Sex and the Confession Box (8 page)

Well he swirled round in a green gown spiral of fury as if I’d just shit on the altar. How dare you dare to question me and my authority how dare you deem yourself to speak to me in such a manner. How dare you speak to me in such a disrespectful way I fully squared up to the bitter twisted ole cunt
your no better than me how dare you speak to me in such a manner when all I have done is to enquire about a priest? Get out he said I have no time for this, its women like you who corrupt the church, I lunged at him, I forgot myself, I was beside myself with anger and grief and it all just exploded towards this bastardy cunt who stood between me and Peter if peter didn’t want me if he lied I needed him to tell me but I was never going to get there not now not if this ole evil bastard had his way. The younger priest who had been witnessing all of this saw my leap of anger towards Father O Callaghan and just grabbed me back at that moment when all I managed to pull hold of was the back of his robe and no more. Calm down he said to me holding me in a vice like grip, meanwhile fuckface turned a deep purple if this is what the wrath of god looked like I was fucked a thunderous bombardment came flying out of his mouth, as to how I was a disgrace to the church to come into the house of god and assault a man of god I’m sure to be burning in hell and all that blah!blah! If I ever see you back in this church IL call the police. I struggled and fought with young Father O Callaghan, but he wasn’t letting me go he grabbed me to the large wooden church doors as quickly as he could and got me outside, then released me as I tried to make a dash by him again, I wanted to punch that twisted arrogant prick, I wanted to hurt him I wanted to tear at all the holy pictures. I wanted Peter. I broke down and sobbed the wee priest said, well that’s something I’ve never seen, what’s that I said to Father O Callaghan you frightened  Father Harkin put the wind up him. He didn’t seem afraid to me, he was he’ll be in there now knocking back a few shaking. You knocked him off his very high horse and he’s not accustomed to that. I just wanted to know the parish Father O Kane went to he was good to me and I need to thank him. The wee priest sat on the steps with me overlooking a statue of Saint Bernadette, he was only about twenty two three at most, must have just got his robes so to speak, tall and thin but not gangly, more slim athletic, had hazel eyes and amazing eyelashes that us women would kill for dirty fair crew cut hair, nice and king manner about him but something most definitely screamed I’m gay, it was the way he was, I don’t hold that against him of course many Catholics join the priesthood to try to resist this natural part of who and what they are and sadly it turns them into something they never would have been if they could only have accepted themselves but it’s so hard I imagine, where we come from, expectations placed on us by our families ourselves and we aren’t this or that and try hard to be only building bridges between our loved ones and deeper pits in ourselves.

I will do you a favour because I can see how distraught you are, I will try and get into the files of the parish and see where Father Harkin has be moved to ok
Oh! Thank you and I swung my arms around his neck, pulling back just as quickly, thank you and I promise IL make a huge donation to Saint Vincent De Paul father there’s no need for that I’m not promising anything but if I find anything I will call you, can you give me a number where I can reach you? I can give you my house number, I wrote it down shamelessly on the note pad with “The Europa’s Hotels”, heading at the top one of my many trinkets from my stay. Thank you father you really are saving not just one life but quite possible two.

Peter’s Story

Driving back over the black mountains Peter could still Taste her on his lips, the smell of her on his skin, in the car he breathed in deep. He could smell her in his soul, he felt alive exhilarated he had never felt like this before or if he did it had died when his father had died. He never thought he’d find peace, but love he never let himself dream that dream, hope that hope that one day a day like all others a women like her could walk into his heart and burst open the flames of passion that guilt and shame had extinguish fifteen years ago. He smiled he laughed he felt God ,yes God for the first time since he drowned himself in vows he felt God there with him in that car and he knew this was meant to be, it was all going to be great. He wasn’t afraid or worried not a bit of anxiety of telling his parish he was quitting he didn’t care or give a dame about seeing the Bishop or the cardinal he was excited by it all in fact he looked forward to it all, why wouldn’t he it was that one step closer to Eileen, that one step closer to holding her again forever and ever. He began to imagine her soft ivory skin, so soft and gentle and those brushes of freckles he wondered where they all over? He felt himself arouse, no shame came with it, he imagined her beautiful ample breasts, god he had only ever held a woman’s breast once well more a girl.

He
thought back to his first and only girlfriend Kathleen Connelly she was a pretty wee thing her dad had the farm next to theirs and they had grown up together and attended mass and often walked home from school together. She had been a lot taller than he was then even though there was only a few months between them, he was a late bloomer she had the lovely red locks but the deep auburn red like Maureen O Hara lovely blue eyes she wasn’t a stunner as such but a  pretty girl, some would say plain. We began dating at the chapel dances and got on great though it all seemed a bit awkward at first, one minute we were having toy fights with me and my brothers and her included next we had to sit miles apart. So after being egged on by my younger brothers them saying she liked me that way and no one else seemed to be taking an interest or were either all dating someone or becoming bloody nuns it was Kathleen I kind of ended up with you may say. So after a few dances and walks home and a few very badly made moves on my part we kissed properly and it was nice and cordial. From what I remember after at least six months of this so called dating and I getting as randy as fuck I didn’t feel a spark of love or bursting romance so I thought I may as well call it off I’m not getting anywhere and I’m sure as hell not going to marry a girl to get my leg over so that was my decision ID tell her I had to end it cause I was going away like my brother Anthony to England to get work, it wasn’t true of course Anthony was going to England to escape my dad and become a welder ,I was staying had to oldest expected, beside I couldn’t leave me mother with that monster, my father. We met coincidently at a wake for one of our cousin’s way out at the back roads of Buncrana Donegal, everyone was pretty tanked up as per normal at Irish wakes and she came over to me and nodded for me to follow so I did as you do. She’d got us both a wee bottle of whiskey she’d swiped from the table and we made of to a nearby field. We sat up against an old tractor in the field, it was just the end of August and the signs of autumn coming in were showing on the trees. She took a drink from the bottle and began coughing and choking, and I like a good lad began to pat her back, are you OK?I asked, she nodded her head up and down good stuff she said try it, I looked at her bemused she seemed like a completely different person right now, I said trying to be the big man I have had some before which I had my brothers and I had tried my father’s whiskey but I hated the taste of it we all did, it was like we were drinking him, becoming him so never took to it that and when he discovered wed had some gave us terrible beatings. I drank a mouthful too much and choked, to Jesus your right stronger, stronger than what I’m used to. Then she just was on me, like a cat on a mouse kissing me so hard I banged my head of the tractor wheel and was on top of my kissing me frantically breathing so hard, I pushed her of shocked.

What
are you doing are you gone mad. Yes she said I have, what I said in the middle of this barley field their sending me away to become a nun? A nun, yes a nun can’t you tell them no? Thought you wanted to be a teacher. I do she said but my sister Geraldine is pregnant and I have to be the one to save the family name plus with her having to get married now there won’t be any money to go on to be a teacher, so its stay here and rot or become a nun she said knocking back more whiskey. Jesus I’m sorry Kathleen, not a sorry as me, nuns teach in schools was all I could muster, she turned and looked at me and she looked so desperate, so lost so sexy. I kissed her and grabbed her soft breasts oh they felt like warm soft scones just out of the oven but no scones ever made my willy hard and long for more than just butter on them, she let me too she didn’t stop me ,she didn’t push me of or say no Why who cared, I felt a hand near my belt and by heavens it wasn’t mine, it was hers, I stopped are you sure, yes she said yes, I may fuck yes it’s my last chance to be a real woman to feel a man so make love to me Peter O Kane make love to me, but Kathleen what if we get fuck up like your sister, pull out she said before you come I read it in a book if you pull out of me and come outside of me I can’t get pregnant. Well fuck that was good enough for me and if this be the facts I will be having a lot more of this and wait till I sure this amazing fucking thing with me brothers we’d all be riding our ways around Donegal for sure. I let out a gasp and Kathleen a Nosie of so this is what it looks like? As you had made her way into my pants and was now grasping my very hard, very happily surprised cock in her hands. He was not used to anyone else but me here and was enjoying the attention. She smiled up at me as I looked down embarrassed hoping she wouldn’t be annoyed or disappointed to what she beheld but she looked positively delighted as was I Now she moved closer into my body rocking shakily back and forth on my cock I was sure I would explode in her hands, this was not what I imagined or hoped better. Her warm hands went faster the more heavier I breathed I slid my quaking hands up the slim cool thighs and began tugging at her knickers that hung on for dear life to keep her virginity in tack, her mother must have made these bloody nickers I thought as I tucked and pulled as Kathleen did the same to me she stopped and in one throw back she was on her back and pulling of her knickers and casting them to the side along with all her dreams and virginity ,I leap onto her like a jockey jumping onto that winning stead, it just slid right in, I didn’t need to give him directions or a map, he found heaven a depth of innocent pleasure of a moist wet place ID dreamt of I was rolling it around inside her then sliding ,moving grunting hard back and forth feeling her fingers digging tight into my bare ass cheeks, anyone could have come out anyone could have seen but we were somewhere else we both were, lost in this moment of want of need of holy fuck I’m going to shoot my load Kathleen it happening I said as I pulled my head out of her shoulders, her eyes which had been shut tight sprang open I don’t care Peter don’t stop screw me Peter I’m alive, I want this don’t stop stay here with me keep fucking the cleanness out of me, fuck me hard come just come. I shuttered like an electric current of bliss shot from my balls up through my cock up into the depths of Kathleen into her fanny, her juicy haven and I shouted OH God I’m coming Kathleen, I kept saying Kathleen, she slivered and writhed under my body not saying anything but her face was lit up like an angels as she arched her neck and took everything I had to give her and more, she liked it. She opened her eyes and said again again. We did until I had no more to give her. She drank it all in she let all the ecstasy of my come and hers flow into her changing her with every thrust every drop of come she left her old skin regenerated her body and changed into herself.

She stood up and brushed herself off and kissed me on the cheek and walked away towards the house, she didn’t even pick up her underwear. I did of course to begin with to show my brothers to brag and also as to not give way as to what had happened. But a she walked to the house, she walked taller, stronger and never looked back at me .By the time I calmed down my brother came out an found me so this is where you’ve been hiding don’t blame our father as per usual had started a fight so the priest was giving us a lift home come he said if you’re coming. I didn’t see Kathleen again, she ran away I heard few days later took off to England. I wasn’t sad I knew her rebellion, her strength what she did with me in the field was her saying no to all she’d ever been told to do or not to do. I think I knew she had made up her mind to run and I believe if I’d said no we can’t or had of rejected her she’d have stayed and died inside instead our passionate encounter in the field brought her to herself. I never did tell anyone not even my brothers. I did keep her pants for a while though till my mother found them and threw them in the bin!

Peter’s Story

NEXT CHAPTER:

He pulled into the Chapel yard parked up beside the parish hose and went into the parish he began dialling the Bishops number, it rang a few times and his heart beat out of his chest with pure exhilaration of what lay ahead. Hello said the Bishops secretary, Hello This Father Peter O Kane from Saint Anthony’s parish I’d like to make an urgent appointment to see the Bishop ,one moment please IL check the bishops schedule what is it in relation to Father? It’s a private matter, but a matter of great importance. Would Tuesday at 11am suit you Father it would thank you. Hanging up the phone he went back into the kitchen to make himself something to eat he hadn’t eaten since breakfast. He noticed that the house keeper had left him a plate covered with foil, peeling it back there was a big plate of chicken and ham pie her homemade recipe and wedges and lots of carrots. Great he thought as he stuck it in the micro to reheat, he lifted the glasses that he’d placed in the sink  and held up the one stained with Eileen’s lipstick, he traced his thumb over the stain and sucked hard on his thumb, he wanted her, Could he really wait what could take two weeks to have this woman in his arms in his bed to linger deep inside her body ?He would he’d do this right he’d do right by himself and right by Eileen he’d lost his self once before he wouldn’t do it again he wanted to be completely free of this place of the chains that had bound him for so long. Yes he would make an honest woman of her and himself a free man besides he had his whole life to look forward to  be with her. Zing went the microwave as he placed the piping hot plate onto the kitchen table the parish phone rang, oh please he thought don’t be someone dying, I’m starving here. He picked up the receiver Father O Kane he said, Father tell me said the voice on the other line how is it that you’re not fucking dead, excuse me he said surprises and taken aback though he had had nasty calls before so this was not all too new to him. Why weren’t your fucking Fenian brains blown out all over that shit hole of a catholic church? I suggest you ask God that question. I asked a good friend of yours now and it turns out God had nothing to do with it ,is that right said Father O Kane, it is, he was bored and just wanted him supper. Turns out you helped a turncoat escape to get out of the country to save your own fucking Fenian life. It hit it what this was all about he’d totally forgotten about the man in the confessional box Robert. He’d helped him take the boat to England and gave him a few hundred pounds so he could escape the clutches of these madmen. I have no idea what you are referring to though I will be hanging up and passing this telephone number to the police, the man chuckled on the other end, oh please father it’s a pay phone do you think I’d be that stupid, I think your stupid enough to think that you can frightened me, now I have intentions of that I assure you, I just intent to put a bullet in the back of your fucking head. The line went dead and so did Father O Kane’s appetite.

CHAPER 8

Eileen’s Story

I hailed a black cab at the side
often road and it dropped me off at lagan side bus station and I sat and waited for the next bus to Antrim, I was going to get a taxi I could afford it after last night but there’s something comforting about taking a bus full of strangers you blend in you become a blur of faces of anyone of everyone going somewhere. The bus pulled into the dock and I bought a single ticket to Antrim it was an express so twenty thirty minutes at most home to my wee man though I was so exhausted I just wanted to sleep though I knew I couldn’t do that as James just turned five and was in reception class would have missed me as did I him but he’d want to play I didn’t think I had the energy. I sat at the window as the bus made its way down the motorway ,where was he, why hadn’t he called, Did he leave to go to another parish stay a priest, none of it made sense wasn’t listening to what my mind was saying it was telling me he’d lied to keep you off the streets one less hooker no I know what I felt deep down and know now what I felt still that clinching in gut thinking of him holding me, his kiss his lips, no those lips did not lie. I felt it something wasn’t right maybe they wouldn’t let him leave the church maybe he was locked up in some prison tower for priest who try to leave with some priest reading over and over to him “thou shall not commit adultery, thou shall not worship false gods, thou shall not covet another man’s wife brain wash him again until he won’t leave till he stays and loves god forever. I couldn’t let go why should I, the way he made me feel I tingled in my veins, my bones quivered with the sheer joy of his smile he had a great smile and those eyes they made me long for my youth of teenage years when one look and your heart melted you had to have him, you followed him around you wrote his name over and over on your books, hats what I was doing in my head. Mr Peter O Kane, Mrs Peter O Kane, it was the way I felt safe, home I knew he would be true, that love where he, kill for me die for me all in one day but take away all the so called reality of life of rules of what we should do don’t do. It all fell away to a rising of pure sunlight stretching from my toes into my finger tips and throughout my whole body and I just wanted to stretch out my arms and let it take me where it would. Let’s how I felt about him with him and nothing would stop me from finding him and the truth.

I got of my bus and made the five minute walk up to my house when nearing the door my dogs came running out having recognise my
footsteps, I talked to them as I opened the metal gates, hello Willow hello champ their tails wagging furiously happy to see me and bounding down to the front door as James came out to join them in their welcome. Mummy he said as he bounced up into my arms oh hello  how’s my wee bear good, uncle Anthony made me sausage sandwiches yummy did you eat all yours yep. I continues into the house carrying my wee man with dogs circling to see if I had any goodies which of course I did. My brother looked up from the telly.