Saying Goodbye (27 page)

~

Jack spotted Leslie and gasped
in complete shock
. He got to his feet and could not believe his eyes.

As if assessing just how loved her only son was, Leslie
scanned the occupants of the waiting room and her gaze rested on Jack.

“Les
lie.” Jack approached her
.

The room went silent and the men actually parted to allow Jack to walk to the older woman.

“Jack. Why aren’t you with Mark?”

“They
…
they wouldn’t let me in.”

She reached out her hand.

Jack clasped it. She brought Jack with them down the hall.

Seeing Mark’s mother had made the trip from London? Jack knew one thing, Mark must be dying. There would be no other way for Leslie to come to the
S
tates.

~

Out of his mind with worry,
Alex pushed the clipboard he was supposed to sign
,
a
way. “Let me see my dad!”

“I’ll sign him in.” Billy took the pen.

Frantic, checking every glass window,
Alex
finally found the room. Adam was alone, beside Mark, sitting in a chair. Alex pressed his palms to the glass, seeing his father and the machines surrounding him. “No! Oh, God!”

Adam must have heard him through the thick glass because he spun around, stood and rushed to the door.

“Dad!” Alex pushed past Adam and landed on his father, hugging him, holding him and sobbing. “Dad! It’s me! It’s Alex. Dad!”

“Easy, Alex,” Adam said, “careful of the intravenous tube.”

Alex looked at the bag dripping from a stand, the tube in Mark’s throat, a machine breathing for him, a monitor beeping and numbers flashing on the screen. Alex rested his head on Mark’s chest. “Dad
…
oh, God. Dad. Don’t leave me! I need you! Dad! Please!”

“Alexander.”

Alex heard his grandmother’s voice.

“Let me see your father.”

He kissed Mark’s cheek and backed up.

Leslie stepped closer, inspecting her son.

Alex felt his knees give out and gripped the rail of the bed. Someone held him up. Jack. Jack had finally gotten in.

“Jackie
.
” Alex looked up at his height and cried.

Jack didn’t respond, staring at Mark as if he was in shock.

A nurse said from the door, “There are too many of you.”

“Piss off!” Alex yelled at her.

Billy reached to quiet Alex.

Harry nodded. “I’ll leave.”

Adam said, “I’ll go get some coffee.”

Alex watched his grandmother sit beside Mark, on the chair Adam had been keeping vigil in.

“Mark Antonious,” she said, “What have you done to yourself?”

Alex
mov
ed towards Billy and cried against his chest. “I can’t take it
.
Billy
…
”

“Shh, okay
…
shhh.” Billy hugged him.

Alex glanced back at his grandmother. She held Jack’s hand as they both looked at Mark silently.

Alex had forgotten Jack knew his grandparents, had been to the
e
state so many times.

Jack crouched beside Leslie, holding her to comfort her.

Alex expected his grandmother to push Jack away, as if she hated touch of any kind. The stories Alex had heard from his father about how cold Leslie was during Mark’s childhood were forever planted on his brain.

She looked at Jack. “Where is Steven?”

Billy shifted in his stance. “Where is he?”

Alex wiped his eyes. “Getting coffee?”

Jack said, “I haven’t seen him since Adam sent him home for a change of clothing and a shower.”

Billy asked, “How long ago was that?”

Jack shrugged. “I don’t know. Hours.”

Alex looked up at Billy. “Steven!”

Billy nodded and whispered, “Will you be okay?”

“As I can be.” Alex gestured to the other two in the room.

“Let me see how Steve is.”

Alex nodded. “Go! Take the limo if you can’t get a ride.”

Billy nodded, kissed Alex’s cheek and left.

~

“It’s time to go, Mark.”

“I don’t want to go, Dad.”

“Why must you always disobey me? Get in the house!”

“But you said if I cleaned the stall I can stay here with my horse
.
”

“I am sick to death of you
r being obstinate
! You are nothing but a disappointment
.
I wish you’d never been born.”

“You think being born was my choice? You think I’m happy living here with you and Mum? You both treat me as if I have the plague
.
”

“You fag! I wouldn’t be surprised if you do!”

“You see? It’s that type of bloody shit
e
I have to deal with every day
.
”

“Watch your mouth.”

“Watch my mouth? Do you know how crude you are to me? Do you know the punishment I have dealt with for forty-two years? My whole life?”

“Forty-two? You’re only fifteen! Shut up and get inside.”

“No! I don’t like the way it looks in there. That place scares me.”

“You flaming fairy! Do as I say!”

Dad! Dad, I love you! Dad!

“What is that?”

“Mark, I won’t tell you again. Get inside.”

“No! I’m a bloody man now! And you can’t keep ordering me around!”

Dad! Please, come back to me, please! I love you.

“I can beat you senseless, you fucking queer
.
You and that Larsen-fag! I can’t stand to see him in this house.”

“Leave Jackie out of this. This has always been about you and me. About you hating me! You labeling me! I despise you! Do you know how much I hate you for what you have done to me?”

“You pampered brat
.
You’ve been spoon fed by your nannies, your ass wiped for you, grown up in a mansion, never had a fucking care in the world!”

“Never had a care? Are you having a laugh? Do you know the mental anguish you have put me through? The lack of self worth? The
insomnia? No matter how many people love me, I still despise myself. And you know why, Father? You!”

“Typical weak fucking woman! Find your balls and get in that house!”

“No! Something isn’t right about it. It frightens me. Don’t force me to do anything anymore. I’m a man! You can’t keep ordering me around. You pathetic homophobic pervert. You don’t think I know y
ou were lusting after me
whil
st
you were accusing me of being a homosexual?”

Dad
…
Dad
…
I love you. Dad
…
please. Open your eyes. Dad…

“Who the bloody hell is that?”

“No one, Mark Antonious. I said it’s time to go. Get into that house.”

“Stop ordering me around! For fuck’s sake, you bleedin’ idiot! Why do you haunt me even after you are dead! I have no idea how Mum put up with you at all. How did she lie with you? How did she stomach your touch? You make me sick!”

~

“Dad…” Alex lay on the
hospital bed
alongside
his father
, kissing his cheek. “Dad, please. Move your hands. Do something. I can’t stand it. I need you. Dad, please.”

Alex felt Mark shift under him. Alex sat up with a jolt. “He moved! He moved!”

Mark raised his hands from under the blanket and reached for the tube that was in his throat, pulling it out and choking.

Jack grabbed Alex,
picking him up off the bed
.

Leslie called out of the room, “Nurse! Someone!”

Mark jerked the breathing tube from his throat and thrashed on the bed.

“Get out,” the nurses began herding Jack, Leslie and Alex out of the room as the machines beep
ed loudly
and warning signals went off.

Mark coughed and gas
ped, kicking his legs
.

Alex was
astonished at what he was watching
. “Dad! Dad, keep fighting! Come back to me! Come back to us!”

Jack held onto Alex as the nurses tried to contain Mark’s violent action.

They stood outside the room, Jack, Leslie and Alex, watching as Mark fought the nurses, pushing their hands away and kicking his legs.

Adam, holding a tray of
four cups of
coffee
hurried towards them. “Oh, no. Please don’t tell me he’s crashing.”

Alex blinked in shock. “No, Adam. He’s fighting!”

“What?” Adam pressed his face to the glass. “Oh my God! Fight, baby, fight!”

~

In the Mustang,
Billy sat beside Jeff as Jeff pulled into the driveway of Steve and Mark’s house. They both got out and headed to the front door. Billy tried the knob
,
and
then knocked.

Jeff’s mobile phone rang. “Yeah?”

Billy used the doorbell, then pounding the door. “Steve!”

“Are you kidding me?” Jeff pumped his fist. “Billy! Mark had some kind of fit and pulled the breathing tube out of his mouth.”

“He moved?” Billy grabbed Jeff.

“Mickey, is he awake?” Jeff shrugged at Billy. “He doesn’t know. He said they may be sedating him.”

Billy pounded the door. “Steve!” He took out his cell phone and called Steve’s. “Voicemail? Where the hell are you? I just heard Mark moved
.
”

He looked at Jeff. A sense of panic hit Billy. “You don’t think.”

“Oh
,
come on
.
No!”
Still holding his phone,
Jeff said to Mickey, “Let me go, Mick.” He hung up and began to slam the door with his shoulder.

Both he and Billy
thrust
their weight against it again and again. Billy looked through the front windows. He picked up a rock and was about to smash the glass when Jeff said, “Let me see if I can pull the garage door up.”

Billy waited.

Jeff gripped the handle and hoisted it.

It raised an inch.

Billy dropped the rock and both he and Jeff heaved the double door and it opened another few inches. Jeff tried to slide under. “A little more.”

Billy and Jeff gripped the edge of the door and counted to three. They forced the door to open another foot. Jeff rolled on his stomach under it and then hit the opener. Billy hurried in and they entered the house through the kitchen.

“Steve!” Billy shouted and he and Jeff immediately went for the stairs to the upper floor.

Jeff turned the knob on the master bedroom and stopped short.

Billy looked in. Steve, sitting naked, was holding his Glock on his lap
, weeping
.

“Jesus Christ, Miller!” Billy rushed him and went for the gun.

Steve didn’t fight, appearing spaced out and empty.

Jeff shook him
to get him to snap out of the stupor
. “Mark pulled the breathing tube out of his throat.”

“Huh?”

Billy unloaded the gun. “How long have you been contemplating blowing your brains out while the rest of us dealt with Mark and his family?”

Jeff grabbed Steve’s jaw and made him stare at him. “Can you hear me?”

“Yes.”

“Mark tugged the breathing tube out of his throat. Do you get that?”

“He’s
…
he’s awake?”

“Get dressed, Miller. Go see your fucking husband.” Billy opened a closet and threw clothing at Steve.

“Did he talk?” Steve
moved with a weary sluggishness
and looked at the clothing Billy threw on the floor.

“Who the fuck cares?” Billy said
,
“Get pants on now!”

“Those are Mark’s clothes.”

Jeff grabbed Steve
by his arm
and pushed him to the dresser. “Then show me yours.”

Steve tried to function. “He’s alive?”

“For cryin’ out loud, Miller!” Billy tossed the pistol into the closet after he unloaded it. “Dead men don’t pull out breathing tubes!”

“But, is he brain damaged?”

Jeff held up a pair of jeans. “Yours?”

“Yes.”

Billy grabbed them and crouc
hed down. “Put them the fuck on.
”

Steve stepped into them and held Billy’s shoulder. “Did someone call Alex?”

“He’s here. He’s with Mark’s mom
at the hospital
.” Jeff removed a sweatshirt from a drawer and tossed it at Billy, who tugged it over Steve’s head.

“Leslie is here?” Steve put his arms through the sleeves.

“Yeah,” Billy said, “While you contemplated blowing your brains out,
I went to Rome and brought Alex back on Leslie’s jet,
y
ou idiot!”

“I thought Mark was dead
,
” Steve cried as he yelled
at Billy
.

“He’s not dead until they pronounce him dead.” Billy looked around the room. “Where the hell
are
his socks and shoes?”

Jeff tossed a pair of socks at them
from a dresser drawer
. “That’s fucked up, Steve. You killing yourself and Mark coming around? That is seriously fucked up.”

Steve dropped to sit on the bed. “I am a fuck up. When Mark finds out what Jack and I did.”

Billy held his hand up. “Do not!
I repeat
. Do not even go there.” He put Steve’s socks on for him. “When Mark is out of the woods, then we can kick each other’s ass over this mess. You got that?”

“He’ll kill me.” Steve was dragged to stand up and Jeff found Steve’s wallet and cell phone, stuffing it into Steve’s jean’s pockets.

“Huh?” Jeff stopped short and stared at Steve. “You and Jack did something
with Alex? Christ, Mickey and I wondered why you went to Rome. Motherfucker! And
I thought this whole fucking mess was because of Billy. Man, what the hell is going on
with all of you
?”

“Shut up
! Both of you!” Billy snarled.
“L
et’s go see your man.”

“Come on, Miller. Pull yourself together.”
Jeff dragged Steve out of the bedroom.

Billy looked back at the bed and spotted a stuffed bear
on the pillow. He heard the men downstairs, Jeff asking where Steve’s shoes were.

Billy grabbed the stuffed bear and took it with him.