So. Long.: Bad Boy Next Door (19 page)

I have to put her first. It’s my only choice. One I made
when I chose to become a mother.

“I really like you. I do. You’re a great guy. And Clarissa
really loves you—and—and that’s why we need to stop this.”

“You want to stop seeing me? Because you
really
like
me, and Clarissa loves me?”

“Yes.” The weight in my stomach grows.

He shakes his head. “I don’t get it.”

I twist my fingers behind my back. “I’m sorry. I have to do
what’s best for her—and me. And—I think—I need to find someone who’s looking
for the same things I am. A family. A future.”

He holds up his hands with his fingers splayed as if he’s
letting go of something. “If that’s what you want. I’d never stand in the way
of your happiness. And I can’t make promises for the future. I can’t even make
promises for next week. So, by all means—do whatever you need to do.”

In the span of a blink, his demeanor changes again. It’s
like a shutter slams over his charm, and a fence goes up around him, right before
my eyes.

But he seems to shake it off and grins. “Still friends,
right?”

“We’re neighbors. Of course, we’ll be friends.” I force a
smile.

“And we can still do
friend
things?”

“I have no idea what
friend things
are, but sure.
We’ll do friend things.”

He steps around the island and wraps me in his embrace.
“Okay. Friends. Friends that cuddle, friends that fuck. Friends that hold each
other through the night.”

My nostrils flare and my eyes sting as I shake my head. “No,
Adam. Just
regular
friends. I can’t be fucking you and trying to find
the man of my dreams.”

Now that I’ve said it. Now that it’s out of my mouth and
can’t be taken back…my heart screams that I’ve made a terrible mistake.

But it’s done.

I won’t flake out and suddenly change my mind.

Adam tightens his arms around me, holding me together.

He always makes me feel like I’m the only person on the
planet he wants to touch—this is what I’ll miss, maybe more than the sex.

Maybe.

I shove the little white stick into the trash and cover it
with some wadded up tissue. It’s not like Clarissa could tell anyone, even if
she
does
see it. But I still have this overbearing need to hide my
folly.

After brushing my teeth for the sixth time today, I finish
washing up. The nausea hasn’t abated. Of course, the two blue lines on that
stick prove it’s not nerves, nor is it an awful stomach bug. I couldn’t get so
lucky.

Sad when a person wishes for a horrible virus.

I’ve hidden in here as long as I can. Clarissa can’t be left
to her own devices for too long. I let out a sigh and open the door.

Clarissa waits in the hallway. She’s got her pink floaty
around her waist and her beach towel draped over her shoulders. Her sandals are
on the wrong feet, but hey, at least this time, she didn’t get the swimsuit on
backward.

I smile, because, at this point, I’ll take any positives I
can get. Except the positive on the pregnancy test—that one, I could do
without.

She grabs my hand and drags me toward the living room, her
grin just about eating her ears.

“I’m coming, Sweetness. Give me a minute.”

Halfway down the hallway, Mom’s unmistakable voice rips
through the last vestige of peace I might have hoped for. “At last. What on
Earth takes so long for you to get a swimsuit on?”

Does the woman not know how to pick up a phone?

I steel myself to deal with Mom by banishing all thoughts of
a baby and Adam from my mind. No time to dwell on that right now.

I paste on a smile and swallow the bitter taste of bile
pushing at the back of my throat.

“Hey, Mom. You didn’t call…again.”

Mom waves away my comment.

“I thought I’d stop in. I wanted to see my girl.” She
gathers Clarissa into a big hug.

I always find myself waiting for her little eyes to pop out
of her head when Mom squeezes her like that.

Clarissa starts to wriggle, so I say, “Mom. Let her down.
You’re gonna make her shit herself. And you get to clean it up.”

Mom almost drops Clarissa, steadying her at the last second.

“Sorry, Sweetie. Granna doesn’t mean to hug so hard. I just
love you so much.” Mom’s gaze falls on me. “And I don’t get to see you enough.”

“Oh, please. Like that would make you stop squeezing the
living shit out of us.”

She lifts her arms, as though she’s showing off muscles she
doesn’t have. “It’s all those water aerobics I do at the Old Bitches Club.”

I wrap my beach towel around my waist. “Well, we’re heading
to the pool. I’ve been promising the munchkin all day that I’d take her, so you
can either go with or we’ll see you in an hour or so.”

Mom’s eyes light. “Do you have a suit I can borrow?”

“A suit?
My
suit?”

She blinks as though I’m slow. “Of course, yours, silly. I
can’t possibly fit into Clarissa’s suits.”

Fuck it. She wants to stretch some spandex to capacity, who
am I to stop her? Could be the best laugh of my week, and the Lord knows, I
could use something to smile about right now.

Besides, maybe she’ll finally understand what it’s like to be
on the receiving end of one of her hugs.

I pull out the only one-piece in my drawer. It’s old, and
the elastic is a bit loose, so that might work in Mom’s favor. She heads into
the bathroom.

Oh shit. The pregnancy test.

No. It’ll be fine. Mom’s not likely to dig in the trash.
Surely.

Mom returns to the living room, sashaying like a runway
model. “Don’t I look divine?”

The cleavage bulging over the top of the suit is in danger
of busting out like two prisoners running for sweet freedom. Her summer hat
flops over one eye, not helping her style in the least.

Clarissa hops up and down. Her excitement to get to the
water comes out in the form of a squeal, saving me from one of two unpalatable
options. Either lie to my mom or tell her she resembles an albino seal strapped
into a rainbow girdle.

We walk around the block, and sweat beads on my forehead and
rolls down my back. As we approach the hedge that lines the fence surrounding
the pool, running children, splashing water, and lounging adults make
appearances through the leaves and bald spots in the bushes. A muscular arm
marked with familiar tats draws me up short.

Adam.

And I’m pregnant.

And so
not
ready to face him.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

Mom and Clarissa continue down the scorching walkway toward
the relief of cool water, but I’m rooted to my spot. A sudden, overwhelming
urge to run grabs me by the scruff of my neck and tries to shake me loose from
the heated cement.

My mother stops at the gate and throws a glance over her
shoulder to me, eyebrows raised.

Shaking my head, I point to my stomach, and then toward my
house. I don’t even have to fake my grimace. She waves for me to head on home.
Then she follows Clarissa into the pool area.

A little girl, a bit older than Clarissa, in a sparkled turquoise
swimsuit sidles up to Adam.

Her sweet voice loudly whispers, “Mommy said I had to ask
you all by myself. Will you take me to the daddy-daughter dance?”

Adam chuckles. “I’d be honored, Maddie.”

“You’ll take me?”

“Of course, I will. That’s my job.” Adam raises his voice. “Ask
your mom.”

“That it is.” A melodic feminine voice calls from a short
distance away. “And a fine job you’re doing.”

“Thanks, Jen. It’s nice to be appreciated.” Adam’s smile is
in his voice, and I don’t need to see it to imagine that one dimple deepening
in his cheek.

Jen
?

Little hands grab his tattooed bicep as a delighted giggle
erupts from the girl.

Adam’s
daughter?

Of course she is. Why else would it be his
job
to
take her to a daddy-daughter dance?

My throat tightens.

That dirty-dog liar.

My eyes sting.

Doesn’t want any kids—
my ass
.

My gut aches.

Any
more
kids, maybe.

The bile in my stomach lurches. I clamp my hand over my
mouth and make a run for the house.

No way am I embarrassing myself, in full view of the entire
neighborhood, by collapsing in a heap of vomit and tears.

Clarissa jumps into my lap.

I gather her in my arms. “Where’d you come from, Pip?”

She hugs me, laying her head on my shoulder as though to say
she’s happy to see me.

Jen’s eyebrows almost hit her hairline. “Well.
Someone’s
made some friends in the neighborhood.”

I scan the pool area for Kelsey. Instead, a familiar woman I
recognize as Kelsey’s mom, waves her hands at me as she rushes around the
corner of the pool. “Oh, I’m so sorry. Clarissa, leave the nice man alone and
let’s get into the water.”

Setting Clarissa on her feet, I stand and hold out my hand.
“I’m Adam. I live next door to Kelsey. Don’t worry. Clarissa’s not bothering us.”

Her pale skin almost glows in the sun, her blush creeping
over her chest and cheeks. “I’m Gina, Kelsey’s mom. It’s lovely to meet you.”

She trains her eyes on Jen. “And
you
are?”

Jen smiles and offers her hand. “I’m Jen, a friend of
Adam’s, just visiting for the day with the kiddos.”

“Oh? You have children? Maybe they’d like to play with
Clarissa.” Gina’s smile is almost as wide as the brim of her hat.

“Of course they would. I bet she and my Maddie will get
along fabulously.” Jen waves to Maddie who’s dog paddling at the edge of the
pool. “Sweetie, come meet Adam’s friend, Clarissa.”

Maddie drips her way over to us. She stands beside her
momma, shy at meeting someone for the first time.

“Maddie, this is Clarissa. She’d probably love to play.
Would you like that?”

Maddie holds up her hand and wiggles her fingers in a weird
little wave. “Hi.”

Clarissa copies Maddie.

“I said
hi.
” Maddie tosses me a skeptical glance.

Gina leans close to Clarissa, taking her beach towel from
her shoulders and looking Maddie in the eyes. “I’m Clarissa’s Granna. It’s nice
to meet you, Maddie. She doesn’t talk, honey. But she understands most
everything.”

Maddie casts wary looks at her mom, and then back to me.
“She
doesn’t
talk?”

Jen pats Maddie’s back. “Look at it this way, Toots. You get
to talk all you want and Clarissa won’t interrupt.”

Maddie’s eyes go wide, and then she grins. “Let’s play!”

She takes Clarissa’s hand and leads her to the pool’s steps.

Gina calls. “She can’t swim, dear. So stay in the shallow
end, please.”

“Don’t worry, Maddie’s still not doing much more than the
dog-paddle.” Jen shakes her head. “I knew telling her she could talk all she
wants would get her going. That kid gabs more than any child I’ve ever known.
Her brothers get sick to death of it and are constantly telling her to shut
it.”

Gina drags a chair closer and drapes their towels over the
back of it. “You don’t mind if I join you, do you?”

“Of course not. Adam and I were discussing what women want
from a guy.”

Gina gets a mischievous glint in her eye. “Really? I have a
few things I could share on that subject.”

I have to wonder if Gina knows what her daughter does for a
living.

Jen says, “I was explaining to Adam that women are easy. Guys
think we’re complicated, but we’re not. It’s all about how a man makes a woman
feel.”

Gina leans forward. “She’s so right, Adam. Is there a
particular woman you’re trying to woo?”

I keep my eyes trained on her face. Her—um—breasts might
spill out of that suit any second. “Well, I do have someone in mind. But she
doesn’t think we’re
going in the same direction
.”

“Same direction?” Gina laughs. “What two people are?
Everyone has their own agenda. You just have to decide to work it out so
everyone gets something they want from the relationship.”

Sounds reasonable to me.

I should have given more to Kelsey. Kept my doubts about the
future to myself. Told her I’d be around longer. Said whatever it was she
wanted me to say.

“I’m telling you, Adam. We only want to feel safe and loved,”
Jen says.

“Safe and loved? That’s it?” I cock my head. “I don’t know
about that. I thought I
was
making her feel safe.”

Gina’s hands flutter. “Wait. Wait.
Safe
doesn’t just
mean safe from physical harm. She has to feel secure that she’s not going to
get her heart broken.”

My asshole puckers.

I fucked that one up when I told her I had no idea where I’d
be in a month or a year.

Well. Shit. It’s not like they give out handbooks,
Love
101
.

A gurgle yanks my attention. Clarissa’s floatie bumps
against Maddie’s legs where she stands on the top step. Her hands cover her
mouth as Clarissa struggles to get her head above the water five feet away.