Sawyer (Torey Hope: The Later Years #2) (19 page)

Luke, I’m so very tired. Tired of being unloved, tired of fighting this monster inside of my body, tired of being tired. I hold on only for you. You are my reason for fighting, my reason for breathing. I won’t give up until I no longer have a breath in me.

Baby boy, I know you struggle with who you are. But know this, you are a truly beautiful person inside and out. My wish for you is to be happy, to find love. Don’t give in to the hatred your father and brothers spew. Don’t let them win in making you scared and miserable and lonely. When it comes time, don’t fight love. No matter who the person is, don’t deny yourself love, sweet boy. Let love in, let love win. Only then will you defeat the hatred that tried so hard to keep you down.

You, my precious boy, are a beautiful miracle, a true gift to this world. I love you so very much.

Love,

Mom

Sawyer was crying by the time he finished the letter, and had to reread the last paragraph several times. “My God, Luke. This is heartbreaking and beautiful at the same time.”

Turning to him, Sawyer gathered him in his arms. “I’m so sorry for what you lived through and that you lost your real dad without ever having the privilege of knowing him. I’m sure if he’s half the person you are, he was a wonderful man.”

He held him close for a while, just breathing him in.

“So, all this time…” Sawyer started.

“Yeah, all these years, I took a broken sentence from my mom and made it my motto,
Don’t give in, don’t let them win
, when in reality that was the furthest thing from what she was wanting to tell me. And, thanks to that jackass who I called a father, I went on living with that misguided promise leading me for several years too long.” Luke gently placed his forehead against Sawyer’s. “But, do you know why I can’t be too upset? Why I’m not angry? Why I’m totally okay with the way my entire life has played out?”

Sawyer looked at him in confusion and barely croaked out, “Why?”

Cupping his hands around Sawyer’s cheeks, and lifting gently so their eyes met, Luke spoke solemnly and sincerely, “Because every moment of my life, both the good and the bad, brought me here to Torey Hope, here to
you.
And I don’t regret a single thing that had a hand in leading me to you, to us.”

Lowering his mouth, Luke let his lips hover mere millimeters from Sawyer’s. “Will you help me work through the fear? Help me move on?” When Sawyer could only nod, Luke closed the distance and placed a gentle, loving kiss on his lips.

The kiss quickly morphed from gentle and loving to rough and desperate. Over an hour later, still warm and sated from their joining, Sawyer held Luke in his arms.

Taking a deep breath, Sawyer’s gruff voice echoed in Luke’s ear, “I guess I was wrong. That story completely changed the way I feel about you.”

Luke stiffened and began to pull away.

“Stop, that’s not how I mean it.” The warmth of Sawyer’s arms engulfed Luke once more. “What I meant was I was crazy about you before, but now I’m in awe of you. You are one of the most resilient, strong men I’ve ever met. What you went through, it was enough to end many people, but you pulled yourself through it. And now you’ve faced your past, and are working to move on from it completely, not letting it hang over your head, looking over your shoulder any longer.” Sawyer kissed Luke’s cheek. A finger gently tipped his chin up and turned his face so Sawyer could place a long, lingering kiss on his mouth.

Sawyer awoke to his body on fire. Reaching down to relieve the sweet ache, his hand found Luke’s head. In complete shock, he lifted up on his elbows to stare down at the most beautiful sight he’d ever seen. With his head thrown back he groaned, “I could get used to waking up like this.”

As Luke hummed his agreement, Sawyer knew the end was imminent and he worried about it being too much for Luke to handle too soon. “Babe, I’m not going to last much longer with you doing that, so you better stop.”

When Luke’s head shook in disagreement, Sawyer closed his eyes and savored his release. Never had it meant more to him than to share it with Luke.

When Luke crawled up his body and kissed him roughly, Sawyer could only smile. Chuckling through kisses, he teased, “Well, you certainly got over that fear pretty quickly.”

Luke nuzzled their noses together, while two other appendages took a moment to say good morning as well. “I would gladly do that every single morning.” He kissed him. “You taste good. You smell delicious. And I know you’d never do that to hurt me.”

“You know what else I’d never do to hurt you?” Sawyer smirked.

“Yeah, I know, just give me a little more time on that one.” Luke spoke as he eased himself between Sawyer’s legs. “Until then, I can never get enough of this.” Thrusting slowly, he allowed time for Sawyer’s body to stretch against him.

Looking down to where they met, Luke’s voice cracked, “Look at us, we are beautiful together.”

Pulling him into a hot, toe-curling kiss, Sawyer couldn’t have agreed more.

***********

After an extremely sensual shower and breakfast, Sawyer walked up slowly behind a bent over Luke as he put the cereal in the bottom cabinet. “Nothing to be afraid of, it’s just me,” he said softly as he rocked himself against Luke’s ass.

Tensing momentarily, but forcing himself to relax, Luke stood up enough to rest his arms on the kitchen counter. Sawyer wrapped his arms around Luke’s chest and nuzzled his ear, “Just feel me. Even through clothes you can feel how much I want you, how hot you make me. I won’t force it or rush you, but I will take every single chance I can get to make you more comfortable with this.” He continued to rock into him, pressing the evidence of his desire firmly against Luke’s jean-clad backside.

“Mmmm, well, now that you’ve got me all worked up so that I want to spend all day in bed, would you like to hear about my plans for us today?” Luke pressed himself back against Sawyer’s steely heat.

“If the plans involve spending all day in bed, I’m totally for it. Let’s go!” Sawyer grabbed his hand in jest and pretended to run back to the bedroom.

“So, that’s how it is now, huh? Just sex?” Luke laughed as they paused outside the bedroom door.

“No, you know I’m kidding.” Kissing his nose, Sawyer got serious. “Tell me all about your plans for today. Leave nothing out.”

Luke laughed at Sawyer’s silliness.

“Well, I thought I’d cash in my raincheck on the aquarium. Then when we get home, I’ll make dinner for you
and
try my hand at making your favorite dessert.” Luke was obviously proud of his well-laid plans.

Wrapping his arms around Luke’s waist so that their bodies connected from abdomens down, Sawyer leaned back a bit to get a good look at Luke’s face. “Wow, you’ve been all kinds of busy, huh? A date to the aquarium, dinner,
and
dessert? I’m impressed. But, I’ve got to know, just
how
do you know my favorite dessert is peach pie?”

When Luke’s face fell, Sawyer couldn’t help but laughing.

“I’m kidding, it’s chocolate pie. But, seriously, how did you know that?”

Luke rolled his eyes and breathed a sigh of relief. “Don’t do that, asshole. I’m already anxious enough about cooking and baking for you, I don’t need you throwing me into a panic by introducing a different dessert to the menu. And, I
may
have talked to your brother. Well, actually, I talked to Kendrick first, but he kept saying things like, ‘Sawyer loves
balls
, melon balls. And anything with
nuts
, Sawyer’s crazy about nuts. Hmmm, I seem to remember him saying he really loves cream filled long john donuts.’ So, I finally gave up getting a serious answer from him and asked Decker. Luckily he’d heard Kendrick’s answers and took pity on me.” Luke chuckled and Sawyer couldn’t help but laugh at Kendrick’s answers.

“Yeah, that’s Kendrick for you.”

***********

“So, I’ve told you what happened in my past. You planning on telling me what happened while I was gone?” Luke glanced at Sawyer while they drove through the early morning sunshine.

“Honestly, I’d rather not, but I’m sure you’ll hear about it around town.” Sawyer rubbed the new scar on his forehead.

Luke sat patiently and waited for the story to be told.

“Some local men interrupted a meeting at The Center+ and basically outed both of us to the town. They didn’t use our names, but they threw around some derogatory words and caused a stir among the members and townsfolk. Caused some issues with The Center+, that’s why we were having the meeting the night you came back.”

“Did they start something physical at the first meeting?” Luke was eyeing the scar on Sawyer’s forehead.

“No, they waited to do the physical damage once they caught me alone on a park path.” Sawyer’s jaw gritted against the memory. “There’s no way I could have taken on three grown men at once. Even if I could have, they didn’t fight fair. They roughed me up pretty good. Right before I blacked out, I called out to Decker in my mind. We’ve always had this weird ability to know when the other was in trouble.”

“My God, Sawyer. What did they do to you?” Luke reached for his hand and held it tightly.

“Gash in my forehead, broken ribs, bruised kidneys, busted lip and nose, concussion. Those were the main injuries.” Sawyer laughed humorlessly, “I was
lucky
they didn’t rape or sexually assault me.”

“Lucky? Yeah, some luck.”

They both knew Sawyer was truly very fortunate his attackers hadn’t done worse to him, but the thought of the physical pain he’d endured made it difficult to feel very lucky.

“They weren’t very bright and left a lot of evidence. They were also on the security cameras, and all three threw each other under the bus in the interrogations. The judge here in town was quick to give them the stiffest sentence he could. They were transferred to separate jails not long ago, and their families traveled with them.”

“I’m so sorry that happened to you. I hate I wasn’t here to protect you or help in some way.” Luke kissed Sawyer’s hand.

“It’s okay. They are gone, you’re home, and I’m doing fine now.” Sawyer replied sincerely.

“They may be gone, but there are always more like them, aren’t there?” Luke’s apprehension was palpable.

“Yeah, there will always be people like them; there are mean people everywhere. We just have to focus on the good: our families, our friends, each other. I’d like to think enough people doing good in this world can overshadow all of the bad.”

“You’re pretty amazing, you know that?” Luke smiled at him.

“I don’t know about that, but thanks.”

***********

They arrived at the aquarium just as it was opening. As Sawyer started to throw his car door open, Luke grabbed his hand. Sawyer looked down in surprise. Cocking his head the side he whispered, “You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m good. It’s just, um, well…”

“Go ahead, I’m listening.” Sawyer caressed a thumb across the back of Luke’s hand.

“Wow, are you really this perfect?” Luke smirked and shook his head.

“Perfect? Hardly. But whatever I am is all yours, so tell me what you were thinking.”

“I just wanted to say that aside from our library non-date and today, I’ve never really been on a date with a guy. I’ve barely been on dates with girls. I’d go a lot of places by myself, which didn’t bother me, and I’ve hung out with some pretty decent groups of people in my travels, but a one-on-one actual date? This is a first.”

Luke stopped and looked at Sawyer bashfully.

“You’re my first for a lot of things. And I just want to say thank you. It’s like I didn’t know I was missing out until I find myself doing things for the first time with you. Then I realize I
was
missing out, but I’m not now. And honestly, I’m glad I missed out so that we can do these things together
now
when I can actually appreciate and enjoy them.”

He leaned in to kiss Sawyer, and whispered, “It’s my promise to my mom, myself, and you. To be happy.”

Sawyer got the impression that Luke wanted to talk about the
let love in, let love win
part of his mother’s letter as well, but he seemed to get nervous and stopped before he uttered the L-word.

“Well, let’s go be
happy
together. After all, we gays are really good at being happy.” Sawyer smiled cheekily.

As they walked toward the ticket booth, Sawyer let his hand brush against Luke’s casually. “So, while we’re discussing things, where do you stand on public displays of affection?”

“I’d prefer no heavy making out since we’re in a family oriented place and it’s broad daylight, and that has nothing to do with gay or straight, I just don’t like to see tongue and groping in public. Now, if it was a dark nightclub, my expectations would be a bit different.” Luke laughed when Sawyer muttered something about getting him in a dark nightclub sometime soon.

“I’m sure the looks and stares will take some getting used to, but I’m okay with some hand holding here and there, and the occasional kiss. I just don’t want to make a show of what we have. Whenever I see couples of any sex making out heavily or hanging on each other, I always feel like they are trying to prove to the world they have something sexy.” Luke bumped his hip against Sawyer’s as he continued, “I already know I have something sexy, I don’t need to prove it to the world.”

Sawyer smiled ear-to-ear just as his phone buzzed.

Kendrick:
Hey, what’s Luke’s number?

Sawyer:
Why? Don’t mess up my date, fucker.

Kendrick:
I won’t mess it up. Just give me his number. I like the guy, I may want him to be my best bro-friend.

Sawyer:
Oh Lord, help us. Be good, please, I like him too. Like REALLY like him. 555-611-1993

Sawyer slid his phone back in his pocket. “So, I may have just given Kendrick your phone number. I’m not sure what he’s up to. He says he likes you and wants to be your best bro-friend. Let me know if he gets to be a pain in the ass.” Rolling his eyes and laughing, Sawyer clarified, “I mean if he gets to be any
more
of a pain in the ass.”

As if on cue, Luke’s phone buzzed.

Unknown:
Hi sexy, it’s Kendrick, Sawyer’s much hotter, much sexier cousin.

Luke:
Hi Kendrick. I’ll add you to my contacts.

Luke laughed as he assigned the name and number to his phone. “That was Kendrick your ‘much hotter, much sexier cousin.’” Luke put air quotes up and Sawyer rolled his eyes again. Luke’s phone buzzed with another text.

Kendrick:
Take him to the prairie dog exhibit. It makes him horny. He loves watching those little dogs go in and out of holes.

Kendrick:
Or take him to the elephants. He likes when their trunks get all long and stiff.

Kendrick:
Okay, okay, last one. Take him to the dolphin show, he gets really excited when they touch their nose to those low hung balls.

Luke:
You realize we’re at the new aquarium, right? Not the zoo. But I have to give you an A for effort
and
creativity. Can we enjoy our date now?

Kendrick:
Awww, so sweet, my little boy is growing up. Yes, you little love birds, go enjoy your date. All kidding aside…you’re good for him, and I’m really glad you came back.

Sawyer returned from purchasing the tickets.

“I still think I should have bought the tickets since this was my plan.” Luke protested.

“It was actually my plan to begin with, you just followed through with it on a later date. You can buy next time.” Sawyer squeezed Luke’s hand briefly. “What’s got you so smile-y?”

“Kendrick. He kept sending me messages about which animals make you horny, but he was naming mostly zoo animals. He’s a funny guy.” Luke showed Sawyer the texts from Kendrick.

“Good Lord, that man is not right. Seriously, I sometimes wonder about him.”

They laughed and headed into the aquarium for a day of fun.