the refrigerator, he wandered upstairs to see who was home and what was going on.

Kendrick’s door boasted of its signature
do not disturb
sock hanging on the knob. Rolling his eyes and shaking his head, Sawyer popped his head into Decker’s room, but it was empty. Zach’s truck was gone, so he didn’t even bother checking his room.

Bounding down the stairs, he checked in the office and found Decker and Katie pouring over spreadsheets. They both looked up in shock when he came in shaking the whipped cream can.

Raising his eyebrows and fighting a smile, Decker nodded toward the can, “Big night planned there, bro?” Katie giggled and Sawyer blushed.

“No, Luke’s making me a surprise dinner. He sent me out for wine, a movie, and whipped cream. I knew we had whipped cream here so I stopped by. I think he plans on putting it on the chocolate pie he’s making for me.” Sawyer winked.

“Yeah, I’m sure it’s only going on the pie. Don’t worry about returning that can, we’ll get a new one at the store.” Decker shook his head and smiled knowingly.

“So, what are you guys looking at?” Sawyer nodded his head at the spreadsheets.

“Enrollment numbers. We wanted to see if that incident with Matt, Joe, and Ben caused enrollment to drop. Initially, it looked like we had about 20 kids and adults drop out of various programs, but the numbers since you talked to the town show those 20 have re-enrolled in the original programs and we’ve had an influx in several other membership areas. So, it could have been coincidental with the drop outs following the incident, but either way your speech did a whole lot of good. I think it was very beneficial for people to see you and hear from you. You were sincere and personable, the people loved you. Of course, you’ve had most of this town in the palm of your hand since we were young.” Katie smiled at him and winked.

“Can I ask you guys something?” Sawyer shuffled nervously from foot to foot, absentmindedly shaking the whipped cream.

They looked at him, immediately concerned.

“It’s nothing too serious. I was just wondering, how did you guys know you loved each other?” Sawyer blushed as he spoke.

Decker and Katie looked at each other.

“She turned my world upside down, made my perfect control fly out the window, and I didn’t even care. All I was concerned about was spending time with her, making her smile, keeping her by my side. I fell hard and fast.” Decker winked at his girl over the desk.

“For me it was clear from almost the first moment he ran into me in the hallway. And I mean literally ran into me.” Katie laughed as she recalled the moment. “I felt different around him, nothing like I’d ever felt with anyone else. I had truly loved you, Sawyer, but this was different. This was grown up, serious, change your life love, not the young love and best friend love you and I shared. Kendrick and Zach purposely flirted with me to make Decker mad, but I felt nothing for them. None of the men I’d dated throughout college had ever made my heart flutter and swell the way he did. And he wasn’t trying to do it, it was just a natural reaction whenever we were together.” Katie finished and cocked her head to the side. “Why do you ask? Does this curiosity have anything to do with a certain martial arts instructor?”

“Maybe, maybe not.” Sawyer winked and waved goodbye. “You two have fun with those spreadsheets…maybe you should try spreading something on some other sheets sometime tonight.”

“Oh my God, Sawyer! That was as bad as Kendrick!” Katie threw a pencil at his retreating back as he laughed out loud.

***********

Walking into Luke’s place, Sawyer immediately noticed how delicious something smelled. Placing the wine on the counter, he put the whipped cream in the fridge and then surveyed the kitchen. Two huge baked potatoes sat on plates and the entire island was covered with every single baked potato topping imaginable.

“You made me a baked potato bar?” Sawyer was touched.

“Well, you’re always talking about how much you love it at your grandma’s, so I thought I’d try to recreate it here. I hope I got enough toppings.” Luke tried to act like it was no big deal, but Sawyer could tell he was proud of himself.

“Thank you, this is so sweet. No one has ever made dinner for me, unless they are a family member, and they don’t count.” Sawyer nuzzled his nose along Luke’s jaw. “Mmmm, I’m starving. For food now, and you later.”

They both filled their potatoes until the spud wasn’t even visible under all the toppings. “Lucky we can hit the gym tomorrow, it’s like we’re carb loading tonight.” They laughed and shoveled forkfuls in.

“How did the pie baking go?” Sawyer asked. The image of Luke smudged with flour, rolling pin in hand was somehow quite a turn on.

“I followed your grandma’s recipe to a T, so I hope it turns out well. I didn’t know you could make homemade pie crust; I always thought you just bought it in the store.”

When they finished their potatoes and wine, they made their way to the couch.

“Let’s start the movie and we can get pie about halfway through.” Luke suggested.

“Sounds good to me.” Sawyer plopped down on the couch and pulled Luke with him. Showering kisses all over his face, Sawyer thanked him for dinner. “Don’t tell my grandma, but your potato bar was just as good if not better than hers.” The kiss deepened when Luke grabbed hold of Sawyer’s shirt and pulled him close.

It was much, much later when they finally started the movie.

The Center+ was good. His family was good. His friendship with Hayden was good. His relationship with Luke was beyond good.

But something was bothering him.

He spoke to Dr. Parks about it during a weekly session.

“I don’t even know if I can explain this the way it feels in my head.” Sawyer tried to sort his thoughts.

“Try.” Dr. Parks encouraged.

“Okay, I know you know about Luke’s past.” Sawyer had convinced Luke to start seeing Dr. Parks after he’d come back to town. Luke had agreed and seemed to be benefitting from talking about his past with the doctor.

“Don’t worry, I won’t ask you to break doctor patient confidentiality. But Luke’s told me he’s told you all about the abuse from the past.” Sawyer looked at the doctor, but just continued on because he knew the man would neither confirm nor deny what he’d just said.

“Anyway, I know Luke is emotionally and physically scared to bottom. And, this is where it’s really hard to explain, I could live the rest of our life being the bottom for him. Our sex life is great, I don’t feel short-changed or anything like that.” Sawyer glanced at Dr. Parks to see his reaction. As usual, the man had a completely neutral look on his face.

“I think I just feel like Luke isn’t completely ‘with’ me because of this physical and emotional roadblock from his past. I want him to feel completely free. I want him to be able to decide what type of sex we have based on what he wants, not based on his fear of physical pain or the nightmarish memories he still deals with occasionally.” Sawyer stopped and waited. “I think I also feel a little hurt that maybe he fears me? Like he’s afraid I’d hurt him, even unintentionally?

“You have the answer in you already, Sawyer. What do you think I’m going to tell you?” Dr. Parks waited patiently.

“You’re going to say that I need to share my feelings with Luke. Then you’re going to tell me that Luke has to find his way around this roadblock on his own, no one can do it for him.” Sawyer sighed deeply. “And to think I’m paying you for this.”

Dr. Parks chuckled, “See you next week.”

***********

“So, if I can’t get over the pain from my past, is that going to be a deal breaker?” Luke asked defensively as he paced the room. “Like if I never let
you
fuck
me,
we’re over?”

“No, never. That’s not even close to what I’m saying.” Sawyer shook his head vehemently. “I can honestly say that I could happily live the rest of my life with things just the way they are. Well, maybe throw in marriage and kids someday, but the sex setup is
not
a problem for me.”

Luke relaxed slightly when Sawyer spoke and kissed him. “I just worry that the pain, both emotional and physical, from your past is blocking us from being completely open with each other. I don’t want anything keeping us from being the best we can be, but I also never want to push you to do anything you’re not ready for. And, if I’m being honest and selfish, I’m a little hurt that deep down you could even think I would cause you pain.” Sawyer ducked his head sheepishly.

Lifting his chin with the side of knuckle, Luke gazed intently into his eyes. “Sawyer, I have every intention of getting there, hopefully sooner rather than later. And I know you would die before you’d purposely hurt me. I get that in my heart; it’s just getting my head to accept it.” Luke kissed him softly. “Thank you for being patient with me.”

***********

Several weeks had passed, and Sawyer was happy, except for two things standing in the way of him being blissfully happy. Luke still hadn’t worked through his fears completely, but Sawyer was determined to be patient with that issue. They’d get there when they got there. It wasn’t like he was missing out on fabulous sex, not at all. He just wanted Luke’s defenses to be dropped completely.

The second thing standing in the way of Sawyer being crazy happy was Luke still hadn’t agreed to coming to a family dinner. Sawyer had begged and pleaded, but Luke balked or made up excuses every single time.

“We are 100% completely together, right?” Sawyer had asked.

“Of course we are, you know that.” Luke huffed.

“You’ve met every member of my family. You hang out with a lot of them both in and out of work; everyone loves you.” Sawyer was beginning to sound exasperated. When Luke didn’t answer, he continued on, “I just want to be able to call you my boyfriend and have you by my side at family gatherings. My family is extremely important to me, and so are you. I want, no I
need,
for the two most important things in my life to come together.”

Luke smiled sadly. “I know, and I want that too.”

“Then what’s stopping us? I just want to make things totally, 100%, no-doubt-about-it official. Please? Come to dinner this weekend. I think it’s tacos.” Sawyer wagged his brows as he wheedled Luke.

“I’ll think about it. I don’t know what’s holding me back. Maybe it’s fear of the unknown. I didn’t grow up with a fabulous, and very large I might add, family, so this is all very new to me. I’m used to being on my own. I’m not used to big family get-togethers and weekly meals.”

Luke wrapped his arms around Sawyer’s waist and nuzzled his neck. “But, for you, I will try. Just let me work it out on my own, okay?”

Sawyer chuckled and kissed him, “Thank you. And I’ll keep waiting, because you’re worth it.” A kiss to his cheek, “100%,” a kiss on the other cheek, “totally,” a peck to the lips, “worth,” another brief kiss, “it.”

When Luke sighed and leaned into him, Sawyer deepened the kiss.

Several heart-pounding moments later, they broke apart breathing heavily when Sawyer’s phone buzzed. Looking at the text, Sawyer groaned, “Looks like they can get my car in tomorrow, but they want me to drop it off tonight.”

“I’d offer to follow you down there and drive you back home, but I’ve got that evening class at work tonight. In fact, I’m going to be late if I don’t head out right now.” Luke grabbed the back of Sawyer’s neck and pulled him in for one last kiss. “I…um, I’ll see you tonight. Llll…later.”

Sawyer’s heart swelled at the stumbled words and what Luke had wanted to say.
Yeah, I love you too, babe. We’ll get there. Some day.

Picking up his phone, he called Hayden as he drove his car down to the auto shop.

“Hey man, can you come over to the new auto shop and pick me up?”

Sawyer smiled at Hayden’s response.

“Yes, yes, I
could
just walk home. But where’s the fun of that? Pick me up, and I’ll let you buy me a beer before you take me home.”

Chuckling, Sawyer ended the call. Hayden had turned out to be a great friend, and Sawyer was grateful for that.

Sawyer walked the keys into the new shop. It wasn’t actually a new shop, but had a new owner. He’d not met the man in charge yet, but his dad and uncles all liked the place and had started bringing their vehicles in.

“Evenin’. What can I do for ya?” A man about his own age came around the corner wiping his hands on a rag. Sawyer quickly appraised the six foot frame, blue eyes, and light brown hair. The man was extremely attractive.

Reaching out a hand to shake, Sawyer smiled, “Hi, Sawyer Morgan. You texted me a bit ago letting me know you could work on my car tomorrow?”

Recognition dawned on the man’s face. “Right, right. Glad to meet ya, Sawyer. I have to tell you I really appreciate the business your family has been sending my way.”

He shook Sawyer’s hand firmly, “I’m Mikael by the way, owner of the shop.”

“No kidding? I expected someone older, more my dad’s age. Good for you, already owning your own business. It’s nice meeting you, Mikael.” Sawyer glanced at the man’s nametag and noticed the unique spelling of his name. Nodding toward his tag, Sawyer spoke, “Bet that gets misspelled quite a bit.”

Mikael laughed, “You have no idea.”

Sawyer filled out the paperwork and handed Mikael the keys.

“You need a ride man? I’ll be finished here in a bit and can run you home.” Mikael asked.

“No, no, I’m good. I’ve got a friend coming for me. Thanks though.”

Making small talk while he waited, Sawyer continued, “So, what brought you to Torey Hope?”

“Long story.” Mikael’s laugh was a sad and bitter mixture. “Suffice it to say, I was born and raised in a town even smaller than this place. My family never accepted the fact that I was gay. My dad insisted on handing over the family auto shop to my brother and cutting me out completely unless I agreed to ‘just be straight.’ So, I left and never looked back. Worked for a few shops along the way, saved up a little bit of money, and lucked upon this place a few months back.”

Realization snapped in Sawyer’s mind; he’d had a sense Mikael was gay, but his senses seemed to have faded a bit since he’d gotten involved with Luke.

Pulling his phone out, he saw a text from Hayden.

Hayden:
I’m here.

Sawyer spoke as he typed his reply. “I’m really sorry to hear about your family, that sucks. But you’ve found a great place here in Torey Hope. And, with the previous guy retiring, you’ve walked into a goldmine of business I’d think. Once you get some customers back who moved when this place closed down, you should be sitting pretty.”

Sawyer:
Come in. I want you to meet Mikael.

Hayden:
You want me to drag my ass into the auto shop to meet an old Russian guy named Mikael? I’ll pass.

“Well, I hope those customers come back quickly. Finances are really tight, and I’m probably going to need to talk to the bank to get something set up until money is flowing in a little better.” Mikael continued working under the hood of a car.

Sawyer discreetly snapped a picture.

Sawyer:
No. I want you to come in to meet a young guy, about our age who happens to be gay with a unique spelling of his name. Check out how good he looks from my angle.

Sawyer stifled a laugh when Hayden appeared at the door in record time. Giving a quick nod in Mikael’s direction, Sawyer wagged his brows at Hayden and mouthed, “Niiiice...”

Hayden frowned and cleared his throat before speaking, “You ready, man? The chariot awaits its queen.” He smiled good-naturedly at Sawyer.

Recognizing a different voice, Mikael stood up straight and turned around. Wiping his hands on his rag again, he walked toward Hayden.

“Mikael, this is my friend, Hayden. Hayden, this is Mikael. You two have somewhat similar stories as to why you’re in Torey Hope. Maybe you should meet over coffee sometime and swap family disappointment tales.” Sawyer teased them, but he noticed that the two men’s eyes hadn’t left each other the whole time he’d been speaking.

“Actually, Mikael, Hayden is the bank manager at Torey Hope First Financial, you could set up a business meeting with him and then do coffee later. A little business and pleasure, kill two birds with one stone type thing.” Sawyer smiled smugly and looked innocently at Hayden.

Rolling his eyes at his friend, Hayden shook his head. “Sorry about Miss Matchmaker there. He thinks just because he’s all cozied up with his man, he can pimp me out to people he’s just met.”

Mikael laughed, “No worries, man. It’s nice you’ve got a friend willing to look out for you like that. Actually, I
would
love to sit down with you and talk about business. After is optional, but I do love a good cup of coffee.”

Sawyer watched in satisfaction as the two men exchanged numbers.
My work here is done,
he thought slyly to himself.

***********

Luke left the gym after his last class that evening with his head absolutely swirling around his relationship with Sawyer. He wanted to take the next steps. He wanted to be able to bare himself completely with Sawyer, have a completely versatile sex life with him. He knew he just needed to do it and prove to himself that Sawyer would never purposely hurt him.

He also wanted so badly to go to dinner with Sawyer’s family, to let them all see them together, in a real relationship once and for all, but he didn’t know what was holding him back. It was if he was afraid Sawyer and everything good in his life would go up in smoke if he took that next step.

“Luke?” The captain interrupted Luke’s musings.

“Evening, Captain. How are you doing?” Luke instantly felt nervous.

“I’m good, son. Listen do you have a minute?” The captain asked.

As if I’d tell you no,
Luke thought. “Sure. Want to sit outside? It’s a nice evening.”

They walked out to a picnic table. Luke was on pins and needles wondering where the conversation was going to go.

“I’ve always been a straight shooter, so I’m going to just come right on out with what I want to say.” The captain began and Luke nodded to show he was listening.

“Son, I’m not going to pretend to understand what you and my grandson have together. But, just because I don’t share the feelings or completely understand something doesn’t mean it’s not real. I’ve watched you and Sawyer; I don’t think either of you
chose
to have these feelings and the struggles and stigmas that come with your lifestyle.” The captain paused again. Luke wasn’t sure if he was waiting on an answer or not, so he just nodded again to show his understanding.