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Authors: Kay Gordon

Scars of the Past

BOOK: Scars of the Past

Scars of the Past

Written by Kay Gordon

Scars of the Past

Copyright © 2014 by Kay Gordon

All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

Cover Illustration and Design Copyright © 2014 by RO3D

Warning: This book contains adult content, including: violence, sex, and rape. It is not intended for readers under 18 years old.


To those who’ve lived it: You’re braver than you think you are.

Chapter One

Sweaty bodies moved in rhythmic motions all around us as we pushed through the dance floor. I clung to the hand in front of me like it was a life preserver while trying to keep the hand behind from stopping every five seconds. 

We finally emerged from the throng of people and Amanda led us to straight to the bar. We squeezed into a spot against it, and she threw her hand up signaling to one of the bartenders who was helping someone else down the bar. Amanda turned back around and flashed me a brilliant smile.

“Don’t look so pissed off, Mads. We’re here to have fun!”

“I’m not pissed,” I said with a frown before catching myself and putting on a neutral face. “I just feel so out of place.”

Sydney wrapped her arm around me and put her head on my shoulder. “That’s what alcohol is for, my dear! Liquid courage!” Even with the deafening music she could be heard clearly, her enthusiastic persona made her the loudest person I knew.

She gave me a smacking kiss on my cheek before leaning across the bar and yelling, “Yo barkeep!”  The bartender raised his hand in answer and signaled that he’d be a just a second. Sydney sighed and turned around looking out at the crowd. “I saw a few out on the dance floor I might have to get to know better.”

Amanda rolled her eyes and smiled. “Of course you did. It’s not a normal day unless you’ve filled your man-candy bowl full of prospects.”

Sydney winked at us before tucking her short, bright blonde hair behind her ear. She opened her mouth to retort when a voice behind the bar shouted to be heard over the pop song that was playing.

“What can I get you ladies?”

Amanda smiled at him and held up three fingers. “Three shots of tequila, please!”

“Six!” Sydney yelled, leaning forward to give him a better view of her exposed cleavage.

The bartender took the bait, giving Sydney a perusal before setting out six shot glasses to fill them. 

Sydney was the boisterous one in our group, and even though she was the shortest she still knew how to work it. The knee-high boots she was wearing tonight gave her 5’4 inches a good height boost, which she strived for. She had topped off her outfit with a short black skirt and tight red tube top that dipped low enough to make her generous chest seem even larger. Her short, bright, blonde hair didn’t go past her ears, but it was somehow always done more elaborately than anyone with long hair. Her dark brown eyes twinkled as the bartender gave her another once over before announcing our total.

Sydney passed him her debit card before handing us each a shot and raising hers into the air.

“To us! The hottest bitches in this place!”

Amanda raised her glass high as well. “To us!”

I raised mine feebly before mumbling the sentiment and bringing the foul liquid to my mouth. It poured down my throat, leaving fire in its wake, and I scrunched my nose. “That’s so gross!”

Sydney laughed and shoved the other into my hand. “Keep going! The more you have the better it tastes!” She glanced around as people walked by us and gave me an evil grin.

“There are so many good looking guys in here. I think you need to break your dry streak and bring someone home tonight.”

I grimaced and shook my head. “I don’t think so. The thought of bringing home some drunken guy to my bed makes me want to gag.”

Amanda smiled, but Sydney scowled. “Sometimes you’re such a prude!”

We sat at the bar for a moment and I people watched as I waited for the alcohol to do its job. Solid was a very popular night club with its close proximity to the campus, so I wasn’t surprised that it was packed on a weekend night.

I self-consciously pulled the black tank top I was wearing up, hiding my mediocre cleavage. It was hot in the club, and I was regretting my choice to wear jeans for the night.

Thirty minutes and another round later, the three of us were among the sweaty bodies dancing very un-rhythmically with each other. The four little glasses of tequila had given me a very nice buzz and I no longer felt out of place as I moved to the music.

A man’s hands settled on my hips from behind and I turned around to look at their owner. I ran my eyes over him slowly, my brain feeling a little foggy. He was hot, with his toned body and hair that fell perfectly on his forehead, and as my eyes met his I could tell her knew it. He wasn’t that much taller than me in my heels, but what he lacked in height he obviously made up for in confidence.

I gave a smile to him as I took his hands in mine and pushed them gently into his broad chest. We danced near each other for a bit before he snaked one arm around my waist. I let him for a minute, and we just moved to the beat. As the song changed, he spun me around so my back was to his front, grinding into me from behind. He tried to run his lips down my neck and I wriggled out of his grip.

“No thanks!”

He winked at me and placed his hands back on my hips where they’d been originally. “You and I make killer dance partners.” He leaned in and I could smell the beer and cigarettes on him as his lips met my ear. “I’m sure we’d be great partners at other things.”

I put my hands on his chest and pushed him away slowly. “No thanks,” I repeated, taking a step back. “You’ll just have to find another partner.”

His smile grew wider and he winked again. “Okay. I’ll try again later and see if you changed your mind.”

“I won’t,” I said as fast as my alcohol fueled brain would let me, but he had already disappeared into the crowd. I turned around and found Sydney with her body pressed up against some guy, more rubbing than dancing. I rolled my eyes and turned to head towards the bar.

After I pushed through the other people on the dance floor I caught sight of Amanda coming from the hallway that led to the restrooms.

Amanda was the sweet, but fierce one of the group. Her long red hair fell in loose curls down her back, and her hazel eyes could burn holes through you if you weren’t careful. She had chosen to wear flats, saying her 5’9 frame didn’t need any more height, but those long, toned runners legs looked fabulous in the shorts she was wearing.

“Where’s Syd?” She asked as she pulled out her phone to look at it.

I pointed towards the dance floor and grinned at Amanda. “She found someone to get to know better.”

She laughed, linking her arm through mine, and pulled me up to the bar. She held up four fingers to the bartender as he walked over and he immediately placed the shot glasses in front of us. We each downed one quickly, Amanda’s eyes glued to the phone in front of her. She blew out a frustrated breath and typed out a message on it furiously.

“What is it?” I asked, lifting the next shot to my mouth. I set the empty glass back on the bar with more force than I meant and giggled as if it was the funniest thing all night.

Amanda sighed before tucking her phone back into her pocket and pushing her other shot towards me. “Just mom again. I need to go before she gets too riled up. It’s only midnight, so would you rather stay with Sydney or do you want to cab it with me to my mom’s?”

I held up her shot glass and tried to remember what number I was on. Five? Seven? I laughed at my lack of coherence and shook my head. Going to Amanda’s mom’s during one of her moments would definitely kill whatever buzz I had.

“I’ll stay with Syd. She’ll just have to go home alone tonight.”

Amanda smiled and gave me a big hug, almost knocking us both over. “Drunk Maddie is fairly adorable.” She released me and fixed a motherly look upon me for a moment that made me giggle even more. “Are you sure?”

I nodded and settling my weight against the bar. “Positive. I’m having fun.”

She squeezed me again before saying something about finding Sydney to tell her to come back to me. I blew her a kiss as she left and leaned over the bar. The two bartenders stood there in light conversation, apparently enjoying that they weren’t completely slammed at the moment.

“Can I have one more, please?”

The bartender who had been serving us most of the evening frowned, and leaned against the bar. He was a bit older than me, probably his early thirties, and he had a rugged sort of charm about him.

“I think you’ve had enough, sweetheart.”

I pouted and gave him my best pleading look. “Just one more, okay?” I let out another giggle when I realized how slurred my words sounded. He shook his head, but pulled out a glass to fill it for me anyway.

The second bartender had been on the down the opposite side of the bar for most of the night. But he stepped up to the counter, shaking his head too.

“That’s the last one, Madelyn.”

I scoffed and waved a dismissive hand in his direction. “S’okay.” I picked up the small glass but immediately put it back down and gave the new bartender a wide smile.

He had familiar brown hair that sat in curls on top of his head, and his gorgeous honey brown eyes held my own. He didn’t smile back, but instead gave me a stern look.

“Josh Richards.” I reached over the bar to pat his cheek, but my hand missed and I ended up patting the counter instead. “Hi Josh.”

He finally broke his solid demeanor and gave me a small smile.

“Hey Madelyn. It’s good to see you.”

I stared at him, confused for a moment as my brain tried to catch up.

“God, you’re still as hot as ever.”

He chuckled and leaned in close enough that I could smell whatever cologne or aftershave he wore.

“And you look even better than the last time I saw you.”

I threw back the shot and opened my mouth to say something else, but Sydney appeared, grabbing me by the wrist and promptly dragged me back to the dance floor. We danced clumsily against each other for a while when a couple of guys joined in, and we all danced together, laughing at one another’s dance moves. I felt light, disconnected from my body, but I also felt like it was a thousand degrees in the club.

“Be back! Bathroom!” I yelled to Sydney, and she gave me a nod of understanding as I started to move in the direction of the restrooms.

As I walked, I felt my feet working against the 2 inch pumps I was wearing, and I stumbled a little. I stopped and leaned against the wall and tried to convince myself that the room was not spinning. After a moment, I started to walk again and I noticed a door near the restrooms that lead outside. I pushed through that door, ignoring the ‘Employees Only’ sign, and felt the fresh fall air hit me in the face immediately. Even the air in the dirty ally, that smelled like the dumpster was nearby, was more refreshing that the stale air inside the club.

I took in several deep breaths, filling my lungs as I leaned against the concreate building. I let the world around me tilt in several directions, and my eyes drifted shut. I heard the door shut again, but I couldn’t persuade my heavy eyelids to open back up.

I smelled him before I felt him, and I finally convinced myself to crack open my eyes. Hot guy from the dance floor wrapped an arm around my waist and his wet lips connected with my neck before I had a chance to register what was going on. I felt him push his hips against mine, and his already solid erection dug into me. I moaned involuntarily at the pressure and put my hands against his shoulders.

“No. I don’t—what are you doing?” I mumbled clumsily, as he moved his mouth down my collarbone, his facial hair scratching against my sensitive skin. He pushed into me again, harder, and I told myself not to react. But when he connected right at that sweet spot for second time, I let out another moan.

I felt his lips leave my collar bone before his tongue was suddenly in my mouth and I recognized the taste of stale beer on his tongue. He kept moving his hips and my breathing picked up, but I felt panic registering somewhere in my hazy brain. I did not want this, but it felt so good. My mind and my body were apparently not communicating. His arm remained around me as his other hand pulled my shirt up over my breasts, exposing my stomach and bra. His fingers moved to my breast and flipped down one of my bra cups before grabbing my nipple between his thumb and forefinger.

“I don’t wanna,” I murmured again as I pushed against his chest. My push didn’t even seem to faze him because he didn’t move an inch, and instead I felt his warm tongue run along my nipple before he sucked it into his mouth. 

My head fell against the hard wall as my eyes shut again and I half-moaned half-whispered, “Please stop. I don’t want to.”

I heard his deep chuckle and he bit my nipple, making me thrust into him involuntarily.

“Yes you do, gorgeous,” he whispered as he brought his lips to my ear. He started to undo the button my jeans and his teeth skimmed my earlobe.

“This is making you feel good, and you know it.” He pushed against me again just to prove his point, and I gasped, fisting his shirt. The zipper on my pants came down, and his hands dragged my panties and jeans down to my calves. I shook my head from side to side and let go of his shirt before making another failed attempt to push him back.

“No, no, no, no,” I repeated and tried to swat his hands away from me.

He laughed again, and I felt him reach between us and graze my sensitive skin before suddenly pushing two fingers inside of me. I jerked from both surprise and pleasure and my head lolled backwards, too heavy to hold up anymore. In the back of my mind a war between reasonable thinking and sensation raged on. He moved his fingers in and out of me quickly, and I moaned in between protests. He pressed his thumb against me and I fell apart, my body floating in disconnected bliss before coming back down.

“You like that, don’t you?” He said before shoving his tongue back into my mouth.  I heard him undo his pants before the crinkling noise told me he was opening a condom.

Oh God
, I thought to myself, my brain feeling a bit clearer as shame filled me.
What did I just let him do?

I pushed against him again, a bit harder this time. “No, please. I don’t want any of this.” I could hear my words sound less jumbled and a bit more coherent than they were when he had originally shown up in the ally.

He took a fistful of hair pulling my head back slightly so I was looking right at him. He stared at me, his eyes dark and his breathing heavy. I felt his other hand pull my knee up to hitch it around his waist. I stared at him in fear and tried to kick my leg away, but it was still tangled in my jeans and his grip was firm.

“I just made you feel wonderful, and you know it. Could I do that if you really didn’t want it?” A tear trickled down my cheek and I stared at him, petrified because I knew what was going to happen next and also because part of me worried he was right.

“Please.” I whispered again, and he released my hair. He just smiled a scary smile and I felt him position himself against me. I brought my hand up and got one good slap on his cheek before he grabbed both my wrists with one of his hands, pinning them above my head. I squeezed my eyes shut and turned my head as I felt him enter me roughly. I cried out in pain, certain he was splitting me in two with his force. He slammed into me with punishing thrusts over and over and I felt my lower back start to sting as it rubbed bare against the jagged concrete wall.

“Look at me.” When I didn’t look immediately, he tightened the grip on my knee. “Now.”

Tears flowed down my face, but I turned my head to look at him and he just stared into my eyes with that smile still on his face.

“What’s your name?” He groaned as he thrust into me again. When I didn’t answer, he leaned in so our foreheads were touching.

“Sweetheart, you tell me your name or after this, when I have you on your hands and knees, I won’t be so gentle.” He thrust into me forcefully, as if to prove a point.

“M-Maddie,” I whispered, my voice hoarse.

“Maddie, I like it. You feel fucking amazing.”

He dipped his head and pushed his face into the crook of my neck as he moved faster and faster. The alcohol induced haze was almost completely gone and mortified embarrassment along with undiluted fear replaced it. He grunted into my shoulder as he thrust in and out and his grip was like a vice on my knee as I tried to pull it away from him. I attempted to pull my arms from his grip, but like my knee he only increased the hold on them until it hurt.

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