Sawyer (Torey Hope: The Later Years #2) (8 page)

Fighting against his heavy breathing and rapid heartbeat, Luke turned his head slightly so that Sawyer’s lips were right at his earlobe. Knowing he was about to cross a line he wasn’t sure Luke was ready to cross, Sawyer flicked his tongue out and pulled the flesh of Luke’s ear between his lips. Bringing his hand up to guide Sawyer’s head, Luke tilted his head farther to the side to allow access to his neck.

Sawyer let his lips travel slowly over the warm skin, savoring the musky, salty flavor. Forgetting his earlier battle to keep his hands to himself, Sawyer let his hands grip Luke’s hips. Pulling the other man’s body flush with his own, Sawyer pressed the evidence of his desire against Luke’s ass.

And, just like that, Luke shot away from him. Breathing heavily, hands on knees, gathering himself, Luke spoke, “Man, I can’t. I just can’t. I’m sorry. It’s not about you. It’s about not letting my dad and brothers win.” Dropping to his knees, Luke let his head fall into his hands. Scrubbing his face, he laughed bitterly, “Not letting them win means I lose, but I have to keep my promise. I have to. It’s the only thing I have left of her.”

Sawyer didn’t understand the riddles Luke was speaking, but he instinctively wanted to comfort his friend. Walking to him, Sawyer reached down for Luke’s hand. Pulling him to his feet, Sawyer held Luke’s head in his hands and forced blue eyes to meet brown.

“I don’t know what they did to you or what you promised your mom, but I do know there is something here. There is something between us that I’ve never felt for anyone. I won’t let it just disappear. I will be whatever you need me to be, for now. But I want more. I want you.” Knowing he shouldn’t press his friend in the emotional state he was in, Sawyer fought the urge to slam his mouth down on Luke’s. Instead, he feathered a kiss against the other man’s lips. “One day, you’ll tell me your story. One day, you’ll let me in. Until then…” With one last feathery kiss, he let go of Luke.

After packing up their gear in a tense, yet somehow comfortable silence, both men went home to their separate beds. Neither slept. The emotions of their day had finally caught up to them. Confusion, hurt, and guilt rumbled through their minds. But in that mix of emotions there was also happiness and hope silently making themselves known. After several hours of letting the emotions stew in their heads, a fitful sleep overtook them. Luke and Sawyer both gave in to the sleep as their hearts fed on that happiness and hope.

If the old wives’ tale was to be believed, Sawyer’s ear should have been on fire over the next few days. Several of his most supportive family members went to bat for him with those members of the family who were the least on board with his recent announcement.

Nate sat in his parents’ living room and took the sweet tea his mother offered. When Cindy had taken her seat next to John, Nate started to speak. Before he could get a word out, his mother began. “Now, Nathaniel, I’m sure you’re here to talk about Sawyer, and I’m glad about that. I think we should talk and form a plan. We can’t have this phase of his causing problems for those of us closest to him. So far, I’ve been able to keep the women at church from learning of his little announcement, but I’m not sure how long I can keep the rumor mill quiet. It’s common knowledge that his friend, Hayden Marsten, is gay and they’ve been seen together far too often to keep the rumors from starting soon. Now, my thoughts are…” Cindy gasped as John lovingly placed a hand over her mouth.

“Cindy, dear, let’s allow our boy to speak.” Turning to his son, John nodded. “Nate, the floor is all yours.”

Clearing his throat and realizing that he had more of a job ahead of him than he had originally thought, Nate began.

“Mom, Dad, I don’t think this is a phase for Sawyer.” At his mother’s attempt to argue, Nate held up a hand pleadingly, “Mom, just let me speak, okay?”

“Honestly, Libby and I have wondered about Sawyer’s sexuality for several years. We were never 100% sure, but we always had it in the back of our minds. At first, when Libby told me she thought Sawyer was gay, I balked. But we talked into the wee hours one night, and we both came to the conclusion that he was our son and we loved him. No questions asked. We want all three of our children to be happy and healthy. End of story. If being with another man is what Sawyer needs to be happy, then so be it. It would be no different than Abby bringing home anyone who didn’t match our original picture of who she would end up with. Different race, different religion, I would hope it wouldn’t matter. If she fell in love with that person, we would be open minded and support her in that happiness. I don’t want Sawyer to get hurt; I think that’s one of the main reasons I didn’t want to accept his attraction to men. And, selfishly, I think I worried about what it would mean for ME. My son has been and will be made fun of, judged, and disgraced because of something he can’t control, yet I was worried about what it would mean for ME.”

Nate took a deep breath as his admission settled in the room. “Sawyer needs us, he needs his whole family. We’ve always been the strong, upstanding, caring family who lets love shine through all we do. If you turn your back on him or refuse to accept him for who he is then we aren’t showing that love.”

Nate turned pointed eyes toward his mother. “Mom, you’re so concerned about what the ladies at church may say. Of that group of church ladies and their husbands there are at least two affairs, three alcoholics, one with a prison record, one charged with embezzlement, and two with gay children.”

When his mother’s mouth dropped open in shock, Nate continued. “Mom, I have to say that I’m really disappointed. You of all people, the mother of a disabled child, should be the last person to pass judgement. And, to worry about what people at church will say? Well, I think the lesson you’ve always taught us is to love each other and let the judgement come from God at the end of time. Judging is not our job, we are here to love each other. I think about the prayer you used to say with us as children,
‘Dear God, be with us as we go through our day. Let your love shine on others through our words and actions.’
”

When his mother’s eyes welled with tears, Nate reached out a hand. “I don’t mean to hurt you, Mom. But I have to love and support my son in the same way that you always loved and supported Nicky and me. Libby and I really need you and Dad by our sides as we do that. Sawyer needs you.” Nate let his plea float through the air and watched as his mother filtered his words through her mind.

Bringing a hand to her mouth, Cindy caught a sob. “Oh my God, Nathan, I’m no better than the ones who used to make fun of Nicky. I let my concern over my reputation outweigh my never-ending love for Sawyer.”

Turning ashamed eyes to her husband, she let the tears fall. “John, what have I done? Do you think Sawyer can ever forgive me?”

“Shhh, sweetie, I’m sure Sawyer will just be thrilled to have you in his corner. We will go talk to him soon and clear the air. Saying you’re sorry and offering a sincere hug will go a long way.” John put an arm around his wife and hugged her to his side.

Several moments later, Nate left his childhood home feeling buoyed with hope. If he could change the mind of his mother, maybe the others could be brought around as well.

***********

“Jeremiah Jordan, you will listen to me and listen good.” Audrey stood with arms crossed and hip jutted out in a way that Jeremiah knew meant business.

“Dad, really, this isn’t something we should even be discussing.” Kendrick laid his hands gently on his mother’s shoulders and guided her to sit down on the couch.

“Listen you two, I’m not going to call him names or be mean to him, I just don’t think I can accept my nephew being with a man. I don’t want him to be hurt; I saw enough ridicule over sexuality during my time in the military. I don’t want that for him.” Jeremiah tried to explain his position.

“Dad, if I had come to you and told you I was gay, would you have told me you couldn’t be around me anymore?” Kendrick cocked his head to the side and hoped the answer was what he thought it would be.

“Of course not, you’re my son, I would never choose to NOT be around you.” Jeremiah spoke emphatically.

“Back when you and Mom got together, would you have stood for anyone to judge Beckett based on his disabilities?” Kendrick spoke softly about his older brother, knowing in his heart that his father would have never let anyone hurt his son.

“Beckett was my life, just like you and Megan are, I would have fought tooth and nail against anyone who made him feel bad about himself.” Jeremiah’s love and resolve for his children was clear.

“If the captain had said he couldn’t be around Beckett anymore because Kenja is Asian, would you have stood for that?” Audrey spoke softly.

“Again, of course not. Kenja’s race is not something she can control. She’s a beautiful girl and she and Beckett deserve to be happy.” Jeremiah fought the urge to roll his eyes.

“Does Decker deserve to be happy?” Kendrick asked.

“What? Yes, Decker deserves to be happy. I’m glad he found Katie, they seem good together.” Jeremiah huffed.

“But, his identical twin, the same little boy who has spent as much time at this house as his own, the man who is one of my very best friends, the boy you used to bounce on your knee and chase around the house…does he not deserve happiness?” Kendrick went on before his dad could speak. “Stop thinking about the rough road Sawyer has ahead of him. Stop thinking of the hurt you’ve watched others go through.
Start
thinking about the fact that you love Sawyer. He’s the same person he’s always been. You gave Mom a second chance way back then. You knew some bad shit about her, but you looked beyond that and let love win. Doesn’t Sawyer deserve the same? Acceptance and support were what Mom needed and what you offered. Can’t you do the same for Sawyer?” Kendrick implored of his father.

With tears in her eyes, Audrey spoke to Jeremiah. “JJ, you saved me all those years ago. If we don’t stand together and support Sawyer, who’s going to save him? He needs us; he needs the love and strength of his family to ride out the rough road ahead of him. Please say you’ll be by our sides as we support him.” Audrey watched Jeremiah with hopeful eyes and prayed that they had reached him.

***********

“Daddy, you said some terrible things to Sawyer. Years ago I wouldn’t have known how to stand up against you, but now I know. The words you used were ugly and hurtful and you broke Sawyer’s heart. If you cut him out of your life, you’ll lose more than just Sawyer. You’ll lose me and Audrey along with many other members of this family.” Libby’s eyes shone with tears as she spoke.

“Nate and I have suspected Sawyer was gay since he was a young boy. It’s never changed our love for him, and I hope you can take a step back and realize that your love for him hasn’t changed either. He’s still the same little boy you used to take fishing. He’s the same boy you taught to drive a stick shift. He’s the same boy you used to play checkers with. None of that has changed. He was gay then, he’s gay now. Don’t turn your back on him when he needs his family most.”

Libby could tell from the glint in his eyes and the set of his jaw that her father was not relenting his position.

“Okay, Daddy, I’ll go now. But, please know that if you don’t come around to accepting Sawyer, you will tear this family apart. No, that’s not true. The rest of us will continue living and loving while you sit alone with your hatred and mean words and closed mind.”

***********

The weekly family get together was at Jack and Judy Jordan’s house. Sawyer knew he was technically not their grandchild, but in a family as large as the one he grew up in, family ties and blood lines got blurred like a chalk painting in the rain. He’d grown up with them being Grandpa Jack and Grandma Judy, and he was grateful that their love for him hadn’t changed when he told them he was gay.

Standing in their kitchen, waiting on Decker and Katie to arrive with the pizza, Sawyer noticed the absence of certain family members.

“Why so serious, Sawyer?” Judy patted him on the cheek.

“I guess I was hoping nothing would change, but seeing so many members of the family not show up tonight means that me being gay has changed a lot of things.” Sawyer fought against hanging his head in shame. He had vowed to his Uncle Kyle he’d hold his head high, and he wanted to keep that vow. Just like Luke wanted to keep a promise made to his mother. Sawyer also wanted to keep his head high to show Luke that being gay was okay, and they could get through it together.

“Oh, I must have forgotten to tell you, I told the others to be here later. I thought maybe you needed some time to talk to certain people. In fact, I think your Grandma Cindy is in the living room waiting to talk to you.” Judy kissed his cheek. “We love you, sweet Sawyer. Don’t ever forget that.”

Sawyer smiled as he walked into the living room to find Grandma Cindy. What would this conversation bring? Surely Grandma Judy hadn’t just thrown him to the wolves.

“Grandma?” Sawyer took a seat across from her.

“Oh, Sawyer, I’m so very sorry for the way I acted. I was selfish and more concerned about my image than I was about your feelings. Please forgive me.” Cindy grasped his hands over the coffee table as she pleaded his forgiveness.

“No worries, Grandma. I know what I told you was a shock and a lot to take in. Of course I forgive you.” Sawyer squeezed her hands. “Do you have any questions or things you’d like to talk about?”

“Well, there is one thing I’ve been worried about. Now, don’t worry, if any of those judgmental church ladies start throwing stones, I’ll just remind them of their own glass houses. But, what I’m concerned about is Asher. I mean, he’s young and impressionable; he looks up to the four of you and I’d just hate to see him swayed to your side.” A genuine frown of concern played over Cindy’s face.

Swallowing his laughter, Sawyer smiled patiently. He’d heard many gay friends’ stories in college of people fearing sexuality could be caught or spread. “No worries, Grandma. I’m not out to recruit children. If Asher is gay, he’s gay. I can’t ‘rub off’ on him or anything like that. His sexuality is safe with me.” Sawyer winked and Cindy blushed as if realizing her fear was unfounded and unreasonable.

“Well, I guess when you put it that way I just sound like a silly old woman, huh?” Cindy stood and pulled Sawyer into a hug. “There will probably be times when I put my foot in my mouth, please forgive me. And talk to me if I say anything offensive. Now, before I start musing about how you’re going to give me great grandbabies, you better go to the garage. I think there’s someone there waiting to drink a beer with you.” With a final pat to his cheek, Cindy let him go.

***********

Walking down the steps and toward the garage, Sawyer wondered who he’d find. His Uncle Jeremiah or the captain? He wanted both of them to accept him, but he knew getting the captain on his side was going to be more of a challenge than his uncle. Knowing he’d take whatever ally he could get, he opened the side door to the garage and stepped in.

The familiar scent of oil and gasoline flooded his senses with memories of his childhood. The four boys had played for hours in and out of the garage while growing up. As his eyes adjusted to the dim light, he found his Uncle Jeremiah and Kendrick leaning against the cabinets of Grandpa Jack’s work area.

“Ah, the S of BDSM arrives. Have a cold one, man.” Kendrick tossed him a beer and Sawyer accepted it gratefully.

“So, before we have this somewhat awkward conversation about Sawyer being gay, can someone please explain to me what BDSM has to do with Decker and Sawyer?” Jeremiah seemed to be stalling yet genuinely curious.