Secrets On Lake Drive (34 page)

“Are you still looking for your son,
too?”

Nikki was full of questions. You would think
I haven’t seen the girl in years.

“Yeah, I’m starting again.” I wasn’t going
to elaborate on my search, though, because I didn’t want to feel
upset and depressed with family over.

“I don’t know why I didn’t think of this
before, but one of my old sorority sisters does a lot of nonprofit
work, and at one point I think she was working for an adoption
agency. I’ll give her a call…see what she can find out.”

“Nikki, that would be great. Thank you!”

I hugged her. I loved having Nikki as a
sister-in-law. She was a little uppity, but that’s just the way she
was. Anyway, she had a heart of gold and I appreciated everything
she did to help me.

“No problem, sis.”

Nikki returned to the dining room and Sean
walked into the kitchen. With his hands gripped firmly on my waist,
he kissed me. “So do you think we could sneak off and have a
rendezvous in the bathroom?”

“Seaaan.” I pushed him away from me.

“Okay, in the closet?”

“Sean.”

“Okay…in one of the guest bedrooms?”

“Baby, no. We have company. Besides, we’ve
already done it like five times today.”

“So you tired of me?” Sean kissed me again,
while slipping his hands up my blouse.

“Baby, I could never be tired of you. I
promise we can do whatever you want when everyone leaves.”

“Whatever I want?”

“Yes.”

Sean took a final kiss from me. “Okay. I’m
going to hold you to that.”

Everyone said their goodbyes around
ten-thirty. I put Roman to bed, and immediately upon stepping into
our bedroom, Sean went to work. He pulled my shirt over my head and
undid my bra. Standing behind me he kissed the back of my neck,
then spun me around and kissed my lips.

He leaned towards me and we fell onto the
bed, making love again. I felt Sean’s body tightening up as he
squeezed me. His vociferous cries of bliss had me in a tizzy. I’d
never heard him scream that loud before, sounded like all the love
he had for me all came down in one loud paroxysm of sensual
gratification.

“Shhh,” I told him, placing my index finger
on his lips. I didn’t want us to wake Roman. “Sean, are you okay,
baby?”

Sean rested his head on my chest. He was in
cool down phase, but still breathing heavier than I was.

“Sean.” His unresponsiveness was troubling
to me, so I called his name again. “Sean?”

“Yeah?”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine, baby.”

“You had me worried there for a minute.”

“Why?”

“Because you screamed really loud.”

“That’s your fault. You did that to me,
baby.” Sean grinned and kissed my chest. “I love you, Moni. I love
you so much, it’s scary.”

“What do you mean?” I had to ask. Forget the
fact that he just called me Moni again. I needed to know what was
up.

Sean slid off of me and rested on his side
of the bed so that we were in each other’s sight. “I mean that I
love you and I don’t want to lose you. I never want anything to
come between us. I can’t imagine us not being together. The thought
alone is enough to make my heart ache.”

“I feel the exact same way about you.”

“You do?”

“Of course I do, silly. There is no other
man that can make me feel the way you make me feel.”

I don’t know why he would be stressed about
losing me. I sure wasn’t going anywhere. Sean gave my life meaning
and so much happiness that at times I was overwhelmed with him. And
when we made love, I surrendered my body to him.

After our bodies had recuperated from the
strenuous love-making, I brought up the subject of Eric again. It
had been a while since we last talked about him. In a way, I felt
Sean wanted me to forget about Eric so our lives could continue as
normal.

“Sean,” I said, while lying on his chest,
fiddling with his left nipple with my index finger.

“Yes, baby?”

“I’m going to start looking for Eric
again.”

“Are you sure you want to take that path?”
he asked calmly. Relaxed.

“Yes, I need to. Why? You don’t think I
should?”

“I think you have a wonderful family right
here who loves you.”

“So you don’t think I should look for him?”
I sat up in the bed, staring down at Sean.

He sat up, too. “Monica, every time you get
the itch to look for him, you get upset. All I’m saying is why
search for someone you don’t know?”

“I do know him. He’s my son!”

“A son that you gave birth to – you didn’t
raise him.”

I paused to regain my composure. “So I
should just give up, huh?”

“You should love what’s right here in front
of you. If you stop focusing on things you wished you could’ve had,
then you’ll be happy with the things you have now.”

“And what is that supposed to mean?”

“It means you think you want to find Eric so
badly in hopes that you’ll see that Cornelius dude again.”

“What? That makes absolutely no sense. I’m
not looking for Cornelius.”

“How do I know that?”

“Because I’m telling you that and I thought
you trusted me!”

“I do trust you.”

“You sure have a funny way of showing it.” I
got up out of the bed and put on my robe. Sean was really working
my nerves. Our arguments were the times when I didn’t care for his
blasé attitude.

Before I walked out the door, I said, “If
finding Eric is not important, why is it that you spent so much
time looking for Roman’s birth mother?”

Sean looked surprised that I had knowledge
about his search for Roman’s mother.

“That was different.”

“No, it’s not. It’s the same concept. You
adopted a child, you wanted to know who the birth mother was. I
gave a child up for adoption, and I just want to know who my son
is. But you know what? I see you could care less about how I feel
in this situation.”

I left the room with my pillow and the
comforter. The couch in the family room was going to be my bed for
the night. As soon as I laid my head down, Sean came through the
door.

“Monica, what are you doing down here?”

“What does it look like I’m doing? I’m
sleeping on the freakin’ couch! I don’t want to be anywhere near
you while you’re being an insensitive jerk.”

“Oh, I’m a jerk now? I can’t believe you
just said that.”

“Well, believe it, Sean. I’m sick of you. I
don’t even want to see your face right now.”

“Ah’ight,” he said on the way out the door.
“I’m out.”

This was our first major fight since we’d
been married, not to mention we just finished making passionate,
toe-curling love in the bedroom.

The nerve of him
.
How could he
just walk away from me like that?
I guess it was my fault for
marrying such a cocky man, but I loved that in him. What I didn’t
like was how he could just tune me out of arguments or walk away
like he didn’t care about me. Sometimes he could be a cold-hearted
robot. Then other times, he smothered me with love like it was my
last day on earth. It seemed this time wasn’t one of those
smother-me-with-love occasions. I needed him to care. And I wanted
him to turn around and come back in the room to finish the argument
with me.

“Baby, why are we fighting?” Sean asked
sincerely. I was happy to see he cared enough to come back, but my
dissatisfaction remained. “How do we go from making love to
this?”

I wiped my eyes. The situation with Eric was
depressing enough. But for my own husband to not concern himself
with my feelings for Eric was even worse.

“It just seems like you don’t care about
Eric,” I cried out to him.

“I care about you, Monica.”

“Then if you care about me, you wouldn’t
just give me the cold shoulder. You would do everything in your
power to help me, but you’re not doing that, Sean. I need that from
you.” I wiped my eyes, but no sooner than I could dry my face, more
tears fell.

“There’s just a lot that you don’t
understand.”

A lot that I don’t understand?
Sean
was taking the conversation in a different direction, but skip
changing the subject. We needed to stay on track with this
argument. He needed to know how I really felt about my son.

I said, “Are we still talking about
Eric?”

Sean took a seat on the edge of the couch,
just barely missing my legs. He seemed to be perplexed and in deep
thought. Maybe the situation with Eric was too much for him to
bear. Had I been looking at this situation from his point of view
at all? How would he feel with me getting to know a child that I
had by another man?

“Monica, anything that you want I want.” He
stooped down beside the couch. His eyes revealed a sudden state of
love and concern. “I love you, and I just want the best for us. Is
that what you want?”

Sly son of a gun.
He had completely
changed the subject on me again in a subtle, seductive kind of
way.

“Of course, that’s what I want.”

“Good. I’ll do anything to make you happy,
baby.” He took my right hand and kissed it. “I love you,” he said,
as he parted the slit in my robe and kissed my knees.

My legs jerked like I was having my reflexes
tested. We kissed and made up before going back upstairs
together.

I peeped in Roman’s room to make sure he was
okay, and then I went back to our room. Sean was sitting on the bed
with his arms spread wide open for me. I crawled onto his lap and
sat face-to-face with him, with my butt sitting on the bed in the
space between his thighs and my legs wrapped around his waist.

“How do you do that?” he asked with a grin,
while pulling the belt that kept my robe closed.

“How do I do what?”

“How do you turn me on like that with them
long, sexy legs wrapped around me? I want to tear you up,
girl.”

“You just did that a few minutes ago.” I
laughed, but Sean sat there still, expressionless and motionless.
“Are you okay, babe?”

He responded with, “I love you, Monica.”

“I love you, too, Sean.”

He grabbed my head tight. “No, you don’t understand.
I...love…you, Monica Ann Beauvais. You are everything I ever
wanted. And I just want you to know that everything I did was for
you. Everything.”

Everything I did was for you
?
What exactly does that mean?
A tear rolled down his handsome
face while I sat there trying to determine what was wrong with
him.

“Sean, what are you talking about?”

“Shhh,” he hushed me. “I want you to
remember this moment. The moment when love is at its finest.”

He slowly eased up and pushed me backwards
removing my robe and taking off his boxers. He wanted me again. I
wanted him, too, but not more than I wanted to know the reason for
his sudden mood swing. Sean was definitely troubled by something,
but I wasn’t about to ask him what the deal was in the early stages
of lovemaking.

“Tell me you love me,” he demanded. He was
shaking like he had caught a chill, though his body was hot and
clammy. I stared him in the face, trying to read some sort of
emotion, but there was nothing. “Tell me,” he demanded a second
time.

I couldn’t hide my tears from him. Something
was definitely wrong with this picture. He was scaring me. All of a
sudden, it didn’t feel like I was with my husband. I didn’t know
who this man was on top of me making demands.

“I….lo…I…love you.” I managed to get the
words out with my shaky voice. I couldn’t grasp why he would insist
that I say those words to him when he knows I love him.

“For better or for worse,” he said, wanting
me to repeat after him. “Say it, Monica.”

“For better.” I stopped to catch my breath
for a second. “For better or for worse.”

“For richer or for poorer.”

Why am I getting a lesson on our wedding
vows?
I understood our vows, and when we said those words to
each other on our wedding day, I meant every word of it.

“Sean, what are you doing, baby? You know I
love you.”

“Say it.”

“For richer or for poorer.”

He continued. “In sickness and in
health.”

I decided to finish it off for him and put
an end to the madness. “In sickness and in health, to love and to
cherish, until death do us part.”

“Don’t ever forget that. Do you understand
me?”

I didn’t know what was wrong with my baby, but I
wasn’t about to ask while we were in the middle of making love.

“Yesss, I understand, Sean. I love you.”

He clenched me tightly, fully satisfied.
Then he whispered in my ear, “Don’t ever forget that, Monica. Don’t
ever forget how much I love you. Do you hear me?”

“Yeah, baby, I hear you.” I heard him, but
why was there a sudden need for me to reaffirm my love for him?

I could hear Sean sniffling in my ear as he
laid on top of me chanting
I love you
over and over again
like he was in a love spell. Then he climbed to his feet and stood
beside the bed, eyeing my body like he was never going to see me
again.

After it was all said and done, I didn’t
mention a single thing about that night, and neither did he.

Chapter 32 -
The Ex
Factor

“Excuse me, Miss. Excuse me.”

I was walking into Azana Salon and Spa, when
I faintly heard those words from behind me. I didn’t pay any
attention to it. I just kept stepping. My feet were begging for a
pedicure. Besides, Sean really wanted me to pamper myself today. He
said I deserved to be spoiled for being such a wonderful wife and
mother. So, he sent me to Azana for a massage, facial, manicure,
pedicure, shampoo, and hairstyle. As I reached to open the door, I
felt a tap on my shoulder and turned around to see who it was.

“Can I help you?”

“Hi. You’re Sean Beauvais’ wife, right?”