Smoke Signals (7 page)

That was just it. I was worried about her. And if I couldn’t make it good for
her
, there wasn’t a damn thing she’d be able to do to make it good for me.

“Let me try,” I said. “Give me some hints.”

She shook her head. “I give you good blow job. Let you do what you want. Anal? Doggy style? Tie me up do pile-driver? Whatever you want. It’s fine. I make you feel good.”

Even as she said the words, one of her hands was heading south to take hold of my cock. I couldn’t deny it felt amazing when she took hold of me and started pumping, much as it had been pure bliss when she’d taken me into her mouth earlier. But she was missing the point, or maybe she was deliberately trying to avoid the point. In fact, based on the furrow of her brow, I was almost positive it was avoidance.

I took hold of her arm and lifted it away from my dick, raising it up over her head. Then I pinned it down and looked straight in her eyes. “It’s not hard to make me come. You don’t have to do a damn thing for that to happen, Tori. I’m trying to get you there with me.”

“No good. Don’t bother.”

I wasn’t even close to giving up. “When’s the last time you had an orgasm?”

“Few months? I don’t know.”

Too fucking long. “How did you get there?”

The look she gave me was pure exasperation. “Bondage porn. Public exhibition. Tied up, spread-eagle. Fucking machine in pussy and ass, vibe on clit, deep throating big cock, and hot wax on tits. That was after lots of flogging and spanking. Oh, and cane. Cane on soles of my feet. You want to do that? You can do it.”

“I’m not ever going to do anything like that to you.”

“Then I not come. But you? You can come.”

The fact that she was so convinced that she couldn’t—shouldn’t?—get pleasure from sex pissed me off to no end. Good thing that, asshole that I knew I was, I was also one stubborn son of a bitch.

I kissed her, deep and hard, letting my weight drop down to cover her. She spread her legs, opening herself to me. But was it instinct or desire? Probably still instinct. Fucking asswipes had screwed with her head.

So I touched her. Everywhere. I molded her plump tits to my palms. I kneaded her firm ass, grinding her up against me. I kissed and licked and nibbled on every available inch of skin, determined to arouse her the way she aroused me. Her breathing picked up, and a light sheen of sweat broke out all over her body.

“Fuck me. I’m ready.”

“Not yet, baby. Soon.” I was desperate to believe her, but no way was I going to put my needs before hers.

My cock pulsed against her panties. I was so close, but so fucking far from where I wanted to be. Even through that thin barrier of cloth, her pussy felt like an inferno, a raging heat I was desperate to feel all around me.

But her eyes were still vacant. Empty. Staring at the ceiling again.

“I’m ready, Razor. No more foreplay. Fuck me.” Over and over again, she told me the same thing.

And maybe now she was. Maybe I was reading too much into the lack of expression, the vacant stare.

Stretching my hand down between our bodies, I edged her panties to the side and found her lower lips slick and swollen. Hell yes. I’d affected her, despite all her claims, and I was damned well going to make her come whether she thought I could or not.

I rolled off her and tugged her panties down her legs. Her pussy was totally bare. Not surprising since that was a staple of the porn industry, but it still threw me for a loop. Most women I’d been with had at least a landing strip. One woman I’d dated last season was constantly going to get herself Vajazzled. I’d thought it was ridiculous, but whatever. It was her body, her decision.

I grabbed the box of condoms we’d brought back to the hotel with us and took one out before ripping it open and suiting up. When I came back to the bed, Tori spread her legs wide, giving me a full view. She stroked a finger through the slick folds of her sex before bringing that finger up to her mouth and sucking it clean. She licked her lips, lowering her lids to half-mast, before biting down on her bottom lip.

That was absolutely a porn star move. Every bit of it was meant for the nonexistent cameras, for the assholes who’d be jacking off at home while they watched on their computer screens. Damn if it didn’t turn me on, even though I knew exactly what it was.

I’d barely settled myself between her legs before she was drawing her knees up. I positioned my cock at her opening and thrust. She gasped and took me balls deep in a single stroke, even though she was the tightest fit I’d ever experienced.

I wasn’t so sure about that gasp, though. It was somewhere between pleasure and pain, and I couldn’t make out which end of the equation it was closer to. “You all right?” I asked, levering myself up on my elbows so I could see her face.

She wouldn’t look at me. Whatever the hell was up on the ceiling had to be the most fascinating thing ever, since she couldn’t seem to look away from it even with me filling her. “Fine. Fuck me, Razor.”

I still couldn’t read a damn thing in her face. It was a mask, conveying nothing at all. Before I could make up my mind about what to do, she circled her hips and hooked her ankles behind my back, locking us together as she continued to move.

“God, beautiful. You feel so good.” Too fucking good. I dropped my head to the mattress, burying my nose in her hair as we started to move together. It didn’t take long before I was lost. In the moment. In her. I didn’t want to be found again, either…at least not any time soon.

I rocked my hips against hers, using my hands to explore her body. I might not know her well on a personal level, but before the night was over I’d know her intimately on a physical level.

Her hands were on me, too. She kept grabbing my ass, bringing me closer to her. She sucked in a breath, the sound sharp and hiss-like next to my ear. I didn’t have the opportunity to worry about what that meant, because she kept exploring my ass, one finger on the verge of going into no-man’s land.

I let out a groan, shocked at the sensation.

Her breathing was erratic, and she bucked her hips up toward me. “Fuck me hard. Fast. I need…”

At the moment, I’d do anything she asked of me. I increased my pace, elated that she was finally asking for what she wanted. “Tell me what you need, beautiful.”

She sucked another breath in through her teeth. “I need you to come.”

This time, I noticed the shaking in her voice. Like she was struggling. Like she was in pain.

I stilled and lifted my head so I could see her. She still had that fucking mask in place, her eyes not betraying a goddamned thing.

Except for her tears.

They were huge, filling her eyes and pouring down her cheeks as though they were in a race to the finish.

“Am I hurting you?” I demanded, not waiting for an answer. “I am. Why didn’t you say something? Why didn’t you stop me?” Not only had she not done a damn thing to get me to stop, but she’d been egging me on. Trying to get me to fuck her faster and harder. Hell, even now, she was reaching for me, clenching her thighs to hold me in place. I rolled off her. No chance was I going to keep at it while she was lying there crying, no matter how hard she tried to pretend everything was all right.

Nothing was all right. Everything about this was fucked up beyond belief.

She shook her head, her jaw clenched tight as her tears continued to roll. “Just finish. Let me help you come.”

“What the hell are you talking about? Christ, Tori.” I sat up and brushed the hair back from her forehead, trying to figure out what the hell was going on inside her head.

Why wouldn’t she tell me I was hurting her? Instead of trying to hurry me along, why hadn’t she told me to go fuck myself and get off her? But there was nothing in her eyes that could explain any of it. Only pain and tears.

“It’s okay,” she insisted. “It’s always— It’s okay. It’s fine.” The tears didn’t stop, though, no matter how much she tried to make her argument.

The more she cried, the angrier I got. At her, for not telling me to go to hell. At myself, for not paying better attention and realizing there was a problem sooner. At every fucking bastard who’d played a part in leading her into the life she’d been living for the last few years. I was angry at the whole fucking world.

I bent over and kissed her on the forehead, then got out of the bed and went to the bathroom to wet a cloth. While I was in there, I ripped off the condom and tossed it in the trash. Wouldn’t be needing that any longer. I carried the cloth back into the bedroom and handed it to her.

“Why don’t you clean yourself up and we’ll get some sleep, huh? Tomorrow’s a new day.” A busy new day, with Babs’s wedding. There wouldn’t be a hell of a lot of time for me to get to the bottom of whatever was going on with Tori. I didn’t even have the first clue as to where I should start.

She sniffled, but she sat up slowly—gingerly—and used the cloth to clean herself. Her tears were slowing down by the time she faced me again and passed the cloth back. She looked down at my cock, nodding. “I can help—”

“No, you can’t,” I interrupted, a lot more harshly than I’d intended.

I tossed the washcloth onto the bathroom floor, then washed my hands before returning to the bedroom to find her sitting on the edge of the bed, her arms wrapped tight around her knees and her head resting on them. She looked so damn vulnerable, and I didn’t know what to do about it. I didn’t know how to help her. I felt more helpless than I had when I’d been a kid who couldn’t do anything to protect my mom.

I sat next to her and put an arm around her shoulders, drawing her to my side. She was stiff as a board.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I’m sorry I hurt you, and I’m sorry I was short with you just now. You didn’t deserve it. You didn’t deserve any of it.”

She sniffled again. And she pulled away from me. “Why won’t you let me help you finish? I make you come.”

I did my best not to lose my temper, but it wasn’t easy. Not when every bone in my body was aching to wrap her up in my arms and hold her until she believed she had some value. “I told you. You don’t come, I don’t come. That’s how this is going to work between us. Got it? You’re not just a set of holes for me to fuck. Not me or any man.”

She blinked at me a few times. “You’re wrong, Razor. You’re good man, but you’re wrong.” Then she got up and headed for the doorway.

“Where are you going?” There was only a mild sense of panic edging my tone. Not anywhere near as much as I felt.

She stopped, one hand on the door frame, and looked back over her shoulder. “Other bedroom. I can sleep there?”

“You can sleep anywhere you want to.” But I wanted her to stay with me. So I could watch over her. So I could make sure she didn’t get up and take off in the middle of the night. So I could study her and try to solve her mysteries. So I could make sure no one else ever hurt her again in any of the ways she’d so clearly been hurt.

But I couldn’t protect her if she wouldn’t let me.

Tori gave me a solemn nod. “You’re good man, Razor.” Then she sniffled once more, walked out, and closed the door behind her.

I lay in bed thinking for hours. I replayed everything that had happened between us since we’d walked off the casino floor. I pondered every possibility I could come up with for what might have been causing her physical pain. I debated how I could help her overcome all that she’d been through.

The longer I thought, the more questions I had…and the fewer answers. It was enough to overwhelm me, and I wasn’t even the one who’d lived through all that she had.

In the end, there was only one thing I could think to do—talk to my mother. That would have to wait, though. It was the middle of the night, and not a time I could call her.

And tomorrow, I had to make sure Babs got hitched.

“HOLY SHITBALLS,” KOZ
said—loudly—when Tori and I walked into Red Rocks for the wedding. Every head in the outdoor space spun toward him. He was staring right at Tori, and the only way I could describe his expression was
less than polite
. Actually,
way
less than polite. He was staring at her like he’d seen her with her clothes off.