Somewhere in Between (19 page)

"Tell him to come over sometime next week and we can decide." As everyone moved their attention toward Andrew, Gemma turned her hand over and squeezed Elliot's. She shot a quick look at Christie, and noticed the girl was looking down, playing with the hem of her shirt. She hoped Christie hadn't noticed anything. Before she could look away, Gemma saw Dalton looking at her, a look of compassion all over his face. She inhaled deeply, calming herself, and offered a thin smile at him before looking back toward her father.

The idea that Dalton Wade, Elliot's father and a father type for her could be scary, was just unthinkable. But it was twofold. While she knew she could trust him, just like being around Trent that first day, Gemma was scared of the aspect of a new male in her presence. And then there was the idea that he knew her secret. He'd never "out" her, so to speak, but what if he wanted to talk to her about it? He was a doctor and doctors always seemed to want to talk. What if he accidently said something like asking her how she was and Christie or Grace were suspicious because of the answer she did or didn't give? What if she tensed up walking by him? What if she sat by him at dinner…no, that wouldn't happen. She knew her sister and Elliot intended to flank her even if they thought they were being nonchalant about it.

What if…what if nothing. With a shake of her head, she looked toward Elliot. "I'm going to go see if the moms need any help." She wanted to add she just needed to clear her head, but that would not be wise. So instead, Gemma just stood and walked away.

He watched her leave the room, her breath a little shaky and had to fight the urge to follow. He knew she just needed a minute. He knew his dad was making her uncomfortable, though not intentionally and that just as with Trent, Gemma just needed to work her way through her mind before she could be in the same room with his dad again. Even still, it bothered him that she was so uncomfortable. While he felt sympathy for his father, especially knowing how much Gemma looked up to his dad and how much his dad liked Gemma in return, Elliot knew it was harder on Gemma. His father didn't have something horrific happen that turned his whole world upside down.

"Do you watch hockey a lot?" his dad asked, a sad smile directed his way even as he spoke to Gemma's dad. He understood.

"Oh yeah. Been a favorite of mine since I was a kid. Always loved watching the games whenever football wasn’t on.” Andrew smiled, his knowing eyes moving from Elliot to Dalton. "Good way to clear your head. Good way to calm your mind."

"Yes, I'm sure it is. We should go one weekend when we're both not working. Clear out the clutter."

Elliot shot his dad a look, intrigued. He wondered what the two men had spoken about during their time earlier. From the smile that still held to his face, Elliot had a pretty good idea. "I'd like to go too, if that's okay?" he interjected.

"Of course!" Andrew smiled brightly, the smile real and warm. "The more the merrier. Besides, I’m sure Gem would love the company. For as much of a fan as she is, she needs someone there to tell useless stats to.”

Everyone laughed, and the soft tinkling sound coming from the entryway alerted Elliot that Gemma had laughed too. "Yeah well, I can’t help it if I’m a quick learner and knew more about the team than you did after only one game."

“And you know, once the summer comes, we should all go camping,” Leighanna added.

“Yeah, that’d be fun. Been years since we’ve gone, but I imagine it would be nice to be one with nature again. Maybe even get some fishing in,” Dalton commented to the nods of the room.

“I’m not going out on the boat though if Leigh is on it,” Gemma laughed. “The last thing I want is be knocked overboard again.”

"I didn't knock you in. It's not my fault you're such a klutz," Leigh snarked with a laugh.

“Right. Your ginormous butt just swung itself in my direction!”

“My butt is not ginormous. It’s proportionate thank you very much.”

"Trent and I can protect you," Elliot commented, and watched a pink tint take residence upon Gemma's cheeks.

"Trent would probably scare them away he's so loud," Caroline lamented with a giggle as she moved to stand behind Gemma. Grace was right by her side. "Dinner is ready, guys. Fix your plates!"

As predicted, Gemma was seated between her sister and Elliot. Caroline had Dalton sit opposite Andrew, and to the side of Gemma, to allow her to not feel like she had to look at him every time she looked up. Christie sat beside her mom, and next to her dad. She only really spoke when spoken to, and offered very little to the conversation.

Even still, the atmosphere was not tense or uncomfortable. Conversation was light and easy. There was more discussion on Gemma's adventures in fishing, even recounting the time she fell out of the boat and swore a fish swam between her legs. She and Leighanna had yet to go in Colorado, but their times in Austin served as much delight. Elliot had never been fishing, but was looking forward to it. Even Christie seemed interested in going once the weather was warmer.

The meal was a mixture of tradition and Caroline loving her family’s roots. While there was a turkey, mashed potatoes and green bean casserole, there was also some Tex-Mex foods that Grace was instantly requesting the recipes for. All in all, it was a good meal with good company.

As the food was cleared away, pumpkin and pecan pie served, everyone helped clean up before once more returning to the living room, the Holly Hunter movie
Home for the Holidays
playing on Andrew's big screen.

Gemma laughed at the funny parts and found that she was no longer afraid or nervous. The rational part of her brain was finally finding its voice, letting her know that Dalton was not her enemy. He didn't even really speak to her much throughout the day. He did greet her, ask about her day, and how school was going, but other than that, he kept everything minimal. Even Grace kept things low key. It saddened Gemma that this was the way things were for the time being. But still, it was a good holiday.

Just before the Wade's left, Caroline brought up Christmas and perhaps celebrating the same way. Grace agreed to talk more with her on it before they departed. And of course, Elliot promised to call before bed.

"That went well," Andrew grinned as he sat in the oversized plush chair.

"It did. It was good having lots of people to cook for again."

As the parents began to talk, planning Christmas, Leighanna motioned for Gemma to follow her to her room. The two girls entered the room, Leighanna sitting on her bed up against the headboard, motioning for Gemma to sit beside her. As soon as both were situated, Leighanna began to speak. "I hope things are going to be better now."

"You guys were out there for a long time."

"I had a lot to say." It was a simple statement but meant to so much. "You may have forgiven her, and I completely understand your reasoning behind it because I know you have so much more going on for you. But I saw what she did, I saw how it looked, and I cannot forgive just yet. She knows this. She understands this. And maybe one day, I'll get passed it, but I can't right now."

"Did she tell you anything?"

"Nothing I didn't already know. She told me the terror twins keep trying to contact her. She still has her computer because of homework and stuff, but they keep trying to IM her or email her. Guess Cassie's parents are thinking of moving, she's pissed about it and they blame Christie for causing all this. Dalton and Grace know about the messages since they are the ones checking her accounts, and are monitoring them just in case they decide to up the ante, so to speak."

"This whole thing is so blown out. I don't understand why they get a thrill out of hurting people."

"Because they're pathetic. And the thing is, Christie wasn't really someone they wanted to know, but she is connected to Elliot and one of them thought he could like them. And then she was connected to you and you have me. They just want popularity." Leighanna snorted. "Christie said she thinks if they don't start to change, Cassie will be gone."

Gemma nodded, thinking. "It might sound bad, but I hope she does go."

"If it's bad, I'm right there with ya." Leighanna looked at Gemma. "How were you today? I noticed you seemed more relaxed by the end of the evening."

"Yeah, I was," Gemma agreed. She smiled softly recalling the gathering. "I didn't think I'd be able to handle being around Dalton. The moment he sat down with us, I thought I was gonna have an anxiety attack. But talking about stupid stuff tonight helped keep me distracted. It helped too that he didn't talk to me very much. I just hope it doesn't always have to be like this."

"It won't, Sissy, it won't." Leighanna hugged her sister tight. "Look at how easy it is to be around Trent. And Josh even. I know it's different because Dalton knows, but one day, while it matters, it won't be the end all."

"Yeah. One day, I'm hoping I'll feel normal again." With a heavy sigh, Gemma pulled away, and moved off the bed. "I'll let you to call Trent. I'm sure Elliot will be calling soon. See you in the morning."

"Okay. And Gemma?" She stopped at the door. "You are normal. What happened to you wasn't'."

"Thanks." With that, Gemma walked out the door and to her room. It was a good night. She hoped it was the start of more like this.

CHAPTER TEN

The rest of break passed quietly, though it was not without its moments. Gemma and Elliot ventured out on Friday, even with the light snowfall that had occurred overnight. Deciding to get away from everything, but not wanting to travel far, Elliot carefully led Gemma back to their park. As beautiful as it looked during the summer, flowers filling the space that wasn't overrun by tall grass, it was just as gorgeous covered in snow. Though it seemed quieter than before. Still, it was a peaceful quiet. One they both took solace in.

"Was your dad okay with how yesterday went?" Gemma asked as she followed a trail of small animal tracks. She had been meaning to ask, but was afraid of what she would hear. She felt horrible she couldn't just be normal around someone who meant so much to her, but until her mind and her fear no longer partnered together, she had a ways to go.

"He didn't say anything about it," Elliot answered, unable to keep his eyes off of how beautiful Gemma looked against the snowy backdrop. She had her puffy coat on, a bright purple scarf wrapped around her neck and a matching headband around her ears. As they walked, he noticed the rosy hue to her cheeks from the cold and the way her eyes sparkled against the sight before them. "I don't think it bothered him as much as it bothers you. He understands you have a long ways to go, and males are not easy for you to be around. At least not at first." He moved slowly toward her, watching her follow the tracks before stopping altogether. "Of course, being a doctor probably helps with the hurt feelings, were he to have any. Which I don't think he does, just so you know."

"Oh, okay." This response didn't satisfy her. While one part of her was grateful Dalton didn't hold any ill toward her, she wished to know he felt something. And that thought made her feel guilty since it made her realize how selfish she seemed. Returning her attention back to Elliot, Gemma caught an unusual but familiar look on his face. It was soft, delicate, and seemed to mean so much that her stomach fluttered in response. Unconsciously, she even placed her hands over the space where the flutters were going crazy. "What are you looking at?"

Looking down toward his boot-covered feet, Elliot mentally shook away the longing. He didn't want to come on so strong, and was a half-step away from doing just that, but his feelings were so overwhelming that he was finding it hard to contain them anymore. "Just you," he whispered realizing he just couldn't help himself.

"What about me?" Gemma whispered back.

He wanted so badly to say one hundred percent what he was thinking, but wasn't sure how it would be received. Gemma was doing so well as of late, he didn't want to ruin that. But he needed her to know at least part of how he was feeling, at least something before he exploded in emotion. "I was just thinking, you look beautiful." He could feel the blush cover his face, but his filter had flew the coop. "I mean, you always look beautiful, but right now, more so. I can't explain it right."

"You… you think I'm beautiful?" He'd told her she was before, and the first time he uttered those words to her, she was shattered, completely, utterly, and couldn't-no,
wouldn't
believe him. She still didn't entirely think he was telling the truth, but Leigh had made her stop putting herself down, made her stop being so negative and to listen instead of hearing what she thought she should hear.

"Of course I do."

"Why?" She didn't think she was anything special before she was…raped. For as much as she had liked Elliot, she never thought she matched up to him. And even that note, that ridiculous note hoping he'd pick her, she wasn't betting on her looks getting her a head of the game. Not that she thought she was ugly. She just didn't think she was all that special. She was plain and ordinary and normal. Leighanna was beautiful. Gemma felt that she was pretty enough, but not to her sister's level, and that meant while she liked Elliot so much, when he started liking Trisha, though it cut her to the bone, it made sense. Gemma viewed herself as the girl next door, not a super model.

Elliot, for his part, just shook his head. Gemma saw the shyness and bookworm that the stereotype said should be alone. She didn't see the soul and shine. She didn't see the kind heart and sweet smile. "Because you are. Because you're you," he answered honestly. "I don't really know how to explain it. I mean, you have the softest skin. And I love when your cheeks turn pink when you blush. And your hair, it's so silky." He could feel his own blush form, but he just couldn't stop talking. "When the sun shines, I can see the red and blond in your hair. And right now, with the chill taking to your cheeks, and your eyes so alight at seeing those tracks, you just look so carefree and…and gorgeous. Beautiful."

She was taken aback by his answer. And the blush he mentioned took to her face fiercely. Thankfully the cold covered it up. Still, she couldn't believe what he had said. He'd called her not only beautiful, but gorgeous as well. She didn't get it. Boys didn't call girls gorgeous if they were just friends or just had friendly feelings. Right?

She knew there was more he wanted to say, but wasn't. And while she wanted to know, she was scared to find out. Was it possible Elliot liked her as she had liked him? Did she still like him? She was so scared of everything, even her own shadow at times, so her feelings scared her enough that she'd shut them off. But could she like him still? Could she feel something for him still? And did he really like her or was he just complimenting his friend? Or worse, was he only saying these things because part of him still pitied her? She hated not knowing and hated being scared to find out even more.

"Thank you," she replied shyly, averting her eyes from him as her mind went in to overdrive. She would definitely need to talk to Dr. Archuleta about this and soon.

"I don't want to scare you, Gemma. You mean everything to me," he said moving closer to her. "I just, I need you to know that I think you're beautiful."

"Yo-you're not scaring me. I just, I guess I just don't understand." The look of confusion on his face made her keep going. "Leighanna is beautiful. Trisha Scott is beautiful.
They
are both gorgeous. I'm just me."

"Yeah, you're you. You're Gemma. You're
my
Gemma," he observed with a smile. "And Gemma means precious gem, which to me sounds like something that would automatically be beautiful. I don't think your parents were hoping when they named you. I think they knew." It was cheesy and he knew it. But it was safer then telling her he loved her and scaring her away.

She laughed then, part of it from the strain of the nerves his words were bringing and part because she couldn't believe it. "You're crazy. I think the cold has gotten to your brain."

His smile slipped a little but he didn't let her notice. He had to remind himself she needed lots of time. Gemma had been hurt beyond belief, she had a long journey to travel before she could again be the girl he knew was in there. And he had a lot to make up for. Trisha being one of them. But it was his mission. And he didn't take it lightly.

"I am not crazy, but I'll let you think that for now," he offered gently. Then with purpose, he stepped closer to her, took her right hand in his, and kissed the back of it softly. "Now, come on. There is a good amount of snow here. I think we could build a decent snowman before we have to get back for dinner."

And so that's what they did. Both pushed aside their thoughts on their feelings, trying not to dwell too much on what was said or felt, so that they could enjoy the rest of their afternoon.

That night, as Gemma and Elliot talked to one another in their nightly phone ritual, neither said the things they wanted. Neither brought up the things they needed to. Instead, they talked about painting Gemma's room a different shade, perhaps a light purple or forest green, and whether she should mention it to her parents. Painting in the winter was not always the brightest idea. But she was ready for a change and making her room a different color seemed like a good place to start. She decided to ask her parents if it would be okay in the morning.

They did very well to avoid everything serious. And so when they bid each other a good night, Gemma did not feel as though nightmares would plague her.

She was wrong, but it was nice to hope.

*LtB*

It was after ten when Gemma finally woke next morning. And that was only because her cell was ringing. Reaching toward her night stand, she grabbed the phone and swiped to talk. "Hello," she mumbled.

"Hey, did I wake you?" Elliot asked through the receiver.

"Yeah. What time is it?"

"Almost ten-thirty."

"Ugh," she groaned running her free hand over her face. It had been a rough night. When she closed her eyes, her mind was remembering the trip to the park, the words Elliot had said to her,
and
especially the way he had looked at her. Her stomach was fluttering again, and she had a smile on her face. But it didn't last. The park morphed into that alley at the Fairview, and Elliot and his sweet words and intense expression turned cruel as his face changed into that of one of the guys who'd hurt her. And worse, her trip to see Dr. Archuleta turned horrifying when the men were waiting for her after her session was over, because she had gone alone.

She'd woken up crying and sweating and near a full blown panic attack. The only reason she didn't fall over the edge was because she didn't want to wake anyone up anymore. She was so tired of not going a night without a nightmare. She was so tired of needing to rely on people to help her make it through a night without a disaster happening. This was also the first night she truly felt the ramifications of her actions of going alone to places without anyone knowing.

She was…raped because she went to the Fairview after lying about her actions. Something could have happened to her when she went for her appointment, because she had once again lied. It weighed on her conscience most of the night. After that, she was no longer crying because of her nightmares, but out of guilt. She had decided to do whatever she could to make it up to her family for her actions. First thing on the agenda was apologizing. Again.

"Hey, you okay?" He was concerned. Gemma wasn't a morning person but she was always up early. And when they'd gotten off the phone the night before, her voice was light. This did not sound like the same person.

"Yeah. I just," she hedged, not wanting him to worry, but pushed forth. "I had a rough night. Nightmares and couldn't stop thinking about some things."

"What kind of things?" Elliot pressed.

She didn't speak right away because she didn't want to tell him anything. She didn't want to keep secrets, but she didn't want Elliot knowing how she'd been analyzing their day and that she had fallen asleep with a smile because of it only to lose that smile when the nightmares started. She didn't want to tell him and feel embarrassed. "Lots of things. I shouldn't have gone out on my own without telling anyone. I um, I dreamed that those… guys were waiting for me." It was as close to the whole truth as she could go. And with the way her heart rate picked up and tears stung her eyes, it was more than enough to deal with.

"Oh Gemma," Elliot murmured. "You shouldn't have gone alone, but just because you did doesn't mean you deserve to be hurt." He heard her sniffle and hoped she wasn't going to start crying. He was too far away to comfort her.

"Even still."

He just shook his head. He needed to get her mind off of this. "You want to go sledding?" he asked suddenly, his mouth figuring a good plan before his mind could. "Josh asked me earlier in the week and it looks like there's enough snow out."

While she was startled at the sudden change of conversation, she was grateful. It was a good distraction. "Yeah. I'd like that."

So that's what they did. With Leighanna, Trent, and Josh in tow, they went sledding. Four hours later, faces red, smiles attached to mouths, the group stumbled back to Elliot's house for hot chocolate and cookies Grace had made.

"You okay to be here, man?" Elliot asked Josh as they sat at the table. Christie was at the hospital, helping out while Dalton worked, but Elliot still felt the need to make sure his friend was comfortable.

"Yeah. I'm okay." Josh smiled and it looked sincere. No one knew Josh was thawing on his resolve and had plans to talk to Christie again soon.

*LtB*

Gemma attended six more sessions with Dr. Archuleta, going twice a week after school until winter break started, then she went in the afternoon. They still had yet to talk about her attack, focusing instead on how she was dealing with the aftermath, and how she was feeling in the present. Dr. Archuleta wanted Gemma to be completely comfortable before delving too deeply into the worst moment of her life.

They weren't there yet, but Gemma knew they were close. She also had yet to ask about her feelings, if they were normal or even allowed. She hadn't found the guts to ask just yet.

On the fifth session, Elliot asked if he could go with. Once Gemma's session was over, he requested a moment to speak to Dr. Archuleta and ended up scheduling his own time with her. After letting the thoughts of Gemma's attack linger too long, and after having his own nightmares grow, he knew he needed to deal with it. Dalton and Grace were more than on board with his plan. And Dalton even said he knew of Jasmine Archuleta and that he truly felt she was very good at her job.