Silenced 2: The Overtaking (Silenced Series) (10 page)

“
What the hell were you thinking?” She screams.

“
Please keep the yelling down. We have other patients in the hospital that need their rest too.” The doctor tells my mom. “I think it’d be best to cover what I have found out first and leave the rest of the questions to the Psychologist. As I have reviewed Amber and her history, I’ve noticed several times within the past year where she was treated for cuts of different sorts.” She says, looking at the file.

“
So this has been going on for more than a year?” My mother asks looking shocked.

“
I would say so. Amber, can you explain to me why you felt you had to cut yourself earlier?” She asks.

“
I prefer not to talk about why. But...” I say as Casey cuts me off.

“
I have an idea. Maybe it’s because her best friend passed away, among other reasons.” Casey jumps in defending me.

“
I think this conversation needs to be between myself and my patient. I’m asking for everyone to leave the room.” The doctor orders, seeing how upset I am.

Without another word, everyone l
eaves the room and Dr. Morris sits down in the chair beside me.

“
I’m not here to judge you. I just want to find out why, because this is serious. Amber, this could have very well killed you. The cut you made required stitches. I can tell by your physical review and medical records, this has been going on for a while. I have ordered antibiotics and pain medication for you. But I think what will help you the most is talking to someone who specializes in this sort of situation.”She explains.

“
You want me to see a shrink?” I ask her.

“
Amber, I’m not an enemy. I want to see you well. I see by your record that you live in West Virginia. I’ll have to make a few phone calls but I think it’d be best if you talked to a professional.” Dr. Morris states.

“
Are you going to lock me up in a padded room?” I ask holding back tears. This is one of my worst fears.

“
No, not unless you give me reason too. I understand that you dread the worst. Being locked away and forgotten about, but there are other ways to treat this. I think you have what is called Bi-Polar Disorder. Do you understand what this is?” She asks me.

“
I have heard of it. Yes. But, do I really understand what it is… no.” I tell her.

“
Well, first before I explain this to you, I’d like for you to talk to our Psychologist who will evaluate you and make an educated decision as to why you did what you did. She may even be able to help you. Would you be willing to talk to her?”

What do I have to
lose now? The worst has already happened, and I honestly want to find a way to really gain control of this. I want to quit. I don’t want to live with this horrible secret. I hate having to hide who I really am.

“
Yes, I’ll talk.” I say in a sincere voice.

“
Ok, well let me talk to her and see if she's willing to talk to you now.” She says as she stands up, and walks out of the room.

Chapter Fourteen

I sit in the room alone for about an hour when a young female walks into the room. I can tell she’s the shrink that Dr. Morris wants to talk with me.

“
Hello, Ms. Brown. My name is Doctor Duke. I’m a Psychologist. Dr. Morris asked me to come in here and talk with you. I understand you’re here because you cut. I reviewed your file and would like to ask you a few questions. Do you mind?”

First of all, Dr. Duke ha
s one hell of a funny name. Second of all, she looks old enough to be my older sister and seems very easy to talk with.

“
I don’t mind.”

“
Ok, first I would like for you to explain to me what’s going on? Why is it you decided to first cut yourself?”

Talk about being blunt. She doesn’t waste any time.

“I first did it with a friend. We were bullied and picked on in school.” I say making sure I don’t say Sarah’s name, because I know she wouldn’t want anyone to know. Not even a doctor.

“
Ok, what did these kids do?” She asks as she continues to write in a notebook.

“
They called us names.”

“
How did their words make you feel?”

“
Well, it made us feel like it would make anyone feel... hurt by their words. It made us angry.”

“
Ok, now I’m going to ask you a few questions and I would like for you to rate it on a scale of one to ten: one being not so bad, ten being horrible. Okay?”

“
Okay?”

She starts.
“I feel like crying all the time or most of the time, and don’t know why.”

“
Umm, like an eight or maybe a nine.”

“
Okay, I feel like everything is my fault.”

“
Yes and no. I know when things aren’t my fault but it doesn’t stop me from feeling like shit. So that would be like an eight.” I bluntly tell her.

“
Ok, it’s nice to see you’re being honest. Next, I feel tired at times, and then there are times I can’t sleep.” She says while she looks into my eyes.

“
Sometimes, so I would say like a seven.” I ask wondering what these questions are telling her about me.

“
Ok, last question. I feel unmotivated and have difficulty doing those things I used to enjoy.”

“
Ten!” I say without even blinking. All the questions she asked are so me. Maybe she does understand what I’m going through.

“
Now, from those questions, I would say that you’re depressed. I’m not really leaning towards Bi-Polar but it’s totally not out of the question. Do you understand what depression is?”

“
Yeah, depressed isn’t happy.” I say sarcastically.

“
Depression comes in many different forms, and everyone’s case is different. There are many different symptoms that describe those who suffer from depression. Medication and therapy can help, and most of the time it does when they are given in the correct doses. Depression can be expressed as sadness or feelings of guilt. It can change so many things about a person when untreated, for an example, your cutting.”

I didn’t know this
is an actual problem people suffer from. I thought I was angry at the world for no reason. Maybe it’s better explained as misunderstood. This woman actually knows how I feel; it’s a relief I’m not all that crazy.

“
So, what do I do?” I ask, worried.

“
I would say, talk with a Psychologist. Typically, go to each of the sixteen sessions, and the Psychologist will help you sort out your feelings. They’ll teach you the proper ways of handling your anger or animosity.”

“
What are you going to tell my mom?” I ask as my voice breaks up.

“
Everything you told me is between us. I'm obligated to keep this between you and me unless otherwise stated. I do however, have to tell her what I think is wrong. She is your parent.”

This isn’t what I want to hear.

“I’m going to go get your mother, April Brown, correct?”

“
Yes.”

“
I need her to come in here so I can talk with the both of you. So, I’m going to get her and we shall be right back.” She heads out of the room.

Call me stupid but I have never even heard of a thing such as depression. I
thought my mind was being stubborn. I’m not happy that everyone’s finding out. Don’t get me wrong on that. I just think if I do everything they want, they’ll let me go back to the hotel, pack my stuff, and go back to the apartment where I’ll be alone. That’s all I want is to be alone. I need time to process this. I need time to grieve.

“
Please have a seat, Mrs. Brown.” Dr. Duke states as she and my mom come back into the room.

“
Call me April, please.”

“
Amber and I have been talking, and by the things that were said, I believe we found out what’s going on. She’s depressed. Now, there are...” She tries to say, but as usual, mom cuts in.

“
Depression? What kind of diagnosis is that? My child is not depressed. She has no reason to be. I give her everything I can. I just think she needs an attitude adjustment, and a good punishment.”

“
April, please keep an open mind. This is a serious illness, and Amber’s not making it up. It’s not the matter of what materialistic items she has. Depression doesn’t occur because of the lack of a particular cell phone or a pair of jeans. Depression is an imbalance of chemicals within the brain. Sometimes it runs within the family, and at other times there are events to set off the chemicals within the brain that cause the depression.” Dr. Duke explains.

“
I’d like to prescribe a medication but in order for it to be effective, Amber will need to take it every day at the same time. I also recommend her seeing a Psychologist when she gets home. I can make a few phone calls and set up the appointment for you.” She says as she focuses on me.

“
I’d like that.” I reply.

Honestly, this is a situation I feel I need help with. I was being
honest when I told Donna I hope no one would ever have to deal with my death. I want to make sure I’m not the cause, and just the act of nature will be.

“
Ok, great. I’ll call a great Psychologist you can follow up with. In the meantime, I think you need to focus on getting that cut to heal up. As for you, April, I think it would be best to lighten up on Amber for her health, and keep your eye on her. This will ensure that nothing happens by accident.” She says.

I
know what she means. So, not only do I have to talk with a shrink, I have to be babysat by mother of the year. This is becoming a nightmare. Talking to Dr. Duke isn’t that bad, and finding out I’m really not crazy is great. But knowing I have to be around someone, probably means my mother will make me move back home.

“
As soon as we get back home Amber, you and I will go to the apartment to pack your things. You obviously can’t be trusted alone. That much I agree on.” My mom says with resentment flooding her voice.

While Mom’
s rambling on with how incompetent I am, the doctor leaves the room. She must have gone to tell everyone it’s okay to come back into the room because I see my quiet room filling with the unwelcome. The unwelcome is Dave.

As soon as Landon
comes into the room, as usual my mom starts blaming him for what happened, “You know this is your fault.” She says as she looks in his direction. “There was nothing wrong with her until she moved out.”

“
Actually, Mom I’ve been cutting since we lived here. If anything, Landon has helped me. So don’t even be blaming him for this. You heard the doctor. No one could’ve caused this or stopped it from happening. Have you ever thought that this was caused by you?” I ask her, feeling so much of the adamant feelings I used to have against her.

I hate when she d
oes this. Instead of figuring out what’s the best way to fix a problem, she finds all the reasons in the world why it’s not her fault. All I know is I really want to go home.

“
Casey, can you find a doctor or nurse and find out when I’m getting the hell out of here? I want to go home.” I ask.

“
Sure.” She says and leaves the room.

Landon decide
s to forget what my mom said and begins talking to me, “So, what did the doctor say and what did they figure out?”

“
I talked to Dr. Morris who told me I need to talk to a Psychologist. Then, she had Dr. Duke come in here who asked me some questions. Once I finished talking to Dr. Duke, she found out I’m suffering from depression, which is an actual sickness. She wants me to go home and talk to a Psychologist. She’s going to call and set up an appointment.” I tell him.

“
So cutting is actually you suffering from depression? Is there something they can do for you?” He asks concerned.

“
Yes, cutting is my way of dealing with my depression and Dr. Duke says there are ways of treating it without having to lock me up in a padded room.”

“
So, they can help you with this. That’s good.”

A few minutes after Landon and I
are done discussing the future plans the doctors has for me, Casey and the nurse walk into the room.

“
Ms. Brown, we’re working on your discharge orders now. Doctor Duke’s on the phone with a Psychologist from your hometown. She’s going to fax the paper work we have here for them to review and make an appointment. Once that’s complete, we’ll work on discharging you so you can go home.” she states.

“
What are her instructions for when we go home? She’s obviously suicidal.” My mom asks.

“
Let me get Dr. Duke and she can explain her plans to you when she’s done on the phone.” The nurse says as she leaves.

T
hat’s the best I’ve ever seen anyone avoid my mother’s craziness. I think it’s funny. Instead of locking me up, the doctors seem to understand why I am the way I am.

We
wait for another hour before anyone comes back into the room. Dr. Duke is the next doctor that comes back in. This is one reason why I hate going to the emergency room. It always takes the doctors hours to complete a job and release their patients back into the real world.

“
Amber, I talked to a Psychologist in West Virginia. I managed to set you up an appointment with them and gave them a small review of what we talked about. Here’s your card to remind you of your appointment. Now, seeing how these are not normal circumstances, we’re releasing you to your parents. In any other case, you would be moved to the psychiatry ward of the hospital for observation.” She states, which baffles me.

“
Once you all get back to West Virginia, you’ll be meeting up with Dr. McKinley. She’s a great doctor who will help you. She’s very well known within the world of medicine. She has extensive experience in the practice of Psychiatry and she’s known to provide the highest quality care to her patients. I’m very comfortable to release you into her care.” Dr. Duke says with a slight smile.

“
Okay.” I reply not sure what else I should say.

“
As for your instructions for the wound: you need to keep it dry and clean. The stitches will fall away on their own. There’s no need to go and have them removed. Clean it with warm water and an antibacterial soap. Pat it dry and keep it covered. Do not immerse your hand into any dirty water, such as a pan of dish water. That can lead to a nasty infection. Do you work?” She asks.

“
Yes, I do. I was going to ask if I could have a doctor’s note and a release stating I can work.”

“
Well, I think it’d be best, if possible, if you took time away from working. Sometimes work can add to the stress and make the depression worse. I think it’s best if you focus on getting yourself into a better place so nothing like this happens again.” She suggests.

“
I can’t just ask for more time off. I...” I begin to say before my mother interrupts me.

“
Then, it looks like you’ll need to call them and tell them you quit. There are plenty more dead-end jobs out there you can get when you’re well.” She snaps.

“
Mom, please, I can’t take it anymore. Your negative comments and tone is really getting under my skin. So, please do me the favor, and just shut up.” I flip.

I know she’
s saying that it’d be best for me to just quit, which I plan on doing, but she doesn’t need to jump in like she knows everything.

“
Ok, well I think everything here is good. I need you to sign these release forms and you can go.” Dr. Duke says, handing me some papers.

The only thing I
can think of is going home. This is the best news I’ve heard of all night.