She Comes First (11 page)
Authors: Ian Kerner
Standard Body Position
Don’t settle for anything less than total comfort and total access. You’ll know you’re both in the right position when she’s able to comfortably look down the length of her body and watch you work, and you’re able to look up, without breaking the flow of action, and make eye contact with her.
When it comes to cunnilingus and body position, remember that form
follows
function. Keep your mind focused on providing her with pleasure, and the body will naturally follow your lead.
In this chapter we discussed the importance of getting off to a good start by being in the right position. Make sure you’re comfortable and relaxed. Avoid novelty positions that restrict the use of your hands and fingers and might also cut off the flow of blood to her pelvic area or inhibit the process of sexual response. Find positions that enable you to optimally exploit your respective roles of giver and receiver.
A
S WE VEER
into coreplay, let’s quickly review the areas of the clitoral network that are going to command our attention, as well as the types of stimulation to which they’re best suited. (This is a great time to refer back to the diagrams of the clitoral network in Part I and use them as a visual reference.) Don’t get overwhelmed by the numerous the parts of the clitoris. It may seem like a lot to take in at first, but a little effort goes a long,
long
way. Trust me: as we go through the various techniques, the “geography of arousal” will become second nature and you’ll know a “frenulum” from a “front commissure” in no time. And take heart: simply knowing “what’s what” in the clitoral network
already
places you at the head of the class.
1. Glans
(visible), also known as the head or crown and colloquiallyas the clit, the button, the jewel, etc. With more than eight thousand
nerve endings dedicated to pleasure, the glans lends truth to the phrase “big things come in small packages.” So sensitive is the glans to stimulation that a
hood,
also known as the prepuce, protects it during peak stimulation. Both the clitoral head and its protective hood respond to gentle, rhythmic tongue strokes as well as firmer pressure once she’s well into the process of arousal.
2. Clitoral cluster
(hidden) includes what is typically referred to as the G-spot, but to call this sensitive expanse a spot is a misnomer. Located atop the vaginal ceiling—starting at the vaginal entrance and extending into the birth canal for roughly two inches—this area of spongy tissue surrounds the urethra and responds well to the firm pressure of a fingertip massage. Rather than focus on finding a spot, focus on stimulating an area.
3. Mons pubis
(external), or the pubic mound, is located just above the clitoral cluster. Massaging the mons pubis with the base of your palm stimulates the clitoral cluster from above. Think of the clitoral cluster as an unseen layer of nerve endings that is sandwiched between the mons pubis and the vaginal canal—hence your ability to stimulate it from above and below.
4. Front commissure
(external). The smooth area just above the clitoral head and protective hood, this area contains nerve fibers and covers the
clitoral shaft
(internal), a sensitive cordlike structure that can be seen protruding from the skin of the front commissure when aroused. Like the clitoral head, the front commissure/ shaft responds at first to tongue strokes, but, once aroused, craves the firmer pressure of the upper lip and gum, or a fingertip massage.
5. Frenulum
(external) is the area just below the clitoral head where the tops of labia minora (the inner lips) meet. This sensitive area responds to tongue strokes as well as firm pressure. Like the glans and
front commissure/shaft, the frenulum plays an important role in sexual response. In fact, taken together, these three visible parts of the clitoris are responsible for the lion’s share of pleasure.
A “Sensitive” QuestionQuestion:
“My girlfriend says she doesn’t like cunnilingus because it hurts. I don’t get it. How can it hurt? I went down on her once and now she won’t let me do it again. What did I do wrong?” (Steve, 32)Answer:
You may have been too rough, or overzealous, without even realizing it. Ask her if you can try again, and assure her that this time you’ll be gentle. Let her know that you’ll stop immediately if she says the word. Remember that the clitoral head is extremely sensitive, and many women cannot bear even the slightest contact—particularly at the start of a cunnilingus session.Going forward, be as gentle as possible and avoid direct contact with the head until she’s amply aroused. Focus on her labia and vaginal entrance; pay attention to her perineum. Don’t forget about her front commissure and frenulum, the area just above and below the head. Apply halfway licks instead of full licks, avoid the head completely.
When you do stimulate the head for the first time, press the soft, wet tip of your tongue into it and then hold the position. Like a gentle mist, engulf the head in the moistness of your tongue. She might shudder from the shock, but continue to hold the position unless she tells you to stop.
Let her ease into the feeling of your tongue against her clitoris. Stay still, let her initiate the movement; let her determine the appropriate amount of pressure to apply against your tongue. Let her lead in the dance between clitoris and tongue.
6. Labia minora
(external), also known as the little lips or the inner lips, they swell to nearly double their size when engorged with blood during arousal and respond best to tongue strokes, gentle nibbles, and playful fingertip pinches.
7. Vaginal entrance
(external) contains the remnants of the hymen and, when amply aroused and lubricated, responds best to slow, long licks and gentle fingertip tickles.
8. Fourchette
(external) is the area located at the base of the vaginal entrance where the bottoms of the labia minora converge, and responds best to tongue strokes and gentle fingertip tickles that just graze the vaginal entrance.
9. Perineum
(external) is the expanse of skin between the fourchette and anus and is filled with spongy erectile tissue that connects the anus to the clitoral network and lines the base of the vagina. This area responds well to tongue strokes, fingertip pressure, and fingertip squeezes (thumb and index finger) that stimulate it from both sides (internal and external).
10. Anus
(external). Lined with tissue and muscle that connects it to the clitoral network, the anus participates in the process of sexual response and, like the pelvic muscles, contracts repeatedly during orgasm. This area responds well to fingertip pressure, fingertip insertion, and tongue strokes, but also contains bacteria that should be prevented from commingling with other parts of the vulva.
N
EVER UNDERESTIMATE
the power of first impressions, especially the impression of your lips against her vulva. The first kiss atop a woman’s vulva is often the most exquisite of all possible kisses and can literally take her breath away.
Approach the first kiss as an event, as though tasting the first sip of an expensive bottle of wine that you’ve been saving for that special occasion. Don’t just pop off the cork and start swigging: let it breathe, sniff and savor the bouquet, admire the body, note the complexion and tone, and then, finally, take that much anticipated first sip. Allow yourself to appreciate the full experience.
• Run your fingers gently through her pubic hair.
• Be sure to tease her amply. Kiss her softly on the inner thigh,
as well as the smooth skin adjoining her vulva. Kiss her with little, succulent smacks (lips pursed, no tongue) on her inner and outer lips, or even on the top of the head. Make sure that your first kiss is less about direct contact with the clitoris and more about appreciating the entire genital area.
• Breathe hotly on her vulva.
• Blow, ever so gently,
on
her clitoral head.
• If she’s still wearing her panties, kiss her
through
them.
• Then delicately peel them to the side to reveal a glistening wet vulva.
CAUTION:
Never, under
any
circumstances, blow
into
a woman’s vagina as though trying to fill it with air. Doing so is
seriously
dangerous. Blowing into a woman’s vagina may cause an embolism and lead to death. Breathe
on
her; blow lightly
on
her;
never
blow
into
her.
Before you move in for the first kiss, take a moment to acknowledge the presence of the vulva: your partner in pleasure. Prepare yourself mentally for the experience ahead. Remind yourself that you are there to lead her steadfastly through the process of sexual response to orgasm.
This is a great time to remind her of the Three Assurances (see part I, chapter 20):
• Going down on her turns
you
on; you enjoy it as much as she does.
• There’s no rush; she has all the time in the world. You want to savor every moment.
• Her scent is provocative, her taste powerful: it all emanates from the same beautiful essence.
Like a guest arriving at a much-anticipated dinner party, let your hostess know how excited you are to be there, how beautiful she looks, and how much you’re looking forward to the meal ahead. Put her at ease.
Tease her, taunt her, tantalize her—make her think that she’s not ever going to get it,
ever,
and then, just when she’s on the brink of utter madness, give it to her.
Make your first lick a slow and tender “ice cream” lick from bottom to top. Make it long and lasting. Take it all in.
• Start at the base of her vaginal entrance, the fourchette, and work your way up.
• Take in the full length of her labia minora (inner lips) and let your tongue rest briefly against her frenulum, the area just under the clitoral head.
• As you go over the head, brush it lightly as a feather, and then proceed to her front commissure (the area just above the head).
• Push down on her commissure with the tip of your tongue and feel the sinewy clitoral shaft beneath it.
• As you kiss her slowly from top to bottom, press your finger lightly against her perineum (the expanse of skin just below her vaginal entrance).
• When you lick the full span of her vaginal entrance from top to bottom, place your hand atop her mons pubis and nudge it gently toward her abdomen. This will stretch the skin and tighten her vaginal entrance, enabling you to lushly encompass her sensitive inner labia as you lick.
• As an alternative to the standard position, grab hold of her upper thighs prior to the first kiss and pivot her legs up into
the air so that only her butt is touching the bed and her vulva is completely exposed.
No matter what your approach, take it long and slow, from bottom to top, and savor every step of the journey. Now that you’ve lavished her with the first kiss (that long full lick), let your tongue rest flat against the length of her vaginal entrance. Encompass her vulva with your tongue. Take a moment to let the experience of the first kiss resonate.
Make sure it’s
love at first lick.
Not all kisses happen in the same context. There are frequently extenuating circumstances. To that end, take a quick glance at the Appendix if you’re interested in learning more about one of the following “scenarios”:
• The Protected Kiss: Learn how to put your safe-sex gear to use.
• The Scarlet Kiss: Contrary to popular opinion you can enjoy cunnilingus while she’s menstruating and have a perfectly pleasurable flow-free experience.
• The Virgin Kiss: For those men and women who are brand-new to the joys of cunnilingus.
Let’s Review• The Pregnant Kiss: Learn how to manage the ins and outs of providing pleasure during a time when the release of sexual tension is more important than ever.
In this chapter we discussed the importance of the first kiss. Use it as an opportunity to express your enthusiasm about what’s to come. But channel that excitement into a slow, tender kiss that lavishes the entire area of the vulva rather than just the clitoral head. Remember, when it comes to cunnilingus first impressions count.