Sellout (18 page)

Amir sucked his teeth and rolled his eyes like I’d just insulted him. He brushed and straightened his clothes quickly and stood up. I pushed my skirt back down and followed him to the door. I buttoned my shirt as far up as I could. I didn’t want Amir to think I didn’t like him.

“I guess I was wrong about you, NaTasha,” Amir said, just as he swung the door open, right in Tilly’s face.

“Well, excuse me, young man,” Tilly said, slamming her hands on her hips almost as hard as Amir had swung the door. Each one looked as mad as the other, for very different reasons. My heart was racing. “And just what were you wrong about in regards to NaTasha?”

Amir’s face softened a little, but he still didn’t give up much information. He muttered something that sounded like, “Sorry, Ms. Tilly,” and pushed past her. Tilly kept the scowl on her face and hands molded at her hips until he was out of sight. The only things we heard were his footsteps
taking the stairs two at a time all the way to floor one. For a second I thought Tilly was going to chase after him, but she didn’t.

“So, what in the Lord’s name happened up in here tonight?” Tilly asked me. I really wasn’t in the mood for her questions. I turned to walk away but remembered first who I was dealing with.

“Excuse you?” she said.

“Tilly, it was nothing,” I said, knowing I couldn’t tell her the details of the story without embarrassing myself and making her angrier than she already was. I was going to have to figure out something to tell her, though. She already knew something wasn’t right in her home.

“Nothing my big backside,” she said, walking into the apartment. She took off her sweater and hung it behind the door, where my purse was hanging, then turned to face me. She scanned my wrinkled clothing.

“Did something…happen?” she asked, making her sex face, the one where one eyebrow goes up and the other way down. “Because if he hurt you, I’ll just have to kill him.”

“No, Tilly, it wasn’t like that at all,” I told her. I covered my eyes and put my head in my hands. It had been a long day for us both. I didn’t feel like reliving what happened with Amir.

“Then exactly how was it, Miss Thang?” she asked, enunciating every word slowly and deliberately. She was getting more annoyed by the moment. Her shoulders were hunched a little and she heaved in and out with great
effort. She took a step closer to me and raised both eyebrows. “Well?”

“I can still look myself in the eye in the morning,” I told her.

Tilly’s facial expression changed right away. She was still angry, but proud and surprised, too. She nodded her head and kissed me on the forehead.

“You okay?” she asked.

“Yeah, I’m okay,” I answered. I really was okay. I was glad she had come home when she did, though. I could tell she was, too. She fiddled around in the kitchen for a few minutes, but every few minutes, she’d peek out and look at me.

“You know I love you, right, girl?” Tilly finally asked after checking on me a million and one times. I was still sitting in the same spot.

“Yeah, I know, Tilly,” I said.

She nodded and went back to opening and closing drawers in the kitchen. Something told me we wouldn’t be shopping at the corner bodega anymore. After what felt like hours of sitting inside with Tilly pacing, I needed some air. I promised her I wouldn’t leave the stoop. She reluctantly let me go, even though I knew she’d be watching from the window upstairs.

“You be back up here soon, you hear me?” Tilly called.

“I promise,” I told her.

I changed my shirt and grabbed my cell. When I got downstairs, Khalik was there bouncing his basketball.

“Why are you always hitting that stupid ball?” I asked him, rolling my eyes at him. He smiled and bounced it over to me.
I caught it with both arms, sat down, and tossed it back. There was something about Khalik’s smile and calm demeanor that always made me feel better.

We passed the ball back and forth for a few minutes in silence. Every time I threw it back with more and more force, letting all of my disappointment and anger leave with every toss. He didn’t go easy on me, either. He kept smiling and pushed the ball back to me just as hard. We kept at it until the ball sailed past me and we were both laughing hysterically.

When we regained our composure, we sat in silence for a few minutes.

“I told you to stay away from that dude,” Khalik said after awhile. Not rudely, just in a matter-of-fact way. He was right, he had told me, and I just didn’t listen.

“Yeah, you did,” I said, not looking at him. We had a full conversation without really saying much. He wasn’t there to judge me or tease, he was just there. And I was glad. Right at that moment he was the only one I would have wanted to be with. I shoved him lightly with my shoulder. I wanted to sit there with Khalik all night.

THE PHONE WAS ringing as I walked into the apartment. I ran to answer before the voice mail kicked in. Everyone knew not to call my grandmother’s house after nine o’clock. Even though she may be awake sometimes, Tilly thought it was rude.

“Hello?”

My mom was awfully chipper on the other line. She sounded like she was having a party at the house. I told her so.

“Of course I miss you, honey, but I’m glad you’re getting along so well with Tilly,” she said. “I’m really proud of you. Really, I expected you to quit a long time ago. We all did.”

I wanted to ask her who all the people were who thought I would have quit.

“Thanks a lot,” I said. My dad joined us on another phone.

“How’s my little girl doing in the big city?” he asked.

“I’m okay, Dad,” I said. “I’m glad I decided to stick it out. There were things for me to learn here, but I can’t talk too
much about it because nosy Tilly will overhear and make me tell her how right she was over and over.”

My parents and I laughed. I was proud of me, too, for staying and seeing this experience through. I missed home and my best friend, but the kids in New York weren’t as bad as I thought they’d be. Getting through Quiana, Rochelle, and Monique was rough, but they had good sides like everyone else.

“Why are you guys calling so late anyway?” I asked. They knew the no-calls-after-nine rule better than me. In fact, they taught it to me. “You are coming up to see the recognition ceremony on Thursday, aren’t you?”

“Of course, we’ll be there,” they said together. “We have a surprise for you and thought you’d want to know right away.”

“Well, what is it?” I asked. I was more scared than excited, but I didn’t think they could tell.

“Heather is going to come up with us,” my dad said, in an announcer’s voice, like I’d just won the lottery or something.

“Oh,” I said. My parents probably didn’t know how my best friend Heather found a new best friend while I was away. They probably also didn’t know that my new friends wouldn’t be thrilled at all to see my old best friend, especially since I wasn’t sure I even wanted to see her yet. “I mean, that’s great. I’m sure the girls at Amber’s Place will be really happy, too…the more the merrier.”

“Well, okay,” my mom said, sounding a little confused. The thought of bringing my two worlds together made me
more uneasy than I had felt in a long time. I could just picture the faces of the girls at the center.

“It’s just that I’ve worked hard to get to know the girls up here and I don’t think Heather will understand that,” I told them. A week ago I would have jumped at the chance to get away from Quiana and to spend time with Heather.

“Well, hang on a minute now and I guess you girls can talk about that and work it out amongst yourselves,” my dad said. He said good-bye to me and I could hear the phone being passed to someone else.

“Hey, Tash, I miss you,” Heather said. Her voice sounded different, a little whiny and unreal.

“Yeah, me too,” I said.

“Are you surprised?” she asked, trying to sound excited. She sounded as excited as I was trying to be. I nodded my head yes and waited for her to finish telling me all the outfits she’d bought for the trip. Already, my head was spinning. “I started to invite Stephanie to come along, too.”

“But you didn’t, right?” I didn’t know what I was more upset about, having my best friend invade my new friends, or the mention that my best friend was thinking about bringing my enemy along with her.

“Don’t worry, Tash, she may not be able to come anyway,” Heather said.

“I can’t believe you would do that,” I told her.

I had no more words. It would either be a great trip or a disaster. I would just have to wait and see. The girls in the Bronx had a hard enough time adjusting to me, let
alone Heather and Stephanie. That was a completely different story. Heather definitely wouldn’t understand anything about the girls or their lives. And the girls really would think I was a sellout after meeting Heather and Stephanie.

The call waiting beeped.

“Look, Heather, I’ll see you soon, but I’ve got to answer this,” I told her.

“Fine,” she said, disappointed. “You know, Tash, you even sound different. I feel like I don’t know who you are anymore.”

“Well, that makes two of us,” I said, clicking over to the other line.

“Hey, Sellout, big news.” Quiana was on the other line. She sounded like she was out of breath.

“What’s up? Is it Monique?” I asked.

“No, Monique’s fine,” she said. “I just thought you and Tilly would want to hear about Maria and the baby. She had a girl. Her cousin just called here.”

“That’s great news,” I said excitedly. “How is she? What did she name the baby? Is she okay to have visitors?”

“Slow down, crazy,” Quiana said, in her monotone, tough girl voice. Somewhere deep down, I knew she was excited about the baby, too. She had called, after all. “I don’t know all that, but I’m sure Red will tell us when we get in tomorrow.”

“Okay,” I said. “Thanks for calling, Quiana.”

“Don’t mention it,” she said, “to anyone.”

Quiana didn’t want anyone to know she had called me. I
assured her I wouldn’t mention it again, and hung up the phone.

There was so much going on in my head, there was no way I could rest well before the biggest event of my life. My two worlds were meeting and all I could see was a recipe for disaster.

MY CHECKLIST WAS almost complete. It was amazing the difference a couple of weeks made at Amber’s Place. The girls really came through. Tuesday and Wednesday were spent in a whirlwind of activity as all the girls worked hard to get everything done for the big day.

Quiana and Red were going over the programs for the reception when I walked into the room on Thursday morning. I was shocked that Quiana had beaten me to Amber’s Place. She was working alongside Red and had the printed certificates in her hand.

She saw the confused look on my face.

“What?” Quiana snapped, dropping the programs and the certificates that she had been holding on the table. I smiled at Red. Quiana looked angry and leaned back forcefully in her chair. I sat down next to her and picked up one of the programs.

“So, what do you think, NaTasha?” Red asked, grinning from ear to ear. She was proud of us. In a lot of ways, these girls were her children, even me. She’d trusted us with this
project and we’d done a great job. But I couldn’t have done it without the help of each of the girls, including Quiana. I told Red so. “I have to say, girls,” Red told us, “I’m impressed. I didn’t expect you to work together, let alone put together a program as nice as this one. Your family and friends are going to be so proud.”

Quiana stared at the door every few minutes and checked her watch, too. She wasn’t waiting for her family members; she already said that no one was coming to see her. Susan and Shaunda walked through the door chatting excitedly. Rochelle walked in next. Quiana nodded to her, but kept her arms crossed and her teeth clenched.

Red updated the girls with the latest news about the reception, but kept a close watch on the time. Only a handful of hours were left and we still had to decorate and run through the program. Monique was late.

We chatted about the last-minute details as long as possible, but everyone was thinking the same thing. Where was Monique?

“So, ladies, let’s get started,” Red said, glancing at the door one last time. She looked disappointed and worried. “We need to decorate and rehearse. What would you like to do first?”

“Let’s decorate and get it over with,” Rochelle said, jumping up with a bag of streamers and balloons in her hand. She started handing streamers to each of us and pointing us toward the tables in the reception hall.

After an hour of taping streamers to tables and arranging flower bouquets, I couldn’t concentrate anymore. I dropped
the paper plates and plastic silverware onto the table of drinks and reached for my cell phone to leave yet another voice mail message on Monique’s phone.

“I just called her, too,” Quiana said, coming up next to me. She was holding her phone in one hand and a stack of programs in the other hand. Quiana shrugged her shoulders and shook her head. “You can try, though, just in case.”

While I called, Quiana dropped off the flyers with Rochelle and went to wait for Monique by the door. Rochelle tried to hand her another bag of streamers, but Quiana blew her off.

I left another message and went to get my next assignment. Rochelle hesitantly threw me a bag of purple and silver curtains to wrap around the podium and stage area.

“Pretty soon she’s going to go after her,” I told her, motioning toward Quiana at the doorway.

“Yeah, I know,” Rochelle answered quickly.

“You two are good friends, have you heard anything from her?” I asked. Even if she had heard, I wasn’t sure Rochelle would tell me anything, but there was a chance.

“No, I haven’t heard anything, and what’s it to you?” Rochelle said, folding an extra tablecloth.

“I was just asking, because I thought you’d be concerned, too,” I told her.

“I am concerned, but I can’t drop my life every time Monique decides to go back to that loser, now can I?” she said, snapping at me without stopping her work. She wiped out the inside of a punch bowl and set it back in place next to
a stack of plastic cups. She sounded harsh and I think she realized it after I stood there for a few minutes in silence. She continued in a softer voice, “I’ve done that before and I told her I wasn’t doing it no more. This time she’ll have to learn on her own.”

This wasn’t Monique’s first disappearing act. Quiana looked like she was waiting for permission to leave. I didn’t blame her at all. If Heather ever went missing, I wouldn’t know what to do.

Thinking about Heather made me a little sad. Our last few conversations hadn’t gone so well. Maybe she wasn’t my best friend anymore at all. I wouldn’t be surprised now if she didn’t come with my folks for the ceremony.

Red placed six candles in the center of each table, representing each girl being recognized at the reception.

“I really am proud of the work you girls have done for the center,” Red said, “and I want you to know you’re always welcome to come and visit us anytime.”

“Not a chance, Red,” Rochelle joked. We all laughed.

“Well, let’s at least practice our program for tonight before you all tear out of here,” she said.

I whispered into Red’s ear, and Red turned to look at Quiana and nodded. I grabbed my purse and sweater and took Quiana by the arm. She jumped away from me and put up her fists. I held up my hands in surrender and smiled at her.

“Let’s go,” I told her.

“Wait, girls…” Red yelled after us. We turned. “What about gifts for everyone?”

“You let us worry about that,” I told her. “We already have something in mind.”

“We do?” Quiana asked. I nodded and pulled her the rest of the way down the hallway. Once outside she finally shook away from me.

“Sellout, where are we going?” She enunciated every syllable like Tilly does when she scolded me for something.

“You want to find Monique, right?” I challenged her. She didn’t say anything, just got this blank look on her face. I took that as a yes. “Well, let’s go see if she’s okay. Let’s go find her.”

I didn’t wait for her to respond. I knew she wanted to find Monique as much as I did. I turned and walked up the block to the train. Quiana followed a close distance behind me.

“Fine, but this isn’t the way,” she said, grabbing me before I stepped onto a downtown-bound train.

“I know,” I answered, pulling her into the fully packed car. “We have a stop to make first.”

She gave me a look, but continued to follow my lead. I’d expected her to put up more of a fight than she did, but I guess she was tired of arguing with me. I’m sure she was thinking the sooner we found Monique and got through the reception, the better. I couldn’t agree with her more.

We got to Tilly’s block about thirty minutes later.

“Where are we going?” Quiana asked me. Pretty soon, if I didn’t tell her where we were headed, she could turn around and leave me on my own.

“This is Tilly’s block,” I said proudly, like I was giving a celebrity home tour to a visitor. I waved my arms dramatically and pointed out Tilly’s building, the old movie theater, and the bodega. I looked back at her and smiled. She wasn’t amused. I dropped my arms to my side. “We’re just picking up someone who may be able to help and then we can be on our way.”

She nodded and followed me to the basketball courts and right to the person I was looking for. Khalik was standing alone against a fence, bouncing his basketball and juggling his cell phone in the other hand.

“Ooh, you’re so talented,” I said, teasing him. “You know, that ball is not a good look for you all the time.”

Quiana stood next to me and eyeballed Khalik. He looked at her, nodded, and then snapped the phone shut and rolled his eyes at me.

“What do you care?” he snapped back playfully.

He bounce-passed the ball and squared his body in front of me. His eyes focused on me, challenging me to play with him. I could hear Quiana huffing impatiently next to me. There would be plenty of time later to play with Khalik. I caught the ball with both hands and held it against my right hip. He eyed the ball like it was a hamburger he was dying to bite into. I snapped my fingers in front of his face to get his attention again.

“Not now,” I said, tossing the ball back to him. A few of the other guys on the court had drifted closer to us. Khalik had handsome friends. Quiana kept her eyes on all of them,
like a protective watchdog. “I, I mean,
we
need your help for a little while.”

“Oh, yeah, the way I see it you and your girl need a lot more help than you think if that’s the way you always handle the ball,” he said, slapping high five with an oddly tall kid standing next to him. They laughed. Quiana sucked her teeth and elbowed me in the arm. I had two seconds to enlist Khalik or she was out of there.

“Not with basketball, stupid,” I said. “I need you to come with us now and help me out with something…and you may want to bring a few of your friends.”

Khalik smiled wider than I had ever seen him smile. His friends, who had deserted their game on the court to listen in on our conversation, started hooting and hollering and shoving one another around like Quiana and I were volunteering for a kissing booth and they were in line waiting for a turn. I rolled my eyes and pointed to the court exit. I couldn’t tell how many guys were following along with Khalik, but I didn’t care. When we found Monique, if we found her, the more help the better, especially because we didn’t know what, or who, to expect when we found her.

“What do we need them for?” Quiana hissed, as we swiped our subway cards through once again. A few of Khalik’s friends skipped swiping their cards, and jumped over the turnstiles instead. Maybe it was a mistake to have invited all of them. I shrugged at Quiana. I didn’t know if we needed them at all, I just felt better having them come along just in case.

“Monique may be in trouble when we find her,” I said quietly. “I’m not sure, but these guys may be able to help us.”

Quiana looked at me and didn’t speak. I think we were both taking in the gravity of what I had just told her. I knew she was replaying the conversation with Monique in her head, because I was, too. Monique had promised she’d be okay and at Amber’s Place early to decorate. She wasn’t the type to go back on her word.

Quiana and I watched the boys goof-off on the train. Two of them hung from the handlebars to have a pull-up competition, right there in front of other passengers. A few others cheered them on. Khalik sat quietly across from us throwing his ball from one hand to the other. He studied my face deeply, as if he could tell I was worried about something. I hadn’t explained it all yet, but I was glad he knew I was no longer joking around.

The train rattled along loudly. The boys finally tired of the handlebars games and took seats next to us. As we got closer to Monique’s stop, my heart began to race unsteadily. Even as I prayed for her safety, I could feel we were stepping into some kind of danger. I worried about what I was getting myself—and all of us—into.

The train stopped at Kingsbridge Road in the Bronx and Quiana and I led the way out of the station. The boys followed behind us like a college football team ready to win a bowl game.

While Quiana led the way, I filled Khalik in on the story about Monique, and he understood immediately why I’d come to get him.

“You talked to her, right?” he asked, putting a plan of action together in his head. I nodded and followed Quiana
down a well-lit alley between a small grocery and a liquor store. “Then I’m sure she’s cool.”

Quiana made a left turn at a dead-end street, right in front of a housing project. She pointed to one of the buildings and motioned for me and Khalik to follow. Khalik whispered something to some of his friends, who jumped into action like a presidential security team. They stood guard under streetlights and next to trees all the way to the end of the block. Khalik took my hand and we walked next to Quiana into one of the brick buildings.