Sebastian: The Complete Series (26 page)

I felt like I’d dug myself a bigger hole and was standing at the bottom of a deep well, looking up at the clouds above me and wondering how in the hell I’d got there.

Robert chuckled, wrapping his arm around my hips and drawing me closer to his firm body. “Let’s get inside. I need a drink and some
real
food.” He pushed the door open and led me inside the softly lit hallway. “You hungry again?”

I was too busy looking around to answer. I tapped the shiny, small, square tiles on the floor, looking at the dark mahogany panelling which wrapped around the bottom half of the downstairs walls, following it over to the staircase beside us. It felt like I'd stepped back in time, but with a fresher more modern glow to everything.

“Sebastian…” Robert moved behind me, wrapping his hands around my waist and holding me tightly. “It’s okay.”

“It’s lovely.”

“What's wrong?” He nuzzled my neck a little, nudging my head further over so he could place a tender kiss underneath my ear.

“I don’t belong here.” The words were out and running a million miles an hour down the street before I could stop them. “Shit!” I murmured quietly, wishing I hadn't spoken out loud.

“Why?” Robert spun me slowly around, clinging onto me again, but this time looking down into my eyes.

“I just… I don’t know. It’s all… Robert, this is really… adult?”

He paused for a
long
moment, and then laughed loudly, leaning his head on my shoulder and hugging me tightly. “By adult, do you mean old?”

“No way!” I kissed his cheek. “It’s just really grown up and I feel like a kid.” I was
not
a kid at nineteen. I was super grown up. Well, I felt it.

It was so very different from the student dive I’d lived in, and even more different from the modern apartment I shared with Harry. This had age and history, a feeling of stability and permanency which none of the places I’d lived in had.

This was
the one
.

The one house you bought and stuck with. The one you got a huge mortgage with and knew you’d be living in it long enough to pay the bill off. It was Robert’s home. He’d obviously worked hard making it his, remodelling and restoring the property with his blood, sweat and tears. It was everything I wasn’t and it made me panic. The feeling I shouldn’t be there worked through me and set like concrete.

“This is different for you, for us. How do you think I felt when I walked into your life, into your home?” Robert pushed me back so he could stare into my eyes. “I felt just like you do now, Sebastian. I looked around and saw you, the real you. Met people who knew you, knew a part of you which I didn’t. Despite knowing so many intimate details about you, it’s the simple things which I don’t. It threw me a lot, and before I had a chance to take it all in, you were on the floor. I know you feel uncomfortable, and like you should just spin around and walk out of the door, but I'm asking you to just settle for a couple of hours. Have some food. See how you feel.”

I knew I wasn’t going anywhere, and I knew Robert didn’t want me to go either. Time. We needed time, and running wasn’t going to solve anything. Reaching around him with both my arms, I clung onto him tightly, pressing my face into the crook of his neck and breathing in him. His scent.

“I'm not going anywhere.”

Not until you ask me to.

W
atching Robert cooking was distracting, almost as distracting as his equally adult kitchen. I ran my fingertips over the stone surface of the breakfast bar I was sitting against and watched him efficiently slice up a red pepper before dropping it into the wok on his flashy hob. I didn’t cook. We mainly ate out or got take away. The kitchen was only used as the place to store the fridge, and the booze inside it.

He was telling me about how much work he’d done in the house as he moved around the room, floating between the fridge and the cooker on the island placed in the centre of the room, cutting and chopping as he spoke. The low music playing in the background had a Latin beat to it and his hips moved occasionally to the beat making me smile. I knew he had good rhythm, our hours in bed showed me that, and watching him dance turned me on more than it should with those memories running around in my dirty mind. Those hips swaying got me half hard, and I adjusted myself on the stool so my cock wasn’t as tight in my skinny jeans.

Robert leaned over the counter, placing a piece of sweet yellow pepper against my lips. “It’s good. Open up.”

Teasing him, I slipped my tongue out, licking it before placing my lips around his fingers and running them over it until it and his finger was in my mouth, grinning as his pupils filled out and his relaxed stance changed to a tighter one. “Hmm.” My lips parted from his fingers with a pop. “It is good.”

“Tease.” Robert chuckled as he threw in the rest of the pepper into the wok.

“Erm, me teasing? You should see how sexy you look doing all this. I'm uncomfortable in these jeans.”

Robert leaned on the bar, crossing is arms and smiling. “So take them off.”

“And eat naked?” Copying his stance, I then leaned forward and kissed him.

“If you were naked, we wouldn’t be eating.” He shifted from me, shaking his head. “I meant, change into something more comfortable before we eat.”

“I could do with more room,” I drawled out lazily. His playful frown made me laugh again as I stood up and stretched. “Okay, I’ll go change.”

The break would do me good. If I stayed, I would have bent myself over the table and pulled my own jeans off for him.

“It’s the first on your left.”

“Your room?”

“Yeah, but…” Robert smiled. “If you want your own, there’s a few to choose from.”

“Your room’s more than good with me.” Bending over slowly and giving him a long look at my sexy arse wrapped in my jeans as I picked up my bag from the floor, I flashed a smirk at him over my shoulder. “Be right back.”

Robert groaned, covering his eyes with his arms and turning away. “Just do it already.”

Still laughing as I reached the bedroom—his bedroom—I glanced around the room, smelling him stronger here than anywhere else. The bed was some ridiculous super king size which dominated the room and it was darker, more sensual I suppose. Deep burgundy and browns, rich, warm colours which seemed to hug you and keep you safe.

This was more him, more relaxed than the rest of the house and it was a little messier than the other rooms I'd seen. His suit, which must have been worn the day before, was thrown over the back of a chair and several pairs of shoes and trainers were lying about. At least he could be messy, even if it was just behind his bedroom door.

As I stripped off my too-tight jeans, I thought about him and me and how we always seemed to be behind closed doors. The biggest amount of time I'd spent with him was in bed, and that's the only part of him I knew.

Seeing his house, I'd felt like I didn’t belong, but as I kicked my jeans from my feet and stalked around the room, turning and looking at all his bottles of cologne and cufflinks discarded around the place, the bed unmade and looking like he dived out of it in a rush, it made me feel better about the whole situation because he was there, really there in that room. The rest of the house felt slightly off, like a prop, a set, a place he was what other people saw but not really him. I got that. I got the real him, the person he was more than likely hiding or unconfident about showing.

He had a responsible position, people trusted him with their lives, and he had to act a certain way in front of them, but alone, was Robert my Robert?

“Food’s ready.” Robert’s shout made me jump.

“I'm coming.” Dragging my legs into a loose pair of joggers and adjusting them so they rested low on my hips, I pulled on a t-shirt, a worn one with Batman on it, and then ran downstairs. “Smells good.”

Robert was just placing our plates on the table as he glanced at me, quickly doing a double take and spending more time gazing up and down me as I sauntered to him. He’d not really seen me in relaxed clothes before, I was always either naked or in a suit. “Batman, huh?”

“Yeah, I'm a fan.” I smoothed out my crumpled t-shirt with a cheeky smile. “I've had it since I was fifteen or something.” I was beside him, not touching but looking up at him, staring into those hungry brown eyes and feeling myself heat up with the intense gaze he was giving me. “You hungry?” My fingers were running up his chest, unbuttoning his shirt and toying with the hair on his chest.

“Very.” The deep rumble of his voice made my eyes close and I had to still the moan in my throat as he stepped closer, drawing me into his body with those big arms and holding me against the firmness of his chest.

“For food?” I smiled up at him. He turned me on too much and my cock was already rising, enjoying the fact it wasn’t constricted in my jeans and making the most of it.

“What food?”

Those meaty paws grabbed the cheeks of my arse and hauled me into his hips, his cock was harder than mine and the moan had no chance of being stopped this time. I leaned my head back, unable to move much else in his grip and gave him a hooded, glazed look as my mouth parted, soft, hot air passing from it and onto his lips as he inched closer, the grip on my arse so tight I could imagine ten solid fingerprints being there the next morning.

“Your diner will go cold,” I breathed out. He had me backed up against the table, sturdy and heavy, I noticed, one he could easily plant me on and fuck me hard. “Robert…” It was a gasp. The thought of him taking me right there and then had me breathless.

“Shit, Sebastian.” Robert’s mouth was on mine, possessive and demanding, owning every inch of me with one touch. He feasted off me, his lips never leaving mine, roaming his hands everywhere over me, slipping down the back of my joggers and cupping my bare skin, kneading and squeezing my cheeks as he ground his length into mine. “We should stop,” he breathed out when he came up for air.

“You say some stupid things.”

He stepped back, leaving me half collapsed against the table and panting like a bitch in heat, running his long fingers through his salt and pepper dark hair and grunting loudly. He was angry, or frustrated, probably both.

“I'm sorry. I always manage to piss you off.”

“It’s not you, it’s me.”

It’s not you, it’s me! Seriously? Worst line ever he could say to me, because obviously it is my fault and he just doesn’t want to say it. I mean, isn’t there a manual for things not to say to your boyfriend?

He caught my stare and shook his head. “I'm never mad at you. It’s me. I just… I lose control with you and my whole life is about control.”

Eventually managing to suck in a deep lungful of air, I felt the strength come back into my Bambi-style shaking legs and reached out for him, slowly running my fingers down his arm before taking his hand in mine. “But that's not what you really want, is it? Control?”

“No.” Those big eyes met mine and I felt their warmth seeping into mine. “It’s just been so long since I was me, I forgot what it felt like.” He dipped his head, brushing his full mouth over mine before pulling out a chair and pointing at it.

Sighing heavily, I planted my arse on the chair and watched as he sat beside me before looking at the gorgeous chicken noodle stir-fry in front of me. “This really is too nice to waste.”

“Thanks.” Robert grimaced as he shuffled around on his seat, his cock like mine, still hard and off putting.

“Do you cook often?” I mumbled around my full mouth then moaned a little bit as the flavours exploded in my mouth. “Oh, so good.”

Robert smirked. “Don’t moan like that. I have enough issues getting rid of my hard on as it is.”

“Sorry.” My fork was already in my mouth with a second helping.

Robert cleared his throat after he took a sip of iced water. “I only cook quick things. I’ve been making this since I was your age and stuck in a shared house at uni.”

“I don’t know why, but I didn’t see you living like me. I thought you'd have your own place, not like this, but not some student dive like mine.”

“Your apartment’s nice.”

“No, I mean the shit place before… which you never saw.” A grin made it onto my face. “See, I knew you'd live somewhere better.”

“No,” Robert mumbled out through his full mouth then shook his head and swallowed. “I had the typical student living place, probably just like yours. My mum didn’t have much money to put me through university, so I worked two jobs and studied when I got the chance.”

“I thought you'd come from money?”

Robert reached over, fiddling with a bottle of wine and the corkscrew. “Not really. I grew up in Bethnal Green.” He smirked at me.

“I’ve heard of it, not much, sort of. Not a great place?”

“It’s like most places. You get the good and bad. I enjoyed it. It’s very multi-cultural. I know three friends from the area who work as doctors from my old school there.” Robert poured us both a glass of wine, keeping his gaze on the glasses as he continued speaking. “My dad died when I was young, eventually Mum remarried, but there was about ten years in between where she really struggled. I owe her a lot, and Jeremy, my step dad. He helped put me through the last few years in uni so I could jack in the jobs and concentrate on passing.”

I realised I was holding his hand and he smiled at me. “I'm sorry. How old were you when he died?”

“Ten-ish. He was a good man, a good dad. We both still miss him a lot, but Jeremy is great and he loves my mum to death, do anything for her. I had my doubts about him at first, but over the years, he's proven to be someone I trust and love.” Robert and I ate in silence for a few moments, and then he turned back to me. “I wasn’t always this comfortable, and I don’t really consider myself well off, I just have a little bit more money than the average person, but I work hard for that money.” He had that frown on his handsome face and I could feel his mood change darker.

“Whoa, I'm not saying you don’t. I'm not judging you or anything.” I held my hands up, trying to calm him a little.

“But you did. Before. Right up until five minutes ago.”

“That's not judging, more presuming.” I gave him a big smile and he frowned. “Look, honestly, I just thought you were like Harry. You know, not as posh as him.” I rolled my eyes. “I mean, you don’t speak like the Queen for a start, but I just thought you came from parents with money.”

Robert’s frown lessened as he stared into my eyes, his deep brown colour becoming warmer. “I'm sorry. It’s just I worked hard and I hate people judging how I got here. Jeremy had the money, and I hated taking it from him. I paid back every penny he gave me as soon as I could, just as I did with my student loans. In the beginning, I thought he was buying me, getting to mum through helping me. I didn’t want her to be guilted into a marriage. It took time for me to realise she’d moved on and fallen in love with someone.”

“I think I’d have felt the same way. My parents have been together forever. I can't imagine them separating, or how I'd deal with it, let alone one of them dying and a new person swanning into my life.”

“Are you an only child?”

“Yep. What about you?”

“I was for the first eighteen years of my life, and then my sister came along. Half-sister.” He smiled as we looked at each other. “She’s eighteen this month. You’d like her. She’s lots of fun. Taking art as her major.” The thought of him having a sister my age made my eyes widen a little and he noticed, laughing as he played with his wine stem. “The age gap between us is a big one, Sebastian. Seventeen years is…” He sighed, running his fingers through his hair. “It’s one of the things separating us in a huge way. Maybe bigger than anything else.”

Chuckling from my full mouth, I glanced at him through heavy lids and gave him a coy smile.