Shiver (23 page)

Chapter 31

LISSA

A
nother day, another walk of shame. Except this time I didn’t have Ethan as my security blanket. I’d driven an hour and a half north of our small town through some of the world’s most horrific traffic. I was tense and irritated at the world and hoping no one else pissed me off. I’d even had to get dressed and put makeup on two days in a row, though I didn’t try as hard this time and was just wearing jeans and light pink tee. I’d filled out a ten-page survey and e-mailed it in the week before. I was assuming this lady would tell me what it all meant.

Thomas had a concerned look on his face as we walked into an old brick building and I checked us in at the front desk. The waiting area was plain and small, the back corner stuffed with books and toys. I sat down on a tiny toddler chair and grabbed a book to read to him, and his brow smoothed.

Five stories later, a small, gray-haired woman with kind eyes poked her head into the room. She had small, silver-rimmed glasses perched on her nose, a floral cardigan, and bright blue trousers. I mean
bright
blue. She introduced herself as Ms. Cathy and led us back to a large office.

She moved to sit at the small wooden desk as I lowered myself into the chair across from her with Thomas in my lap. I looked around at our surroundings. There was a trampoline and large balance ball in one corner, a shelf of clear, labeled drawers filled with toys, a bookshelf, a chalkboard on the wall, and a tire swing with a wooden base hanging from the ceiling.

Ms. Cathy caught my expression when I looked at the swing. “I’ll explain all this, and it’ll make sense.” She smiled. “But first, let me tell you what I learned from the paperwork.”

She confirmed that Thomas did indeed have SPD, which was a lot easier to say than Sensory Processing Disorder. She went on to describe the different categories of the disorder and where Thomas seemed to fall. I listened quietly and nodded where appropriate, wishing Ethan was here to listen to all of it. It was pretty fascinating, and I also knew I was going to forget crucial points. My brain was scrambling to try to organize the flood of information.

She worked her way through explanations of sensory-motor integration therapy, how the body and brain were connected, and what it all meant. Just as I was getting excited about the potential of all this, she leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms in front of her.

With a thoughtful expression, she studied Thomas. “I have to be honest here,” she stated. “I’ve never worked with a child so young. Most kids come to me a lot later. Some are even in school already. While it’s wonderful you’ve learned of SPD so early, some of the therapy… well, he just can’t do it yet. I’d like to try to help, but…” She let out a breath.

I finally spoke up. “Ms. Cathy, this kid doesn’t eat. He doesn’t sleep. He’s miserable. We are miserable. There has to be something you can do. Or someone can do.”

On a sigh, she leaned forward, resting her elbows on the table. “Let me watch him play here and try a few things. I can give you some pointers and some homework. Then let me check around and see if I can find someone who has more background in feeding disorders and maybe who specializes in children this young.”

“All right,” I said, tremendously disappointed as I felt us hit yet another dead end. “Even just a nod in the right direction would be helpful.”

We spent the next half hour on the floor with Thomas while Ms. Cathy pointed out his responses to certain things and what they meant. There was so much depth to each reaction. His whole body was taut and terrified when he was gently rocked or spun on the swing, he cried when he touched a squishy toy, but he could identify colors and shapes by pointing at pages in a book. Where one area of his brain had difficulty, another had taken over and become strong. Now he needed balance. But there were a lot of exercises he couldn’t do because he was just too young and didn’t understand. She watched me try to feed Thomas with wide eyes, shaking her head at his vehement distaste for the process.

As we shook hands good-bye and I thanked her, Ms. Cathy handed me a huge stack of literature to go over and some handwritten lists of exercises to do at home. She promised to be in touch with a list of potential therapists within the week.

Great. Another week.

ETHAN

“Yeah! Great, Brittany!” I hollered across the field, all the while my mind was split between the task at hand and whatever was going on with Thomas at his appointment. “Janelle, keep your leg on and move to the sitting trot! Hillary, take a walk break and pat him!”

“I can’t sit the trot!” Janelle called out over her shoulder. “It’ll mess them up!”

My eyes rolled behind her back. She was referring to her new boob job. And actually, the risk was higher that she’d split open her chin when they smacked her in the face than her ruining the surgeon’s handiwork. And if she’d just throw on a sports bra or two, that would help. Of course, I couldn’t say that out loud. Lissa could, though. I needed her.

Sighing, I loudly said, “Okay, Janelle. Why don’t you just walk, then. Brittany, come on in. Let’s head back for the day.”

I sat on a young chestnut mare who was practicing standing patiently and looked over at the three clients trying to carry out my instructions with varying degrees of success. With Lissa on an indefinite hiatus from the business, I’d had to add a large lesson program to keep us afloat. I tried to group them together so I could get other training done as well, and I always tried to ride something while I taught, but it definitely added extra hours to my day. Interestingly enough, every single lesson was compiled of women. All women. Some young, most old. Now I knew what a tennis pro felt like. Some were respectful and wanted to learn, most were downright inappropriate. Let’s just say this: a push-up bra and a low-cut tank top were dangerous while riding a moving animal. But we had medical bills and upcoming therapy bills and a family of three relying on an equestrian business. I was proud that I had been able to keep up, but it was wearing. Plus I’m pretty sure Lissa would be pissed when she realized what the lesson program had turned into. It wasn’t like she didn’t know I taught a lot of female clients, but it was another thing to really see it.

That was my goal though. She needed to see it, to jump back in. Once we got Thomas figured out, or at least a plan in place, she needed to start riding again. It was another step toward normalcy. Well, as normal as we got.

I had a plan cooking in my mind.

A few hours later, I rushed up to the house to get information out of Lissa. So far all I’d had were texts telling me things were interesting but that we’d have to find a different therapist. Seriously, I was ready to lose my shit on all these people. I refused to believe that Thomas was the only kid out there with this affliction. Someone had to know something.

I pulled my boots off in the mudroom and walked through the kitchen into the living room, staying quiet in case Thomas was sleeping. But as I walked around the corner, I saw him sitting and playing with his airplanes while Lissa was balanced precariously on a barstool layered with pillows to increase the height, standing on tiptoes, winding a screw eye into the ceiling. With wide eyes, I crossed my arms over my chest and leaned against the wall to watch. She was wearing denim cut-off shorts and a tight red tank top. Her skin was lighter than it used to be since she spent less time outdoors, but she glowed and her muscles were still toned and strong. Her legs were defined and curved and a little bit bowlegged, and I loved it. Any self-respecting horse trainer had some bow to their legs, but only a few could pull it off. My wife was one of the few.

Still, I couldn’t figure out what she was doing to our ceiling as she blew plaster off her face and bit her lip, pushing and turning the metal ring clockwise above her. Lowering to her knees on the pillow, she reached to the floor, and I realized she had a square piece of plywood covered in fake grass with ropes tied on each end. The four long ropes met with a double-ended snap holding them together, and she lifted it up and snapped it onto the screw eye. As she did so, the wooden platform swung over and slammed into her ridiculously unsafe chair, and the whole thing started to go over. She squeaked as I leapt into action to catch her before she fell, but before I before I could reach her, she grabbed hold of the ropes and gingerly placed her toes on the grass swing, laughing as she glided back and forth. My hands gripped her waist, and I pulled her into my arms and kissed the breath out of her.

“What the hell are you doing? Is this a sex swing?” I asked, laughing as I pulled back.

She pinched my side and shook her head at me. “No, you weirdo. I did not just hook a sex swing to our living room ceiling.”

I shrugged. “I’m not judging, baby.”

“It’s a therapy swing,” she said with a nod.

I cocked my head to the side. “How is that different than a sex swing?”

“Because this is for your child, not for you,” she responded, poking my chest.

“Bummer.” I smirked. “Why is it in our living room? And where did you get it?”

She grinned sheepishly. “I didn’t get it. I made it! I took apart that old chevron jump from the front field.”

“It wasn’t really that old, you know.”

“Well, I figured it didn’t get used that much, and it was easier than stopping at a store with Thomas. Plus it was all measured and ready to go!” She grinned triumphantly.

“Where’d the grass and rope come from?”

“I picked through a ton of old, broken jumps in the shed. There was a rolltop that looked like something had put a foot through it, so I peeled the Astroturf off and washed it. And the rope was underneath the passenger seat of my truck from when I used to tie Charlie up at the track!”

“Endlessly fascinating,” I said with unconcealed wonder in my voice.

“Right? Anyway, we have homework now,” she said excitedly. “Can I show you?”

“Of course you can show me!” I looked at her, truly enjoying her enthusiasm. “I’ve been thinking about you guys all day!”

She rewarded me by rising up on her tiptoes, wrapping her arms around to tangle her fingers through my hair and kiss my neck. My one hand ran down and gripped her ass with a mind of its own, pulling her flush against me, while the other held the back of her neck. I buried my face in her hair and breathed her in.

“Are you smelling me?” she asked quietly.

“Maybe.” I smiled into her hair.

“In a good way?”

“Maybe.”

She snorted and pulled away, patting my chest. “Come on, let me show you what I learned. Apparently this lady can’t help us long-term, but she’s finding someone else, and at least she’s given me some sort of project and something to work toward. So far it’s better than anyone else has done.”

We sat on the floor next to Thomas, and she showed me all the paperwork she had gone over. I saw her messy and almost illegible penmanship had marked the margins on almost every page with notes and thoughts on our son’s circumstances. She explained why there was a swing hanging from our ceiling and the exercises she’d be doing and why. It was all interesting, seemed to make sense, and I could tell she had fully jumped on this idea. I hoped to God it paid off. For so many reasons.

Chapter 32

LISSA

I
was standing in a field with Thomas happily strapped to me, hands on my hips, watching Ethan ride around on a new horse in training. He had asked me to watch it go and tell him my thoughts. I think he just wanted to get me out of the house, and fortunately the weather was mild, so I agreed.

He started randomly popping over the jumps that were set out around me. The horse was a tall, leggy, dark bay gelding with no markings I could see. The mane on his neck was long and shaggy and in definite need of attention, but his coat was shiny and dappled. He had a mischievous glint in his eye that made me smile. His long legs covered the ground in big, beautiful strides, and as he leapt over the fences, he lifted his shoulders and bent his knees tightly and carefully. I totally dug him.

“What do you think?” Ethan asked as he pulled up in front of me.

“He’s cute.” I nodded. “And you need to keep your shoulders back more over the jumps.”

“Well, if you were around more, you could coach me.”

I shrugged. “It’s kind of hard, Ethan. You know that.”

“I know, babe. But we also talked about still living life. Who knows what’s going to happen with all this new therapy, but we are learning to cope better. I’m not saying to skip naps or anything like that. But how about you come down just once a week for half an hour? I’ll make my schedule so I can play with Thomas, which I would love, and José will have this guy ready for you so all you have to do is get on and ride.”

“Who is this guy?” I nodded to the bay.

Ethan grinned. “This is Cowboy. Our new horse.”

“Our new horse, as in… ours?” My eyes widened. “Why do we have a horse?”

“Because I’m tired of riding crap, and I wanted a project. And you need a project besides Thomas. This is a project we can do together. He’s four years old, sound, and talented. A lady came for a lesson on him, and it was the most wildly inappropriate match I’ve ever seen. She was going to get herself killed. So we bought him.”

I shook my head, laughing. “I can’t believe we bought a horse without me knowing about it.”

He shrugged. “It’s not like we don’t have a place to put him. It’ll be fun. We’ll either keep him or sell him down the road. I don’t care. But I think you’ll really like him. What do you say?”

I studied my husband for a long moment. He’d unsnapped the chin strap of his black helmet and let it hang loose. A trickle of sweat ran from his temple down to the upturned collar of his white shirt, which was shielding him from the summer sun. His eyes were shining and his lips were curved in a hopeful smile.

“How ’bout tomorrow morning? I’ll give it a try. But only if I can fit into my breeches.”

He rolled his eyes but his grin widened. “Baby, you’re the only one who would think of that. Your pants will fit fine. And you’re going to love it.”

I walked up to pet Cowboy and grumbled under my breath, “I’m going to have a muffin top.”

“I heard that. No you won’t. And besides, they’re stretchy pants, remember?”

I snorted and kept smiling as Thomas reached out to poke Cowboy’s muzzle. “So we have a horse?”

“We have a horse.”

ETHAN

Goddamn, she was sexy. We were back in the same field as the day before, only this time Thomas was strapped to my chest and Lissa was on the horse. Her dark brown breeches fit just fine, of course, and she looked fantastic in them. I watched the rise and fall of her seat and the flexibility in her hips as she trotted and cantered around. You wouldn’t know she’d been out of the saddle for so long. She was so confident up there, her body reacting perfectly to each movement. It was hot.

Cupping my hands over Thomas’s ears to protect him, I yelled out, “Try him over a couple of jumps!”

She trotted over and transitioned to the walk, shaking her head. “Babe, I haven’t ridden in forever. I probably shouldn’t jump.”

I furrowed my brows. “You look amazing. Like you haven’t missed a day. Just go try a few. Trot the first couple.”

She nodded, chewing her bottom lip, and turned to go give it a try. As she picked up the trot, I saw her eyes size up her first fence. Cowboy’s ears perked forward as they approached the small X-shaped jump, and he leapt over it a stride early, bounding into the canter afterward. Lissa shook her head, laughing as she gathered her reins. Keeping the canter, she turned her head to find her next fence and continued knocking them out, one by one. Not every one was perfect, but I could see the two of them working it out and getting a feel for each other.

Breathlessly she returned, patting Cowboy’s sweat-slicked neck. Her eyes were bright with excitement and her cheeks were flushed, and I wanted nothing more than to bend her over behind a tree somewhere.

“Nice job, babe.” I smiled.

“Thank you. Not too bad. It was fun! It’s sort of weird being back on. Like it’s been a long time and also like I never stopped.”

I reached up to pat the horse, then placed a hand on Lissa’s knee. Thomas reached out to feel Cowboy’s neck, squealing when he pulled his hand away wet. I bounced a little and let him wipe it on my shirt. “We’ll get you riding him as often as you can. You’ll feel comfortable again in no time.”

She nodded and reached down to squeeze my hand. “Thanks, babe.” Her eyes were a little shiny. “Really.”

I gestured with my head for her to lean down, and when she complied, I planted a loud kiss on her lips. “Anytime. We can buy as many horses as you want.”

She laughed at me as she straightened. “I don’t know that we need to own any more, but this guy is pretty cool.”

We walked together back to the barn where she dismounted and loosened the girth. She decided she wanted to give Cowboy a quick bath, so while she took care of the horse, I put Thomas in the waiting stroller and strapped him in. I pulled the sunshade over him, so I couldn’t see him, but we walked around the barn and I pointed out the different horses, chatting to him about nothing in particular and just enjoying a little father-son time. Lissa walked in front of us with her head cocked to the side.

“Who are you talking to?” she asked.

I pointed to our kid. “Him.”

“He’s fast asleep.”

My eyes widened as I peered around the stroller. “Wow. That was fast. I’m sorry. I know you wanted him to nap at home.”

She shrugged. “One nap will be okay today. We don’t have any major outings coming up.” She fell into step beside me as we walked in a circle.

“I don’t want to stop moving or I know he’ll wake up,” I said quietly.

Lissa chuckled. “I totally understand.”

We were quiet for a few minutes until José walked in. Lissa smiled and walked over to give him a hug. She’d barely seen him in all this time, and they chatted for a few minutes before they both walked over, a funny expression on Lissa’s face.

“Señor”—José smiled at me, reaching to take the stroller handle—“let me walk around for a little bit.”

I looked questioningly at Lissa but thanked him as she took my hand and dragged me away.

“We’re going for a walk together,” she said in answer to my look.

“Weren’t we just doing that?”

“Nope.” She winked.

We walked around the barn and down past the ring, but instead of continuing on down the lane, she veered off the driveway where the horse trailers were all lined up. Her pace increased, and then she started laughing as she ran to our big white rig. Leaping up on the running board, she flung the front dressing room door open and jumped inside. I followed with a smirk. The air was hot and stale and I reached overhead to open the top vent, keeping my eyes on the fascinating creature in front of me.

“What are we doing in here, Lissa?”

She hopped up and back onto the bed of the gooseneck and extended a booted foot down to me. Maintaining eye contact, I loosened her spurs and smoothly tugged her boot off, then repeated with the other one. Next, she peeled off her breeches, damp with sweat, and pushed them off her feet along with her socks. Grasping the hem of her navy tank top, she peeled it up and over her head, tossing it to the side.

“Turn around,” she said with a smile.

I raised a brow and crossed my arms in front of my chest. “Why would I want to do that?”

She flicked at her sports bra. “Because this is not going to be pretty coming off.”

“Well, allow me.”

I walked forward and put a foot on the step so we were eye level as she raised her arms straight up, fingertips touching the top of the trailer. I tried to smoothly pull her bra off, but it wasn’t happening. I gave up smoothness and tried not to laugh while I jerked it around her shoulders and finally freed her to toss it aside.

“Those things are torture.” I chuckled, bending to press a kiss to the side of her breast.

She laughed too, but her breath hitched a little when I touched her, and despite the heat, goose bumps rose across her skin.

“How much time do you think we have?” I whispered as I continued kissing down her chest, tasting the salt on her skin.

“Umm, probably not a lot,” she answered breathlessly.

“I better make this good then.” My lips curved into a cocky smile. I reached a hand around to her lower back as I rose up and over her, causing her to lean back. I lifted with my hand to help her slide carefully on the carpeted surface, farther into the peak of the trailer. When she was laid flat, I allowed my mouth to continue its path down her body, then settled on my knees between her legs, pushing her thighs open and giving each one a nip with my teeth. I couldn’t keep myself from tasting her. My eyes looked up to catch Lissa watching me, anticipation making her pupils dilate and her green eyes darken to a deep emerald. I held her gaze as I dropped my lips lower. At the first touch of my tongue, she gave up eye contact and let her head fall back, flinging an arm over her face. I smiled into her while I kept teasing and tasting, using my lips and tongue and teeth until she was tossing her head back and forth, sweaty and panting in the humid air. I was still fully dressed, and watching her writhe around naked in front of me was about the hottest thing I’d ever seen.

I paused for a split second when I heard the clip-clop of a horse’s feet on the driveway outside the trailer, but Lissa grabbed my hair in one hand and lifted herself up on an elbow to look at me.

“Don’t you dare stop right now,” she growled.

“Holy fuck. Yes, ma’am!”

I laughed and pushed her back down. Knowing she was that close to the edge was inspiring, so I added my fingers to coax her further and sucked her hard into my mouth. Her back arched and her hips lifted up from the trailer as I continued to work my mouth and hand. I only stopped when her body collapsed down in a heap and her legs went slack.

I kissed my way back up her now-soaked body, licking the salt from her skin, still tasting her. Peeling her arm off her forehead, I looked down at her flushed cheeks and gently brushed her wet hair from her face. Her eyes opened into slits and her lips curved into a sleepy smile.

“It’s so hot in here,” she whispered, hand reaching down to tug my shirt out from the waistband of my pants. “You should get these clothes off.”

I kissed her lips as she started unfastening each button, working her way from the bottom to the top. I shrugged the material off while her hands ran up my arms and down my abs, fingers hooking around my belt to take it off. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught movement in the small window in the peak, and I froze when I realized there were four riders milling around on horseback not fifty feet from where we were. I groaned as I let my body fall onto Lissa’s, shoulders shaking in silent laughter.

Laughter is contagious, so I felt Lissa’s body start to shake too, even though she had no clue her voice might have put on a show.

“Why are we laughing?” she finally asked, wiping her eyes. “And why are you still dressed?”

I rolled off and painfully adjusted my pants. Between my convulsive laughs, I managed to say, “Because there are four surgically enhanced women out there on horseback waiting for me.”

The look on Lissa’s face was so priceless I lost it again. Her jaw was wide open, and she slinked on her back to the edge of the peak, then quickly rolled over and jumped down, grabbing her clothes when she could find them.

“They can’t see you!” I laughed harder.

She smacked my boot because it was all she could reach. “You asshole. Why didn’t you tell me you had lessons?” Her voice was rising.

“I forgot! And you seduced me. What was I gonna say? No?”

She was so adorable, naked and sweaty, hands on her hips, and now a smirk on her face.

“Well, that’s a good point. However”—she started pulling her breeches back on—“you are going to have a hell of a time teaching with that wicked case of blue balls you got there.”

I groaned loudly and rubbed my hands through my hair. “That’s so mean. You better fix this later.”

“Come on. Your ladies await you,” she said, mostly teasing but with an edge of snark.

I sat up and threw my shirt back on and watched my wife finish dressing.

“I love you.”

She looked up and smiled. “I love you.”

We stared at each other like idiots for a minute before I jumped down and popped the door open, sucking in the fresh air. “This is exciting. Now I can introduce you as my wife so the cougars will leave me alone!”

She rolled her eyes and kissed my cheek. “Yes, please introduce me now, in my post-orgasmic glow,” she said sarcastically.

I swatted her ass. “Even better.”