Secrets On Lake Drive (37 page)

“I know. You’re right.”

“Okay, so the next time he calls you answer the
phone. Okay?”

“Okay.”

After breakfast, I took the pregnancy test. The
digital Clearblue Easy display showed ‘Pregnant’, but I already
knew. The test was just to confirm it. Keisha and I celebrated my
pregnancy with a hug that seemed to last forever. Then I went to
bed.

I woke up around seven when I heard my cell phone
ringing. I was so groggy I didn’t look at the display to see who it
was.

“Hello,” I whispered. No one responded.
“Hellooo.”

“Hey.”

It was Sean. The sound of his voice made me want to
cry. I missed him. On top of that, I was carrying our child and he
had no idea.

“Hi.”

“It’s been a while since we’ve spoken,” he told
me.

“Yeah, it has.”

“How have you been?”

“I’m okay.” My voice crackled as I tried to contain
my cry. I didn’t do a very good job of it, though.

“I miss you, Monica.”

“I miss you, too.”

“Would it be okay if I came over to talk?”

I sat there and cried for a few seconds. I didn’t
care if he heard me or not.

“Yeah.” Now had to be the time when I talked to him.
Besides, Keisha would probably flip out if I told him no.

“Okay. I’ll be over there in a few minutes,
ah’ight?”

“Okay.”

I forced myself up out of bed to fix up a little
before Sean came over. I heard knocking at the door right after I
dabbed on a little bit of foundation. Sean must have been in the
neighborhood.

“Mo…ni…ca! Sean is here!” I heard Keisha yell out of
the living room.

I stepped out of the bedroom to find Sean standing
there in a pink buttoned up short sleeve shirt with white vertical
stripes, some rugged blue jeans, and a pair of white Nikes.

“I’m going to leave and give you guys some privacy.
I’ll see you later, girl.” Keisha hugged me. “And talk to him,” she
whispered in my ear. Then she took her purse and left Sean and I
alone in the house.

“Hi,” I said to him. Someone had to break the ice. I
was more nervous than I was the first time we made love. It was the
weirdest feeling. It almost seemed like he was a stranger instead
of my husband.

“Hi.”

“We can sit down if you want.”

“Ah’ight.” Sean took a deep breath before he sat
down in the recliner that was adjacent to the couch where I sat. “I
know you’re angry with me.”

“It’s not angry, Sean. I’m more confused than
anything else.”

“Well, say everything that’s been building up inside
of you these past few weeks.”

I licked my lips, trying to buy myself some time to
decide what to say first. I was also checking him out, trying to
see the similarities between him and Cornelius.

“I…ah…I just want to know why. Why would you pretend
to be someone that you’re not?”

“I wanted to find love and I couldn’t as my normal
self. So, I became someone else.”

“You couldn’t find love? Somehow I find that hard to
believe.”

And it was hard to believe. Sean’s looks were off
the charts. He was stunning. In my eyes, a brother like him would
have no problems finding a woman and settling down.

“I spent years looking for love. I had all these fly
women throwing themselves at me, but all they wanted was a
good-looking man with a lot of money. Then, on the other hand,
there were the women who had it together, some respectful,
legitimate, ready-to-settle-down sisters, but most of them already
had the preconceived misconception that I was a dog because I’m
light-skinned with curly hair. So, none of them were trying to get
at me. I got tired and thought that maybe if I changed who I was
and met a woman that showed interest in a dork with glasses, then
it had to be sincere. This might sound stupid to you, but growing
up in Haiti, we used to have these huge carnivals where people
danced and partied in the streets. My mom used to let us wear masks
and I found that to be amazing….how I could change who I was only
for a brief time just by wearing a mask. That’s what gave me the
idea to do it. I wanted to become someone else. I needed to become
someone else to find the right woman for me. So, I became
Cornelius, and the very next day I met you.”

“So the day after you changed yourself to become
Cornelius, you met me?”

“Yes, and it was too late to reveal who I was. You
were already feeling me, so I just went with it.”

“So what would’ve happened if we worked out back
then? What would’ve happened if I talked my parents into letting me
keep our baby? How long did you think the charade was going to
last?”

“I don’t know. I wasn’t thinking that far out.”

“And was I one of your targets because of my
age?”

“No. You weren’t a
target
at
all.”

“Then what was I?”

“You were a woman that I took an interest in. I knew
you were young. But there was just something about you and I wanted
to know more. I didn’t know I would fall in love with you. You
don’t know how much I wish I had met you as my real self instead of
some made-up character. Then again, if I was my real self, you
probably would not have given me the time of day.”

“And why do you think that?”

“Because of my age maybe or because society says
black men with money are players and ballers that are up to no
good. That is what you thought of me when I came out to the school
for the first time, remember?”

“That’s only because that’s what everyone else was
saying about you.”

“Exactly my point. I’m not like that.”

I rubbed my tired eyes. “I know you’re not like
that, Sean. But still, why change your identity? I was in love with
Cornelius…I mean, you. You broke my heart when you left me. You
know that? I begged you not to leave me.”

“I was hurt, too. You had just told me that you were
giving my baby up for adoption. What was I supposed to do? Just sit
there and accept it?”

“No! You could’ve helped me! You could’ve talked to
my crazy parents.”

“And you could have stood up for what you knew was
right, Monica!”

“Oh…so now it’s my fault?”

“Ah’ight…we’re getting off track here,” Sean said,
trying to keep our conversation positive so we could work through
this bump in our marriage.

I had a lot of frustration to release. “You set this
whole thing up, didn’t you? Somehow you found out I was a teacher,
then you made sure Roman was in my class, right? Is that how your
little plan worked?”

“No.”

“Then how did you know I was a teacher?”

“I was putting Roman to bed one night and I saw a
necklace with a ring on it near his pillow. When I picked it up and
looked at it, I realized it was the same ring I proposed to you
with back then. That’s how I knew it was you. That’s how I knew you
were Roman’s teacher.”

“So when you found out I was his teacher, you
started having him picked up late?”

“Yeah. I wanted him to spend all the time with you
that he possibly could.”

“And all of the arguing and disagreements between
us…was that all a game to you?”

“No, it wasn’t a game. Honestly, when I came into
your classroom that night for the conference, I thought for sure
you would recognize me.”

“You thought I would recognize you as
Cornelius?”

“Yeah.”

“Sean, do you know how stupid that sounds? Cornelius
was brown-skinned and thin with brown eyes. You’re light-skinned
and built with green eyes. How on earth was I supposed to know you
were him? How?”

I could tell Sean was getting frustrated with all my
questions. But if he was really sorry and wanted to work through
this, then there should be no problems with him showing a little
patience to get through all the confusion.

“By my mannerisms, the way I talk, the way I look,
the way my eyes say I want to make love to you – I don’t know. Just
pick one.”

“This whole thing is a joke to you, isn’t it?”

“It’s not a joke, Monica. Is our son a joke?”

“You mean the son that I’ve been spending all of
this time with, not even knowing that he was actually the child
that I gave birth to? The son that I’ve been so depressed over
because I couldn’t find him? And all this time he’s been right here
in front of my face!”

Sean wiped his eyes. “I’m sorry, ah’ight? I wanted
to tell you. I really did. And I didn’t want our son to end up in
foster homes.”

“I didn’t want him to end up in foster homes either.
I wanted my baby! And I wanted you.” My face was wet with
tears.

“I tried to keep us together. I proposed to you. You
turned me down.”

I had refused the proposal, but only because I
wasn’t ready to get married at that time in my life. I was young,
still in high school, and couldn’t see myself being somebody’s
housewife while watching my life go by.

“I’m sorry I deceived you.” Sean sniffed a couple of
times.

I hated to see him cry. It hurt me to the core to
see him hurt, especially knowing how much of a strong man he
is.

“Sean, I have to be honest with you. I feel like our
marriage is a lie. Everything involving our union is all based on
lies.”

“That’s not true.”

“That’s how I feel!” I yelled back. “From the day
you walked in my classroom, you knew me. You knew everything about
me and you pretended like it was the first time we met, when the
reality was you already knew me! We had a relationship, we laughed
together, took walks together. We had sex. You had my body. You
knew my mind. You knew everything about me and pretended you didn’t
know anything all. The times I spent talking to you about my life
and about my past were all for nothing because you already knew
everything.”

“Yeah, you’re right. I did. I can’t argue with
that.”

“And that night we were making love and you started
crying…it was about this?”

“Yes.”

“And when I went into the hospital, you wanted to
stay with me because you were in love with me?”

“Yes.”

I smeared tears all over my face, while trying to
wipe my eyes. “So what do you expect me to do, Sean? Now that I
know all of this, what do you want from me?”

“I want you to forgive me.”

“Forgive who? Sean or Cornelius? Who am I talking to
right now?”

“You are talking to me, your
husband. Look, Monica, I made a mistake, and trust me, if I could
change what I did, I would. But I cannot go back and change the
past no more than you can sit here and tell me that our marriage is
a lie when you know it’s not. Our marriage means more to me than
anything in this world. I love you, and I did what I had to do to
keep our family together.” Sean started bawling as he sat there on
the edge of the recliner. “I love you. I have loved you since the
day we shared that bag of Cheetos and watched reruns of
Good Times
.”

I laughed and cried at the same time. Sean cracked a
smile, too, while wiping his eyes.

“Can you come here?” he asked me.

I walked over to Sean and sat on his lap. He wrapped
his arms around me. “Do you love me?” he asked. We were both a
mess. His face was turning a shade of red and his eyes were full of
water.

“Yes, I love you.” I smiled as I ran my hands across
his hair. “I’m very much in love with you. You know that.” I
wrapped my arms tight around him and took a deep breath of his
smell. Mmm, he smelled so good.

“I missed you, Monica.”

“I missed you, too, Sean.”

I stood up so I could get into a good position to
straddle him, and when I did, we kissed each other like we were
never going to see each other again. At that moment, I wanted him
more than any other time we’ve ever made love.

“Baby,” Sean called me in the middle of our groping
and lip smacking, “we should go home.”

“Mmm huh,” I mumbled, not taking my lips off of him.
I kissed his lips, eyes, forehead, nose, ears. I even kissed his
chin. I missed my boo.

“Monica, baby…let’s go home before we start
something in here.”

“Okay.” I climbed off of him to grab some things in
a hurry. Then we were out the door.

AS SOON AS we arrived home and walked in the front
door, Sean carried me up the stairs to our bedroom, laid me on the
bed. Then he climbed on top of me and stuck to me like crazy
glue.

I trembled at his forward advances. The feeling of
making love to him after finding out he was my Cornelius was too
much for me to wrap my head around. It almost felt like I was with
Sean and Cornelius at the same time. Come to think about it, I was.
With that thought in my head, every time Sean’s lips touched me I
jerked. Then I just started crying. There was so much pressure on
me I could hardly breathe.

“Hey…baby, are you okay?”

“No,” was my tearful answer.

“What’s wrong? Talk to me.”

“I just…I just feel like my heart is going to
explode. This is a lot of pressure. You are too much for me.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, we’re going to make love now, and it’s like
since I know now who you really are, I just feel like I felt the
first time we made love. It’s a bit overwhelming.”

“Look at me,” Sean said, waiting for me to do as he
instructed. “Who do you see?”

“I see you.”

“Who am I?”

“You’re my husband.”

“What’s my name?” he asked me, while brushing the
tears off of my face. “What’s my name, Monica?” he asked a second
time.

“Sean.”

“That’s who is going to make love to you right
now.”

We made love, passionately, desperately mending our
marriage through physical contact and after an hour or so, Sean got
out of the bed and stepped into the bathroom, while I laid there on
top of the covers.

“I’m going to the kitchen,” he said, walking out of
the bathroom naked. “You want something to drink?”