Scattered Leaves (29 page)

Before we left. I did eat some hot oatmeal Nancy prepared. With the way she was flitting about the kitchen. I felt as if I'd already been back at the mansion. Afterward. I went upstairs to see if there was anything being left in my room that I wanted. I found the doll Great-aunt Frances had given me the first night and decided I would take it with me. I wondered if Grandmother Emma would remember it if I showed it to her.

"Won't I see Great-aunt Frances anymore?" I asked my father when I was ready to go.
"Oh, sure," he said. "Well either come here or she'll be brought to see us."
"She should be," I said. "She says she has never been at the mansion."
"Yes," Daddy said. "As far as I know, that's true."
Felix wheeled him out and Lester Marshall helped let him off the porch, because there was no ramp like we had at the mansion. I waited and watched while they transferred him into the backseat of the limousine and then folded and put his wheelchair into the trunk. Then I went around to get in when Felix opened the door for me. Before I did. I looked toward Lester Marshall's house.
"Who's going to feed Miss Puss?" I asked.
"I'll take care of her. Don't worry," Lester Marshall said.
"Can't I say good-bye to my friend?" I asked my father.
"Sure," he said. "Why not?"
I looked at Lester Marshall. He was not pleased about it.
"She's not coming out," he said. "And your daddy's got to get started."
"It's all right." my father told him. "I'm fine. Let her go say good-bye
,
Lester. I have a few things to discuss about the property with you while we wait."
Lester shook his head and then approached the limousine. I ran toward his house. Bones, as usual, had planted himself safely between the main house and Lester Marshall's. I saw that Miss Puss was lying near a basement window watching him. She was more of a guard dog than he was. Bones lifted his head and watched me hurry to the front steps. I knocked on the door.
"Alanis, it's me. I have to leave."
She must have been standing right there, because almost before I finished my sentence, she pulled the door open.
"What do you want?"
"I came to say good-bye."
"Good-bye," she said and started to close the door.
"Why are you mad at me?" I asked. She held the door and looked down.
"I ain't mad at you. I'm just mad I got to come back here."
"Where else could you go?"
She looked up sharply.
"That's what I mean, stupid. I got no place to go. I got no rich family looking after me,"
I winced and her face softened.
"It's not my fault." I said. It seemed silly to say it. How could it possibly be my fault? But I didn't know what else to tell her.
"I'm not saying it is. I said I'm not mad at you," She looked toward the limousine. "Where you going?"
"I'm going back to live with my father. I'm sure you could come visit. Maybe you could come with Great-aunt Frances when she's well enough." "She's not your great-aunt."
"I know." I said. Now I was looking down. "You didn't tell, did you? Well?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"I don't know. I didn't know what to say."
"It's not hard. You say that woman back at the mansion is not your mother. Daddy. She's your aunt and the woman you think is your aunt is your mother."
"I know," I said.
"You look like a big girl, but you're still a baby."
"No. I'm not. I just don't want to hurt anyone," I said.
I
saw her expression soften again.
"Well, my granddad got no right to be so mad at me for taking you to see Mrs. DeMarco. You had a right to know the truth.
What you do with it is your own business. I suppose, but he's got no right to be punishing me. Am I right? Well? Am I?"
"Yes," I said. She softened some more and stepped out on the porch.
"You're going back to that big mansion. huh? You going to attend a private school again, too?" "Probably."
"We both got screwed-up families," she said. "but it don't hurt none to be the rich one."
"I didn't mind living here. We were having lots of fun."
She studied me to be sure I wasn't just saying it, and then she let go of her grip on a smile, let it out and nodded.
"I usually have a lot of fun no matter what." "I'm glad you're my friend."
"Yeah. yeah." She waved her hand to shoo off a fly.
"I am. I didn't have any friends like you back at the mansion and probably still won't."
"Yeah, maybe," she relented. "Well. maybe I'll do you a favor and visit."
"Will you? Please."
"If Granddad takes off the ball and chain." "What do you mean?"
"Lets me go. stupid." She smiled. "What are you going to be like when your brain catches up with your body. huh?"
"I don't know."
"I do. You going to have lots of boys' names to write on your shoes. You just make sure they don't write your name on theirs. hear?"
"Okay."
"Okay," she mimicked, then took me by surprise and hugged me quickly.
She turned and went back into the house. "You know why I'm coming to see you, don't you?" she asked, holding the door open. I shook my head. "I want to meet that weird brother of yours. I think I'd like him. You tell him I'm coming and you tell him I read his letters and I'm still coming, understand?'"
I nodded.
"I'll look after your... great-aunt," she said and closed the door. "And make sure your granddad feeds Miss Puss." I shouted.
Lester Marshall stepped back from the limousine and looked my way. I stepped off the porch. patted Bones on his head, and hurried to the limousine. Felix was still standing by the door, waiting. Ike smiled at me. and I got in. Nancy was sitting up front.
"You okay?" my father asked when I slid in and Felix closed the door.
"Yes, Daddy."
"Your friend can come visit you know." "I told her."
"Good."
Felix got in and started the engine. Lester stood there looking at us with his arms folded as the limousine started down the driveway. I turned and looked back at his house. Alanis had come out again and was standing on the small porch, watching us. She couldn't see I was looking back because of the tinted windows, but I saw her slowly lift her right hand to wave. Then she realized what she was doing, dropped her arm to her side and rushed back into the house,
The car turned at the base of the driveway and we were off.
"When is Great-aunt Frances coming home?" I asked my father.
"Very soon. I've arranged for someone to stay with her for a while," he said. 'She needs a full-time housekeeper and companion. I'm informing your grandmother."
"What about Mommy?" I asked. "We'll go see her."
"And Ian?"
"Ian hasn't been well. Jordan, so he's been moved to a different facility." He smiled quickly. "I understand he's doing better already, complaining and offering suggestions for improvements."
"He is?"
"Yes."
"Can I visit him. too?"
"We'll see. I have to get you organized first, get you enrolled in your school again," he said. "I'm making all the calls today after we're home."
"You are?"
He started to speak, then stopped and glanced out the window for a moment. "Yes." he said, still looking out the window. "It's time I accepted who I am."
The blood rushed to my face. Did he know? Had he always known or was the secret out?
He turned back to me.
"I'm Emma March's son," he said. "I have to start acting like a mature, responsible person.
I
resented my mother. I know there were lots of times I thought
I
hated her and there were lots of times she wasn't really a grandmother to you and to Ian, and certainly not a mother-in-law to Caroline, but life's too short to fill your time with resentment and," he said. smiling. "self-pity. If she says that to me one more time...
^-.
He shook his head. "It's too easy, too convenient to blame other people for your own mistakes. Jordan. Yes, it makes you feel better on the surface, but deep down inside you know you're lying to the most important person in your life."
"Who?"
"Yourself" he said. "Lies are the worst kind of ghosts... they constantly haunt you. They wait behind the mirror and emerge every time you look at yourself."
No lies, no secrets
, I thought. If that was the pledge between two best friends, why shouldn't it be the pledge between a father and a daughter? I have to tell him.
But he wants to be Emma March's son now, another voice inside me said. Hers finally become comfortable with it. How can you send him reeling
^-
back into what Ian would.1 surely call a web of deceit? How can it be right to hurt him so much?
Besides, you're not the keeper of this truth. It belongs to Grandmother Emma. She is the only one who can unlock it, if it is to be unlocked.
Oh, how I miss my mother,
I
thought. She would surely know what I should and shouldn't say.
"Isn't Mommy getting any better. Daddy?" I asked. My eves started to fill with tears just asking.
"Yes, there's improvement. I don't want to build up your hopes too much. I don't know how long it will take or if it will ever happen that your mother returns to us the way she was. We can only hope and pray."
Will we pray?
When did we pray together last?
Isn't it stronger when we're all together or there is more than one of us saying the same prayer? Won't our voices be louder? "You and I should go to church and pray then. Daddy," I said. He looked at me, smiled and nodded.
"Yeah, maybe," he said. "Hey, Felix, does our church provide for the disabled?"
Felix looked in the rearview minor. Daddy was smiling.
"Mr. March, everyone who goes to church comes with some disability or another."
Daddy laughed.
Laughter. I thought as we rode on. What a sweet sound when it comes from the people whom you love and who love you. It's as comforting as warm milk. Maybe that was why Great-aunt Frances wanted it so much in her life and turned everything she could, even a simple dinner, into a party.
As soon as we arrived at the mansion. Daddy was surprised to hear immediately from Mr. Pond, Grandmother Emma's attorney. He told him that she wanted me brought to see her as soon as possible. She was now at a special clinic for stroke victim's therapy. After my father spoke with Mr . Pond. He asked Nancy to tell me to come down from my room.
Although I had spent so much time in this roam before I'd been taken to live with Great-aunt Frances, it seemed so strange for me to be returned to it. All of the things I had left in it were still there, of course, and there was nothing different about the room, nothing added or changed. Yet without Ian nearby or my parents down the hall, and without even
Grandmother Emma close, I felt what everyone had feared I would feel-- terribly lonely. I immediately fantasized bringing Alanis here to live with me and go to my school. It was an impossible dream. I knew. but I sat there imagining it, imagining how we would enjoy the mansion, the grounds, the pool, all of it. With a sister it would all make so much more sense. I thought.
"Apparently," Daddy told me after I came downstairs. "your grandmother thinks it's more important for you to see her before I even get you enrolled in your school. And," he said. smiling, "you're to visit her alone. She knows about Great-aunt Frances, of course. She knew almost as quickly as I did. She'll probably ask you a lot about it. and I'm sure, now that she knows you're here, she probably wants to find out the nitty- gritty about me as well. She wants to make you her little spy. That's all right," he added. "If I have to have anyone spy on me, I'd rather it be you."
"I won't be a spy, Daddy," I said.
"Whatever. Go make her happy. Tell her whatever she wants to know. She still the queen. Felix will bring you there in the morning. I'll start the process to get you back into school. I've ordered that specially equipped car I told you about, by the way. Soon. I'll be the one who brings you to school and picks you up. when I'm not tending to business, but I promise, that'll be the only reason I'm not,"
"I'd like that,Daddv," I said.
"Me. too. Nancy's preparing one of your favorite meals. Southern fried chicken."
I smiled. "I should get dressed up for it," I said.
"Pardon?"
"Get a
Gone With the Wind
dress."
"Huh?"
"Nothing, Daddy. Just kidding."
"Yes, well that's something we haven't had around here for a long time, kidding. Go settle yourself in your old nest, little bird."
He smiled at me, and I stood there for a moment remembering an earlier time. I didn't know exactly when, but I remembered running up to him when he was sitting at the dinner table and him holding out his arms. He lifted me and put me in his lap and hugged and kissed me. Was it a dream?
He held up his arms, and I went to him now. He embraced me. "I'm so sorry for everything. Jordan."
For a long moment, we just held on to each other. Then he kissed my cheek and
I
turned and ran to the stairway. The tears flew off my chin as I hurried up to my room.
I sat on my bed right where I'd sat the day Felix had come to take me away, only now I closed my eyes and worked hard on Ian's telepathy. I concentrated on reaching my mother. and I tried and tried until I was sure I heard her voice, heard how happy she was that I was home again. She promised me she would return soon. too.
It had been a long time since I'd sat and had dinner with my father. Of course. I missed Ian and my mother at the table, but Daddy talked about all his new plans.
He spoke to me as if I'd already been a grownup and he wanted my opinions. After dinner, he went to the office and made some phone calls to see how Great-aunt Frances was doing. Later, he told me she would be heading home even sooner than expected.
"Won't she wonder where I am?" I asked.
"She's been told and she's also been told that as soon as she's strong enough, she's being brought here to visit you and me and, who la
^-
lows, maybe even your grandmother."
"Good," I said.
I asked again about Ian, and he promised he would work on our visiting him as soon as possible.
"I've been speaking with your mother's doctor. Jordan. We'll be going to see her this weekend. I want to stress that you shouldn't get your hopes up too high, but they're leaning toward a more positive prognosis, which means more hopeful. It might take a long time yet, if at all. Okay?"
I nodded, too terrified that I might think or say something that would change his mind. He smiled.
"You are growing up so fast. I feel like I'm in a rocket ship watching."
Comforted with all this new promise and hope, I was able to curl up in my own bed and fall asleep quickly. I had once again been riding on an emotional roller coaster and was far more tired than I had imagined.
After breakfast the following morning. Felix took me to visit Grandmother Emma. For the visit. I put on the dress she had bought me on my birthday. She'll be surprised to see me
wearing a bra now, I thought. I fixed my hair and put on a string of pearls my mother had given me some time ago. When I thought I looked good enough to make a proper presentation to my grandmother. I left the house and walked toward the limousine. Daddy wheeled out to wish me luck.