Authors: RaeBeth McGee-Buda
Silenced: The Overt
Rae Beth McGee
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
Written by: RaeBeth McGee-Buda
Cover Model: Nikki
Editor: Lee Ryder
(c) 2013- RaeBeth McGee-Buda
All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the author except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
I want to thank
for all he blessed me with. I’m very thankful for the gift of writing. Without him... I am nothing.
hanks goes to my husband,
for putting up with my crazy writing rants and actually listening to me. I know I drove you crazy when brainstorming for this book. I have the best support system and it starts at home.
Silenced Street team
: Thank you for helping me get Silenced where it is today. Without your support and dedication it wouldn't be on its way to being known.
Thank you so much for putting up with my particular ways that may seem overbearing at times. I’m most appreciative for you and your hard work to help make this book the best it can be.
Thank you so much for taking the time to do a comb through with the edits. I know the comma’s were tough but we got through it!
I attempt to stop it
, but darkness is here. It’s a lot stronger than what I remember. I’m weak against it. My heart races faster than ever before. I fight to calm down by controlling my breathing but it isn’t working. I'm scared. I can’t breathe as I try gasping for air. My head hurts. I lay down on the bed to see if it makes it any better. It doesn't. My entire body's shaking uncontrollably. My heart pounds within my fingers and toes. I can’t take it anymore. I
to do something.
I turn on my stereo making it seem
as if I’m in my room. I slowly open my door, and glance down the hall in the direction of the steps. I wait a moment to see if I hear anyone walking up the stairs. Carefully I step out of my room, and quietly close the door. My vision blurs, and my head pounds.
I feel like someone has a clamp on each side of my temples
, and its being tightened slowly; the pain is excruciating. I go down hall to the bathroom. As swiftly as I can, I step into the bathroom and shut the door. Trying to lock the door, the fuzziness in my eyes gets thicker.
I sense my way to my hiding s
pot, and fight the tile out of place. It's hard, I can’t see. After a few moments, the tile pops out of place. I feel for the razor and when my fingers find it, my heart jumps. This is exactly what I want and need.
I unwrap the razor. I place it upon my skin
, trying to cut into it. It's hard to concentrate on how deeply I'm going because my body is numb. I feel nothing. I feel no relief, therefore I press harder. All of a sudden, pain throbs all over my body. It doesn’t feel like it normally does. Slowly, the numbness leaves, but it’s replaced by extreme pain. That’s when I realize I went too deep.
lose all control of my body, the pain is too much. I fall on to the floor and lay there. The pain is increasing and my arm starts burning. I want to scream. The only sound I make is a small squeak. It sounds like a tiny mouse. The black fuzzy spots turn to complete darkness. My hearing is fading and I think I hear Landon’s voice. Although I can’t be sure.
Then, I pass out
, and I lay motionless on the floor...
I didn’t know how long I was out. I wake as Landon knocks on the bathroom door, asking me if I’m all right. I can’t get a word out. The sounds I’m making are like a mouse sneaking through the kitchen to get at the cheese. I can’t move. I want to tell him that I'm fine so he'll go back down to the living room, to avoid a scene. The door busts open as Landon rushes in.
Amber, what in the
happened?” he says, looking around the room with fear written all over his face.
an barely talk. The pain is too severe, it hurts to move. Every time I try to move my arm, a shock of pain follows up my shoulder.
Honey, tell me what happened,” he says kneeling beside me as he quickly looks me over.
I…went…too…deep.” Are the only words I can manage through the pain. The look coming over his face as he realizes what's going on hurts more than anyone can imagine.
We need to get you to the hospital. Amber, you need a doctor. This has gone way too far.”
He leans over and tries to pick me up.
“No, please!” I whisper through the pain.
are getting a little easier to say, but I still can’t move. Landon stands up, heading to the medicine cabinet. He shuffles around, grabbing a few things. Then, comes back over and sits down.
I’m going to do you a favor. Right now neither your mom nor Dave realizes this is happening. We’ll keep this between us but you’re going to the hospital. You’re bleeding a lot so work with me here and let me clean it out. If you don’t, I’ll yell for your parents,” Landon says sternly, while looking directly into my eyes.
the hurt and panic in his eyes, as a tear runs down his cheek. I nod in agreement. He puts pressure on the cut. Excruciating pain shoots through my body, making me want to scream. No matter how hard I try to yell, no sound comes. I can’t talk. He cautiously pulls the gauze off to take another look.
like what he sees because he throws away the piece of gauze he’s holding as relief washes over his face. He then helps me up. As I try to stand, the tingling feeling in my feet goes away. The stinging goes from my toes to my hips and continues up my body, followed by dizziness. He helps me sit down on the toilet.
Rest your arm on the sink, so I can clean and cover it.”
All right. And Landon...thank you. Really,” I say in an unsteady voice.
I place my arm
as asked. Once the cut is covered, Landon kneels down, “I know you lost your best friend. But, please tell me why you did this? Did you want to die too?” he finishes with a voice full of concern.
No, I don’t want to die. The darkness took control.” I whisper.
You do realize if I hadn’t decided to use the bathroom, you’d still be here bleeding. You could’ve bled to death. That’s not what your mother needs after hearing about Sarah. What do you think we should do?”
I don’t want them to find out,” I say resting my head on the wall behind the toilet trying not to pass out.
They won’t find out as long as you listen to what I’m about to say. You have to quit doing this, it’s dangerous. You have too much going for you and it’s too risky. You’ll eventually make a mistake where it’s not fixable. I’m going to tell your parents we're getting ready to leave, and you’ll be down in a few minutes. We don’t want them worry about you too.”
I really appreciate this.”
I know this
screws things up between us. Who knows what’s going to happen when he takes me to the hospital? Will he tell them the truth? Will he lie to protect me? I need the answers before I go. He helps me to my room, and I give him a bag of clothes I gathered up earlier. Then, he walks downstairs.
Fighting through the
sting, I head back to the bathroom to clean up the mess and empty the trash. I bleach the floor. Thank God the floor is tile, not carpet. If it was, I'd have some explaining to do. As I'm cleaning around the toilet, I find the razor I dropped.
ake the blade to the sink and clean it as I normally would. I wrap it in a tissue, but I don’t put it where I normally would. I place it in my pocket instead. I put the tile back in its place and go to my room, grabbing my purse and turning off the light. As I’m limping down the stairs, I hear my mom crying. She’s not crying because of me… is she?
I slowly ma
ke my way downstairs and try to act the same as I did before my disaster.
Mom, are you ok?” I ask.
I’ll be fine. Just give me time.”
Landon and I are going to leave now.”
Yeah, he told me a few moments ago. How are you two with your money? Do you need anything at your apartment?” She asks and looks up at me with a tear streaked face.
No, we're fine but thanks.”
Just making sure; I don’t want you to be going without.”
We’re fine, don’t worry about us. Landon’s making more than enough for the bills, and I start working Monday,” I say, trying to comfort her.
my mom is completely sure we don’t need anything, Landon and I leave. I can feel the warmth of blood on the gauze as I'm walking to the car.
What do you plan on telling the hospital?” I ask, as soon as we are safely in the car.
I’m not sure yet. It’s a deep cut. I want to tell them the truth, but if I do, I know they'll lock you up in the nut house for it,” he says sarcastically.
Come on, we know I’m not crazy.”
That’s not what I’m saying, but the people at the hospital will. Tell them you were unloading the dishwasher and you grabbed for a plate. As you pulled your arm back, a knife cut you.”
ifteen minutes later, we arrive at the hospital and my heart feels like it's going to beat out of my chest. I'm nervous. As I walk into the emergency room, I notice a full waiting room.
Hi,” I say to the woman at the registration window. “My name is Amber Brown, I cut myself on a knife and I think my arm needs stitches.”
Sign in and have a seat,” she says while she continues to read.
God, I don’t have a serious crisis because I’d probably bleed to death while waiting. This hospital is slow. It’s one of the reasons why I hate coming here. We should've gone to the other one a little further away. I'm in the waiting room for thirty minutes before they call me.
Why are you here?” The nurse asks.
I cut myself with a knife.”
Ok, I’ll be taking your blood pressure and weight. Put this hospital bracelet on. After we're done, go to the registration desk and they'll finish checking you in.”
oesn’t take long and we head to the registration desk.
Nothing has changed under my contact information. The only thing that’s different is the cause that has brought me in. Now, may I please see a doctor? My arm is bleeding through the gauze and I’m in a lot of pain.” I say, holding back tears.
We take the most serious cases first. I cannot tell you how long of a wait you may have. The doctor's are pretty busy back there. Please take a seat in the waiting room, and wait for the doctor to call you.”
So, me bleeding all over my clothes and the floor isn’t an emergency?” I snap.
Amber, let’s take a seat like the woman told us to,” Landon jumps in before I say anything else and pulls me by my other arm to the waiting room. “Why do you always have to have your way?” he asks as we sit down.
I’m in pain. I can be doing the same thing at home, being in pain and holding gauze on my arm. I came in here for you, and I’m sitting here waiting. The longer we wait, the more you lose. You have work tomorrow.”
I’ll be fine. You need to be seen and I don’t care how long it takes. You’ll be taken care of before we leave.”
it in silence. I watch as several people are called back, and watch several families leave. We sit for an hour before I'm called into a room. As I stand up, I get extremely light-headed.
Opening my eyes to look around the room, I immediately slam them shut. It’s too bright. I have a hard time keeping my eyes open. I scan the surroundings and notice the white and medical devices positioned around me. Landon is resting in a chair beside me.
Where am I?” I ask in a hoarse voice.
You’re at the hospital. Do you remember why?” Landon asks, sounding worried and looking tired.
try to sit up and feel stinging in my arm. Then, I try to remember what happened and why I’m here.
Help!” I cry as I turn my head towards Landon.
Help you with what? Are you feeling all right? You’re scaring me,” he says jumping up from the chair.
I can’t sit up. It hurts.”
Lay there and relax. The nurse is getting stuff she needs to fix you up. She said she'll be back shortly.”
Why don’t I remember walking back here, or why I'm seeing a doctor?”
We were in the waiting room when they called you. We stood up to walk back. I asked you if you were content now that your name was called. You didn't answer, so I turned around. I didn’t see you standing behind me. I looked down and you were passed out on the floor!”
I passed out?” I ask confused.
Yeah, I yelled for a nurse and the admittance girl came over. She stood there looking scared for her life. She told the nurse that came out to get you; she didn’t think your injury was an emergency so she didn’t put it down as one. Needless to say, she most likely doesn’t have a job.”
She mislead us and you to lose too much blood. You should’ve been seen as soon as we came in.” He informs me.
he nurse walks in.
It’s good to see you’re awake,” she says, putting down a silver tray with a bunch of stuff on it.
Can you help her sit up?” Landon asks.
The nurse explains.
“She’s weak from losing so much blood. I think it’s a good idea if she remains lying down, just until we get the blood she’s lost back into her.”
What do you mean?” I ask glancing between the nurse and Landon.
The doctor ordered more blood for you from our blood bank. I have to hook up an IV, so the blood you lost can be replaced.”
I understand,” I say shocked.
I’m going to get the line inserted now,” the nurse says as she finishes preparing the stuff she needs. She comes over to the bed and gets the IV in place, “I’m giving you a round of antibiotics to prevent infection and some fluids, to prevent dehydration.”
I didn’t consider there was this much wrong with me.
Landon and I talk as she works. After the nurse is through, she stitches my arm up and makes sure it’s clean, then wraps it with fresh gauze.
I think you should be more careful.” she says while radiating superiority. “From the look of the cut, it seems like it was done with force. I can tell because of the way the skin's cut,”
I think she ha
s an idea of what happened. But, she can’t give her opinion it's the law. Thank God because I think as of right now, I'd break if she said anything.