Silence (17 page)

Cole jumped out and walked around to my side. I got out of the car and stood beside him. I relaxed a little as I felt Cole’s his hand rest on the small of my back.

“I’m so sorry,” Mum mumbled and pulled me into a long hug. Her body shook with tears. After a few seconds, I hugged her back.
She loves you. She just wants the best for you.

When she let me go, Dad wrapped his arms around me. I let him and hugged him back but forced up an emotional barrier in my mind.
Having him touch me made me feel nauseous but I couldn’t not do it, or it would look odd.

“I’m sorry too, sweetheart. And to you, Cole.” He released me, and I backed up straight away. “Let’s go in. We all need to talk.”

Everyone followed behind Dad. They all seemed to do whatever he said without question.

I sat down next to Cole on the sofa and pressed against his side.

“Calm down and breathe,” Cole whispered as Mum put down a tray of tea, coffee, hot chocolate and biscuits. I took a deep breath. My lungs burned from holding my breath.

Dad cleared his throat and sat forward in the chair.

“Yesterday, everything got out of hand, and we all said some things that we didn’t mean. I didn’t think this would happen yet. Not until you were older, Oakley.” I almost choked in disbelief. How could he even sit there and pretend my age mattered? I felt sick to my stomach.

Mum reached across from the sofa beside ours and grabbed my hand. “I need you to understand that as your mother, of course I want you to talk again, but it isn’t everything. I don’t love you any less. Nothing could make me love you any less.”

I can think of one thing
, I thought bitterly, holding in the tears that threatened to burst out.

“I’m sorry for what I said, but you have to understand that you will always be my little girl, no matter what. However, I really am happy for you both. Just make sure you look after her,” Mum added.

He smiled and threw his arm over the back of the sofa.

“Always.”

We all sat around talking for a while, and drinking our hot drinks. I didn’t dare look at Dad again. I hated him so much, but I still loved him. I wanted to him to go to prison, but I wanted him to stay and change back to how he was. I wanted him to be my dad again. I hadn’t seen Frank in almost three years so I knew it was over but I didn’t understand why things couldn’t be the way they were when I was a child. Well I did know why but I desperately wanted to be carefree and have a happy family again. God I was so messed up.

After Cole left, and had arranged to come back for dinner, I sat in my room with Mum. She had apologised a million times for what happened and was trying to think of ways she could make it up to me.

“Oh, what about a spa day? That would be lovely,” she suggested.

I did like the spa in Italy. I nodded. She was making an effort. I could do the same.

She lay back against my hard wooden headboard and smiled like a teenage girl.

“So, how are things going with Cole? You two do make a lovely couple, I’ve always thought that.”
I know you have, so why the freak out?
Because knowing we were together forced her to realise she still saw me as a child?

I bit my lip, feeling the heat rise to my cheeks.

“It’s so good to see you happy, love.”

It was good to feel happy.

Chapter Sixteen

Cole

The summer had passed so bloody quickly, and school started again on Monday. I had just two more days off. At least this was my last year at sixth form and then I could concentrate on university. Now
uni was something I couldn’t wait for. Studying something that interested me – structural engineering. I wanted to be the one figuring out how a big fuck-off building wouldn’t fall on top of people.

“Cole, will you hurry up! You take longer to get ready than my sister,” Jasper screamed. I winced as his high-pitched, pretending-to-be-a-girl voice cut right through me.

“Jesus, Jasper! I’m standing right next to you! I’m ready.”

I grabbed my wallet, slipping it into my pocket, and sprayed some aftershave on my neck. It was Oakley’s favourite, and the one she bought for Christmas for the last few years. I loved it.

Tonight, I was going out with Jasper and Ben. Oakley was having a girl’s night in with Sarah, Mia, my mum and Kerry. She seemed pretty excited to spend the evening pampering herself with that muddy-looking crap you put on your face. That I had once put on my face.
Never again!

“Cole,” Jasper whined. “You’re wasting valuable drinking time.”

“I’m coming!”

Jasper chuckled. “I thought you looked a bit funny.” I pushed past him. What a loser. Mum and Mia had already gone over to Oakley’s with a bottle of wine, chocolates and neon nail polish.

The past few weeks had been perfect. Oakley’s parents were doing their best to accept that we were together and to be happy for us. We weren’t allowed to sleep over each other’s any more, as we had anticipated, but that didn’t bother me. It didn’t help that Jasper always seemed to have a stupid teen pregnancy joke ready.

“
Alright man, I’m gonna bet you right now that I get more phone numbers tonight,” he said, slapping me on the back as we walked out to wait for the taxi.

Are we really doing this?

“I’m not getting any phone numbers tonight. I’m with your sister, remember?”

“So you fold? I win?”

I sighed in defeat. “Yes, Jasper, you win.”

The black taxi pulled up outside my house. Jasper stopped and looked at his reflection in the window, messing his hair up.

“Do I look okay?”

“What are you, a woman?”

“Hey, I have insecurities the same as everyone else. I may be so close to perfect it’s scary but–”

“You look fine, Jasper!” I said, cutting him off. It was generally much easier to agree with him and just go along with it.

“Yeah? You don’t think I should have gone with the blue shirt?”

I shook my head, taking a deep breath. “Are we really doing this?” He nodded, looking deadly serious.
This is going to be a very long night.

“No, you shouldn’t have gone with the blue shirt.” I shoved him in the back of the taxi. “What you’re wearing looks good. So does your hair.”

He laughed and scooted over so I could get in too. I gave the drive Ben’s address, and we went to pick him up too.

“I’m flattered, man, I really am, but you’re with my sister, and if I’m honest, man bits just don’t do it for me.”

Why didn’t I drink before I left the house? A whole evening with Jasper, I must be mad. Ben was waiting by his front door as we pulled up.

“Hey.” He greeted us with an excited smile. “Ready to get shit faced?”

I laughed. “Oh yeah!”

It had been a while since I’d had a night out with the lads and I was looking forward to it. Most of my time was spent with Oakley now and I was more than happy with that, but it was good to do separate things too. We both needed time with our friends.

The queue into the club was short, and we barely had to wait two minutes before making it to the front. The built to hell bouncer shot his muscular arm out, stopping us just as we were about to go in. He must be eating ten pounds of steak and raw eggs every day or taking steroids. The veins in his neck were popping through his skin, and the material of his black top was stretched around his shape.

“ID,” he demanded of Jasper.

I watched with a smile as Jasper’s face fell and he pulled his driving licence out of his wallet. The bouncer studied it for a second and handed it back, nodding for us to go inside. We made our way through the crowd of barely dressed girls to the bar.

“I’m fucking older than you!” Jasper exclaimed, waving his hand in
mine and Ben’s direction.

“Well, clearly you don’t look it.”
Or act it.
He grumbled something under his breath and turned to get the bartenders attention.

Just as the barman got to us, Jasper turned to his side.

“Well hello, ladies,” he purred.
Oh my God!
I ordered three JD’s and cokes and three shots of tequila.. Ben and I sat down on a stool and got comfortable, ready to watch Jasper make an arse out of himself.

“You
wanna dance?” he asked the blonde and scooted a little close to her.
Give her some personal space, Jasper.
Watching him chat up women was like watching a car crash.

“I have a boyfriend,” she responded, raising her eyebrows, but not actually looking too bothered about the fact.

Without saying a word, he turned away from her. It was as if she had just told him she had murdered a litter of kittens.

“Wanna dance?” he asked her friend, who was standing right next to her! Ben burst out laughing, and I just watched open-mouthed. You would at least try a different group of girls!
Unless, of course, you were Jasper.

The blonde’s friend snorted. “Are you serious? Do I look like a backup or something?” Jasper’s face turned thoughtful. He was taking way too long to respond.
Say no!

He shrugged. “Sorry, I like her more.”

I chocked on my drink, my eyes widening in shock. Did he really just say that? The girls face reddened. She slapped his cheek, and the sound made me flinch. That had to hurt. It didn’t seem to faze Jasper. I had a feeling that wasn’t the first time he had been slapped.

“No need to be all touchy, love, I was just being honest!” he shouted after her as she stormed off with her friends.

“We’ve only been in here five minutes, and you’ve been slapped already. That must be some sort of a record,” Ben praised, slapping him on the back. Jasper smiled proudly and downed his shot.

Halfway through the night, Jasper ditched us for a group of Thai girls, here for a holiday. He was in his own little idea of heaven. I sat back at the bar with Ben, downing drinks.

“So it’s never awkward or anything?” he questioned, referring to Oakley and me.

“Nope.” Shaking my head, I explained, “I know what she’s thinking pretty much all of the time, so I don’t really need her to say it.”

He nodded along. “Wow. I have no idea what Kerry thinks, and she doesn’t shut up!” They were different ends of the extreme, one never talking, and one always talking. No wonder they got along so well. They balanced each other out perfectly.

“Do you ever wish she would talk though? I mean, doesn’t it bother you that you’ll never hear her say she loves you? And what about the future? When you get married? She won’t be able to say the vows and shit.”

That was something I had thought about, but surely we could get married without her actually saying the words? It wasn’t something we needed to worry about for a long time yet, but I definitely wanted to marry her some day.

“Of course, I wish she would talk, but I don’t really care. And she does say she loves me, she just doesn’t say it.”

Ben’s black eyebrows knitted together in confusion. I couldn’t help laughing at him.

“I’ll get the next round,” I said, pulling a tenner out of my wallet.

Jasper appeared back at the bar, not to talk to me and Ben, but for the redhead standing just along from us.

“This should be good,” Ben muttered. I moved slightly closer, making sure I left a reasonable amount of space between me and the stranger I was standing next to, so I couldn’t be accused of being a pervert.

“Hotel room,” I heard Jasper say. Wow, he got straight to the point. A song with a lot of bass started playing, making it harder to hear. The next thing out of his mouth was, “Hitler.”

I looked at Ben in horror. What the hell was he doing? Why was he talking about Hitler? The girl frowned and started to look a little scared.

“Some good ideas. I love blondes...” I wanted to make a quick exit, but there was something about the train wreck that I just couldn’t look away from. The girl, not a blonde, glared.

Sure enough, she threw her drink in his face, and then slapped his cheek before storming off. I stood frozen. Did he really just say that? He raised his hands in celebration, looking around the club.
Please don’t see me, please.

“Damn it,” I muttered as he turned around and grinned in our direction.

“Cole! Man, did you see that?” he asked, still grinning as he walking over to us. The front of his shirt was soaking wet. I shook my head at him. “Right in my face,” he exclaimed proudly, wiping the strong smelling wine from his chin.

I shook my head and asked the million-dollar question, “Why were you talking about Hitler?”

He shrugged and leant on the bar. “Worked didn’t it? I tried everything else, so I thought I’d bring a little dictator into the mix and bam, drink all over me!” He pulled at his soaking shirt for emphasis. What could he have possibly tried for that to be his last option? I stopped myself before I asked, deciding it was probably best to just not know.

Chapter Seventeen

Oakley

Sighing, I picked out my uniform and started getting dressed. Today was the first day back at school. Not only was it going to be a bad day, but also in the evening, we had Mum’s friend over for dinner: a psychiatric doctor.

Mum was going for casual now since I refused to go to a doctor surgery or hospital. Had she never thought that there was a very good reason for that? I knew she was desperate to help me. I could see it every time she looked at me, every painful conversation I’d overheard, and every time I heard her crying at night, but I’d had enough. What she felt now was nothing compared to how she would feel if she found out the truth.

Once I was ready, I crept downstairs to get some breakfast.

“You ready for today?” Cole asked, making me jump at how close he was. Why hadn’t I seen him?
Probably because I was concentrating too hard on eavesdropping. I felt sick at the thought of going back to school; I definitely didn’t appreciate his reminder.

I sighed and nodded, resisting the urge to get back in bed and pretend I was ill.

“It’s gonna be okay. If Julian says or does anything then just come and get me. I’ll meet you at break and give you my timetable so you’ll know where I’ll be if you need me.”

I rolled my eyes and pulled out of his arms, feeling like a helpless little child that couldn’t stand up for herself. I knew he was only saying it because he cared and wanted to protect me, but I couldn’t help feeling like his little sister when he did.

He grabbed my hand and spun me around, so I was facing him again.

“You can chuck it in your bag and never look at it if you want. Just take it for me?” he pleaded, widening his eyes. It wasn’t often that he used that face on me, but it worked. Giving up, I wrapped my arms around his waist again
..

“Thank you,” he whispered into my hair, sending that familiar shiver right through me.

We managed to stay away from my parents and eat breakfast in peace as they excused themselves and went upstairs, to talk about how to handle the visit from the psychiatrist tonight no doubt. I didn’t want Mum fussing around me anyway.

Jasper walked in as we were eating our toast. My mouth dropped open. It was before nine. Was he sick or something? Wait, he was wearing the same clothes as yesterday.

“Well good morning, baby sister,” he chirped, ruffling my hair and laughing as I slapped his hand away.

“Good night?” Cole questioned.

He grinned like an idiot and winked.

“A gentleman never tells.”

“Gentleman!” Cole scoffed. “Anyway, thankfully we don’t have time for the gruesome details. We’ve gotta go.”

I stood up with Cole and gave Jasper a little wave goodbye.

On the way to school, I watched the time on Cole’s dashboard. That was supposed to make time pass slower, it didn’t. The illuminated orange numbers flicked by too quickly, and before I knew it, Cole had parked outside the sixth form block.

“I would give you the whole ‘it’ll be fine and come get me if you need me’ speech again but my arm’s starting to bruise!” he said teasingly, rubbing his arm where I had hit him earlier.

I nodded and smiled at him as confidently as I could so he wouldn’t worry. It didn’t seem to work, he gave me a sad smile in reply. Sometimes I hated how well he could see through my fake happiness.

I got out of the car when I couldn’t waste any more time, and grabbed my bag from the back seat. Cole walked around to my side of the car and wrapped me in his arms. I felt so safe and protected with him. Hugging him closer, I closed my eyes and pretended we were back in Italy.

Someone behind us gagged loudly. Julian. Cole’s grip tightened around me possessively as he glared at Julian, but quickly turned back to me, ignoring Julian, which seemed to make him angry. Why angry? Did he want a confrontation? No doubt.

“I’ll meet you here for lunch? I’ll buy you ice cream,” Cole offered.

My throat went dry. How could he make me feel so… Alive, all the time? I loved him so much, and I wanted him so much. It was hard; I felt like I shouldn’t ever want another man near me, but with Cole everything was so much different. I needed to learn to let myself feel something without second-guessing it or thinking it was wrong.

I gripped Cole’s t-shirt in my fist and pulled him closer, so there was no space between us at all. He brushed his lips against mine teasingly. Usually I wouldn’t be comfortable kissing him in front of hundreds of people, but in that moment, I didn’t care. I crashed my lips to his.

“Nice show,” a deep voice shouted. I jumped back, embarrassed. Kerry and Ben stood just by Cole’s car, grinning at us. I immediately started blushing like crazy. Keeping the kissing in private was certainly a good idea in the future.

“Thank you,” Cole replied sarcastically.

I finally left Cole and his friends when the bell rang. Taking a deep breath, I made my way to my classroom. The familiar faded, dull blue walls matched my mood. Home time couldn’t come soon enough. When I walked into my form room, the teacher was already sitting at her desk, thankfully. Hannah smiled as I took my seat next to her. Everyone sat in the same seat, even though they weren’t assigned to us.

Once the register was taken, we were given our timetables for the year. I had double maths, then English and biology, and after lunch, it was double business studies. Double maths on the first day back was harsh.

I made my way to maths, this time without Hannah as she was now in a higher set to me; she was a whiz at maths. I wasn’t bad at it, but I hated it so I didn’t put much effort into the class.

I sat one row from the front, next to someone new. He was quite petite and looked painfully shy and nervous. I smiled at him, which he returned without saying a word. I pointed to my name written neatly at the top of my notepad.

“I’m Kyle,” he whispered. “Oakley’s a weird name.” His eyes widened. “I didn’t mean weird. I mean… Unusual. Sorry.”

Holding my hand up, I shook my head and smiled. It was kind of weird. I didn’t think it really suited me. I should have had a more common name that no one would bat an eyelid at. Oakley made me stand out too much.

About five minutes into the lesson, just when everyone had settled down to work out some equations to ‘get us back in the swing of things’, the door opened, and Julian came strutting in as if he owned the place. I did envy how much confidence he had. It was just misplaced. Great, so I had him in all my maths classes for the year.

“Sorry I’m late,” he mumbled, ignoring Mr Jones telling him off for arriving late and disrupting the class.

“Julian, I saved you a seat,” Leanne whined, looking at him through her eyelashes.

“Get back to it, all of you,” Mr Jones barked as everyone had used Julian’s entrance as an excuse to start talking. Julian chuckled and sat down on the opposite side of me. What the heck was he doing? I picked an equation and stared at it, desperate not to make any eye contact with him. Why did he sit with me and not his friends?

“Oakley,” he whispered, leaning a little closer to me. My heart beat faster. I was worried. What was he up to? He sighed in defeat. “Oakley, please?”

He actually sounded… Sad? Something was going on. He had been in my company for over five minutes and hadn’t made a dig or a nasty remark.

I took a deep breath and forced myself to look at him. His thin lips pulled up at the sides into a real smile.
A real smile for me? Why? He was acting as if we were friends and he hadn’t been a jerk to me for years.

“Look I’m sorry, okay. Sorry about your party, and everything else.” He shifted in his seat nervously. He didn’t make apologies often. That much was clear from how uncomfortable he looked. “I know I’ve been a dick to you, and I don’t deserve anything, but I’d like to be friends,” he said quickly. “I really am sorry. Can you forgive me?”

If I had been standing up, I think I would have fainted. Julian apologising and wanting to be friends.
What on earth happened to him over the summer holidays to make him nice?
I wasn’t sure if I could trust him, or if I even wanted him as a friend in the first place.

He grimaced. “So, can you forget–
”

“Enough!” I jumped at the sound of the teacher shouting, cutting Julian off. “I told you I wanted silence! Detention, both of you this lunch time.”

Did I just get detention for talking?
I stared open mouthed at him. Could he not see the irony here? The guy had been my maths teacher for the past two years, so it wasn’t as if he didn’t know me.

Julian mumbled a string of swear words under his breath and started his work. This sucked so much. Detention on my first day back, because of talking! Julian was an idiot. After a couple seconds, he nudged me and nodded to the paper in front of him. I reluctantly looked down to see what he’d written: sorry. 

How about stop doing things to be sorry for?
I smiled half-heartedly just to get him to leave me alone so I could concentrate.

At lunch, I made my way to the detention room. I didn’t even have enough time to see Cole first so he would be waiting for me by the front doors. Frowning in anger, I plopped down on the closest seat and pulled a book out of my bag.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Julian smile sheepishly from across the room. I ignored him and started to read. About ten minutes later, I saw Cole looking through the door. His face was filled with amusement.
Oh yeah, this is hilarious!
There was nothing even remotely funny about this.

“I’ve just got to pop to the office for one minute. Don’t move,” Mr Jones ordered in his monotone voice and left the room.

The second the door closed, Julian got up and walked over to me. I sighed as he sat on the chair beside me, pulling the chair out and getting comfortable.

“Leanne’s having a party on Friday, you
wanna go?” he asked, swinging one leg onto the table.

He knew I was with Cole, so either he was delusional or had a selective memory. “I’m trying here, Oakley.”

That was true. He was trying. I just wasn’t sure it was enough. I didn’t understand why he wanted to be friends now. I shook my head but smiled gratefully, or I tried to anyway. It was very hard to act normal with him, especially after what he’d done at my party. And no matter how hard we tried to be civil, I would never forget how he had made my life hell for years.

The door swung open, making us both jump.

“Get lost,” Cole growled, glaring at Julian as he slipped into the room. Julian glared and stuck his middle finger up to Cole, before returning to his seat.

“What?” Cole said innocently me innocently, surprised at my look of reproach. I smiled and shook my head.

“So, detention, huh?”

“We got it for
talking
.” Julian interrupted.

Cole frowned at Julian angrily.

“Are you trying to be funny?”

I grabbed his hand and shook my head.

“Wait, you really got detention for talking?” he asked in disbelief, and started laughing. I sat back in the chair with my arms crossed over my chest and waited for him to get over it.

“Sorry,” he mumbled, shaking his head. “Just pretty ironic.”

You’re telling me!

Without warning, Cole leant over the table and pressed his lips to mine. Every kiss from him made me melt. My heart soared, and I kissed him back. He pulled away just a few seconds later and walked out of the room with the biggest, cheekiest grin I had ever seen. I couldn’t help smiling to myself.

Thankfully, Mr Jones didn’t get back from whatever he was doing until after Cole had left. I did briefly worry that Julian would tell him, but he didn’t. He didn’t do anything actually. Just stared at his phone and frowned.

When detention was over, I made my way to the bench outside the front of the school to quickly eat my sandwich before my afternoon class started.

“Oakley?” a female voice called. I looked up to see Abby jogging towards me.
What on earth is she doing here?
The last I had heard she was studying teaching at University in London. Does Jasper know she was back?

“Hey.” She smiled warmly and sat down. “Isn’t this great, I managed to get my work placement here! I’m so glad I get to see you again. I’ll be helping out in some of your English lessons so we can catch up,” she gushed, practically bouncing on the spot.

I smiled sarcastically. Did she really expect me to be happy about this? She was the reason my brother had cried – Jasper never cried. She was the reason why he couldn’t trust women any more and behaved like such a jackass. I hated her for hurting him so much.
This day just keeps getting better and better
, I thought sarcastically. This wasn’t even the worst part. I still had dinner with the doctor to get through yet.