Sawyer (Torey Hope: The Later Years #2) (15 page)

When Luke exited, Sawyer quickly jumped in the shower and spent about five minutes letting the cool water take his breath away as he attempted to calm himself down.

When the pizza arrived, he gathered up plates, napkins, and drinks and carried them to his room. “All my movies are up here. Settle in.” He motioned to the bed.

If Luke was hesitant, it didn’t show. He plopped down on the bed and grabbed two slices of pizza. They laughed and chatted and watched the local news while they ate. The connection and comfortableness between them felt as if it had been there forever rather than just the short amount of time they’d known each other.

“So, I really wish you’d come to lunch today. Not as my boyfriend or anything,
yet
, but just because it’s fun, and my family would love you.” Sawyer spoke as he cleared up their dinner mess.

When Sawyer began thumbing through his movies, he heard Luke take a deep breath and mumble something to himself. Turning around, he questioned, “What?”

Shaking his head, closing his eyes, and breathing for what appeared to be a count of ten, Luke finally spoke. “Hear me out, okay? If I don’t get to say everything, I may never say it.”

The two men sat on the edge of the bed facing each other.

“So, I’m not completely ready to tell you about my past. Let’s sum it up to say that my dad and brothers said and did some horrible things to me and made me ashamed of who I am. I swore to myself I’d never let their words be true. I promised my mom I’d never let them win. But, talking to your uncle the other day, he made me seriously stop and think.” Luke paused for a moment.

“Yeah, Uncle Nicky can do that to you.” Sawyer smiled encouragingly.

“So, he made me stop and think about the fact that if I’m miserable and lonely, they still win.” Luke shook his head, like his was trying to solve a puzzle in his mind. “That’s a thought which has always been in the back of my head, but hearing someone else say it made it more believable.”

Sawyer nodded understandingly. He knew Luke needed to talk, and he was just there to listen for the time being.

“I’m not ready to do certain things with you, physically, but I think I’m ready for other things. I want to be with you. Tonight.” Luke turned hopeful eyes toward Sawyer. “If you’ll let things move at my pace and only what I can handle.”

Sawyer reached a hand up and cupped Luke’s cheek. “We can do as little or as much as you want. Anything you want to try, I’m yours.” Leaning in, he kissed him softly.

The kiss deepened until Sawyer found himself on his knees in front of a still seated Luke. Fingers in the waist band of the sweats he’d loaned him, Sawyer’s eyes questioned Luke. At the nod of his head, Sawyer pulled the pants down and swore when he saw Luke wasn’t wearing anything underneath.

“You didn’t give me any underwear, and I didn’t want to put the other pair back on.” Luke smirked.

“No worries, it would have just been another layer to get through.” Leaning down, without giving Luke a chance to think about things, Sawyer drew him into his mouth.

Luke leaned back on his arms and hissed as Sawyer’s heat engulfed him.

While Sawyer would have continued until the end, Luke pushed at him and then pulled on his shoulders to get Sawyer up on the bed. “Can I…I mean, if you’re okay with it, I’d like to…” Luke flushed and stuttered over his words.

Sawyer smiled sympathetically.

“Sorry, I’m totally new to all of this. I’ve had sex with a couple girls, but I’ve never been with a guy, even though it was always guys I was thinking about when I was with girls. I want to have sex with you, but I need to be the top.” A look of panic and pain crossed Luke’s face, “I just can’t do bottom, and I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to.”

“Baby, you can top me every single time.” Sawyer drew him in for a rough kiss. “But, I need to know you are really ready for this. You just let me give you a blow job, and now you’re wanting to have sex with me. Last week, even just yesterday, you were vehement about never being able to act on your attraction to me.” Sawyer paused to give Luke a chance to answer.

“I don’t know how to explain it, and I can’t promise I’ll not freak out during or after, but I just know I am so drawn to you I can’t keep fighting it any longer. I have to at least give it a shot.”

Sawyer hesitated, “Luke, I want to help you work through things, but I also want to be more than an experiment.” His eyes begged Luke to correct him.

“I don’t mean it like that. I’ve always pushed aside my feelings towards men. I’ve never allowed kissing or touching let alone the things we’ve done. Sex with women wasn’t satisfying, but it was expected, so I let it happen occasionally to keep up appearances.” Luke leaned in and kissed him. “I’ve tried pushing my feelings aside this time, but they’re too strong. I think there are things we can do together that will allow me to feel, but keep the painful memories at bay.”

“Okay, Luke, I’ll let this happen for now because it would probably kill me to tell you no. But, I need you to know that I’m going to keep at you to tell me about your past. I need to know what I’m up against, so I can figure out ways to help you fight through it.” Kissing Luke gently, he continued, “But, for now, let’s save the talking for later.” He smiled and laid back on the bed.

Luke joined him on the bed, propped on his elbow.

“Now that we’ve decided what to do, I feel like I want to savor the moment.” Luke smiled.

“How ‘bout we savor the moment and each other? Take off your clothes.” Sawyer commanded as he stripped his own shirt and pants quickly, and watched as Luke followed.

Aligning their bodies, they both breathed deeply and let the heat and desire overtake them.

Reaching down between them, Sawyer grasped Luke’s length and his own, rubbing them together and letting the friction increase the heat.

When Luke pulled back abruptly, Sawyer looked at him with concern.

“Sorry, there’s a very good chance this isn’t going to last very long to begin with, and it was going to be over before it even started if I let you keep doing that.” Luke smiled sheepishly.

“Condoms and lube are in the drawer.” Sawyer nodded his head in the direction of the bedside table.

“Wow, always prepared huh?” Luke appeared to be slightly hurt.

“They’ve only been in there since I met you. Until then, I kept one in my pocket for ‘just in case’, but that’s all.” Sawyer kissed Luke’s nose.

“Do you think, for now or at least until I’m more comfortable with it, we can skip any finger or tongue foreplay?” Luke asked.

“Yeah, that’s fine.” Sawyer leaned in and whispered in Luke’s ear, “But it can be all sorts of fun. Maybe someday.”

Sawyer stroked his hand up and down Luke’s length a couple times before rolling on the condom. Handing the bottle to Luke, he watched as the man coated himself and then dribbled the liquid on Sawyer.

“Are you going to stay on your back like this?” Luke looked uncertain.

“Yeah, I want to be able to see your face.” Sawyer brought his feet up the mattress and bent his knees.

As Luke aligned himself with Sawyer’s body he closed his eyes and inched in slowly.

Sawyer pushed against him, and ordered, “Open your eyes, look at me.”

Luke panted as he fought against the heat threatening to end things too soon. Opening his eyes, Sawyer saw Luke glance down at their joining. He also saw the tears pooling in his eyes.

“You okay? We can stop.” Sawyer laid his hands gently on Luke’s shoulders.

“No, I’m good. It’s just a little overwhelming to see and feel something I’ve been longing for my whole life.” Luke spoke through gritted teeth.

With that admission, Sawyer choked out in desperation, “Then move, Luke. I need to feel you move.”

Stroke after long, slow stroke, Luke could take no more. Just as Sawyer encouraged his body to unleash, Luke shuddered and pushed deep inside one last time.

Sawyer gathered Luke in his arms when the other man collapsed on top of him.

“Sorry that was over so quickly. I guess I should have been working on some stamina.” Luke hid his face in Sawyer’s neck.

“I told you to never be sorry for what we do together.” Sawyer gripped Luke’s chin and forced their eyes to connect. “It was perfect and beautiful, and I feel so lucky that I got to share it with you.”

Several moments later, Sawyer stirred to take his second shower of the night.

Exiting the bathroom, he spoke to Luke, “Shower’s all yours. It’s not too late, we can go ahead and start that movie now if you want.”

He stopped short as he entered his empty room. Walking to the bed, staring at the piece of notebook paper as if it were a viper ready to strike him dead, his knees buckled, and he dropped to the floor.

Dear Sawyer,

I’m not running away. I just need some time to sort some things out. I thought if I only let you put your mouth on me, and I was always the top, I could make this work. But, after tonight, I know in my heart it won’t be enough. I need to work through my past. When I come back, I’ll tell you all about it, and we can hopefully see where this thing is heading.

Please don’t be mad that I left. I wanted nothing more than to spend the night with you, but the next time we share a bed, I don’t want my past to be sharing it too.

Can I get a raincheck on the aquarium?

Love,

Luke

Sawyer panted heavily as he read the letter through three more times.
He’s not leaving you; he wants to work this out, just give him some time.

Rubbing a hand over his face roughly he blew out a deep breath. “Damn it, Luke, I just wish you would let me help you work it out.” His words echoed in the empty room.

***********

Walking into work the next day, the look on Sawyer’s face made it evident to everyone he met that they should steer clear of him. Everyone but his twin and cousins.

When he grabbed his lunch and stalked into his office, planning to eat alone, he rolled his eyes and groaned as the three of them followed in behind him and shut the door.

“Please, please. Come on in. Have a seat. I was really hoping you’d come butt into my personal life today.” Sawyer spoke sarcastically.

“Dude, you slept alone last night. Luke’s not here; you’re here when you asked for the day off, and your face spells
Fuck Off
. What happened?” Kendrick asked.

Rubbing a hand over his face, Sawyer sighed, “I don’t know. Things went from zero to sixty last night. One minute we’re playing games, dancing, eating pizza, the next minute I’m flat on my back having sex with him. By his choice I might add.” When he stopped, he had to laugh at the look of shock on their faces.

“But, after I took a shower, I found this letter.” He waved it in front of them enticingly.

Decker grabbed at it and they all read it.

“Man, I don’t think this is a bad thing.” Zach pointed to the letter, “It sounds like he wants to make something work with you.”

“Yeah, man, I agree. So why such a pissy attitude?” Kendrick pressed.

“I don’t know. I guess having him sneak out hurt. And knowing he’s probably going to have to go through some bad memories to work out his past, it just worries me. I want to be there to help him through it all.” Sawyer closed his eyes and laid his head on the back of the chair.

“Luke’s used to doing things on his own. Let him do what he needs to do. When he comes back, maybe you can help him get used to having someone around to turn to.” Decker and the other two stood to leave. “Enjoy your lunch, bro. Let us know if we can help in any way.”

Sawyer was left to his solitary lunch, but he didn’t feel much like eating.

Luke had been gone for almost a week. The annual community meeting was scheduled for that evening. Sawyer brooded for over an hour trying to come up with a legitimate excuse not to attend. The Center+ had been having community meetings for several years as a way to pull the citizens of Torey Hope in and let them see the variety of programs being offered. But The Center+ also held these meetings so they could hear what the town wanted or needed. Sawyer had never minded the meetings before, although he’d not attended one in four years, but his bad mood over Luke taking off didn’t bode well for the evening.

“No way, fucker, I see what’s going through that head of yours. You’re trying to weasel out of the meeting tonight. You’re not going to use the heartache card, or the too busy card. Hell, you got laid, you should be bouncing off the walls. He’ll come back. Now, get your ass off the couch, you’re going to the meeting.” Kendrick spoke most of this diatribe while fixing a sandwich in the kitchen which meant both Decker and Zach also heard it.

“He’s right, man. You can’t skip the meeting. We need to present a united front now that we’re back in town and running things more at The Center+.” Decker tossed his brother’s shoes on the floor beside the couch. “Get up.”

“Yeah, at least you’re having sex. If anyone should be grumpy, it should be me.” Zach grumbled as he inhaled the cold pizza he’d grabbed from the fridge.

Loading up in Zach’s truck, the four men headed to The Center+.

“Looks like a good-sized crowd tonight.” Decker mused as they pulled into the parking lot. “I do wish Luke was here so we could introduce him to the town.”

When they walked inside they were greeted with hugs and smiles from many of Torey Hope’s townsfolk. Most of the people were milling about munching on cookies and sipping punch while they waited for the meeting to start.

Nate and Jeremiah started the meeting several moments later. A slideshow presenting both new and old programs being offered was shown. New staff members were personally introduced or their picture at least shown on the screen. Sawyer’s heart squeezed when he saw Luke’s picture appear.

Zach and Zoey talked about the new fitness classes and took questions. Kyle smiled broadly at Josie as she and Sawyer presented the new painting techniques they planned to teach. Sawyer and Katie, along with Zach and Zoey, showed some of the new dance moves which would be taught during the dance classes. Libby and Audrey laid out the curriculum planned for the year along with what community parties were already scheduled onto the calendar.

The captain leaned over to Sawyer and chuckled as Nate took the podium again. “This is where he opens it up for questions or concerns. Last year we almost had a knock-down-drag-out over the weekly bingo games; one little old lady accused her neighbor man of cheating every week, and she wanted him arrested. It was a sight to see.”

Sawyer smiled at his grandpa and attempted to focus on what his dad was saying.

“Okay, we’ve shared with all of you what the next year holds for your families and friends here at The Center+. It’s now the time in our annual meeting where we let you share your questions and concerns.” Nate paused to let hands be raised.

A diminutive elderly lady in the front row stood with the help of her cane. The captain nudged Sawyer and smiled.

“I want Old Man Barker banned from the weekly Bingo game. He’s a cheat and a liar!” The old woman turned to face a man who Sawyer could only assume was Old Man Barker and pointed her finger in his direction.

“Tilly Mae, you sit yourself down. You’re making a fool of yourself
again
. Just because Mr. Barker wins and you lose money every week doesn’t make him a liar
or
a cheat. I’ve played Bingo with you, you jabber on so much about the town gossip there’s no way you can pay attention to those ten cards you insist on playing every week.” Katie’s grandmother had stood and walked toward Tilly and finished quietly, “Maybe you should ask the man out on a date like we all know you want to rather than embarrassing yourself and him every year at this meeting.”

When Tilly’s face turned red and she sat down, Nate quickly scanned the room for other people with questions. When he didn’t see any other hands, he smiled and spoke to the crowded room, “Thank you all for coming, and thank you for continuing to make The Center+ an integral part of your families and this town.”

As people began to stir and gather their belongings, Sawyer noticed the doors to the meeting room swing wide and three men entered the area. He recognized them as three of the kids in his older cousin Beckett’s class who had always tried to give Beck a rough time. He smiled slightly as he recalled how Beckett had always just replied with a funny little quip and walked away, never letting the wannabe bullies bother him. Sawyer had always looked up to Beckett and appreciated his ability to let things roll off his back. He felt that he’d learned a lot of his own outlook on mean-spirited people by watching both Nicky and Beckett over the years.

Looking at the men at that moment, he noticed they hadn’t changed much in their attitude and swagger, but physically they’d each lost some hair and filled out their bellies. He was lost in thought as he watched them, so he barely caught the beginning of what the man in the middle, Matt, said.

“Whoa, hold on there good people of Torey Hope. Ben, Joe, and I actually
do
have some concerns about how things are being run here at The Center
plus
. We think there may be a little too much
plus
being added without our knowledge.”

As soon as the man started speaking and nastily emphasized the word plus in the business title, Sawyer instinctively knew what was coming. His heart began to pound and he broke out in a cold sweat, but he was cemented to his seat with no hope of escape.

Several people sat back down, while others paused momentarily against the outer walls of the room.

Nate, who had never put up with bullies and hadn’t appreciated these men picking on his nephew Beckett as kids, took a deep breath and blew it out, but responded diplomatically. “What can we help you with, gentlemen?”

The three men puffed their chests and smirked a bit while they walked to the middle of the room. “What we’d like to know, and I’m sure every citizen in this room would be interested in knowing, is if you’re ever going to make it public knowledge you’ve got a couple
faggots
working here.”

Before Nate could speak, Katie stepped to the podium. “Ben, Joe, Matt, while The Center+ appreciates your concern and would be happy to discuss our hiring and employment policies, we are not in a position to allow the use of discriminatory actions and words against our employees.” She spoke smoothly, not even a hitch in her voice, but Sawyer saw the anger flaring underneath the surface.

“That’s all well and good, Ms. Turner. I see you learned well in your human resources and management classes. But, we still feel it’s in the best interest of Torey Hope for this type of information to be shared and not hidden.” Matt, obviously the spokesperson of the three, continued while Joe and Ben stood idly by nodding their heads in agreement.

Nicky stepped to the podium, “Do you tell all of Torey Hope that you’re bullies and you enjoy hurting others? Because if we’re making things known, you should probably share that as well.”

Many of the townspeople laughed out loud at Nicky’s comment.

“The point here is that you’ve got young impressionable children and attractive men in and out of this place all day. The least you could do is warn your clients that they need to keep an eye on the two queers. That’s all I’m saying.” Matt cast a hate-filled look toward Sawyer, but shrank back a bit when the captain stood and crossed his arms across his chest.

Decker, Zach, and Kendrick all walked toward the three men as Katie spoke strong and sure once more. “Again, we will happily discuss the hiring and employment policies we have in place here at The Center+, but your language and actions here tonight will not be tolerated. This meeting will be adjourned for now. If we feel a more detailed meeting about our hiring and employment practices needs to be held, we will let the town know. Until that point in time, the citizens of Torey Hope can rest assured that The Center+ always has been and always will be run with the utmost care and safety of our clients in mind.”

As she finished, Sawyer’s brother and cousins ushered the three men out the door and the rest of the attendees began milling about. He noticed the furtive glances and whispers that started among some groups of people. His head was spinning; this was straight out of his worst nightmare. One of the biggest reasons he’d kept his sexuality hidden for so long was for fear of causing trouble for the family business, and now it looked like that trouble was starting. He glanced at the faces of his family and the other employees, seeing pity and worry etched across most of them, he turned to leave the room.

Walking to the break room, he took a deep breath. He longed for Luke to be there with him, but he was also glad he wasn’t there to witness or experience it. Luke’s openness about his sexuality was new and fragile, an incident like this could send him backwards several steps.

The door swung open and the entire family poured inside.

Once everyone settled in to chairs or against counters, Sawyer took a deep breath and spoke.

“I’m so sorry…” He tried to speak without his voice catching, but he failed.

The screech of chair legs across the floor brought the attention of everyone in the room to the captain. Sawyer felt the remnants of what little he’d eaten earlier threaten at the back of his throat. Closing his eyes and bracing for the worst, Sawyer prayed that whatever his grandfather had to say wouldn’t be too painful.

“Boy, you don’t have a damn thing to apologize for. Open your eyes and look at me, don’t you hang your head in shame.” The captain walked over to where Sawyer was seated and motioned for him to stand. Placing his hands on Sawyer’s shoulders, the captain spoke through threatening tears, “Sawyer, this is what some of us feared the most. Not because it hurts
us
, but because it hurts
you
. Those men are the worst type of people, meddling, stirring the shit pot, just begging for a reaction. I’m sure Katie and Decker have already thought of what’s next, but I don’t want you to hang your head over this. I’ll fight them tooth and nail, hell, I’ll run them out of town if I have to. This family, this business, we won’t fall because of the likes of them.” Pulling his grandson into a hearty hug, the captain spoke once more, “I may never be thrilled with your lifestyle, but that will never change the fact that I love you and will stand up for you every single time.”

Drying a tear, Sawyer whispered, “Thank you, Captain, that means more than you’ll ever know.”

Stepping to the middle of the room, Katie began laying out the plan. “Okay, first things first, we put out feelers, talk to people around town, get an idea of how much those assholes have stirred up. If it appears we have an actual issue, then we call another meeting and focus on our hiring and employment procedures. We keep to the fact that we hire only employees with a proven work history and no past issues with the law. We mention that The Center+ has to follow good hiring and employment practices or we could be the subject of several law suits and forced to close.” Katie glanced around the room, “This isn’t a great situation, but it’s also not doomsday. I know we’re all upset about the incident tonight, and we want to protect Sawyer from it, but let’s just stay calm and see if anything comes from it.”

Decker joined Katie, “And that right there is why we are lucky to have Kate on our team. Until we hear differently, it’s business as usual. Got it?”

The families nodded.

And then they sat around avoiding the large elephant in the room. Sawyer felt the weight of the beast crushing his chest. Silently giving every member of his family a hug, he accepted their words of encouragement with a false smile, and then bid his farewells.

“I need a little time by myself; I’m just going to head home.” Sawyer gave a small wave and headed out the door.

Upon reaching the parking lot, Sawyer remembered he’d ridden with Zach. Shrugging it off and realizing a bit of a walk would help him clear his head, he started toward home. Knowing there was a quicker way, but wanting to enjoy the evening, he cut through the park. Stopping at the duck pond, he smiled as he recalled the day Adam fed the ‘little quackers.’

Sawyer took a seat on the large rock and breathed deeply. His head and heart couldn’t wrap around all of what had happened. The whole town of Torey Hope now knew he was gay. He wasn’t upset about that; he was no longer hiding. But, he was angry that his secret had come out the way it did. With a bitter laugh, he thought back to the look of disdain on the library clerk’s face the day he and Luke went to the library. She was Matt’s sister-in-law. There was no doubt in his mind that she was the one who told Matt about Luke and him. But what did she say? Two men came in and got library cards? It wasn’t like they made out between the book shelves.

He was used to working past the anger over the unfairness of situations out of his control, but he couldn’t help it as he felt the fear inch its way in. He had always feared of causing problems for The Center+, and no matter how Katie tried to sugarcoat it, he knew this was going to turn into an issue. Before the fear had a chance to completely settle in his heart, he was overcome by the feelings of love and acceptance he’d gotten from his family, especially the captain. The fact that his grandfather didn’t agree with his lifestyle, but was still willing to stand up for him purely because he loved him, meant more than Sawyer could even begin to describe.