Selling the Drama (31 page)

"Do you understand that what you did to that
girl was wrong?"

Ashley nodded, his face still turned up
towards Toby's. "Yes, Daddy."

"You have to control your temper. It's
important to know when you need to have a cool off. I get angry.
Uncle Jake, he gets angry too. But we know when to cool off. Uncle
Jake and I see lots of people every day at work who don't know when
to cool off."

"Do they go to jail?"

"Sometimes. You know, you can tell someone
when you're angry. It's okay to say to an adult that you feel very
angry and you need to have some time to cool off. They won't mind
you doing that. But when you don't cool off and you go and cut
someone's hair, or punch them, or kick them; then they do mind that
and you get into trouble. So you need to make sure you stop before
you get to the place where you're in trouble. I think it might be a
good idea for you to practice this at home. Okay?" Toby watched
Ashley's little face carefully, trying to gauge if he was taking
this all in, or just humouring him and waiting for Toby to finish
so he could ask him for an ice-cream.

Ashley nodded. "Okay. So I should tell Mummy
when I feel like slamming Bree's hand in the door?"

Toby stared down at him gravely, swallowing
back his fear. He had tried so hard over the years with himself; it
had never occurred to him to consider it was genetic and not
learned. It could not possibly be genetic, could it? People were
conditioned to become violent; they were not born that way. No one
was. Surely. Forcing a smile onto his face, Toby ran the back of
his fingers down the side of Ashley's face. "Yes. You should tell
Mummy or Granny. And you should never, ever hurt Bree or Courtney
or Danielle, no matter how annoying they're being. It's very wrong
to hurt girls. Do you understand me? You should never hurt a girl,
Ash. Never."

"What if they're hurting me?"

His question was so innocent, and so valid.
But Toby realised there was no grey here, he had to be firm all the
way down the line. "Not even then. You tell an adult if they're
hurting you but you do not hurt them back. I mean it, Ash, this is
very important."

"Yes, Daddy."

Toby stared down at him for a while longer,
eyes the same shade as his own staring right back. It was all so
precarious; life. All balanced on a wire stretched taught beyond
its capabilities. The balancing act; it all came down to that.

"Get the fuck out, they expelled him for
that? It's hilarious! Little bitch probably had it coming." Jake
took a long draw on his cigarette as he shook his head, laughter
creasing his face. He glanced over at Ashley, sitting in the
passenger seat of the police car, looking around the dash with wide
eyes while he finished off a packet of cinnamon doughnuts Jake had
bought on the way to meeting them.

"No, don't do that! I've just spent ages
explaining how wrong it is. Just don't, alright?" Toby checked his
watch, he needed to get back to his chambers for a meeting within
the next forty five minutes. "Don't tell Charlotte. I'll talk to
her tonight."

"Look, I know what's going on in your head
right now as clear as if you were saying it out loud to me. Kids do
shit like this. This is small stuff, Toby. Don't let this get into
your head and make you question yourself as a father. I once super
glued a girl's pencil to her hand when I was in primary school. She
had to go to the hospital to get it removed. But I turned out
okay." Jake grinned, taking one last drag on his cigarette before
stubbing it out.

Toby looked at Jake with a narrowed gaze.
"Yeah, well, that's debatable."

Jake shrugged. "He's a good kid. Shit, it's
about time he played up a bit. You've had it way too easy with him.
Seriously, my sister's boys, they're fucking nutcases. You need
eyes in the back of your head around them. Bureaucratic bullshit,
that's why they've expelled him. You should be so lucky if this is
the worst you ever deal with. I picked up a ten year old yesterday
for knocking out the windows on his neighbour's car. Little turd
spat on me when I tried to contain him." Jake looked over at Ashley
briefly before resettling his gaze back onto Toby. He smiled
briefly. "Seriously. Go. I'll take him home."

"Thanks. I appreciate it. I didn't think
this was going to take so long." Toby walked over to the passenger
side so he could lean down and say goodbye to Ashley. He waved to
Jake and then got into his own car so he could head back to
work.

Charlotte watched as Toby paced back and
forth across their bedroom floor, listening patiently as he
outlined what went on down at the school today with Ashley.

"We have to go down there again tomorrow and
demand they take him back. He's only six! It's ridiculous! We'll
just go straight in, no appointment, and no chance for them to
prepare; take them by surprise." She shifted Danielle from her
breast where she had fallen asleep to the middle of their bed,
propping her up on a pillow so she was secure.

Toby stopped pacing, his head shaking with
determination. "No. He's not going back there. I want him to go the
all boy's school. He needs a break from girls. I rang them this
afternoon and they made an appointment for us to go in
tomorrow."

Charlotte looked up sharply at that. "You
already made an appointment?"

"Yes. It's a good school."

"Keeping him away from girls is not a
solution here. He needs to learn how to interact properly with
them; not avoid them altogether," Charlotte countered, frowning at
him. He was only supposed to pick Ashley up, not reorganise his
education.

"He has three sisters! He is not in need of
anymore girl time! He needs a break from them. Look, I've pretty
much gone along with everything you've wanted for the last six
years. I'm telling you now, I am taking him down to that school
tomorrow and enrolling him. We have an appointment at one thirty
and I would really like it if you would come with me, but I'm still
going even if you don't."

Charlotte stared at Toby through narrowed
eyes. "You really think this is the best thing for him?" She sighed
then, no real reason to fight him within her. And he was right; he
had been compliant with her for the last six years, right down the
line.

"Yes. I do." Toby's reply was firm.

"Do you want to meet there or will you pick
us up?"

"I'll pick you up. I have another
appointment to go to after that but I can call past home here to
drop you both back. You need to leave the girls at home; all of
them."

"Why?"

"Because this is about Ashley and it should
only involve Ashley." Toby paused, his hands coming to rest on his
hips, a look of agitation crossing his face.

Charlotte waited him out, expecting he had
something else on his mind. He had that look about him, like he was
trying to word it all out properly while at the same time bracing
himself for her reaction.

"I want to get a vasectomy," he eventually
announced.

Charlotte's eyes widened. He could not have
surprised her more. She looked at him, not quite sure where that
bombshell had come from. The connection between Toby getting a
vasectomy and Ashley changing schools was not apparent to her.
"Why?"

"Because I think we have enough kids." He
moved to the bed so he could sit down beside her.

"We might want more."

Toby shook his head. "No. We don't need
more. We have enough. We have more than we can handle."

"What?" Charlotte shook her head at him, and
then it was her turn to rise and pace the floor with agitation.
"Why would you say that? I thought you wanted another boy!"

"Charlotte, I want to do the right thing by
the kids we already have! I am stretched thin enough as it is! It's
because I don't spend enough time with Ashley that he did this! We
can't have anymore, it's too much already to balance out. I can't
do it. Once they all go to school, they'll start doing sports and
all that other stuff kids do which will result in an even busier
lifestyle. It's enough already." He looked up at her, exasperation
deeply set into his face.

Charlotte pointed at him angrily. "You
didn't feel this way yesterday! This is completely out of the blue
and makes me think it's just a reaction to whatever they said to
you down at that school today."

"Yesterday I didn't have my eyes open!
Charlotte, Ashley cried at me that he hates the way the girls hog
me. You have no idea what hearing that makes me feel like. We need
to just enter the next stage now and focus on the kids we have and
helping them be the best people they can grow up to be." Toby's
face pleaded with her; he held out his hand to beckon her back over
to sit beside him. "Please," he added. It was a plea for many
things; acquiesce, compliance, comfort.

Charlotte went to him, curling up on his lap
in favour of just sitting beside him. Toby buried his face against
her chest, his hands spanning her back.

"He talked of hurting Bree. I'm frightened
for him; he worries me." Toby's voice was muffled by her shirt, but
Charlotte could still make out the note of fear evident within
it.

She threaded her fingers into his hair.
"Bree annoys him incessantly."

"Then you need to make her stop!"

"She's hard to manage!"

"She's spoilt! Which is exactly why we need
to stop now. We're barely hanging in there, being pulled in too
many directions. I love them all; I really do. But I don't want
anymore." Toby looked up and placed both of his hands either side
of Charlotte's face.

Charlotte looked down at him, curling her
hands around his wrists. Everything he said made sense. She looked
over at Danielle, still sleeping on the pillow, her tiny body
relaxed and at ease. How much time would Charlotte have for her as
she grew older and was no longer small enough to carry everywhere?
Would she trail after Charlotte grizzling all the while as Courtney
seemed to do so often now? Would she screech and tear around
commanding everyone's attention like Bree did each afternoon when
she got home from kindy? Or would she fade into the background like
Ashley, eager to please and easy to overlook? Charlotte never said
anything to Toby, but there were days when she kissed them all
goodnight and silently offered up a prayer of thanks she had not
throttled one of them throughout the day, the instinct most often
directed toward the tumultuous Bree. He was right. He was
completely right.

"You're willing to get a vasectomy?" she
asked him, still not quite convinced he was that committed to the
idea of having no more children.

He nodded. "You carried and gave birth to
our four children. It's the least I can do."

Charlotte considered this response. "I hear
it's uncomfortable after."

"I'm sure I'll cope."

"You probably can't have sex for a certain
period of time after either."

Toby smirked at her. "But once that time has
passed, I'll be able to get right back into it, no holding
back."

She smirked back at him. "You've never held
back."

"I hold back all the time, you just don't
notice because you're too busy trying to get into my pants
first."

She smiled wider, putting her hands onto his
shoulders. "That's true enough. Alright then. Do it."

"So you're okay, with this being it? No more
kids, ever again. "

Charlotte nodded, leaning forward to rest
her forehead against his. "You're right. We are already busy
enough. If you're willing to do it, then you should go ahead with
it. Probably fairly soon, so it's all in order by the time I start
to wean Danielle. It takes a few months for it to be all clear,
doesn't it?"

"Yeah. About three." Toby pressed his lips
against hers, working at them gently, his hands running down to the
hem line of her shirt so he could lift it up, only breaking their
kiss long enough to pull it over her head. "Of course, we're pretty
safe right now."

"Maybe we should just hold back from now on
so we don't upset our new plans." She tried unsuccessfully to
affect a serious expression.

Toby pushed her down, pinning her beneath
him. "No. I'm positive we're safe. Trust me, I've had that much
practice now, I reckon I could pinpoint the day you become fertile.
We're good." He moved over her, running his hands down the length
of her body.

Danielle began to stir beside them on the
pillow.

Charlotte smirked at him, putting her finger
against his lips and holding still. They stared at each other in
amusement as they waited for the baby to resettle herself.

"Having sex when there are kids in the house
is worse than back when we were trying to have sex when your
parents were in the house," Toby complained

Charlotte giggled and pulled him down closer
once Danielle was quiet again. Toby pulled his own shirt off before
leaning into Charlotte, his lips returning to hers. They rolled
over and Danielle began to whimper again. Toby groaned, dropping
his head to rest on Charlotte's shoulder. She laughed quietly into
his ear.

"We may need to give this up. At least in
this location."

"You're right. Let's move to the floor."

"No!" Charlotte protested, laughing all the
more. "I am not having sex with you on the floor!"

Toby rolled off of Charlotte to lie flush
beside her, his hand threaded through hers. He pulled it up to his
lips, kissing her fingers idly. "Let's get married."

Charlotte rolled her eyes at him. "Right
now, instead of having sex?"

"Stop doing that every time I ask you." He
looked over at her earnestly.

Charlotte stared back at him, taking in the
seriousness of his expression. He asked her to marry him often, and
she usually rebuffed him with a joke. It was not that she didn't
want to marry him, it just seemed a bit like the horse already
having bolted from the cart, so why bother this late in the game?
"Why do want to get married?"