Sellout (11 page)

“HEY, MISS LADY, where you headed?" Rex yelled when he saw me coming.

Tilly had given me a new grocery list as soon as we stepped off the train. She headed inside to start on dinner and I walked as slowly as I could to avoid seeing Amir at the meat counter.

First the beans, now my bandaged nose. Amir was going to think I was a train wreck. My nose had stopped bleeding, though no amount of foundation powder could cover this mess. “Hey, Rex, how are you today?” I asked him. I hoped Rex was having a better day than I was.

Rex was leaning against the wall of the bodega, right underneath a Help Wanted sign that hung in the window. I wondered if Rex had noticed the sign or if the owner would hire him if he ever applied for the job. I ducked under the sign next to Rex to hide just in case Amir was around.

“Oh, I’m hanging in there, NaTasha,” Rex answered. “And how might you be this fine afternoon?”

“I’m alright, I guess,” I told him. I pointed to my bandage and he frowned. “I could be worse, I guess.”

“Damn right it could be worse,” he said, looking around him. I immediately felt like unlacing my sneaks and sticking one inside my big fat mouth. He smiled and set his Need Money and Work sign down.

It was a warm day, but he still looked cold, wrapped in several layers of tattered clothing and a heavy snow coat on top of all the layers. I broke a sweat just looking at him. I wondered how he survived on these streets. I wanted to ask about a shelter or a church or somewhere he could sleep indoors. I didn’t. He’d been taking care of himself long before I had gotten here.

“I’m glad you’re doing well, girl,” he sang. “God is good, ain’t He?”

“Yes, He is,” I answered him.

At the bottom of his sign were the words
GOD BLESS YOU.

I reached down and put my pocket change into the bucket next to his sign.

“You know Tilly would kick your butt if she saw you doing that,” he said, smiling.

I held up a finger to my lips and smiled back at him. The roundest black woman I’d ever seen exited the bodega. She rolled her eyes at Rex and shook her curly fake hair in my direction.

“You know, he’s been sitting in the same spot for years,” she said snidely. “He could have bought a condo on Riverside Drive by now with all the money we give him. Rex, you should be ashamed of yourself.”

“I’m just a vet trying to make it, Shirley,” Rex said. Shirley had her hand poised like she didn’t want to hear another word.
She moved toward the street and used the same hand to stop a speeding taxi, still eyeing Rex and me out of the corner of her eye as she squeezed herself into the backseat.

If it was me sitting on the street with a cup and a Need Money sign, I wondered if anyone would care.

“Wow, she seems nice,” I said.

“Yeah, she’s a real piece of work,” Rex said, with a gruff laugh.

I didn’t know how he was able to deal with it all. I get teased a few times and I’m ready to run home. I wondered if Rex had anyone he could to run away to.

“You better get back before Tilly comes looking for you,” Rex said.

He was right. Tilly was probably rushing around the kitchen, waiting for me to return with the groceries, so I stood, debating whether to go inside.

“Hey, Rex, is there another store anywhere close?” I asked, pointing to my nose again. I peeked in the front window.

“Yeah, walk two blocks that way,” Rex said, pointing down the street, “and you’ll run right into it. Careful, though, their prices are high over there.”

I walked down to the other store and grabbed a red grocery basket. As I walked through the store, I added to Tilly’s list of items.

I paid for all the food and headed back for Tilly’s apartment.

“Hey there, NaTasha,” a voice called behind me. “How’s your visit with Tilly going so far?”

I was already at the stoop of Tilly’s building. I was nowhere near his meat counter, but I recognized Amir’s voice right away. I froze in place, hoping some other girl named NaTasha was on the block at the same exact time that I was. Amir tapped me on the shoulder.

He looked amazing, even in the white butcher apron. He was supposed to be cutting meat behind the counter in the back of the store.

“NaTasha?” He walked around me so we were faceto-face.

“Huh? Oh…hey,” I said, and smiled weakly. I put my hand in front of my face like I was trying not to spread germs. “How are you?”

“Good, except they have me pulling a double shift today,” he said. “I’m working the front and the back.”

That didn’t explain why he was here, standing in front of me. There had to be some reason. I smiled at the thought and waited for him to point out the bruises or my bandage, but he didn’t.

“Oh, that’s too bad,” I said, still staring.

“So, are you going inside or are you just going to hang around the doorway all night?” he asked. He still made no mention of my swollen face. What a great guy.

“Oh, I’m on my way upstairs,” I said. “Tilly asked me to pick up a few things for her and I was already a few blocks away from here.”

“That’s cool,” Amir said, eyeing me and the bandage. I don’t think I could humiliate myself further in front of Amir
if I tried. I would have to shop at the other store from now on. Amir gestured toward my face. “Is everything okay?”

“I’ve only been here a few days and already decided on a nose job,” I said. We both laughed.

“How is Ms. Tilly?” he asked.

I pictured her cooking and humming in the kitchen. Pretty soon she’d be walking downstairs to find out what was taking me so long. The menu for the night was pot roast.

“She’s fine, you want to come up?” I asked him. He pointed to his watch and shook his head. “Well, I’ll tell her you asked about her.”

“See you later?” Amir asked. He sounded hopeful.

“Okay,” I said.

When I got back to Tilly’s apartment, she was checking on a delicious-smelling roast. One hand was on her hip and the other was frantically seasoning the meat.

“It’s about time. That boy better not be the reason you took so long,” she said, huffing like she just finished a race. “I love him and all but you better watch yourself, girl.”

“Tilly, please,” I told her, setting down the bags quickly. “There was a long line at the checkout, that’s all.”

She slammed the cabinet shut and sucked her teeth. She wasn’t buying it. I took the butter out and scooped a chunk into a pot to boil some rice.

Before long, Tilly had pot roast and green beans ready and waiting on the center of her table. My rice was a little overdone and I’d made enough for five people, but I set the bowl on the table.

“Anything exciting happen at the center today?” she asked, taking a bite. She already knew everything that went on. I didn’t know why she even needed to ask.

“Not really,” I said, waiting for her to beg.

“Really,” she said, scraping some rice onto her fork with her fingers. “Nothing at all? You better stop playing with me, girl, and tell me what happened to you. I’m too old for the guessing games.”

“Well, I got a bloody nose during the game and I had a meeting with Red, Monique, and Coach about a little misunderstanding,” I said quickly. “But don’t worry. We worked everything out together. Monique is going to help me plan the recognition ceremony.”

“Really?” Tilly asked. “And how do you feel about that?”

“Oh, things are getting better with the girls,” I told her, before biting into my food. “I’m sure everything will be fine now.”

Tilly set her fork down slowly and tilted her head to the side. She looked confused and relieved at the same time.

“What, Tilly?” I asked her. “Really, things will be fine.”

“Just watch your back,” she said quietly, picking up her napkin to wipe her mouth. “I didn’t put you in an easy situation and I certainly didn’t put you here to get hurt. Just watch yourself and be careful. Don’t ever forget that, okay?”

I didn’t know everything about the girls at Amber’s Place, but I was smart enough to know that nothing about my life back home would help me out in this situation.

“Don’t worry, Tilly,” I told her, “I’ve got everything under control.”

“Alright,” she said. She picked up her fork again to finish off the remaining rice and green beans on her plate. “So, what was the misunderstanding with Monique?”

“Someone thought she was in Red’s office yesterday morning,” I said. “It was all just a mix-up.”

“A mix-up, huh?” Tilly asked.

“Yeah, a mix-up,” I said. “We’re supposed to meet tomorrow to start planning.”

Tilly put her fork down again. To date, this was the slowest Tilly had ever cleared her plate. We’d been sitting for almost a half hour and she still had food left. I should have known she was really worried.

“Just be careful,” Tilly said. “Monique may not even be able to talk to you tomorrow. You know it is visitor’s day at the center. The girls can invite anyone they like to visit in place of their group time. Her bad-news boyfriend is scheduled to come. The guards warned me earlier today. Apparently, he ain’t one to write home about.”

I put my own fork down and put one hand over my grandma’s. I hadn’t seen her this worried in awhile, not since she caught a glimpse of my scarf bun during my recital.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be careful,” I told her, just as my phone rang.

I left Tilly at the table and answered.

“Hey, NaTasha,” Heather said sullenly.

“Hey, yourself,” I said, wishing I had let the call go to voice mail.

There was a long awkward pause, as if a stranger were calling and we had no idea what to say next. The call didn’t
seem like one from my best friend in the world. The silence was unbearable.

“So, I have some great news,” I said. “A few of the girls from the center are going to help me plan the recognition ceremony.”

“You’re planning what?” she asked quietly.

“Oh, they recognize the girls for completing the program at Amber’s Place,” I told her. “So, what’s been up with you?”

Silence again. Most people who make a phone call to someone have something to say.

“Well, aren’t you going to tell me about Stephanie and how you two are inseparable now and how the matching haircuts are so cute and how you’re best friends with her now?”

I hadn’t meant it to sound as pathetic and desperate as it came out, but that’s exactly how I was feeling. And she should have already known that.

“Oh, wait, let me guess, Stephanie is on the phone again, right?” I accused.

“No, she’s not, and, Tash, I just wanted to say I’m sorry,” she answered. It hadn’t been that long since she and I were sitting on my bed staring at the plastic stars on my bedroom ceiling together. “I never should have had Stephanie on that phone call. She really is trying to be friends now, so I thought we could give her a chance.”

We
? It was my turn to stay quiet.

“Did you hear me, NaTasha?”

“Well, I’ll think about it,” I said. More silence. I wanted to know exactly what the two of them had been up to, but she had just apologized, so I left it alone.

“It sounds like you’re busy and starting to have a good time there,” she said. “Are you homesick at all?”

I couldn’t tell her how badly I wanted to be home with my best friend or how much it was killing me not to be able to go to Matt Billings’s party. She wouldn’t understand how terribly Quiana and Monique were treating me. I didn’t want to explain how miserable I was, so I lied.

“Yeah, it’s great,” I said, “I even talked to Tilly about staying for the whole summer. The girls at Amber’s Place really need my help and all, you understand.”

If only she knew how far I was reaching to pull out that lie, she might never speak to me again. I didn’t even know where it was coming from. I wasn’t a person to lie, especially not to Heather.

“That’s great,” she said flatly. A tinge of anger and resentment swelled up in me.

“Okay, well, it’s been great catching up,” I said, rushing her off the phone. “Have fun at home and tell everyone I said hello.”

“Okay, bye.”

I hung up before she or I could lie any further.

I went back into the kitchen to help Tilly clean. Thankfully, she didn’t ask me any questions about what she’d just overheard, which was good because I wanted to process what had just happened. Scrubbing the dishes and double drying them didn’t seem to ease my mind, so I convinced Tilly to let me sit on the stoop for a while before turning in.

I wasn’t the only one having trouble relaxing.

Khalik was sprawled across three steps. If I didn’t know him better, I would have assumed he was another homeless guy napping on the stairs.

“What are you doing out?” he asked. “I thought all you goody-two-shoes types went to bed early on school nights?”

He laughed at his own joke and I smiled. If only he knew how badly I had just treated Heather, he wouldn’t think I was so good at all.

“Good thing it’s not a school night,” I said, after trying to come up with a better comeback than that. “What about you? Why aren’t you out harassing some innocent girls on the street?”

“’Cause it’s too much fun to sit here and harass you,” he said, winking at me.

I looked into the street and watched a kid driving an Escort slowly down the block. I had the urge to run next to the car just to see if I could beat him to the stoplight.

“So, what’s up?” Khalik asked, rolling onto his side so he was facing me. “You look a little better without the bandage. I see the girls at Amber’s Place are warming up to you already.”

I shook my head, feeling like the tears would come if I opened my mouth at all. Khalik was full of jokes, and had a good laugh at my expense.

“Really, I was just playing earlier, I’m not here to harass you,” he said, removing the pick from his hair. “You can tell me what’s up.”

What’s up was I was confused, confused about Amber’s
Place, confused about home, confused about me, confused about everything. How could I explain all that to him without sounding like a nut?

“I just got off the phone with my best friend,” I said, quietly, hoping I wouldn’t cry in front of him again. “And it didn’t go well.”

I glanced at him. He was listening and not laughing, so I kept going.