Somewhere in Between (6 page)

Despite the ache in her bones, and the pain still radiating between her legs when she moved a certain way, Gemma felt her chest open, if only for a moment, in relief. "I don't want you to sleep on the floor," she said softly. "And I know the rocking chair isn't all that comfortable after a couple hours. But… but what if over the covers?"

He watched her look at her bed, a bed they'd slept in side by side, under the covers for a long time. Yeah, it was sort of Dawson's Creek-ish, even if their parents didn’t always know he’d stayed the night once those horror movies ended, but they were comfortable with each other. They
used
to be comfortable with each other. But now things had changed. He knew what had happened to her. He saw it with his own eyes, the damage done to her. And then there was the matter of her feelings for him, if she even still had them. After all, that note was two months old, things change. Emotions change. Especially if someone believes they don’t stand a chance.

"Over the covers is more than fine." He picked up the quilt she always left in the rocking chair for in case it got too cold at night, and waited for her to climb into bed. Her movements were slow, measured, like every breath brought about absolute agony. He didn't want to know if it did because then it would only increase his rage once more, make him shake with an anger so intense, it burned hotter than the core of the earth. He was just going to do what his aunt suggested; be there for Gemma.

Once she was settled, Gemma motioned for Elliot to join her. It was easier being in a full bed, and she was glad when her dad and stepmom had suggested they'd leave her small twin bed behind when they moved from Austin. She knew if she'd still had it, she probably wouldn't feel comfortable having Elliot so close. At least, not just yet. That thought broke her heart a little. So many days spent secretly pining for him, relishing in the moments they were alone, only to have him prepared to spend the night in her bed with her terrified and not entirely comfortable.

Yet, she knew he was the only one she would probably be able to be around.

Once he was settled, Elliot turned on his side to look at Gemma. She mimicked his position, her hands resting under her head. Slowly, so as not to scare her, Elliot lifted his left hand, and brought to Gemma's face, lightly caressing the apple of her cheek, mindful to avoid the bruising. It was still so soft, the skin like silk under his fingertips. He felt his heart flutter from her feel, felt his breath catch until he couldn't stop his mouth from speaking. "You're beautiful."

A tear leaked across her nose as she closed her eyes tight. Months she wished he'd look at her like he was now. Months she wished he'd feel the same as she did. But for months, he walked around in a cloud of lust for someone else. And now the moment he tells her she's beautiful, the moment he had that look on his face that said this was from his heart, she'd been broken. Damaged. Tainted. He couldn't possibly feel anything other than pity for her.

More tears leaked from her eyes, pooling on her hands. She turned her head toward her pillow, shielding her face from his eyes, hiding her shame, her filth that no amount of washing would rid her of. Images of the men who attacked her flashed behind her eyes, overwhelming her mind and breaking at her spirit. No one was ever going to want her now. She was disgusting. And she needed Elliot gone. He couldn't be there to see her like that. He shouldn't be there to know how repulsive she had become. She didn't want him to know that side of her. He barely tolerated the normal person she was, she knew, since she just barged her way into his life making him be her friend, so this would have him running away for sure.

"Just go. Just leave." Gemma pushed against his chest, still not willing to look at him. She couldn't handle it. She couldn't handle the way she was feeling, knowing who she was now, what she was, and she couldn't handle knowing that not only had he seen her at the worst, but now he pitied her and that was probably why he was by her side. After everything with Trisha, it had to be pity. "You can't be here. I don't want you to be here when you don't want to be. You shouldn't see this. You shouldn't see me!"

Elliot was shocked by Gemma's outburst, his heart shattering at her words. He knew he shouldn't have said anything, should have kept his thoughts to himself, especially right now, but the words were true. Even broken, Gemma was still beautiful. But she didn't believe him. In fact, he was certain she thought he was lying to her.

Hesitating only for a second for fear of scaring her, Elliot pulled Gemma against him, holding her as she sobbed now against his chest. "I'm so sorry I said that. I meant it but I know I shouldn't have said it. Not yet," he babbled, as her tears soaked his shirt. "And I do want to be here, Gemma. You have to understand, there is no place I'd rather be. I just wish it was under different circumstances." He caressed his fingers through her hair, trying to calm her. "You are my best friend, and I know I haven't been the greatest the past couple months, but you mean everything to me, Gemma. I'd be lost without you."

His words were muffled, and she wanted so badly to believe them. But there was a part of her that couldn't trust. There was a part of her that said wait it out, see how long before he's gone. With his arms holding her, she cried herself into a fitful sleep.

CHAPTER FOUR

Elliot changed back into his dress clothes, and snuck back down the tree the moment he noticed the sun start to rise. He wanted to be out of Gemma's room before her sister woke or her parents came home, no matter which happened first. He hated the thought of leaving Gemma, having spent most of the night trying to comfort her through nightmares and panic attacks, but he also valued his life. And more importantly, his balls. He wouldn't be able to offer any kind of comfort if he was caught. And at the moment he wasn’t sure who he should be more afraid of, the sister or the parents.

As he stepped into his own house, he noticed how quiet it was, how peaceful. It was a striking contrast to the place he'd just left. It was a heartbreaking contrast to the noise in his head. Slowly he stumbled up the steps to his third floor bedroom. He didn't plan to sleep, the images too ripe for that. But he did want to lie down, decompress, and try to calm from the nightmare that was last night.

He didn't know if anyone noticed he hadn't made it home the night before. He didn't know if anyone was worried. But he figured they'd probably have called his cell phone if that was the case. And he hadn’t had any missed calls or texts for that matter. He hoped Leighanna relayed the message to his sister that he had gone to get Gemma and that would be enough explanation for her, and perhaps their parents.

Falling into bed, Elliott sighed heavily, feeling overwhelmed and heartbroken. With regret pushing against him, his eyes slid closed of their own volition, the weight of everything forcing them shut. Instantly, he was asleep.

*LtB*

She'd heard him leave. Heard him tell her how sorry he was, that he wasn't abandoning her, but that he didn't want Leighanna or her mom and dad to find him and then misinterpret anything resulting in them wanting to kill him. Because then he couldn’t be there for her like he wanted. So she let him go.

He promised to call later that morning.

Their bodies hadn't moved much through the course of the night. She still clung to him desperately every time an image flashed before her eyes. Sleep was a mystery she couldn't touch for more than a few moments. The attack played like a film reel in her mind over and over until she was shaking so bad from the nightmare of it she was in a full-blown panic attack. Elliot had comforted her the best he could.

She was weary when the sun began to rise. Her parents would be home soon. They’d only planned to be gone for the one night. And more than likely, they were close to arriving since it was a Sunday and they had a tradition to stick to.

The family always had pancakes for breakfast Sunday mornings, since the time her dad met Leigh's mom.

The moment Caroline Cage met Andrew Grady at a back-to-school event, it was a match made in heaven. And with Leigh and Gemma already friendly at school, it was perfect. It was also comforting to finally have a woman in the house again. Gemma's mom, Tabitha, was a vibrant woman who lived life to the fullest. Until one day, she decided she didn't want to be a mother or wife anymore.

While Gemma was at school, and her dad at work, Tabitha packed up her belongings and vanished without a word. She hadn’t even given notice at her job that she was leaving. Nor did she tell any of her friends she was leaving.

The last time anyone heard from Tabitha Fenton, it was when divorce papers had arrived for Andrew and a short apology to Gemma for walking away. Gemma tore the apology up.

Now, looking back, Gemma was thankful for Caroline. She was the mother Gemma always wanted and needed. She just hoped with what happened last night, Caroline would be able to help her. It was just a matter of time before everyone found out, she knew.

The smell of bacon wafted through the house signaling that time was now. She hadn’t heard the family’s Tahoe pull up. Hadn’t heard anyone enter the house. But apparently her parents were back from their trip already. And that thought petrified her. There was no was she was ready to face any of them.

Before she had a chance to sit up, there was a knock at her door. She wanted to pretend to still be asleep, knowing if she didn't answer, whoever was outside her door would leave. But it would only be a short reprieve, because they would be back. They would be back and they wouldn’t let up the next time. With a deep breath to calm her racing heart, and trying to pull her comforter up around her face, Gemma croaked out, "Come in."

Less than a second later, Leighanna stuck her head in the door. "Hey, you." Her step-sister walked into her room looking at her in puzzlement. She hadn't noticed anything yet, Gemma knew, because she hadn’t started to push yet. "What happened last night? Why'd you make up that story about Ryan?" The question caught Gemma off guard, and she looked fully at Leighanna, dropping the comforter before realizing what she'd just done. "Holy shit! Gemma? What the fuck happened to your face?"

In an instant, Leigh was at her side. "Nothing, it's nothing," Gemma tried to deflect, to hide back under her blankets.

"You're lying. I know you are. What happened?" Leigh looked over Gemma's face, scrutinizing it. Then her eyes narrowed. "Did Ryan Matthews do this to you? Is that why I saw him at the dance with Janey? Did he rough you up last night? I’ll fucking kill him if he did this."

Gemma felt two inches tall. She knew it was a bad idea to lie, not only last night, but when Elliot had asked about her plans for the dance too. She knew it would come to bite her and here it was. "Ryan never touched me. I didn't even see him last night." She didn't want to do this. But she also didn’t want Leighanna storming after Ryan. "I made up the story about Ryan so you wouldn't press me on Elliot or the dance. I didn't want to feel foolish not having a date."

"My God that boy is an idiot. He's not still pining over Trisha, is he?"

"He says he isn't. He says Josh talked some sense into him last night."

Leigh nodded but then turned her attention back to Gemma's face. "So what happened then?" When Gemma wouldn't answer, Leighanna switched tactics. "I saw Elliot's car here last night when I got home. Did he stay the night?" Gemma would only nod. But Leighanna pushed on. "I know you two are close, and he's slept over before after a movie ran long. But the door was always open, and mom and dad knew, even though you think they didn’t. But I have a very strong feeling they didn’t know about this, did they?" A shake of her head no, kept the questions coming. "Is something going on with you two? I know you have feelings for him despite his obsession. Please tell me you didn't do anything with him last night."

At this Gemma began to cry. Her feelings didn't matter anymore. All she wanted was to find a time machine and change last night. "Nothing is going on with Elliot. He doesn't see me like that," she sobbed out.

"Then what happened? Come on, you can't have two black eyes and a busted lip and have it be nothing. And I know you didn't fall because you would have said so already."

"I can't say. Please don't make me say," Gemma choked out. Before Leighanna could question her further, Caroline stuck her head in the room.

"Hey, girls, Andrew had to run into the office real quick, but breakfast is… oh my God! Gemma, what happened to your eyes?" Caroline was at her side instantly, caressing her hands over Gemma's head, gently. She seemed to be examining every inch of her face without touching. Until she couldn't hold back anymore, grabbing her stepdaughter to her, causing Gemma to whimper. "Who did this to you, baby?"

It was the motherly tone from her stepmom that broke her. Where she had been petrified to reveal anything, seeing the concern and hearing the heartache in Caroline Grady's voice pushed Gemma over the edge. And for the next two hours, while Leighanna and her mother cried in despair, Gemma recalled her night and attack through her own tears. She confessed everything from the plans she made up over Elliot, to him staying the night just to help her calm down and feel safe.

By the end, her voice was hoarse, her eyes burning from so many tears falling and tender from the bruising. Her step-mother examined her eyes, looked over the bruises on her arms, the imprint of hands imbedded deep, and the cut on her lip. With barely any pressure, she traced her fingers along Gemma's cheek, careful to avoid the bruised areas. "Oh, baby. I wish you would have called me. I would have been there for you so you didn't have to be alone," she cried pulling Gemma against her once more.

“The doctor said she tried to call but didn’t get an answer,” Gemma hiccupped.

“Stupid cell phones,” Caroline grimaced. “But we left the number for the hotel we were at. You should have called as soon as you got home.”

"I'm sorry for lying. If I'd just told the truth, said that I wasn't good enough to be asked, this wouldn't have happened," Gemma sobbed against her mother.

"Take that back," Leighanna spoke for the first time, her voice thick with tears. "You take back that you're not good enough." Gemma just shook her head. She didn't believe Leighanna, no matter the fierceness in her voice. "I know for a fact, Gemma, that there are plenty of guys who want you."

"Yeah right," she choked as she wiped away her tears. She knew she wasn't pretty like Leigh, so most guys just ignored her before. And now, now she knew that they would avoid her like the plague. They would see she was damaged, tainted, they would know something was wrong with her, different, and they would want nothing to do with her. And right now, she was more than happy to let them, since the thought of being close to any male like that made her want to vomit.

"Gemma, do you know how many guys ask me about you? Do you know how many ask if you're available?" Leigh started, taking Gemma's hand. "And these are upperclassmen too, not just guys your age. But they all think since you and Elliot are so close that you two are together. But I mean it, you don't see what everyone else does."

Gemma just shook her head. Not only did she not believe it, but she didn't want to know that. It didn't matter anyway, not after what happened. "It doesn't matter."

"I'm glad Elliot was there. I'm glad he found you," Leighanna said after a moment passed. Gemma just nodded, because she didn't want to think about what would have happened if he hadn't found her, if he hadn't bothered to look for her.

A few moments of silence passed, the only sound that was heard was sniffles and soft breaths. And then Caroline brought up what Gemma was hoping desperately to avoid. "Honey, we need to tell your father."

Gemma tensed, her whole body going rigid. Flashes of the night before began to beat against her memory, pushing their way forward. The idea of what those men did to her, telling any of that to her dad, was unthinkable. It was bad enough that Elliot knew. It was bad enough that Elliot's aunt knew and the hospital staff. It was bad enough that a report was being filed. She couldn't bear the thought of her father knowing. She couldn't bear the idea of him knowing what those men did, of knowing how they'd hurt her. She wouldn't be able to face him. Even though she knew he would find out eventually, she didn't want to be the one to tell him.

"I can't tell him. He can't know. Please don't let him know." Her plea was for nothing. The look on her stepmother's face told her so. "I just don't want him to know what they did to me."

With a nod, Caroline sighed. "I know, sweetie, I do. And believe me; I don't want him to know this either. I don't want to know, because I wish it hadn't happened. But it did. You said a report is being filed, so the odds are high that he will find out. And he will no doubt be furious that we missed the call from the hospital last night."

The report was to be filed with the Broomfield police department, where the Fairview mail was located. Gemma knew that according to Elliot, she was going to meet with them Monday after school. Elliot was going to take her, in fact, just to make sure she actually went. And once she told her story, once they collected the evidence from the hospital, evidence that they not only took from inside her, but also under her fingernails where she had scratched at the men, once all of that happened, her name would be in the system and her father would easily be able to see it. He'd be able to
know
.

Her stomach began to turn, bile rising in her throat. How would he look at her? She had been a good girl before last night. She'd always gotten good grades, never stayed out past curfew-not that she even had one. She never did anything to give anyone a bad impression of her, at least not that she knew of. But now this? Not only had she lied about her plans, which led to her being attacked, but her father would find out. He would no longer be able see her as his little girl. He would no longer be able to look upon her with pride because she was tainted now. She lied and… she deserved what those guys had done to her.

"He'll hate me," she finally spoke. "He'll see that I lied, he find out that I went to Fairview by myself, walked by myself, without the pepper spray he bought for me, and let myself get caught."

"Gemma, sweetie, stop. None of what happened was your fault," her stepmom said. "You should be able to walk wherever you want without being afraid, without someone grabbing you. Yes, you should have told the truth, so we knew what was going on, but that doesn't give anyone the right to harm you. Pepper spray or not, you should be able to feel safe."

"These assholes that hurt you, they're the ones who need to worry about what Andrew thinks," Leigh piped in. "They hurt you, his baby girl. Just like mom says, you should be able to walk wherever you want."