Silence (21 page)

The room fell silent. Everyone’s mouths fell open in shock. I watched Sarah as the shock from Oakley talking turned to horror as she registered exactly what she’d said. Sarah gulped; her eyes were wide with fear. She already knew but didn’t want to believe it.

“H-how do you? You’re talking...Oakley, what are you saying?”

Oakley said nothing, but she didn’t need to. Her tired, broken eyes said everything.

“No. Please tell me it’s not true. Please, please?” Sarah asked desperately.

Oakley stepped back, pressing her body into mine.

“I’m sorry, Mum,” she whispered, looking at the ground. The hatred I had for Max doubled as she apologised. Oakley had nothing to be sorry for. We were the ones that should be apologising to her. Apologising for not seeing it and helping her sooner. Eleven damn years she had been living with this.

“No,” Sarah sobbed, her voice broke, and she clamped her hand over her mouth. Oakley burst into tears as Sarah ran to the bathroom, crying hysterically and gagging.

I turned Oakley around and tried to get her to look at me.

“Hates me,” she murmured.

“Shh, no she doesn’t. Not you.” Looking up, I saw that everyone was frozen in their seats. I pleaded with my eyes for one of them to do something. Anything. I was so fucking lost and didn’t know how to fix it.

Jasper suddenly jumped up, as if it had just sunk in.

“I’m gonna fucking kill him,” he raged, turning red in anger. My dad grabbed Jasper just as he was about to run for the door.

“Get off me! I’m
gonna murder him.”

Oakley turned around and whispered desperately, “Jasper.”

“He touched you.” Jasper’s face crumpled in pain as he looked at his sister. “Oakley.” She shook her head and collapsed against me. I was strong enough that time to hold her up. Carrying her to the sofa, I sat her down on my lap and wrapped my arms around her fragile body.

“No? He didn’t?” Jasper questioned. The look of desperation on his face mirrored mine earlier when I willed it not to be true.

“Not him, but he knew,” she explained. Her voice cracked, and she coughed.

“Oakley, sweetie, I…” Mum said, trailing off, unable to find the words. Mum had mascara running down her face and puffy eyes from crying so hard. She looked a total mess and usually it would bother her, but right now, I could tell she couldn’t have cared less. Mum loved Oakley like a daughter.

The bathroom door lock clicked open, and Oakley tensed. I looked down to reassure her but stopped open mouthed as I saw her peering up like a scared little girl. Seeing her like that was like taking a bullet. Was that terrified expression how she looked up at her father when Frank abused her?

Sarah walked over to us, and I had never been so nervous before.
You have to believe her, Sarah.
She pulled Oakley out of my arms, and they both sagged to the floor.

“It’s okay now, baby,” she whispered, stroking Oakley’s hair soothingly. “
Shhh.” They cried together and clung to each other. “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry. You’re safe now. I promise. I’m so sorry,” Sarah chanted.

I lent down and held my head in my hands. Why her? Things like that happened to strangers, not to someone I loved. All that time she had been keeping that secret in, afraid that it would break her families’ hearts or that no one would even believe her. How could I have failed her so badly?

Everyone went silent and just cried. It still felt like a nightmare. I just wanted to wake up and for it not to have happened to her.

“What happened?” Jasper asked
, his eyes haunted as he slid to the floor with his mum and sister.
You don’t want to know, Jasper.

Oakley looked up and pressed her back against my legs. Clearing her throat, she slowly told her story, stopping to cough or to regain control. As she explained that at the age of five, shortly after Jasper refused to go on any more camping trips, Frank started to turn up. She told us in as little detail as she could what happened. She told us that the first time Frank raped her was when she was just ten.

Bile rose to my throat. I clenched my jaw together until it throbbed in pain. Ten. Taking deep breaths, I tried to stay calm for her sake.

“It stopped when I was thirteen. Dad never explained why. He didn’t even tell me I shouldn’t talk still, but then he didn’t need to.

“I really believed him when he said it was over. At first I was scared to go away again, but he said he wanted to…”

She paused and took a deep breath.
Wanted to what?

“That he wanted our relationship to be how it was when I was little. Before. I wanted that too. I wanted him to be a proper dad again.” She started shaking again. “I really believed him.”

Her strangled sobs made me feel like shit.

Chapter Twenty-one

Cole

It had been ten days since Oakley spoke up about what had happened to her, and ten days since I had slept properly. I stayed at Oakley’s house and held her while she cried herself to sleep. Then I just watched her, managing to drift off for only a few hours a night.

The police had searched the house and taken Max’s work computer and laptop away. The next morning Sarah had packed up all this things and threw it all out. There wasn’t even a trace of Max in the house; even all the photographs with him in had been burned.

Oakley blamed herself whenever she saw anyone crying. I had told her a million times that none of it was her fault, and I would tell her a million more until she believed it.

She rolled over in bed and snuggled against my chest. Her long blonde hair was fanned out on the pillow behind her. When she slept, she looked so peaceful. Every morning I hoped she would sleep just a little bit longer so she wouldn’t have to deal with everything. It was strange that now, when everyone was falling apart, Oakley was the one picking us all up – when she was the one who had endured the most. I used to think she was this fragile girl, afraid of everything, now I knew she was the strongest person I had ever met.

For the past few days she’d been distant. We were together most of the time but she was somewhere else, holding something back. I hated that she wasn’t talking to me. She was trying to cope but the vacant look in her eyes told me she wasn’t.

“Are you okay?” I asked her, as her bright blue eyes fluttered open but didn’t look directly at me.
Of course she isn’t okay!

“Yeah.” She lied.

I frowned.

“Why can’t you look at me? Are you angry? I know I should have seen what was going on, I’m so-”

She pulled back and pressed her finger over my lips.

“Don’t ever think that. It’s not your fault.” I knew she wouldn’t ever blame anyone else, but no matter what anyone said, I would always feel guilty.

I kissed her forehead.

“Oakley, we slept together...” I trailed off not really knowing exactly how to put it. I needed to know that she actually wanted to and that I hadn’t taken advantage of her. She said yes, I knew that much, but did she mean yes?

She stiffened, looking at me in horror. The colour drained from my face.

“I know. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have let you. It was really selfish.”

Her eyes filled with tears.

Wait, selfish?  She didn’t think I would want to after knowing the truth.

“Oakley, that’s not what I meant. I hate what happened to you; I want to kill them for doing it, but it’s not changed how I feel about you. You’re still the most perfect and beautiful girl to me. I still love you more than anything,” I told her honestly. “You definitely wanted to though? I mean, we didn’t have to if you didn’t want to.”

“Yes, I wanted to. Being with you was something
completely
different to Frank. You made me feel safe and loved and special.”

I breathed out a sigh of relief.

“It almost feels like it happened in a different life. When I was thirteen, and Dad said it was over, and I shouldn’t think about it, I did. Well, as much as I could. It was always at the back of my mind, but I did move on. I felt like because it was over I could start being a normal teenager. Well, almost normal, I still wasn’t allowed to talk.”

Her voice was still really quiet and husky, and broke occasionally. I loved hearing her voice again.

“I just couldn’t go back to that place again. When I saw Frank, I knew what was going to happen. I couldn’t do it.”

“You shouldn’t have ever had to. I’m sorry you couldn’t come to me.”

“What did I say about blaming yourself,” she scolded, with a little frown and then smiled.
You don’t have to be the strong one.

I kissed the tip of her nose and hugged her tighter. “I still don’t know how you managed to not talk to anyone. I never understood why you never texted me back.”

“I didn’t want anyone to get hurt. If I kept quiet, then everything would be fine. If I started texting you would have asked why I didn’t speak, wouldn’t you?”

I nodded. Of course, I would have.

“And I did text you back, every night. I just didn’t send any of them.” She reached across me and grabbed her phone from the bedside table.

I took the phone and looked at what she was showing me. There was a huge list of text messages in her outbox, all to me. I looked up at her in shock. She replied every night even though she could never send them. Flicking through the newest ones, I saw her declarations of love and her telling me how happy she was. 

“I love you, Cole.”

Closing my eyes, I smiled. I never thought I would get to hear her say that.

“I love you too.” I replied, pressing my lips to hers.

I tried calling Oakley again, but it went straight to answerphone. The second time today. She had spent a little more time with her mum and brother and a little less time with me. Of course, I didn’t mind, but I just wanted her to let me know she was okay.

“Cole, you need to come downstairs now,” Mia shouted breathlessly. I jumped off my bed and practically ran downstairs. What the hell was going on?

“What?” I questioned, and looked up. Oakley, Sarah, and Jasper were standing in by the front door. They were all crying, and so was Mum, Dad and Mia.

“What’s going on?” My heart stopped. No one had said anything, but
their expressions told me it wasn’t good.

Oakley took a deep breath and stepped towards me. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “We’re moving, now.”

“Moving? Where?”

“To my uncle Pete’s.”

“Pete,” I repeated. Sarah’s brother. The one that lived in Australia.

“I can’t stay here any more. None of us can.” She shook her head and added, “There are too many bad memories. I love you so much, Cole, and this is killing me, but I have to go.”

“You can’t.” I shook my head, trying to make sense of what she was saying. They were moving halfway across the world. She was leaving me.

“Don’t. Don’t, please.” I closed the distance between us, wrapping my arms around her, and touching my forehead to hers. “I love you. You can’t go. You can move in here if you can’t live at yours, or we can go somewhere else, to a different town. Oakley, you can’t just leave. Please,” I begged desperately.

She clung to me as she cried her heart out.
Oh God, she’s really doing this.
“I owe you so much, Cole. You gave me my life back, and I will never stop loving you. If there was a way I could stay I would do it, but there isn’t.”

She pulled back, and I tightened my grip. My chest tightened, and I could barely breathe.

“Please. No. Don’t do this, please, Oakley, please,” I rambled, holding her tighter and never wanting to let go. “I’ll come with you.”

“You’re life’s here.” She pulled away just enough to look me in the eyes. “You can’t give up your life, not for me.”

I shook my head, frowning at how stupid she was being. “You are my life.”

She sobbed and closed her eyes. Tears spilled over and poured down her face.
Do something, Cole.
Don’t just let her leave
, I yelled at myself. Pressing my lips to hers, I kissed her with everything I had. She kissed me back and held me as tight as I held her.

“I love you,” she whispered, and started to pull away.

Panic coursed through my veins.

“No. No, don’t do this,” I pleaded. Her hands gripped mine and pulled them off her. My vision blurred as I started to cry.
Stop fucking crying and make her see sense!
 

“Don’t.”

She walked backwards and mouthed ‘I love you’ before walking to her Sarah’s car. I couldn’t move. I stood at the front door and stared in horror as she got into the car.

Neither of us looked away from each other as Sarah started the car. I was vaguely aware of my parents and Mia standing around, but all I could focus on was Oakley crying in the back of the car.

I watched numbly as their car disappeared. My heart broke further with every inch of distance that was put between us. Everything hurt so much. It was as if I was being stabbed all over.

I loved her so much.
More than anything in the world. Enough to let her go.