Saying Goodbye (26 page)

~

“Fine. You want to ride that horse, you clean up after it. I mean everything. The stall, the shit
…
you got that?”

“Yes, Father.”

“The g
room will clean the other horse
s
’
stalls, but you do yours. No excuse! Every day!”

“Okay. I have no problem taking care of him.”

“Here. Here’s a fucking shovel. Go shovel shit. It’s all you’re good for.”

“All I’m good for?”

“You will go to college for business administration. None of this bullshit about architecture!”

“Hang on! I can’t decide what my major will be? Are you kidding me?”

“You little fuck! You’re lucky I let you live in my house! You pathetic fag!”

“I’m not a fag! Why do you keep calling me that! Jesus, Dad! I date girls!”

“You and that fucking hair. Only queers wear their hair long. I should ship you off to military school, but you’d love to be fucked by men in uniform, wouldn’t you?”

“Stop tormenting me! I have done nothing to make you think I am gay
.
Why can’t you leave me alone?”

“I am leaving you alone! Shovel shit, ya dumb fuck!”

~

Begging,
Josh held his fingers interlocked together. “Please let me see him. Please!”

“I’m afraid
immediate
family only.”

Jeff stood by Josh. “Jesus Christ. What is with you morons?”

“I resent that tone, sir!” the nurse said.

“He loves that man in there.
” Jeff pointed to Mark’s room. “Who the hell are you idiots to tell us we can’t see him? Huh? Do you know who he is?”

“I don’t make the rules.”

“I’m about to pull my fucking weapon.” Jeff went for his waist pack.

“And I’ll call security to get you escorted out!” the woman shouted at Jeff.

Tanner held onto Josh and tried to console him. “Look,” Tanner said to the woman, “Just for one minute. Can Josh please just see Mark for one minute?”

“Is he a relative?” The woman turned up her nose.

Jeff snarled, “He’s Mark’s first cousin.”

Josh wiped at his eyes. “Please!”

“That does not qualify as immediate family.” The nurse turned her back on them.

“I’m about to kill her.” Jeff touched his waist pouch.

Josh wiped his nose and sniffled. “It’s okay. Thanks, anyway, Jeff.”

Josh could see Jeff’s mind
working. The LAPD cop
stood still, watching the staff.

Tanner asked, “You going to get him in?”

“Let me distract the bitch. I’ll nod at you when to go.”

Tanner held Josh’s shoulder and waited.

Josh tried to control his crying and ended up shivering from the grief. Jeff tilted his head to Mickey. The two of them approached the staff who manned the desk. When their voices grew louder, Josh could see Jeff signaling behind his back for Josh to go.

Tanner pushed Josh to get him to hurry.

Josh
turned
and raced to Mark’s room. He opened the door and held his breath, looking back to see if he was spotted.

“Josh.”

Josh spun around to see Adam beside Mark, seated in a chair, holding Mark’s hand. Then Josh got his first look at Mark.

“Oh no
…
no…” Josh made his way closer to Mark, one step at a time. “Mark…”

“It’s okay, baby.” Adam held Josh’s hand. “Talk to him.”

“Can he hear me?” Josh looked at the tubes, the machine making Mark’s chest rise and fall.

“I hope so. I’ve been talking to him. What the hell.”

Josh touched Mark’s arm. “Mark? It’s me. Josh.”

Adam stood and gave Josh his seat, resting his hand on Josh’s shoulder.

Josh bit his lip and stared at Mark’s face, how pale he was, his eyes not moving under the lids, his hair lying on the pillow under him. “I
…
I can’t believe what I am seeing.”

“I know, baby. I know.” Adam kissed Josh’s head.

“He’s
…
he’s my idol. I worship him.” Josh began weeping.

Adam held onto Josh, holding him close.

“My Mark
…
my sexy Mark.” Josh leaned against the hospital bed and touched Mark’s hair. “He’s still so beautiful. Like an angel.”

Adam choked in a sob.

Josh leaned down to whisper into Mark’s ear. “I love you. I always loved you. You know how much you mean to me? To Tanner, to Blake and Hunt?” Josh caressed Mark’s hair, looking at the tube in his throat, seeing
equipment
breathe for him. He asked Adam, “If they took that out, would he die?”

After a sob, Adam said, “I don’t know. No way
am
I
going to find out.”

“So…” Josh ran his fingers down Mark’s arm. “Without it, he can’t breathe on his own?”

Adam didn’t answer, crying as he moved away from Josh.

Josh, being a lifeguard, had seen death. Drownings. He had
also saved people,
gave
them the kiss of life,
dragged
them from the wild Pacific Ocean, and also
witnessed
people come back to life when they appeared dead.

Josh felt Mark’s skin. “He feels warm.”

“He’s still with us, babe.”

Josh spun around and looked at Adam. The handsome talent agent appeared so worn out, pure exhaustion. “Has anyone given you a break?”

“I can’t. I have to be here.”

“Why is Jack in the waiting room?”

“They won’t let him in. Won’t let anyone in. That’s why Mick and Jeff keep sneaking people in. But soon the staff will get t
ired of it, and try to kick the cops
out.”

“Where’s Alex?”

“Billy went to Rome, to tell him in person.”

“Is he on his way back?”

“Yes. Last I heard from Billy, George Ford was letting Alex come here.”

“Oh, Adam. When Alex sees the state Mark is in.” Josh caressed Mark’s hair.

Adam choked up. “I can’t bear it, Josh.”

Josh reached for A
dam and
embraced
him
. “Where’s Steve?”

“I sent him home to shower and get a change of clothing.”

“And yet you don’t go
home to do it yourself
?”

“I’m afraid if I leave, they won’t let me back in.” Adam parted from the embrace and returned to his seat beside Mark, reaching for Mark’s hand.

“Steve must be going out of his mind.”

Ad
am nodded, caressing Mark’s forearm
.

“Why did this happen, Adam?”

“Stupidity. Pure motherfucking stupidity.” Adam covered his face and wept.

A hospital security guard opened the door and craned his finger at Josh. “Out.”

“You assholes suck!” Josh glared at the man.

“Go.” Adam gestured to Josh. “Don’t piss them off anymore than they are.”

Josh kissed Mark, then Adam. “He won’t leave us.”

Adam tried to nod but didn’t reply.

Josh walked to the security guard and sneered at him. “You guys are
heartless pricks
.”

“Out. Go.” The guard pointed to the hall.

Josh headed back to the group and they looked at him for some kind of hope or answer. Josh stared at Jack. Jack had his head resting in one hand, on the arm of the chair, dried tears
staining
his cheeks and his eyes covered by his fingers.

“No change,” Josh said.

Tanner pulled Josh into his arms and kissed his hair. “Okay, baby. He’ll pull through.”

Josh didn’t know anymore. After seeing Mark? He simply did not know.

Billy kept his eye on Alex
during
the flight. In a Richfield International Learjet
…
with Mark’s mother Leslie and her second husband, Harry Jenkins on board? It was as awkward as if he were standing in a lineup of criminals about to be pointed out for a felony.

An attendant kept Leslie and Harry sated with tea and snacks while Billy kept gesturing for booze behind the two teetotalers’ backs.

Alex, in a daze, stared out of the jet’s
window
,
appearing
cried out
for the time being
.

As the jet f
inally
began its decent and landed at the
Bob Hope Airport
, which was only fifteen minutes from the hospital, Billy immediately turned his phone on and called Steve.

When the call went to voicemail, he grew upset, then remembered inside the hospital ICU cell phones were not permitted. So, he called Adam. Again got his voicemail. About to blow gasket, he called Jeff.

“Billy.”

Billy waited for the small plane to taxi to the gate
before standing up
. “Hey, Alex and I are at Bob Hope Airport with Mark’s mother and step-dad. What’s the update?”

“Same. No change. His mother came? Really?”

Billy tried to talk quietly. “We’re on her jet. Fastest way to get from A to B, buddy.”

“Damn!”

“Tell Adam and Steve we’ll be there in around fifteen, twenty minutes.”

“If I had my cruiser, I’d get you and run code.”

“You said Mark is still the same, right?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. We’ll be there soon.” Billy hung up and caught Alex’s teary gaze. “Same.”

Once the jet stopped,
Leslie was helped out
onto
a portable staircase
,
which led to the tarmac.

Harry stood with her, holding her arm to keep her balanced.

She wasn’t ancient, Billy guessed in her seventies, but still, thin
and
frail. Not the tyrant he had expected, although
…
she was cold as ice.

Their small bags were taken from the jet’s cargo hold and Billy was slightly stunned to see a limousine pull right up to the jet.

Amazing what money can do
. He held onto Alex who seemed as if he was going to topple over at any minute from no food and the shock
of knowing how ill his father was
.

Leslie and Harry entered the limousine first and Harry said to Billy, “Tell him where we are going.”

Billy nodded and told the chauffeur, “Glendale Memorial Hospital. Speed.”

He got a raised eyebrow from the driver and a nod.

Alex got into the car next and Billy last as their luggage was tossed into the trunk.

Alex sank into the
cushioned
seat, leaning against Billy. Billy put his arm around Alex, holding onto him. He got a quick glance from Leslie, and she appeared so disgusted by him she quickly looked away, out of the window, at the driver, anywhere but at them.

Billy inspected her matching skirt and top, imagining it was Coco Chanel or some other top designer. It was conservative to a fault, and her jacket over the top of her little outfit was wool, dark blue. She wore stockings and conservative shoes. Harry, in his tweed
jacket
and bowtie, his gray hair and perfect beard, appeared to be a Harvard professor.

Billy knew what they thought of his and Alex’s marriage. They barely acknowledge him.

The limousine began its route to the hospital. No, they were not breaking the sound barrier, but Billy had no choice. What was he going to do? Scream at the driver to hit the gas?

He held Alex tightly, feeling his lack of movemen
t as if Alex was indeed numb
.

Billy caressed Alex’s hair affectionately, pulled him as close as he could to comfort him. Would Alex still have a movie role when he went back to Rome? Billy didn’t know. But priorities were priorities, and Mark was number one on that list. Should always have been number one.

Within fifteen minutes the limousine stopped. Alex
was out
of
the door so quickly, Billy had to
run to
catch him.

A massive crowd of news media and photographers were being contained outside by hospital security.
Alex
pushed through them roughly
to the emergency room’s entrance and right to the desk. “My
dad! Mark Richfield! Which room?
”

Billy glanced behind him to see Leslie and Harry following, slowly, as if Leslie could not keep up
with
Alex’s frantic pace.
Camera flashes were like a strobe light being shot off, making Billy angry at the intrusion to their privacy and grief.

“Only immediate family,” the woman sneered slightly, as if this had been an issue with Mark.

“I’m his son, you idiot!” Alex’s teeth showed.

“Alex, calm down.” Billy explained to the woman, “This is Mark’s son, I am his son-in-law, and these people are Mark’s mother and step-father.”

Leslie finally approached the desk and her air of power, despite her frailty and size, made the nurse take note.

“I am here to see my son. Show us to him immediately.”

“Yes, ma’am. This way.” The nurse hustled down the hall.

Billy was slightly speechless at Leslie’s demanding presence, but very grateful.

Alex began to run towards the waiting area and when Billy realized it was packed with their friends
, bouquets of flowers and platters of food
, he choked up and nearly fell apart.