Silence (18 page)

Chapter Eighteen

Oakley

I sat awkwardly at the dinner table. Jasper sat beside me and glared at Mum’s doctor friend, Sadie. The atmosphere around the table was tense. We all knew why she was really here, although no one said anything.

“So, Oakley, how are gymnastics going? Your mum told me your instructor thinks you could be Olympic material.”

I sighed. Marcus had said that, but I would have to put in a lot more time and to me, gymnastics wasn’t about winning trophies. The escape and my love for it was all I was doing it for.

“Don’t be shy, sweetheart. You’re so talented.”
Shut up, Mum!

“Why is it called cottage pie anyway? I mean I get the shepherd’s one for the lamb, but what’s cottage and beef got in common?” Jasper mused, staring at the large oven dish in the middle of the table. Grinning in amusement, I poked at my carrots. It only took one look from Mum to make Jasper sit back and eat quietly. I appreciated him trying to take the attention off me though.

Sadie’s casual questions kept coming. What classes did I like at school? Did I have a nice time on holiday? Who were my favourite football team? She never asked me anything directly, but I knew what she was doing.

When the conversation turned to my childhood, I knew I didn’t have long left before the more personal questions were asked. Mum had gotten her photo albums from the bookshelf; she had a separate one for every year of our life.

“You remember this, Oakley?” Mum asked, pointing to a picture of me on my fifth birthday. I was wearing a hideous pink dress and eating chocolate cake. There was pink icing all over my face and hair from having a cake fight with Jasper, Cole, and Mia. I smiled at the memory.

Once we’d finished the food fight, they crammed us all into the same bath and sprayed us clean with the
shower head. The water was gross and pink, with little bits of wet cake floating around in it, but we had fun.

That was one of the last times I was a carefree child. I nodded and looked away, not wanting to dwell on it too much. That part of my life was over a long time ago.

“And what did you do for your sixth birthday?” Sadie asked me casually, flicking through the photos. I gave her a flat look and pushed the photo album labelled ‘Oakley Six’ towards her. She forced a smiled and started looking through it even though I could tell she had no interest in seeing them at all. I got the impression that she didn’t like failing and wanted to be able to fix me.

Sadie sat up straight, flicked her straggly hair behind her shoulder, and asked, “What do you want to do after school?”

I shrugged, and she pursed her lips. Dinner was going to be a constant battle with her. She wanted to be the magical one that gave my mum all the answers, and I couldn’t let her.

After dinner, we moved into the lounge. Mum made it clear that I was to sit with them too, even though Jasper was allowed to sneak off. Sadie’s questions kept coming. She switched back to asking mostly yes or no answer questions, but she occasionally threw one in that required a proper answer. The whole time I could feel Dad’s eyes burning into the side of my head. He played along, following Mum’s lead with questions to Sadie. Not even the high paid specialist could see through him. Seriously, what chance did I have of getting anyone to believe me?

At ten o’clock, it was getting late enough for me to have to go to bed. Mum and Sadie’s frustration was clear. They really believed that tonight everything would be fixed. I left the room to get a glass of water and wasn’t at all surprised when Sadie followed me. Turning off the tap, I placed the glass on the counter and waited.

“Can we talk?” I sighed heavily and nodded. “So, you were five when you stopped talking?” I nodded, furrowing my eyebrows.
Just leave it!
“And you didn’t have any problems talking before that?”

Problems?

“Any anxiety about speaking to people?” Shaking my head, I looked at the floor.

“Did you say something wrong, or overhear something you shouldn’t have? Anyone tease you for saying something they thought was silly?” She pressed.

I felt sick. My stomach churned. Why couldn’t she just understand I didn’t want to talk to anyone about it?

“Is everything okay?” Dad asked as he walked into the room.

“Everything’s fine,” Sadie replied, frowning at the interruption.

I faked a yawn and grabbed my glass.

“You’re tired, darling, go to bed,” Dad instructed. With a little polite wave to Sadie, I went up to bed.

I walked up to my room, opened and closed the door, so it sounded like I’d gone to bed and then went back to the top of the stairs. Sitting down against the wall, I wrapped my arms around myself. My heart was beating out of my chest in anticipation.

For a minute or two, they talked about Sadie’s job, but the conversation soon turned to me.

“So...you know what’s wrong with her?” Mum asked nervously. I couldn’t see her from where I was, but I knew she would be playing with her fingers or tapping her foot.

“It’s psychological,” she said simply. “Oakley can talk but for whatever reason, she won’t.” I bit my lip at the painfully long pause. Did she know? Had she guessed? I really wished I could see my parents’ faces, just to get a glimpse of what they were thinking. The longer I waited the more nervous I felt.

“But what does that mean? How can we help her? I don’t even know what’s wrong with my baby,” Mum said and took a deep shaky breath.
Don’t cry.

“She’s very strong-willed. I don’t think you’ll be able to just find out, not until Oakley wants you too anyway.”

“But…” Mum trailed off. I heard silence and then strangled sobs as she broke down. Hugging my knees to my chest, I closed my eyes.
I’m sorry, Mum. I’m so, so sorry.

“I know it’s distressing, but you have to remain positive and let her come to you,” Sadie said. “I would suggest that you don’t keep pushing it. Talk to her and treat her as if nothing’s out of the ordinary. The more pressure you put her under, the more she’ll shut you out. Therapy will help, but only when she is ready.”

“So you’re saying we do nothing?” Dad cut in. His voice was laced with anger. Fake anger.

“I think for now that’s all you can do. It’s never taken me longer than two hours to get someone to at least admit to me there was a problem, even if they wouldn’t say what. Oakley’s given me nothing that I didn’t already know.”

A metallic taste filled my mouth, making me gag. Pressing my hand to my mouth, I pulled it away and saw blood. As soon as I saw it, my lip began to sting. I stayed perfectly still as they spoke some more and then said goodbye, letting Sadie out.

“Oh God, I need to speak to her.” Mum’s voice made me jump up. She was coming up here.

“No, wait,” Dad called. “You need to calm down first, if you go up there in the state you’re in, you’ll push her further away. You heard what Sadie said. We need to do this properly, Sarah.”

“Okay,” Mum whispered, backing down and bursting into tears. I let out a big breath, sighing in relief.

“Something bad happened to her, didn’t it?” She cried harder, and I felt my heart breaking.
You have no idea, Mum.
I swiped away a tear with the back of my hands and got up to go back in my room. Jumping as I turned and came face-to-face with Jasper, I dropped my gaze to the floor.

“Whatever’s wrong, I’m here,” he whispered. He looked scared for me. His jacket on and keys were in his hand. Where the heck was he going? I raised my eyebrows and looked at his keys.

“Err, I’m going to see Abby,” he mumbled quickly. “Do you think I’m crazy?”

It almost sounded like he was embarrassed. I shook my head. Jasper wasn’t crazy. They hadn’t properly spoken about what happened and they needed to. Hopefully then he would be to move on and have a relationship rather than meaningless one night stands.

“Want me to stay here?” he asked, and wiped a tear from my cheek. I shook my head and gave him a little shove towards the stairs. “See you later then.” He kissed the top of my head and walked downstairs.

As soon as I was in bed, I curled up in a ball and buried my head in my pillow. What the heck was I going to do now?

“Oakley,” someone whispered, making me jump awake. Cole chuckled quietly and sat on the bed. I raised my eyebrows. What was he doing back here? There was no way my parents would have let him in at this time. He scratched the back of his neck, “Jasper just came over, said you were upset, and gave me his back door key so I could sneak in.” Damn interfering brother!

I rolled my eyes and pulled the quilt back. As I hoped, he got straight into bed and wrapped his arms around me. “Are you okay?” he murmured against my forehead. I snuggled closer, loving how perfectly I fit against him. I nodded and started to drift off, happy that I was now safe in Cole’s arms.

“I love you,” he whispered sleepily.

Jasper sat down on the end of my bed, and I sighed. I heard him come home in the early hours of the morning, just after Cole snuck out. We were now all back in my room after having a BBQ dinner. Oh well, I could find out all about it now. I nudged Cole lightly, prompting him to ask. “Ouch,” Cole shouted dramatically.

“Oakley, stop beating up your girlfriend,” Jasper teased. I grinned and pushed myself up, so I was facing Jasper. Cole rolled his eyes and sat up, pulling me onto his lap.

“What happened with Abby?” Cole asked bluntly. I gave him a flat look; he was supposed to do that a little more tactfully.

Jasper frowned and looked… Shy?

“I don’t know,” he admitted. “She wants to get back together. Part of me wants that too, but I don’t know if I can trust her.”

I couldn’t blame him for that. I doubt I would be able to trust someone after they let me down. I didn’t trust Dad anymore, and I couldn’t see me trusting him ever again.

“What did she say? Did she explain?”

Jasper nodded for a long time, lost in his own thoughts.

“Yeah,” he finally said. “She told me that after our argument, she went to the party and drank too much. She was hurt and angry, and just wanted to get wasted with her friends. She ended up in his room, and they… You know.”

He looked down, his face twisted in pain.
My poor brother.

“I keep thinking that maybe we can try again, but is there really any point if I’m constantly thinking she’s screwing someone else?”

I shook my head.

“You just hate her!” Jasper said. I hated her less than I did since she properly apologised to him, but I could still remember how heartbroken he was, so I hadn’t forgiven her.

He shrugged. “In the end we decided just to try and be friends and see what happens. I don’t know if we can be friends or not, but I don’t want to be angry and keep hating her all the time, you know what I mean?”

I knew exactly what he meant.
That why I was letting Julian into my life, sort of.

“Anyway, I’m not sitting around here moping all day. I have a date with a cute little brunette tonight. Later,” he called, looking over his shoulder as he walked out of my room. I smiled. Jasper was back.

“Your brother’s weird, babe.” Cole laughed, shaking his head. He was weird, but he was the best brother ever.

Cole pushed me down on the bed, taking me by surprise, and started peppering little kisses across my cheek and along my jaw. I wrapped my arms around his back.

After Cole left, Dad knocked on my half-open door. I nodded for him to come in, not that he wouldn’t anyway. I pushed myself up and pressed my back against the wall as he sat down on my bed.

I bit down my lip.

“How are you, sweetheart? Okay?”

I nodded, wondering where this was going. He never just popped in for a chat. “Good.” He turned his body, so he was facing me more. Over the past year, he had aged so much. Grey hairs dominated the previously light brown ones at the side of his head. The lines around his eyes had multiplied and deepened. Every day he looked more and more like a middle-aged man. I wondered if he felt that too. That he was losing his good looks and possibly his charm with it.

“I’ve been thinking about us taking another little trip.”

My blood ran cold and drained from my face. I clenched my hands into fists to stop them shaking.
No, not this. Not again.
Tears sprang to my eyes, welling up and making my vision blurry.

He held his hands up.

“No, sweetheart. I want us to go. To reconnect. Just us, I promise.”

My heart rate slowed slightly, but I still couldn’t relax. I didn’t want to go anywhere with him.

“Do you remember when you were younger, and you would ride around on my back, laughing as I bucked you off onto the sofa? Or when I would come home from work, and you would run out of the front door to greet me?”

Yes, I remember, but that was in a different life.
Nodding my head slowly, I forced myself to take deep, even breaths. Thoughts of Frank and his overbearing frame looming over me filled my head. I could still smell his whisky tainted breath and feel his rough stubble scratching against my skin. My lungs burned as I tried unsuccessfully to get enough air.