Shattered Heart (The Hart Series) (17 page)

A nod is all I
need to confirm the dread in my stomach. 
What was Alex thinking?
 
Rachel hugs me tighter and continues to cry into the crook of my neck while I
lead us to the couch.  This conversation doesn’t need to take place at all, let
alone at the entryway of my apartment.  Who knows how much Alex divulged and
all I need is for my sister to faint on my doorstep.  At least the couch is a
more suitable place to lose consciousness. 

“Why…why didn’t
you tell me?”  Rachel blubbers while we both sink against the cushions of the
couch. 

“Rach…sometimes
it isn’t my story to tell.  Sometimes things are better left unsaid.”  She
shakes her head in disagreement.  “What exactly did he tell you?”

“Everything,
El.  He told us about the women, about meeting Arianna, about his position at
SHI.”  She stops, giving me a chance to intercede.  Luckily for me, that’s all
on him.  He doesn’t even know what I’m going through, so I don’t know why I was
worried she would find out how Arianna has been threatening me. 

“Well, that’s
pretty much everything in a nutshell.”  Rachel releases me, giving me space to
finally breathe as I close my eyes and fall against my decorative pillows.

“That’s not all
he told us.” 
Great…thought too soon.
  “Alex explained that when he met
you, you changed everything.  He made it abundantly clear how you are the sole
reason he wants more.”

My chest
tightens and I feel as if someone is literally sitting on it.  Rachel knows. 
If she knows the beginning, she knows the end.  The end I’ve purposely kept
from her. 

“He also told us
that he was forced to leave, to go to New York for business, but that you went
there.  But El, I don’t understand.  Why would you go to New York and then
leave him the way you did?  What’s happened with you and him for the past few
weeks since he’s been back?” 

“What do you
want me to say, Rach?  I’m sure you have plenty of questions about Alex and his
past and why I didn’t tell you.  Like I said, it’s not my story to tell.”

“What?  No, El. 
My questions aren’t about Alex.  He told us everything I needed to know and I
agree with him.  That was his past and it has nothing to do with the present. 
That man loves you to the moon and back.  What I’m talking about right now is
entirely about you!  I wanted to come over last night to check on you, but by
the time Alex left our place it was too late.  I can’t imagine what you’ve been
going through.

“But then when
Bryan received a text from Alex asking for me to check and make sure you were
okay, I started to get angry.  And the closer I got to your apartment, the
angrier I became.” 

“You’re
angry….at me?” I ask astounded. 
Are we in the same conversation?

“Damn straight I
am!  First off, you didn’t tell me anything about your problems with Alex.  I’m
your sister.  I could have been there for you.”  I shake my head about to
interject, but she silences me with a raised eyebrow.  “Oh, I’m far from
finished.  What confuses me the most is the moment he opened up to you and let
you in, you threw his past in his face and ignored him while he was in New
York.  In a place where he didn’t want to be, sent by the one person who has
control over him.”

“Rachel…”  I try
to interject, but she just glares at me.

“No…you’re not
going to talk now.  Not when you should have been talking to me this entire
time.”

“Rachel…let me
talk.”  I know it’s my fault for keeping everything from her, so she has no
clue what I’ve been going through.  What I’m still going through.  If only
she’d let me talk, I’d tell her. 

“No, like I
said, you are going to listen.  I can’t even fathom what you’ve been thinking
and why you’ve made the decisions you have.  But, I’m here now and you need to
give me something, El, because none of this makes sense.”

“Fine,” I
concede.

Rachel goes on saying
that she understands why I went to New York.  That if Bryan was clear across
the country, in the middle of a natural disaster, she would be frantic with
worry too.  What she’s completely wrong about is her opinion that I used Alex
for a booty call and then pushed him out of my life as if he was yesterday’s
garbage. 

I get it, I
really do.  But we all know that’s not what happened.

“It wasn’t a
booty call, Rachel.  I was worried, I couldn’t get a hold of him, and I had to
know he was safe.  I never meant to actually see him,” I look down at my hands,
the defensiveness leaving my tone, replaced with sadness.

“I’m just saying
maybe you need to look at it from his point of view.  But again, that’s in the
past.  Let’s leave it there.  My main concern is the mess that happened last
night.  Now, I know it’s our fault we didn’t tell you we invited him, but it’s
also your fault for inviting Oliver without telling us.  All we were trying to
do was surprise you and we were all slapped in the face.  After everything
that’s happened between you and Alex, this was the icing on the cake.  What in
the hell is going on with you?  Since when do you go from one guy to another?”

Hold up…WHAT? 

Is Rachel
accusing me of man hopping?  I swear at times it’s like she doesn’t know me at
all. 
Rachel
doesn’t seem upset about Alex renting his dick by the hour or the fact that
he’s been with Arianna.  But, because I brought a
friend
to Thanksgiving
dinner, she’s accusing me of whoring around?

Unhuh.  No.
Freaking. Way.

With my irritation
at an all time high, I stand and pace.  Stopping in front of her, hands on my
hips I begin my rant.  “Okay, Rachel.  You want to hear it all?”  She nods. 
“First, I didn’t tell you about Alex because I didn’t want you to think
differently about him, especially if I stayed with him.  Secondly, I didn’t
just show up in New York and use him.  I love him.”  I pause, taking a breath
to calm myself down for a second. 

“And yes, let’s
talk about what happened last night.”  She nods allowing me to continue.  “I
didn’t show up with a
random
guy to Thanksgiving dinner to make things
worse.  I brought a
friend
to dinner that didn’t have anywhere else to
go.  I was just being nice, which is something
you
taught me. 

“Oh, and you
want to talk about how this so-called other guy is the icing on the cake…the
icing on the cake, Rachel, is that I’m fucking pregnant.”  I throw my hands up
in the air and fall into the cushion next to my sister as I try to calm my
beating heart. 

Turning to face
her, I search her face for comprehension. 
Yep, I’ve officially stunned her
into silence.  I should have told her I was pregnant earlier.  We could have
avoided as least half of this conversation.

A minute passes
before her voice barely registers a whisper compared to her earlier lecture. 
“El, did you just say that you’re pregnant?”  Of course she heard me, but I nod
my head to make sure it registers.  “When did you find out?”

I place my head
in my hands, resting my elbows on my knees.  Rachel inches forward and begins
to rub circles on my back.  “I found out last night.  I took a test and, well,
you know the rest.”

Realization
dawns on her face, “That’s why Alex wanted me to check on you.”

My head shoots
up in panic.  “No!  Alex doesn’t know.  No Rach, please don’t tell him.”

“El, he deserves
to know.” 

“Please, Rach. 
I’m still trying to deal with this myself.  He’s barely giving me room to think
as it is; can you imagine how he’ll be if he knew I was pregnant?”  Panicked, I
begin to plead with her, “Rach, you have to swear on it.  Swear on our parents
that you will not tell him!” 

“Seriously El? 
I don’t know…”  She tries to pull away, but I grip her arms tightly forcing her
to look at me.

“No!” I scream
at her.  She doesn’t understand.  “You have to promise me!”

“Fine…fine!”  She
raises her hands in submission.  “I won’t tell him.  But you need to at some
point.”

“I know, okay. 
I know.  Just let me figure things out.”  I sag against the backrest, exhausted
from this brief conversation.

The living room
becomes deathly quiet while both Rachel and I take in the severity of the
situation.  “So, let me make sure I understand this correctly.  You broke up
with Alex because you found out he was selling himself in the past.  Yet, you
loved him and were afraid for his safety, which is why you went to New York. 
And, in the process you got yourself pregnant.  But now you realize you don’t
want to be with him?”

“Partially
correct…I broke up with Alex because it would never work out.  We work together
and Arianna is technically both of our boss’s.  He needs his job to take care
of Nana and I need my job to take care of myself and now our baby.  And it’s
not that I loved him, in the past tense…I still do, but we just aren’t good for
each other.”

Rachel’s glare
is deadly as she stares out the window.  “I knew Arianna hadn’t changed her
ways.”  Whoa, where did that come from?

Her statement
makes me think she knows more than she’s letting on.  I cock my head and ask,
“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I never told
you why I hated Arianna, because you didn’t need more fucked up shit in your
life.”  She pauses, looking back at me and must see the curiosity on my face,
because she continues.  “Mom told me that Dad and Arianna used to be
sweethearts before they met.  Did you know that?”

“Uh, no!” 
Ick!
Great!  Now every man I’ve ever loved has officially slept with Satan. 

“Yah, well
apparently Dad took one look at Mom and fell in love.  They married, had kids,
and everything was right in the world.  At least that’s the story you know.”  I
nod, almost scared of how this might end. 

“It had to have
been a few months before Mom and Dad died.  I came home from school earlier
than expected and didn’t know anyone was home.  Needless to say, when I walked
past Dad’s study, I walked in on an interesting exchange.  God, my stomach is
in knots just thinking about it.”

“Spit it out,
Rach.”  I push her to continue even though I know I probably won’t like it. 

“You know how
when we were kids we used to dread nights when Mom and Dad felt…romantic, as we
would call it.”  I nod my head.  It’s completely normal for children to not
want to hear or see their parents being intimate.  “Well, let’s just say that
Dad was studying his files
closely.
”

“Huh?”  I tilt
my head looking at Rachel in confusion.

“He had his head
buried in some
cases
?”  Rachel says through gritted teeth.

“I’m confused.” 
I squint my eyes, still not catching on.

“He was going
down on her!”  She yelps before covering her face with her hands.

“Oh my God! 
That’s disgusting.  He was going down on Mom?”  I scrunch my face.  It’s bad
enough imagining your parents having sex, let alone exploring the depths of
cunilingus. 

“No.  I swear
sometimes you are dense.”  She splays her hand over her forehead in
desperation.  It’s early in the morning.  Well not early, but I just woke up. 
She needs to give me a break.  “He was going down on Arianna.  She was spread
across his desk.  His back was to me, but her head was up, watching him.  She
saw me.  I stood in the doorway for only a few seconds, but it was enough to scar
me for life.  And to change my opinion of Dad.”  My mind is whirling. 
My
Dad cheated on my Mom with
her
!
 

“I left.  Went
back to school and avoided Dad.  That was until…”  I don’t know if it’s the
pregnancy or the thought of my Dad and Arianna together, but right now, I feel
like I might be sick.

“Until?”  I
mutter, almost cringing as she continues.  How much worse can this get?

“The morning
they died.  Dad called and he was yelling at me, accusing me of doing drugs
because I was avoiding my family.  I ended up yelling at him.  I told him I saw
him with her.  He didn’t need much else as an explanation.  I cried and yelled
at him, telling him that I hated him and that he didn’t deserve Mom.”  Rachel’s
body is shaking now, tears streaming down her cheeks.  “They died, El.  They
died and the last thing I told Dad was that I hated him.  And to make matters
worse, the last memory I have is of him going down on another woman.”

“Rach…”  I watch
as she pushes her tears away with the back of her hands.

“Those last
words have haunted me since that day and I’ve carried these regrets with me. 
Now do you see why I hate Arianna so much?  Do you see why I don’t want you
having regrets to live with?  They eat at you, El.  They eat at you until you
are consumed by them.”

“It wasn’t your
fault.”  With this confession, Rachel and I stare at each other.  No words are
necessary to understand our feelings about Arianna. 

“El, I’ve never
spoken these words out loud, but…”  She pauses, “I’ve had suspicions that she
was involved in their crash.”

I gasp, not
wanting to believe anyone could be so cruel.  Even Arianna.  “How so??