She Comes First (13 page)

Q
UESTION:
“Sometimes when I’m in the middle of going down on a woman, I feel like it’s never going to end. Is there any rule of thumb as to how long a cunnilingus session should last?” (Jack, 32)

ANSWER:
Yes, there’s a very precise answer as to how long a cunnilingus session should last—
as long as it takes to bring her to orgasm.

That said, every woman is different when it comes to her process of sexual response, so it’s difficult to accurately estimate how long a given session should last. Some women are quickly able to develop the sexual tension necessary to reach orgasm, while others require stimulation over a longer period of time.

And remember, a woman’s orgasmic potential may fluctuate as a result of a wide variety of factors such as stress, exercise, diet, fatigue, medication, and alcohol (can help her to relax, but also slow
her down if too much is imbibed). Broader physical factors such as age and pregnancy can also influence a woman’s orgasmic potential.

It’s been observed that women who masturbate regularly are often able to reach orgasm more easily during cunnilingus than those who don’t. This is due to the clitoral familiarity that comes with knowing her own body and being able to navigate her way through the process of sexual response. Masturbation helps to “wire” a woman for orgasm and many women, not unlike men, are able to reach orgasm within a few minutes when pleasuring themselves (so, in theory it’s possible for a man to accomplish the same with his tongue). And, of course, the degree to which a woman has been amply stimulated during foreplay also has a direct bearing on the length of a cunnilingus session.

The more confident you are in navigating her process of sexual response—the more you learn what works and what doesn’t—the more efficient your experience will be.

But enough equivocating: I will offer a broad generalization and opine that
a cunnilingus session should last anywhere from fifteen to forty-five minutes on average, not including foreplay.
It’s often difficult for a woman to develop the requisite sexual tension in less than fifteen minutes, and she will often become overstimulated and desensitized beyond forty-five minutes.

Brevity may be the soul of wit, but not of cunnilingus.

But rest assured: time flies when you’re having fun.

N
OW THAT HER CLITORAL HEAD
is fully acclimated to the attention of your tongue, it’s time to vary your strokes and get playful: let your tongue take a solo. But, in doing so, remember the admonitions of Strunk and White, “Be clear. Be wild of tongue in a way we can understand!” Don’t make a break with the rhythm you’ve established, reinforce it; play on top of it.

Horizontal Strokes

Most tongue strokes are vertical, from bottom to top, but brisk horizontal licks back and forth across the clitoral head will inflame her, particularly if they’re wet and sloppy and wash over the full expanse of the head.

Diagonal Strokes

Tilt your head to the left or right (whichever is more comfortable), and press your ear against her thigh. Then lick from a lower corner point of the clitoral region up to its diagonal opposite, brushing against the clitoral head in the process. When this is executed correctly, you’ll notice that your strokes slow down because you’re working harder for each one and you’re using the side of your tongue as opposed to the front of it. This position may be a bit awkward on the neck, but the change in direction and pace is sure to delight her, particularly since your strokes will have a heavier, slightly sluggish quality to them. There’s actually a bit of “drag” to the diagonal stroke, and within that rhythm of drag an unpredictable staccato—pleasurable tiny “spikes” that spark within her.

Cat Licks

Ever watch a cat clean itself—repetitive and focused, consumed by the task at hand? With time to spare, a cat will clean one small patch of fur at a time, working an area over and over again before moving on. Cat licks are a staple of cunnilingus. Like a fastidious feline, work the entire vulva with short, repetitious licks. Be sure to save the clitoral head for last, and then, like a cat that’s come across a trouble spot that demands a bit of extra attention, apply more focus and pressure.

Shadow Finger

Let your index finger trail behind your tongue. The hardness of your finger coming on top of your wet, soft tongue will create a pleasing contrast. Start with simple vertical and horizontal strokes, and then try more complex paths.

Flat Tongue, Still Tongue

This is one of the most underestimated and underutilized tongue positions. It’s great for inducing orgasm, but more important, it’s also great as a breather between tongue strokes. A flat, still tongue is like the intermission at a play, or the break between scenes. It’s a chance to change the scenery and gives the actors a rest, but you’re not letting the audience leave the theater. Let your tongue rest firmly and flatly against the full length of her vaginal entrance. Push your tongue into her vulva. Then let her do the work. Let her move, glide, shimmy, and grind against your tongue. Whatever she wants. Let her set the pace.

Rope-a-Dope

Think of two boxers in the ring, resting briefly in embrace during a long, grueling round. Let her pummel your resting tongue. Let her wear herself out. And then—“rope-a-dope” her! That’s the strategy Muhammad Ali employed to take down George Foreman during the edge-of your-seat “Thrilla in Manila.” Ali let Foreman clobber him for a full seven rounds. Everyone thought he was a goner. And then, when Foreman was so fatigued from pounding away that he could barely lift his tired, heavy mitts, Ali sprang to life with a lightning-fast combination that sent his dazed and confused opponent to the mat in a matter of seconds. Be like Ali. Let her push and grind against your flat, still tongue—take it all in—and then spring back with a series of fast vertical and diagonal tongue strokes. Lick her senseless with a short burst of energy and then return to the flat, still tongue, waiting for yet another opportune moment to spring to life again.

Suction Pucker

Pucker your lips around the clitoral glans and apply a bit of gentle suction. This technique will stimulate increased blood flow to the clitoris—an aspect of sexual response so important to female arousal that the FDA approved the Eros-CTD (Clitoral Therapy Device) for the treatment of female orgasmic disorder. This contraption consists
of a small pump connected to a tiny plastic cup that fits over the head of the clitoris and is designed to simulate the effects of cunnilingus. As such, it often brings women to orgasm. Research has also suggested that the CTD pump might even prevent fibrosis of the clitoral arteries as women grow older. But there’s nothing this device can do that you can’t do better!

In this chapter we introduced some creative, playful techniques for varying the rhythm and pace of your tongue strokes. These techniques are important in that they allow you to maintain persistent clitoral contact while simultaneously mixing things up and heightening the excitement. In giving your tongue a solo, don’t break the rhythm you’ve established, reinforce it.

Y
OU’VE UNDOUBTEDLY
heard of the G-spot. You’ve probably spent your fair share of time searching for it, and then wondering if you found it. But as we learned earlier, the G-spot is much more than just a spot; in fact, to call it a spot is a serious misnomer. If anything, it’s an area, a sensitive expanse. Forget the term “G-spot” and think of it as a cluster—a clitoral cluster, that is. Think of this cluster as the unseen “roots” of a flower that wend their way through the “soil” of erectile tissue and pelvic bone.

Now that we know what we’re looking for, let’s go find it.

Earlier, we explored the possibilities of manual stimulation by inserting a single, still finger into the vaginal entrance. Now incorporate slow movements of that finger into your routine:

• Start with a straight index finger and then curl it in a “come-hither” gesture.

• Gently graze her vaginal ceiling with your fingertip. As you do so, your finger will pass over the clitoral cluster, an area of sensitive spongy tissue that surrounds the urethra and swells against the vaginal ceiling when aroused. At this point in the process of arousal, her clitoral cluster should be fairly easy to find, as it is likely engorged with the inflow
of blood. Your fingertip should end its journey in the spongy tissue where her vaginal ceiling intersects with her vaginal entrance.

Come-Hither Clasp

• Press lightly against her pubic bone with your fingertip. She may shudder at the first touch of the area, as you are now stimulating a new hot zone in the clitoral network.

• In addition to the “come-hither” finger curl, press the length of your finger up against her vaginal ceiling—hold the position and apply pressure against the area. Don’t be shy about pressing up into her vaginal ceiling. The clitoral cluster is less sensitive than the clitoral head, and responds well to firm, persistent pressure.

• Now that you’ve used the come-hither finger curl to graze her vaginal ceiling/clitoral cluster, reverse position and do the same along her vaginal floor. When “trawling” her vaginal floor, you’re exciting her perineal tissue (the sensitive erectile tissue that lines the expanse of skin between her vagina and anus).