“You made that painfully clear at the restaurant.”
“Can you blame me?”
Ouch. Maybe
everything
was obvious, not just what Jason had done, but why he thought he even stood a chance.
“Tell me you understand,” Kelly pleaded. “Jason has a thing for you. All of this is because he wants to be with you!”
No sense in pretending otherwise. “I know.”
“Then why get back in the car with those people?”
“I need to be home. I need my space.”
Kelly looked hurt. William looked away, incapable of giving any more of himself tonight. He was worn down. Tired.
“I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.”
William’s head whipped around. “Meaning?”
“That you’re more like your father than you care to admit.”
William felt like he’d been punched in the stomach. “That’s not who I am,” he growled. “I don’t lie, and I don’t cheat!”
Kelly shook his head. “Then what are you doing?”
Good question. Why did he invite Jason along to an event that had nothing to do with him? It was Bonnie’s recital, Kelly’s best friend, and he had asked a virtual stranger to tag along. William had fussed over his appearance, and when he saw just how hot Jason’s “boyfriend” was, he had felt despair. Was this how his father had fallen? Had he taken so many small steps toward the cliff that he was surprised to find himself tumbling into the middle of an affair?
“Stay the night,” Kelly said, the venom gone from his voice.
The change of tone wasn’t enough, because tonight, the venom was in William’s heart. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
He turned and walked back to the car, hearing Kelly laugh as he went, like he was being foolish. Maybe he was. If so, it wasn’t the first time. When he reached the car, he got in the passenger seat without thinking. No doubt he would hear about that tomorrow. He kept his attention on the road, watching for any potential hazards as he gave directions. When they pulled over in front of his house, he spared Jason a short glance, wanting to stare despite it all.
“Thanks for the ride,” he said. Then he addressed the backseat. “And thanks for dinner. You didn’t have to pay for us all.”
“It was my pleasure,” Tim said.
William gave into temptation, looking at Jason again before he got out of the car. He felt mystified when walking toward the front door, not comprehending how he could care so much against his will, especially when he worked overtime to care about Kelly. He stopped and turned around, as if he’d find the answer there. Funny then that someone was running across the lawn towards him.
“Wait,” Jason said, slowing as he neared. What he had to say was reflected in his eyes, illuminated by the porch light behind William, even before he spoke. “I’m sorry.”
“I don’t like liars.”
“It’s a nasty habit,” Jason said, trying a smile. When it wasn’t returned, his expression became somber. “When I was growing up, I had to do certain things to get what I wanted. Or to get away from places I didn’t want to be. I didn’t lie exactly, not always, but I went to extremes to get my way.”
William was reminded again of how little he knew of Jason’s past. “Were you abused?”
“No.” Jason kicked at the grass. “I lost my parents, so I was in and out of foster homes my whole life. That’s not an excuse. I don’t know what I’m trying to say, except that I know I’m messed up, and I’m sorry if I made things tense between you and Kelly.”
“There’s a reason I’m with him,” William blurted out.
“I know. I’m sure there are plenty of reasons, and anyone with eyes could—”
“Just one reason,” William said. “And I’m not sure it’s a good one.”
Jason went still. “What do you mean?”
William shook his head. “I don’t want to talk about him. Remember what you said to me at the pool? How you felt when you first saw me?”
“Yeah.”
“Was that a lie?”
“No!” Jason took a step closer. “I swear it wasn’t. I only lied about not being able to swim. And about having a boyfriend.”
“That’s two strikes,” William said.
“Do I get a third? I mean, I don’t want another strike, but if I’m not out yet…”
“You’re not,” William said, even though he knew he shouldn’t encourage him. Time to set the record straight. “I felt it too. When we first met. But I don’t know what it means. Maybe we’re meant to be friends. Maybe, if things were different, we could have been more. Either way, I don’t have room for a liar in my life.”
Jason’s mouth opened, but he seemed incapable of speaking. This is the part where William would, both figuratively and literally, turn his back on Jason once and for all. He hated the idea though. The world was much too bleak without him.
“I’ll see you at the pool,” William said. “Monday morning.”
“Monday,” Jason repeated, leaping on the offer. “I’ll be there.”
William turned and went to his house, pressing his back against the door as he pushed it open. Jason still stood where he had left him. Maybe he would stay there all night, just to prove his dedication. William knew how that would make him feel. Not that it would matter. Story of his life. He was trapped.
His mother heard him entering, overjoyed that he was home again. She heated up some leftovers, which was welcome. William had barely touched his food at the restaurant. He wasn’t in the mood to speak, but he could listen, which he did as she filled him in on what had been going on in her life and those of his brothers. Errol had a new girlfriend; Spencer was reenlisting. After an hour of this, he excused himself, saying he was tired.
Once upstairs, he turned on the light. His room now felt like a museum to his past. All the Beast Wars figures were exactly where he’d left them. He couldn’t remember the last time he transformed one, so he grabbed Cheetor and let memory guide his fingers. Then he set it down in robot mode and moved to the dresser. On top of it was an application, the answers filled out in pencil. An application to the Coast Guard.
There’s got to be a reason you swim every morning.
Out of the mouth of babes. Or super-hot and kind-of-drunk older guys. Tim was right. William wasn’t just swimming to relieve tension, or to enjoy what little privacy he had. He could just as easily walk to school or take longer routes on his bike. Instead he was still pushing himself every morning, setting goals and reaching them before moving on to the next. Temptation had hounded him lately, but not even Jason Grant could compete with the allure of the Coast Guard. William wanted to be a rescue swimmer. He picked up the application, reviewed the answers and felt satisfied with most of them. Then he grabbed his old laptop, called up the Coast Guard website, and clicked on the button to apply. Soon he was looking at an electronic version of the same application. Without hesitating, he sat on the bed and started entering his answers.
Chapter Twelve
William felt like a bachelor. He had taken Sunday off from just about everything, including work and Kelly, sending a text that promised they would see each other in school. He also tried not to think about Jason. Instead he allowed himself a trip back in time, when his problems had been fewer and simpler. He dusted off his Transformers, helped his mother bake, and later sat on the couch to watch a movie with her while they crammed several cookies into their mouths.
The late afternoon took an exciting turn when a recruitment officer called. The woman sounded enthusiastic about his application and wanted to schedule an appointment for an interview. He had agreed. Wednesday after school. William kept telling himself it was just an interview. No promises had been broken—yet—but when he arrived at the YMCA the next morning, he felt more motivated than ever.
He didn’t enter the building, squatting instead next to his bike to check the tire pressure. Or pretend to, when really he was waiting. William kept watching the parking lot until he saw Jason walking toward him. He seemed sheepish. No wonder, considering how tense their last encounter had been. William had decided to put that behind him too. Mostly. He wanted to find out more about Jason, but not through a Kelly-style interrogation.
“Ready for a serious workout?” William asked.
“I had a feeling that would be my punishment,” Jason said.
William focused on his usual routine while keeping an eye on him. Not only to continue coaching Jason, but to log a list of questions. Before this obsession continued, he was determined to get to know the person who had managed to cause so much trouble. “Wanna hit the hot tub?” he asked, stopping earlier than usual.
“Yeah,” Jason said, sounding uncertain. His tone changed once they were both shoulders-deep in hot bubbling water. “Oh man! Why don’t we do this every morning?”
“I use it as a reward,” William said. “I only come here at the end of the week if I meet all my goals.”
“How often is that?”
Not very. William wasn’t easy on himself, but he wanted to ask questions, not answer them. “So that Tim guy,” he began. “He’s your uncle?”
“Emma’s uncle,” Jason said. “Kind of. Look, I’m really sorry—”
William held up a hand to stop him. “I’m not judging. At least I’m trying not to. There’s so much about your life that I don’t get.”
Jason looked exasperated. “You and me both.”
“Tell me more about yourself.”
“Okay, what do you want to know?”
William decided to make him squirm. “Let’s start with your boyfriend.”
Jason chuckled, taking it in stride. “Tim is taken, and even if he wasn’t, he’s way out of my league. He’s not my uncle or my boyfriend. Like I said the other night, I was in foster care for most of my childhood. I never settled anywhere for long. Growing up, I blew through twenty-four homes. The place I live now is number twenty-five. Not that it’s a foster placement exactly.”
“What is it then?”
Jason considered the question. “My former case worker—she’s really great. Her brother offered me a place to live, but sadly, he passed away a few years ago. His husband is still alive though, and when he found out I was in trouble, he offered to take me in.”
“And that’s who Tim is?”
“No, that’s Ben. Tim is Ben’s new boyfriend, but don’t think he moved fast after his husband died, because it wasn’t like that. Ben and Tim were high school sweethearts.”
“I’m going to need a chart,” William murmured. Maybe he needed to start with a simpler question. “Why were you in foster care?”
Jason was quiet long enough that William filled the silence for him.
“Sorry, that’s too personal. I shouldn’t have—”
“It’s fine,” Jason said. “Some of this is hard to summarize.”
“Then don’t.”
“You have school soon. In fact, we should probably get going or you’ll miss first period.”
And delay returning to a life he could barely tolerate? For what might have been the first time in his life, William felt rebellious. “So what?”
Jason seemed surprised but didn’t try to talk him out of it. “Okay. Well, basically my real dad took off before I was born and died in an accident. My mother and grandma raised me together, and from what I can remember, they were doing a good job. Then my grandma passed away and my mom took it hard. She started drinking, which wasn’t as big a problem as the abusive jerk she started dating.”
William frowned. “Did he hit you?”
Jason’s eyes unfocused, like he was staring into the past. “Yeah. He did. This is usually the part where I start defending my mom, but I’ve been thinking about that. Lately I try to put myself in her shoes, because before Ben and Tim came along, I was also struggling to pay my rent and bills. I felt alone, and it would have been nice to have someone—anyone—who was there for me, even if he had his faults. So I can get why she put up with him. But when I imagine myself having a kid and letting someone else hurt them—” Jason shook his head, too upset to continue.
“Sorry,” William said. He wanted to offer something more significant, so he added, “My parents aren’t perfect either. My dad cheated on my mom. That’s what led to them getting divorced. It makes me angry, and I haven’t forgiven him. All I can do is promise myself not to be like my dad. So in your case, when you have your own kids, at least you won’t make those same mistakes. You’ll be a better parent because of the bad stuff you’ve been through.”
Jason laughed. “Me? Have kids?”
“Is that so unthinkable?
Jason considered it more seriously. “No, but it seems awfully far away. I don’t even have someone to help me raise one. I’ve been single for a long time.”
“Really?” William asked, not hiding his surprise. “Are you just really picky or…”
“Not really,” Jason said. “I keep finding guys I’m seriously into. The only problem is someone has always gotten there first.”
“Oh.” William felt flattered, because he was pretty sure Jason was talking about him. Still, there was no sense in leading him on. “You just have to keep looking.”
Jason frowned and shrugged. “Maybe you’re right. Anyway, I’m still trying to get my life back on track. That’s why I moved to Austin, for a fresh start. The idea of kids seems too far away to take seriously.”
“But someday?” William pressed.
“Yeah. I guess. You?”
“Definitely! I grew up with two older brothers and always wanted a sister, so I’d like to have a little girl.”
Jason nodded. “If you’re willing to adopt, foster care is full of children who need homes. Just don’t expect them to be grateful.”
“I’d be the grateful one!” William said. “They can be whatever they want.”
“You say that now, but you have no idea how much trouble us foster kids can be.”
“I’ve got a pretty good idea,” William retorted. “I’ve gained a lot of experience recently.”
Jason grinned. “Oh yeah?”
“Yeah.” William splashed him playfully, laughing when Jason retaliated by doing the same.
“So what’s the deal?” Jason asked, the smile not fading. “Are you skipping the whole day? Because I could call in sick to work and tell them I’ve got a fever. A really bad one.”
The breath caught in William’s throat. He’d been dancing with temptation all weekend, but it had to stop here. “No. I better get going. You’re so lucky to be done with high school.”
“I wasn’t a fan either,” Jason said. “That’s why I dropped out.” He shook his head. “One more reason I’m single, I guess. Who wants to date a dropout?”
Me.
Not that William could say so. “I think you’re cool. And it’s not like you’ve been sitting around all this time, right? Tim said something about you supporting yourself since you were sixteen.”
“Seventeen. I emancipated myself from foster care, got a full-time job, and moved in with a complete stranger, thanks to Craigslist. Turned out he’s a drug dealer. Super nice guy, but I eventually moved in with a friend of mine instead. Things were good for a while, but life has a way of pulling the carpet out from under you.”
“Yeah,” William said. “It sure does. I don’t think you should be ashamed of dropping out of high school. Education isn’t for everyone. I’m not going to college.”
“No, but you’re going to the Coast Guard, right?”
He hesitated, not wanting to be a liar himself. Then again, he did have an interview. “I want to, yeah.”
“That’s more impressive than a GED. Anyway, you’ve heard enough of my life story to know you should steer clear of me in the future.”
William sucked in air, as if facing a difficult decision. “Your front crawl
is
atrocious, but I haven’t completely given up on you. Not yet.”
Jason laughed. “No?”
“Definitely not. You shouldn’t either. Don’t sell yourself short. I’ve seen how that can take a toll on a person.”
“Have you?”
William nodded, thinking of Kelly. And of himself, because this weekend had shown him how good it had felt to set the past behind him and look to the future instead. He pushed himself up and stood, feeling lightheaded from the heat. “I better get going.”
“Okay.” Jason shot to his feet, which wasn’t a good idea, because he swayed.
William reached out to catch him, a hand gripping each of Jason’s deltoids, and his body reacted. Not down there, thankfully, but William still felt like an electric current had shot through him. Jason seemed equally stunned. Then they both laughed.
“Got a little dizzy,” Jason said.
“Yeah.”
“I’m okay now.”
“Oh!” William let go of him, then turned around and focused intently on drying himself.
“Are we hitting the showers?” Jason asked.
“Um. No.” The showers here were semi-private stalls without doors, which was better than the big open room at school, but he didn’t think he could handle knowing that Jason was nearby and nude. “I mean, you can if you want. I have to get going.”
He went to the locker room without waiting for Jason’s response. William was dressed and ready to go, but still loitered there, feeling like he should say a proper goodbye. Jason wasn’t by his locker, so William crept toward the showers, already chastising himself under his breath. He was only going to say goodbye when he got close enough to be heard. He definitely wasn’t going to keep sneaking forward, just like he was doing
right now
, so that he could peek at a guy trying to wash chlorine off his skin. No, sir! That would be seriously messed up.
He was across from the shower stalls now, steam leaking from one of them in low clouds. From his current position, all William could see was an occasional elbow. And the ball of a heel, the foot pointing away from him. That meant Jason had his back turned. William stepped forward. He’d already seen most of his body, including a flash of his butt. Now he was able to stare at it. Those cheeks were soft, not rock hard from excessive training, and covered in light wispy hairs. Suds and water coursed over them and between them. Jason started to turn, which meant that the last remaining mystery was about to be revealed. It also increased William’s chances of being spotted. The potential embarrassment brought him to his senses. He leapt backward, then spun around and hurried from the room.
“See you tomorrow!” he called over his shoulder, laughing afterwards because he had already seen quite a bit of Jason today. And yet, he still longed to see more. Dressed or naked. He didn’t care. He just wanted more.
* * * * *
By the time William had biked to school and checked in at the front office, second period had already started. Luckily his calculus teacher was more interested in continuing her lecture than demanding an explanation. She nodded to William as he took a seat. It was Kelly who stared at him for the rest of the class, no doubt wanting to know where they stood. William didn’t make him wait. As soon as the bell rose, he went to Kelly’s desk.
“Hey,” he said.
“Hey yourself.” Kelly searched his face. “Late morning at the YMCA?”
“Yeah. I got a little carried away.” Wasn’t that the truth!
Kelly continued to evaluate him. “How about a kiss?”
“In the middle of class?”
“Class is over.”
They were mostly alone, so William complied, but he kept it short. “Ready to get to next period?”
“Sure,” Kelly said. “Do you mind?”
He was referring to his backpack, and even though Kelly was capable of carrying it himself, William hooked it over one shoulder.
“I missed you over the weekend.”
“I needed the downtime,” William said as they left the room.
“What did you do?”
“Mostly just hung out with my mom.”
Kelly smirked. “Same here. What does that say about us? When we aren’t together, we have only our mothers to keep us company.”
“You have friends,” William said. “You should have called Bonnie. She would have loved it.”
“I tried,” Kelly said. “She and Emma have hit it off enough that the rest of the world has ceased to exist. How was the ride home Saturday night?”