Something Like This (Secrets) (11 page)

The minute she heard she was sick she threw her arms up in the air and surrendered. Not once did she go to her treatment appointments. Not once did she take her pills. Not once did she hug me and tell me she loved me and that she was sorry for not fighting. No, my mother was glad she was leaving because death meant she no longer had to face another day where she was reminded that she never succeeded at life. That despite her preaching to me that I needed to make something of myself, that I needed to go to college, that I needed to make enough money so that I wouldn’t have to rummage through the church’s charity pantry at the end of each week, she knew I didn’t look up to her. But what she never seemed to fully grasp was that I loved her even with all of her failures and craziness. She was my mom, and I loved her. It didn’t matter to me that she was bankrupt because she had invested all of her money in a scamming company. I just wanted what all kids want from their parents: love and support. That’s it, pure and simple.

A train came to a stop; its doors opened and I didn’t get on.
You win, Mami. You win, yet again. I’ll go back to Reece’s apartment; I won’t be like you. I won’t have a panic attack. I won’t run away.

***

S
tanding in front of Reece’s apartment door, I chewed my lower lip and coerced my finger to push the doorbell. I stood back and waited.

Seconds later, the door opened and before Reece could say anything to me, I said, “Okay, leaving was kind of dumb. I don’t know why I left... actually I do know, I was embarrassed, I’m sorry. But I came back. I’m here.”

He smiled. “I got your note. Aren’t you going to be late for work?”

“Yes, and I don’t care. I’m an idiot.”

“I’m glad you came back, but you’re not an idiot. Do you want to come in or do you have to go and you just came back to tease me?”

I brushed away a strand of hair from my face. “I want to stay.”

“What about work?”

“I’ll call in sick today.”

“Hmm, I’m not sure that’s such a good idea.”

“Why?”

“Because, if you’re sick you won’t be able to have breakfast with me and you’ll miss out on some delicious muffins. You’ll have to go straight to bed.”

“What if I promise to go to bed after breakfast?”

He stroked his chin. “That works, you may now enter.” He stepped aside and let me pass.

Once we were both inside, he went to the kitchen and grabbed two plates.

I timidly sat down at the kitchen table, the sunlight coming through the window blinding me.

He placed a plate with a huge cranberry muffin on it in front of me and took a seat on the other side of the table.

“Mind if we pull the blinds down?” I asked.

“But of course, I can’t have the sun blinding my poor, sick girlfriend, can I?”

Hearing him calling me his girlfriend made me smile.

“Why thank you very much, kind sir.” I bit into my muffin.

“Better?” he asked, once the blinds were down.

“Much.”

“What do you think?” he asked, his gaze on the muffin.

“Yummy.”

Grinning, he bit into his muffin. Once he had swallowed, he said, “I’m not going to pressure you into talking to me about your father. If you want to talk to me, I’m here. I’ll always be here.”

I stopped chewing and immediately felt tears coming on.

“Thank you for understanding. I’m happy I told you. But, if I’m being honest, I really don’t know what to do.”

“About what?”

“I don’t want you to think I’m heartless. I’ve tried talking to my father, but I just can’t. It’s been so long and I wouldn’t even know what to say.”

“Do you love him?”

I moved crumbs around on my plate. “Yes.”

“Then start there. Start with your heart.”

“I don’t think I can.”

“Why not?”

“Because I haven’t forgiven him. Where has he been all this time? Why didn’t he look for me?”

Reece reached for my hand. “If you knew your father would be gone tomorrow and that you would never see him again, what would you do? Would you be okay with not seeing him anymore?”

I felt nauseous. My heart started racing.

I looked straight into Reece’s eyes. “I would never forgive myself. I would not be okay.”

“Then there it is.”

“There’s what?”

“Your heart’s desire.”

“I guess it is.”

“I can be there, if you want me to.”

“You would do that?” I asked.

“That and anything else you ask of me.” He kissed my hand.

Mami had known what she was doing when she invaded my thoughts...when she stopped me from getting on that train. She was still looking out for me.

“Thank you.”

“I love you,” he said.

“I love you, too.”

“You pretty much destroyed your muffin. It’s a good thing I bought more.”

I laughed. “I won’t lie, I would love another one.” I was suddenly famished.

“Coming right up.” He stood and went to the kitchen.

Today was going to be a good day. I was going to be okay.

“Now, before you dive in,” he said, setting another muffin down on my plate, “don’t you think you should call my uncle and let him know you won’t be coming in today?”

I leaped out of my seat, “Crap! I completely forgot.” I pulled my phone out of my purse and dialed as quickly as I could. “I hope he’s in his office.”

“Hello.”

“Mr. Walker?” I said.

“Yes, who’s calling?”

“It’s Jadie.”

“Where are you? You’re obviously not here.”

“Yes, I know, I’m sorry. I’m not feeling very well today.”

“You’re calling in sick?”

“If it’s okay with you? I’d like to stay home today.”

“This isn’t about yesterday, is it?”

“No, no, I’m just not feeling well.”

“Look, I was a jerk yesterday. It was wrong of me to put you through that.”

“It’s fine.”

“You sure?”

“Yes, I’m very sure.”

I had almost forgotten about what had happened at the office with Tom and Mr. Walker.

“Okay, good. I hope you feel better.”

“Thank you.”

“Oh and Jadie.”

“Yes.”

“If my nephew is with you, can you give him a message for me?”

My stomach plummeted right down to the tips of my toes.

“What?”

“Just in case you see him, let him know I want to talk about his novel. I read it again and have some thoughts.”

Mr. Walker could have easily called Reece himself. He was obviously messing with me.

“I’ll give him the message.”

“Thank you, I do hope you feel better,” he said and hung up.

“Gah!” I said.

“What did he say?” Reece asked.

“I’m pretty sure he knows I’m with you and that I’m not sick.”

“No way.”

“Um, yep, he asked me to give you a message.”

Reece started laughing. “Are you serious?”

“Dead.”

“So, what’s the message?”

“He read your book again and wants to talk to you about it.”

“Wow, seriously? He said he wants to talk...about my book?”

“Uh huh.”

“I’ll call him later.”

“Much,
much
later.” I was not about to share Reece with Mr. Walker today.

“The much later part goes without saying. First, we have some serious TV binging to do.”

“What?”

“Oh yeah, if you’re going to pretend to be sick in my house, you’re going to have to spend some time watching TV with me.”

“I thought you said I had to go straight to bed after breakfast.”

“I did say that, didn’t I?”

“Uh huh.”

“Oh well, in that case...” He swung me into his arms.

Before I could protest, he put me down on his bed.

“All right. Get some rest, I’ll be back to check on you in a few minutes.”

“Wait, what?”

“You’re sick. You need your rest,” he said, grinning.

“I hate you.”

“I’m only trying to take care of you. Why the hate?”

I threw a pillow at him.

“Like I said, I’ll be back to check on you.” And he walked right out of the room, closing the door behind him.

I was speechless. He had actually put me to bed and then left. Well, okay then, hmm, I guess I had no choice but to try and get some sleep.

Three seconds later, the door opened.

I sat up.

“That’s kind of soon. You only left a few seconds ago.”

“Yeah, but I thought with you being so sick and all, I really shouldn’t leave you alone.”

“That’s what you thought, huh?”

“Yeah, I mean what if you need me and I can’t hear you?”

“Could be a problem.” I took off my shirt and flung it on the floor.

“I’d feel so bad if you were thirsty and were calling for me and I couldn’t hear you.” He unbuttoned his pants.

“If you had waited even a second longer before checking on me, I might have died.” I took off my bra.

“I would never forgive myself.” he said, removing his shirt and then pants.

“I’m so glad you decided to check on me.”

“Are you?” he asked, getting into bed next to me.

“Oh yes, so glad.”

His lips touched mine and we kissed each other deliberately, without inhibitions.

I knew that tomorrow I would not only have to see my father, but also talk to him. I’d have to let him know who I was. Tomorrow, I’d have to slay my demons.

But today, all I wanted to do was spend time with Reece. We could spend all day hugging and kissing. We could spend all day feeling each other’s warm bodies.

I closed my eyes and surrendered myself to him.

***

W
hen I got home, Grace and Lisa were in the living room watching TV, a bowl of chips on the ottoman in front of them.

“Happy to see you’re alive,” Grace said.

“We were debating whether or not to call the police,” Lisa said, diving for a handful of chips.

“I should have called or texted you,” I said, suddenly feeling really guilty.

Grace rolled up her sleeves. “So, what alley did you spend the night in?”

“Ha, ha. Not an alley, but thanks for your concern.”

“Did you and Reece do it all night
and
all day? Cause by the way you look, I can tell you didn’t make it into work,” Lisa said.

“Yep, pretty much all we did was have sex.”

Grace hopped off the couch. “Oh my God, you’re a slut.”

“If doing it with Reece and liking it makes me a slut, so be it.”

“Holy mother of all that is good in this world, where is Jadie and what have you done with her?” Lisa said.

“She’s still here,” I said, laughing.

“I like this new Jadie,” Grace said.

“I kind of like her, too,” I said.

“Have you had dinner?” Lisa asked.

“No, and I’m starving.”

“I bet you are, what with all those calories you must have burnt,” Grace said.

“She’s just jealous,” Lisa said about Grace. “Anyway, I made shrimp lasagna. There’s plenty. Help yourself.”

“Not sure there’s plenty anymore,” someone said from the dining area. “I just inhaled a second helping.”

“Who’s that?” I asked, wanting to die.

“My dad. He’s fixing our table. Lisa told me you pretty much threatened to get rid of it. So I called my dad and begged him to come fix it.”

Completely embarrassed about what Grace’s dad had just heard, I said, “I wasn’t really going to get rid of it.”

“I know, but it needed fixing and once I told my dad Lisa had made shrimp lasagna, he flew over here. My mom is an awful cook. Love her, but her food could take out a whole platoon with one bite.”

“She exaggerates,” Grace’s father said as he entered the living room.

Bald, strong jaw, straight nose, tall and muscular, he resembled Mr. Clean.

“You do remember the time we both got really sick after eating her pot roast?” Grace said.

“Had nothing to do with her cooking. We both just happened to get the flu on the same night,” he said.

“Yeah, uh, huh, sure,” Grace said. Then she turned to me. “Jadie, meet my dad, Mr. Smith.”

Offering me his hand, he said, “Call me Robert.”

I shook his hand. “Very nice to meet you, Mr. Clean.”
Shit, did I just call him Mr. Clean? What the hell is wrong with me?
I wanted to die.

Both Lisa and Grace burst out laughing.

I wished I was anywhere else but there. I knew I was blushing so hard.

“I’m sorry, I’m so embarrassed. I don’t know why I said that,” I said.

“It’s okay. You’re not the first one to call me that. I take it as a compliment.”

“My mom calls him Mr. Clean sometimes,” Grace said between chuckles.

I still wanted to die.

“Again, I’m so sorry,” I said.

“Don’t worry about it,” he said.

“Yeah, it was funny as all hell,” Lisa said.

He gave Grace a kiss on the cheek and said, “Okay, kid, I need to get home.”

Grace had a father who cared enough to come over and help fix our wobbly table. Her father never abandoned her. All she had to do was call him for help and there he was, at her side. Tears threatened to form. The scene that was playing out in front of me was almost too much for me to handle.

Here I was standing in a safe apartment, the aroma of lasagna in the air, while my father was on the streets, facing loneliness and despair.

I lowered my eyes and contemplated running away, straight to my room.

“Did you fix the table?” Grace asked her dad.

“Yes, your majesty, I did,” he said.

“Thank you, daddy,” Grace said.

“Anything for my little princess. By the way, I noticed your kitchen faucet leaks a little. I’ll come back next week and fix it.”

“Why not fix it now?” Grace asked.

“Because you may be my little princess, but my queen is waiting for me at home and I promised her I wouldn’t be home too late.”

“Okay, okay, I wouldn’t want to get you in trouble with Mom.”

“It was nice to meet you, Jadie,” he said.

“So, you hungry or not?” Lisa asked, once Grace’s dad was gone.

It was 8:30 p.m. and I hadn’t eaten since about one or two. Reece and I had forgotten to eat.

Still feeling a little embarrassed about calling Grace’s dad Mr. Clean, I made for the kitchen.

“Lasagna here I come.”