Silenced 2: The Overtaking (Silenced Series) (8 page)

“
Allen, promise me you won’t tell Donna,
ever
.”

“
I don’t plan on it. I don’t want her blaming herself even more for Sarah’s death. She already thinks Sarah was upset with her life for some reason. Did you know she was using pills?”

“
No, I didn’t. When I was here, we were too scared to even try them. We promised each other it’d never be an issue. No... matter... what. This really surprised me.” I say honestly.

Allen and I talk for a little while longer after we arrive at the hotel. I found out Allen knew more about Sarah th
an I thought. He knew more about me too. He seems to be cool about the things he confronted me with.

When we’
re done talking, he tells me he’ll see me tomorrow and he drives home. I walk up to my room, getting out my key and unlocking the door then step inside. I stayed about three hours after Landon, Casey, and Patrick left, so I am without a doubt, happy to see them.

Chapter Ten

Landon’
s the only one who is awake.

“
They tried to wait for you, but didn’t make it.” Landon says, as he motions towards the bed.

“
That’s all right.” I whisper.

“
What’s that?” Landon asks, referring to the scrapbooks in my hands.

“
These are scrapbooks Sarah and I put together over the past several years.” I tell him. “Donna thought it’s only right to give them to me. I think it’s too soon and she’s not thinking right. Don’t get me wrong, I’m thankful she let me take them, but I think she will want them back.”

“
Maybe, Donna has her own photo albums of Sarah and these are ones only you can relate to.” Landon says, trying to make me feel better.

I walk
over to the small round table, which sits in the corner of our room, and lay the books down. I take a quick glance around to see if the room was as nice as the receptionist said. The floor has very soft off-white carpet. There are two double size beds, a dresser with a small TV on it, and a night stand that sits between the beds.

Between the dresser and the chair that
goes to the table sits a small apartment sized fridge. The room has a modern look to it. There are several pretty paintings hung around the room.

I walk
down the small hallway which leads to the bathroom. There’s a vanity shelf to the left side of the hall and the sinks are on the right. Once you get to the end of the small hallway, a door opens which leads to a shower and toilet.

It’s not bad;
looks a lot better than the other ones we stayed in when Mom, Dave, and I were traveling.

“
Do you mind if I look at them?” Landon asks with a sense of curiosity, because he has never seen pictures of Sarah. He wants to put a face to her name and when he was at Donna’s, he didn’t pay attention to the pictures.

“
Actually, I’m going to sit down and take a look,” I answer. “Sarah and I made these when we were younger. She took some of our pictures and I took the others. We didn’t see each other’s books because we were going to exchange them when we graduated from college.” I explain that as I remembered Sarah’s words when she said them.

“
That’s cool. I’ve never really heard of someone doing that before.”

I s
it with Landon at the tiny white table, making sure we keep our voices low so we don’t wake up Casey and Patrick. Looking closer at the front of the colorful book, I notice Sarah put the years the pictures were taken. I scan through them to find the oldest. This marks the beginning of our friendship.

The first picture
is our births and seeing it touches my heart. I never thought about doing my books by years like Sarah had. As we look at the pictures, I tell Landon the stories that go with them.

“
Just like you see in the movies, Sarah and I were born in the same hospital. Donna was in labor right across the hall from my mom. Sarah was born first which makes her older. She always said it made her wiser. Honestly, it was only a five minute difference between us.”

“
What are the chances of that happening outside of Hollywood?” Landon asks. “That’s quite unique.”

“
It’s a true story. Anyway, Sarah and I didn’t meet at the hospital. Donna knew my mom a little. She only saw her on occasion in the hall during her stay. Donna didn’t get to leave with Sarah, the same time as my mom did with me. Sarah was under weight and too early. She was younger than me technically. She wasn’t due for another two months. Donna went into labor too soon and the doctors couldn’t stop her labor. They told Donna it was safer and Sarah may have not lasted two more months inside the womb.”

“
That’s interesting. So, when did you officially meet each other?”

“
Well, Donna lived three blocks down the road. Mom liked to stop by at Donna’s room before she left because they became friends before my mom was discharged. During the stay, Mom found out where they lived and agreed to have play dates when Sarah was released. Donna called Mom when she was home. This was the official meeting with Sarah and me.”

“
As you see here we’re meeting for the first time. Donna took these pictures because Mom didn’t have a camera at the time.”

Landon scowled.
“Let me make sure I have this right … Sarah came home and you were already at your house. Donna gave them to Sarah and that’s how they ended up in this book?

“
Yeah,” I reply to Landon’s weird question. It seems like he didn’t believe me. It makes me feel weird because out of all the people in my life, I figured Landon would be the last to question anything I tell him.

“
Here we were playing. There’s a big gap because after our first meeting, my Mom babysat for Donna. Sarah was at our house all the time. I started staying with Donna when my dad left. To this day I think that…my Mom was messing around on….” I decided not to finish my thought.

“
I know what you were going to say.” Landon put in so I didn’t have to continue the sentence.

“
Yeah, anyway if you look at the book I made, it all takes place at my house until we were around a year old.”

I ke
ep flipping through the pages of my broken memories and explain the pictures. As we’re looking, we come across one picture that threw me off. Sarah and I are playing in a small baby pool. My Mom and Donna are sitting by us, and there are two guys in the background cooking on a grill. I know one of the guys is Allen but the other looks like Alex, Casey’s dad.

When we finish, the
last book has several pictures of us right before I moved away. I feel my chest growing tight. The memories are too much. By the time I’m finished, I look over at Landon and see he’s sleeping.

“
Landon, go get in bed.” I say gently, so I don’t startle him.

It d
oesn’t take him long to listen to me, which is odd. It usually takes me forever to wake him up or for him to hear what I’m saying.

As he’
s getting comfortable, he asks, “You coming to lie down?”

“
Actually, I’m going to take a shower,” I tell him. I need time to think about that picture I saw in the book.

****

It doesn’t take me long to shower even though I can’t stop thinking about the guy that looks like Alex. I don’t know, maybe my eyes are messing with me. It’s been a day since I slept, and I need some before facing this stuff with Sarah.

It
feels like it takes forever to fall asleep. After lying in bed for an hour, I finally manage to sleep.

Chapter Eleven

The house looks too familiar. As I turn the corner, I see someone lying on the floor. Without delay I realize it’s Sarah. It’s hard for me to see, but there are several things in the room which stand out. I see a white book shelf, which matches the other furniture in the room. On the shelves, the scrapbooks stick out.

I realize
everything in this room is black and white, except for the scrapbook. They are the only things in the room that has color.

I r
un to the closet and the same boxes I moved earlier are in color too. I bend down to move the boxes. I move the small piece of the wall that hides Sarah’s cutting tools. The tools aren’t there but there’s a piece of paper; I pull it out. Opening it up, I see there are words written on it. Once it was fully unwrapped, I can read it:

Dear Amber,

I want to thank you so much for all you’ve done to help my mom and dad through my death. I know this is really hard for you to do, but I know deep down inside you can handle it.  I want to thank you for removing my “tools” before Mom found them. Please don’t worry about me. I’m a lot better now than I was my entire time on earth. Heaven is exactly how I pictured it to be and more. I’m at peace now, and I couldn’t be happier. I love you Amber, and I always will.

Your Best Friend, Sarah

I fold up the note and slip it into my pocket. In an odd way, this sends love and comfort through my body. I replace everything in the closet, I return to the room to find Sarah’s body isn’t lying there anymore.

I decide to
toddle down to the family room to discover what else I can find. When I enter the room, I don’t see anything out of the ordinary. Everything’s in place. I walk over to a picture of Sarah from her sixteenth birthday. Her dress was made for this party and especially for her. Allen made sure she felt like a princess. She liked the pink, girly girl look at this time. Well, we both did. This is when we tried changing our look to fit in and see if that made a difference in how the girls treated us. Needless to say, it didn’t.

Just as I turn around, the TV
comes on and it’s loud. I can’t even hear myself think. I jump when I see what’s on. It’s the tape Allen and Donna made for Sarah for her third birthday and mine too. We shared our party. As I watch the tape, I notice the same guy that was in the picture, is on this tape too.
Who in the hell is he?

We
have the same outfits, ate the same cake, and got pretty much the same gifts. This was the party that tied us together. This was the time everyone said we would grow to be sisters, and we did.

“
Amber...”

I hear
a gentle and calming voice coming from the doorway. I turn to see Sarah standing there. I don’t know how to react; I just stand there. I’m not sure if I should talk to her or if it’s just my mind messing with me. A few moments go by and I decide I need to talk to her.

“
Sarah.” I say wearily.

“
Please don’t feel bad for me.” Sarah starts to say. “I’m happier now. I don’t feel the pain or darkness anymore. This was for the best.”

“
Before you go on, answer me a few questions. Why? What happened? What went wrong?” I ask her.

“
I fell into a deep depression when you moved. I tried calling you several times, but hung up before the phone connected. I didn’t want to seem like I was bothering you.”

“
Sarah, you could never do that! We are sisters.”

“
I didn’t do it on purpose. It just kind of happened. I was trying to take away my really bad headache. The bottle I got them from didn’t say how many to take. I started with one, and it didn’t do anything. I took another, still the same thing. The third, and then the fourth. After I took the fourth, my body seemed to take control all on its own. The next thing I knew, well… here I am. I wasn’t trying to kill myself. I just wanted my headache to go away. Don’t feel bad for me. I am free.”

“
It’s good to know the truth. I miss you. We all do. And…” I begin to say, but Sarah cuts me off.

“
I don’t have much time. I want you to know that Landon is good. He will be your husband one day. You may not believe me but just watch. Tell Patrick that Stacey is a good girl. Amber, she’s going through the same thing we did. She needs you. Don’t let him push her away. Casey will be fine. She’ll move on. Hopefully, we can talk again soon. I’m sorry, but I have to go now. Love you bunches lil sis!”

That was it
; she disappeared. I fell to the floor sobbing. I cry harder than I ever have. My hands start shaking. I don’t want her to go. I want her to stay. I want her to live!

Chapter Twelve

“
Amber, wake up. We’re going to be late!” Landon says, waking me up.

I open my eyes slowly and as I d
o, a tear runs down my cheek. It doesn’t take long for Landon to notice.

“
Are you all right?” He asks me.

His tone grabs
Casey and Patrick’s attention.

“
Landon, is something wrong?” Casey asks, worried.

“
No, just checking on her.” He says.

“
I’m all right. Man, you guys worry too much. Nothing’s wrong, actually. Everything is all right.” I tell them.

I fe
el like a ton of bricks were lifted off my chest after that dream. I remember every piece of it. That’s surprising, because I never remember my dreams.

“
Why does it look like you were crying in your sleep?” Landon asks his face filled with worry.

“
I had a good dream but in a way it’s bad. It’s really nothing to worry about. Honest!” I tell them, trying not to make much of a scene this early in the morning. Trying to change the subject, I ask, “By the way, what time is it?”

“
It’s nine. We have two hours until the first viewing. I think you girls need to get cracking on getting ready.” Landon says, as he looks at me and Casey.

Everyone kn
ows we take forever to get ready. Each of us needs an hour for the bathroom.

“
It’s not going to take me that long because I took my shower before I went to bed. By the way Pat, you snore really,
really
loud.” I tease while trying to make them laugh.

“
Actually, I was thinking I’d go sightseeing. I don’t think it’s the place for me. I really didn’t know Sarah.” Casey announces.

I do
n’t mind that Casey decided not to go. I don’t think she should’ve gone. I totally agree with her. After, we’re done discussing the plans for the day, I get ready. A hot shower might help the ache in my neck, which is stiff from the bed.

As I step into the shower, the hot water force
s me to start dreaming. I hate when this happens but the water feels so good. I start thinking about cutting. Why did it start in the first place? I really don’t remember. Honestly, to say why this all started would be a revelation to me. When I started cutting, I didn’t even know I was doing it.

I beg
in to think about it and after a few moments, it comes to me. I was feeling lonely in school. This was right before Sarah became part of cutting. She’s the one that initiated it. Sarah and I were eating lunch one day and the preps were making fun of us. I sat with my tray in front of me. The only thing I could do to make sure I didn’t beat the crap out of one of them was to clench my fists.

All of a sudden, I notice blood dripping from my palms. This really isn’t the description of cutting but it was the beginning of the darkness. I didn’t even feel the pain of my nails entering my skin. This has to be the way the darkness seeped in.

Later that day, Sarah asked me if I was okay. I explained to her that I didn’t notice until I saw the blood. She knew the anger just as much as I did.

“
Can I tell you something and trust you won’t freak out?” She asked me.

“
Of course you can. That’s what I’m here for.” I replied to her.

“
These are because of those sluts.” Sarah said as she pulled up her sleeve.

As soon as I saw what she was showing me, I gasped.

“Sarah, why in the hell would you do that?” I yelled at her.

That’s
when she explained, it’s the only way for her to deal with life. If she didn’t do this, then life wouldn’t be. I was completely unsure what she meant at that time. Now, I totally understand.

****

“Does it hurt?” I asked her with concern in my voice.

I felt a lump forming in my throat as she began saying she didn’t even fe
el it. The pain felt good. It wasn’t bad and she said maybe I’d enjoy doing it.

“
I remember the first time I used an actual knife.” Sarah said as she remembered and looked like she was watching the scene all over again.

“
With a knife? I had the impression that’s what you used.” I told her.

“
Oh no, at first I used a pen cap. I chewed on it for the first part of the school day. In seventh period, I asked to go to the bathroom. While I was in there, I took the pen cap and dug it across my skin. I didn’t stop until I was completely happy with the blood running down my arm and dripping onto the floor.” Sarah told me.

I didn’t know how to react. I stood there with a blank expression on my face.

****

“
Amber, you need to hurry up and get out of the shower. You have twenty minutes to get ready.” Landon yells through the door pulling me out of my dream.

As I came back to
reality, I realize Landon’s right. I turn off the water, grab my towel, wrap it around me, and step out of the shower. As I’m dressing, I notice several scars that are visible. I hadn’t noticed them before. Weird!

Once I’m
dressed, Landon comes to talk with me.

“
Hey sweetheart, you okay?” He observes.

“
Yeah.” I reply confused.

“
I’m making sure, because you spent the better part of your time in the shower. You never take that long when you know you have some place to be.”

“
I’m doing the best I can under the circumstances, Landon.” I tell him, getting really sick of the same question everyone keeps asking.

It
’s obvious that I have a bit of sadness and tension in my voice, because Landon steps closer. Once he’s settled behind me, he takes my hand, and gently guides it to release my brush on the sink.

I t
hink the feelings that are going through me at the moment are completely unacceptable. I shouldn’t be standing here in the bathroom with Landon having these feelings. I’m about to go and give a forever farewell to my best friend. Who knows if I’m going to be able to deal with that like a sane person? But the moment is too strong and so are my feelings.

I stare
in Landon’s eyes through the mirror. His eyes seem to capture my soul, and my heart starts beating faster. There’s only one thing I want in this exact moment.

I turn to face him. His strong arms fit perfectly around my waist and he slowly
comes face to face with me. I continue to stare at him while he leans in for a kiss. We each know what the other one wants.

The kiss ma
kes me forget everything. It always does. I don’t know why, but when he kisses me with such intensity, my knees start to wobble. He realizes I’m not going to object and he kisses me deeper, with more passion.

A minute or two into the kiss and the alarm
goes off in the other room.

“
What’s that for?” I ask.

“
I set the alarm. It’s time to leave. I guess we should let you finish getting ready, real quick.”

“
Yeah, save it for a later day?”

I c
an’t believe I just said that. How can I be making these plans knowing what I’m about to face?

“
Maybe...” Landon replies gently and walks out of the room.

****

The drive to the funeral home isn’t as far as we thought. We pull in and Donna meets us at the door. As I see her red eyes, a knot forms in the middle of my throat.

“
Hi there sweetheart.” Donna says, her voice quivering.

I tr
y to return the greeting but I can’t get my voice to carry past the knot. My heart’s racing. I mentally tried to prepare myself on the way over here for what I’m about to see, but I don’t think it did anything. I can tell that no matter how much I try to prepare myself, it’s never going to happen.

“
Come in and take a seat.” The funeral director says softly.

That
’s definitely easier said than done, because I can’t force myself to move. I’m afraid of what I’m going to see, and how I’m going to react.

“
Amber honey, are you okay?” Landon asks me.

“
I….I...” I’m unable to finish. I can feel my heart beating out of my chest and I notice I’m crying.

“
Come on, we’ll do this little by little.” Landon says, taking my arm.

This i
s the only way I can move. It’s like I’m frozen in place.

The sitting room seem
s welcoming. But as we all know, there’s nothing welcoming about a funeral home. It’s nothing other than a death house. Most would rather not even be here, but as respect for their loved one, we all go in anyway. The room’s small. It has flowered wall paper with light colored couches and chairs.

There
are flowers nicely placed on each side stand. As I look around the room, I catch sight of a board which holds Sarah’s senior picture. She emailed it to me not too long ago. The picture’s surrounded by the time and date of the viewings, and the time of the burial. My tears burst from me. I start hiccupping because I’m crying so hard.

Looking through my tears, Landon pull
s me into the next room which has rows of chairs. As I follow him down the aisle, I see her. My eyes instantaneously look away. I can’t face this! What am I going to do without her? She and I have been through everything. Here I am at her funeral falling apart.

Landon
directs me to the front rows of chairs and my knees can’t hold me anymore. I collapse into a chair, bend over, put my face into my hands, and cry harder.

Donna and Allen s
it in the same row with me. Landon sits right beside me, rubbing my back and telling me that I will be all right. How in the
hell
does he know if I’m going to be okay? He’s not sitting at his best friend’s funeral about to say good bye, and never see her again. I understand he’s only trying to help.

“
May I have everyone’s attention?” The director announces into a microphone that’s at the front of the room.

“
I have been asked as a special request from Sarah’s mother, to play this CD that Sarah most enjoyed. This music will be in memory of a great daughter and friend.” He concludes, as he nods to a man in the other room.

The room fill
s with hip hop music. At once I know what CD he’s playing, because Sarah and I have copies of it. We sat at her computer before I left, putting together a bunch of our favorite songs onto one disc. This way if we start to miss each other, we can play the disc, and remember our good times. This makes me cry more.

The first song that play
s is, “
Meet Me Halfway”
. What’s really messed up is I can’t remember who sings this song, but this is far less of a concern as I lift my head to look at Sarah.

As I raise my eyes, I notice her casket
is lined in a baby pink fabric. There are flowers everywhere. She hated flowers, especially bright ones, yet these are what surrounds her. I look directly at her. She has on a nice dress shirt. Oh my Gosh!! This is
not
how she dressed and her makeup is all wrong.

“
What is wrong with you people? This isn’t Sarah. She didn’t dress like that. She hated that style of make up.” I yell before I realize it. But, Sarah would have done the same for me.

“
Calm down, Amber. Everything is fine. This is the way we felt she should be remembered.” Donna says.

“
NO! She shouldn’t be remembered as a fake Barbie doll with pretty pink everywhere! She hated pink! She loved black eye liner and shades of tan eye shadow! She never wore lipstick!” I shriek, as I walk over to Sarah.

Without thinking, I t
ake a clean tissue and gently wipe off the pink rose shade lip gloss. It comes off easily. I take another tissue and try to wipe away the eye shadow until Landon pulls me away. He guides me into the sitting room.

“
You need to get a hold of yourself.” He says gently.

“
What!
No, Landon, I’m not going to let my best friend be put off as if she is a damn Barbie doll! She’s probably sitting in their yelling about the way her body looks. This isn’t what Sarah wanted. Yes, the music is, but her looks are all wrong.” I snap.

Donna
comes up and looks at me with red puffy eyes. “Amber, I understand your anger, but this is the way Allen and I wanted her to be. We want to remember her as our beautiful daughter.”

“
Even if she had her makeup done the way she wanted it, she’s still beautiful. Am I the only one who wants things the way Sarah wanted them?” I ask through clenched teeth.

I really felt bad because I really didn’t have the place to sa
y anything about it. I should have let it go but I know Sarah wouldn’t have wanted to look like that.
Ever!